Modern social etiquette and eloquence

Chapter 14 Workplace etiquette and eloquence (2)
When the subordinates are reporting the situation, they may suddenly criticize or complain about certain things, and this is secretly blaming the leader. Justify yourself.

[-]. Criticism must have a scale

Criticism is the best way to test leadership etiquette and eloquence ability, because too much criticism will make it difficult to convince subordinates, and too light criticism will fail to achieve the purpose of criticism.Therefore, criticism must also have strong eloquence skills.

1. Criticism should vary from person to person
Differences in experience, education level, personality characteristics, age, etc. make people's ability to accept criticism and the way they accept criticism very different.This requires leaders to adopt different criticism methods according to the different characteristics of different criticism objects.

Different people will have different psychological reactions to the same criticism because of their different personalities and accomplishments.

Different criticism methods should be adopted for people with different personalities. For those with high self-consciousness, the method of self-criticism should be inspired; for people with sensitive thoughts, metaphorical criticism should be used; For people with serious problems and greater influence, the method of public criticism should be adopted; for people with paralyzed thoughts, the method of cautionary criticism should be adopted.When criticizing, one taboo is to use a single method, and you should use the method of criticism flexibly.

Crude criticism of subordinates will not produce good results.Employees hear bad words, not criticism.Their hearts are full of dissatisfaction and grievances, which makes them have a rebellious psychology and is not conducive to the solution of the problem.

Leaders must learn to use the "carrot and stick" strategy.Using praise when criticizing can ease the tension in criticism.You can praise first and then criticize, or you can criticize first and then praise.

Criticism should also pay attention to implicitness, using euphemism, concealment, and metaphorical strategies, from one to the other, using subtext, cleverly expressing the original intention, revealing the content of criticism, and making people think and comprehend.Never express your criticisms directly, and point out the other party's vital points straight to the point.

For very sensitive people, criticism can take the method of not showing the edge, that is, first admit that he is wrong, and then criticize his shortcomings.Be humble. A humble attitude can make it easy for the other party to eliminate resistance and make him willing to accept criticism.For example, you can criticize people like this: "You didn't do it right in this matter. You should pay attention to it in the future. But I couldn't do it when I was young. I had little experience and had many problems. You are much better than me at that time."

2. Choose the right moment

Criticizing subordinates is an unavoidable problem for every leader.But how to give pertinent advice at the right time?
(1) Criticism requires certain prerequisites
(1) Both parties who criticize and accept criticism should be based on sufficient trust.

(2) Critics must have pure motives and constructive opinions. Before making comments, they must make sure that their words and deeds are helpful to the other party and can indeed play a practical role.

(3) There is enough relationship between the leader and the object of criticism to constitute a reason for criticism, and the leader has enough time to analyze his own views.

Truth is not something anyone can monopolize or monopolize. When we deal with things, we always use personal experience and our own needs as the yardstick, which is inevitably biased.The best way is to consult a third party before criticizing, so that your remarks can be more realistic and objective.

(2) The timing must be appropriate
When a person is calm and more able to speak objectively, that is the right time to talk.If you are full of injustice and may lose your temper at any time, it is best to calm yourself down first, because overly emotional performance is not only useless, but harmful.

Grasp the timeliness of things, and criticize when people's memories are still fresh.If you bring it up a few months after the incident, when people's memories are already blurred, your criticism will easily leave the other party with the impression of being "biased and unfair".

3. Use the right words

Phrases like "You're a liar" and "You're so untrustworthy" can hurt.Just comment on the facts.Even if the other party has no credit, it cannot be reprimanded face to face.In addition, never deny the future of your subordinates. "You won't be very promising in the future", "No one will marry you if you do this", "You really can't".Leaders need to be based on facts, discuss things as they are, and discuss the current situation of their subordinates.

Avoid making personal attacks, such as saying straight to the point: "You can't do your job." This kind of criticism can easily cause dissatisfaction with the other party, and even lead to conflicts.The proper approach is to cite specific facts and say, "Your report is two days behind schedule."

Eight, etiquette and eloquence requirements for conversations between colleagues
The conversation between colleagues is generally of a working nature, and its purpose is not just to get to know each other.To carry out this kind of conversation, in addition to requiring general eloquence, not making mistakes in general conversation, and having a friendly and sincere attitude, there are also some special eloquence requirements.

Conversations among colleagues are generally conducted for specific purposes.For example, you go to a colleague and want to ask him to join a group.Your efforts may succeed - which is the best outcome; or fail - which is the worst outcome.Plus, there are many situations in between.

(1) Your colleague is willing to join this group, but there are some additional conditions. If you do not meet his conditions, he is likely not to join.

(2) Your colleague is unwilling to join this group, but he promises to consider this issue, or agrees to reply to you after a period of time.

(3) Your colleague does not join this group, but he is very interested in everything about this group and is willing to keep in touch with this group.

(4) Your colleague does not join this group, it may be because he is dissatisfied with the work of this group, and asks you to explain it. If your explanation makes him happy, he can re-enter Make a decision...but no matter what the situation arises, you want the best possible outcome.

In order to maximize your own goals, you must have a deeper understanding of your colleagues' thoughts, emotions, living conditions, and social status before talking.Only in this way can you be targeted in the conversation, choose a certain aspect that your colleagues are most interested in as the main content of the conversation, arouse the resonance of the other party and agree with your suggestions, and make the conversation proceed in a harmonious atmosphere.Even if the colleague does not join the group in the end, your eloquence will impress him.

In addition to getting to know your colleagues, you must also be very proficient in your own business and very clear about the purpose of your conversation.Even if your colleague intends to join this group, he will ask about the group's purpose, main scope of activities, etc. before formally joining.He must be given a detailed answer to such questions.If you can't answer one of the questions, or the answer can't satisfy him, he may doubt the actual significance and work efficiency of the group, and may even change his mind.

Therefore, in this kind of conversation, you should try to avoid using words such as "I don't know yet" or "research and research", and try to answer the other party's questions with certainty, and don't leave a confused impression on the other party.

In addition, in this kind of conversation, it is best to turn to the topic as soon as possible, put forward your intentions, opinions and relevant reference materials concisely, try not to go around in circles, and say less about irrelevant words, because on this occasion , A compact, logical conversation is more persuasive.

[-]. Don’t show off in front of your colleagues

There is nothing wrong with expressing yourself.In today's society, giving full play to oneself and showing one's talents and advantages is an inevitable choice to adapt to the challenges and trends of the times.However, expressing yourself must be done according to the occasion and form. If you are too showy and make people look artificial and unnatural, as if you are putting on an appearance to make others look like it, then it is another matter.

Deliberate self-expression is foolish.We would never have many true and sincere friends if we were merely trying to impress others and to interest them in us.

Xie Jin is a senior employee of a large company. He is proactive in his work and treats others with enthusiasm and generosity.But one day, a small action made his image in the hearts of his colleagues plummet.

At that time, in the company conference room, many people were waiting for the meeting. One of the colleagues found that the floor was a little dirty, so he took the initiative to mop it.And Xie Jin has been standing by the window sill looking downstairs.Suddenly, he hurried over and asked the colleague to give him the mop in his hand. The colleague refused, but Xie Jin insisted on asking, so the colleague had to give him the mop.

Just as Xie Jin received the mop for a while, the general manager opened the door and entered.I saw him mopping the floor diligently and meticulously with a mop.When everyone looked at Xie Jin again, they suddenly felt that he was a lot of hypocrisy, and his good image in the past was completely lost by this little trick.

In the workplace, there are often many people who are not good at grasping the difference between enthusiasm and deliberate performance.Many people always make the behavior of enthusiasm appear to be artificial, which means that these people have learned to express themselves rather than true enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm is by no means the same as deliberate performance.Instead, fight when you should fight, and care for others when you need to care.

In fact, self-expression is the most important factor in human nature.It is as normal for humans to like to express themselves as a thrush likes to show off its voice.But deliberate self-expression can make people feel artificial and hypocritical, and the final effect is counterproductive.

Many people always have a willingness to show themselves, to express themselves, whether they are the subject of their conversation or not.This kind of person may be mistaken for eloquence, but he may also be regarded as an outspoken and frivolous person who eventually exposes his desire for self-expression and makes others feel repulsed and unhappy.

The real self-expression is to express oneself without showing any signs of expression; to give people a positive and active feeling without being separated from the crowd; to be able to talk endlessly without being disgusting.Because their favorite personal word is not "I" but "we".

[-]. When interacting with colleagues, you must put your mind right and pay attention to skills

Although there is competition among colleagues, they can also achieve normal communication with each other.You must know that people are emotional animals, and even a hard-hearted person can be melted by emotions, not to mention that most people will follow the common sense of being a human being.As long as you interact with your colleagues under the guidance of this common sense, you will generally not lose the trust of your colleagues.

Therefore, you must have a good "mentality" and be sincere when you get along with colleagues.When a colleague has difficulties at work, he should do his best to help, instead of standing on the sidelines, let alone adding insult to injury; when a colleague asks for your opinion, don't give him meaningless praise; When you say sorry to you, you should forgive him sincerely with an indifferent mood; if he still asks you in the future, you still have to help him without hesitation.

Because we spend most of our time with our colleagues, whether you can get happiness and satisfaction from work has a lot to do with the colleagues you often get along with.When in the office, no one cares about you, no one is willing to take the initiative to talk to you, and no one confides in you, what is the meaning of work?It is normal for colleagues to have competition and friction.We need to know how to minimize this kind of friction, and learn to direct this kind of competition in a direction that is beneficial to us.

Almost everyone has been in this situation: just arrived at a new job, feeling intimidated, walking on eggshells.However, some senior employees ignore you and deliberately oppose you in many matters, and you have nothing to do.At this time, your mind must be clear, they are your colleagues, and you must cooperate well with them.First of all, don't think that you have any advantages. If you want everything to go smoothly, you must learn how to respect others, make friends, and build friendships with people you don't like.

Carefully study the reasons why you cannot cooperate with the other party, especially your own problems.Be strict with yourself, treat others with enthusiasm, strive to create a pleasant atmosphere, and study the skills of peaceful coexistence with others. This is the key to your future career success.

The following methods are conducive to enhancing communication and friendship among colleagues.

(1) When colleagues get together to chat, you should temporarily put down your work and go over to have a harmonious conversation with them, so that your colleagues feel that you and them get along very well.

(2) Don't casually tell your boss what your colleagues said to you, otherwise you will be easily counterattacked by everyone.

(3) Colleagues express their abilities intentionally or unintentionally, and when they want to gain the trust of their superiors, they should not be jealous of him, but should sincerely appreciate his strengths, and can also help colleagues to make suggestions.

No matter who you work with, if you want to create brilliant performance, the first condition is that both parties cooperate tacitly and work together.

A psychologist pointed out: silent language shows much more and profound meaning than vocal language.He also lays out a formula for this:
Information transmission = 7% speech + 38% voice + 55% expression
Although people use the Analects of Confucius to communicate and disseminate information, the Analects of Confucius is not the whole of language.Whether it is the speaker or the listener, the accurate dissemination and reception of information must rely on the expressions, postures, movements and other body language of both parties.

People who can really speak can not only speak with their mouths, but also use facial expressions and body language properly.In fact, body language is an important way for people to express their feelings. Many times, we can convey our feelings to the other party only through our eyes, facial expressions, gestures or gestures.

In fact, the process of speaking and listening is the process of using eyes and ears alternately.

Research by language experts in the United States shows that 77% of people's sensory impressions come from the eyes, 14% from the ears, and 9% from other senses.

Therefore, when we interact with people, we must pay great attention to our manners and expressions.

Some people talk endlessly as soon as they open their mouths, but others don't like to hear it and don't understand it, or don't want to hear it at all.

An arrogant expression will hurt the listener's self-esteem; a cold attitude will make the audience lose interest in listening; a casual behavior will make the audience pay less attention to you; Your sense of trust; if your face is too serious, the audience will feel depressed and restrained... It can be seen that for a person who is good at speaking, every gesture and gesture will affect the effect of information dissemination.

Eleven, working meetings should pay attention to etiquette
People who work hard in the workplace have the opportunity or are required to attend various meetings organized by the unit. Whether it is a large meeting or a small meeting, professionals in the workplace need to understand the rules of meeting etiquette, so as not to appear disrespectful behavior in the meeting place and damage their personal image. hurt the self-esteem of others.

According to the order of the meeting, meeting etiquette can be divided into: pre-meeting etiquette, meeting etiquette, and after-meeting etiquette.

1. Etiquette before the meeting
Pre-conference preparations are very important and generally include the following aspects.

(1) Drafting the theme of the working meeting

(End of this chapter)