Scene language skills that college students must know

Chapter 24 Scene 24 - When comforting others
Chapter 24 Scene 24 - When comforting others
The road of life is not smooth, just like "the moon waxes and wanes", people often experience more adversity than prosperity in life.

At this time, people's emotions are very low. When people are at the bottom of their emotions, in addition to self-regulation, they naturally desire to get
the comfort of others.This is not a sign of weakness, but a human psychological need. ?
Similarly, when others are in adversity and need emotional "support" the most, giving comfort in a timely manner is not only a manifestation of love, but also an expression of love.

It is an expression of noble character.It can be said that comfort is the sunshine that dispels the dark clouds of the soul, and it is the springboard from sorrow to joy.

However, not all reassurances have positive effects.For example, there is a classmate who works very hard at ordinary times.
, I also dedicated my spare time to my studies, but my grades just couldn't improve.Once, her good friend went to her house and found her in
Engrossed in doing homework, her eyes were red, so she went up and patted her on the shoulder, and said casually: "Seeing that your eyes are bleeding
'Okay, why bother working so hard, forget it, I'll let you copy it tomorrow. "These words made her worry more and more troublesome, and her self-esteem was hurt.
to great harm.These words are comforting on the surface, but in fact they are not encouraging.This kind of retreating comfort is often suitable.

On the contrary, sometimes it will arouse the other party's anger. ?
Obviously, even when consoling, we must pay attention to art. ?
Speaking comforting words is the most commonly used way of comforting.How well this kind of comforting words are spoken directly affects the comforting effect.Fujisawa City, Japan
Atsuko was eager to study in the United States when she was a teenager.Most of what she knew about the United States was obtained from textbooks.Place
Therefore, after going to school in California, USA, I realized that it was different from the beautiful world I imagined. "Everyone is struggling to cope with the

This kind of problem seems to be very tense. "Physical education is the most difficult subject for her. When playing volleyball, she often can't even pass the ball."
.On this day, the coach appointed her as the setter again. She felt scared and her hands were shaking.At this time, a male classmate came to her

, smiled and said softly: "Don't worry, you can handle it." She finally passed that class. "This word of encouragement, don't

Man will never understand.At that time, I was so happy that I wanted to cry. ’ she said afterwards. Six years later, at the age of 27, she returned to Japan as a
salesperson.Whenever you encounter difficulties, think of these words.She said we should remember: every time you speak to someone, no matter
Whether it is bitter or kind, you don't know how long this sentence will be remembered.There is so much comfort in a "you can handle it"
The strong shocking effect and meaningful value are unexpected by the speaker.Why this seemingly trivial statement can move people

Heart?The key is that it speaks to the heart of others and matches the psychological needs of the person concerned at this moment. ?
Therefore, when we comfort others, we must consider the techniques and methods we adopt. We must know that inappropriate comfort will bring harm to the other party.
come to hurt, and the best comfort is to adopt different methods and languages ​​for different situations and objects.

([-]) See the positive from the negative?

Many people always think of perfection when they think about things.In fact, everything has pros and cons, perfect and useless are only
is a hypothetical concept.The reason why these people are always full of complaints and complaints is because they always stubbornly hold on to things.
You can't let go of the negative side of things, but you can't see the positive side of things.Appropriately guide the other party to change their perspective and look at it in two
problem, analyze the problem, make it aware of the positive side of things, and finally resolve the negative factors with positive factors, which is to comfort others

an important method.Take a look at the example below: ?
Once upon a time, there was an old lady whose eldest son sold umbrellas, and the second son opened a dyeing workshop, dyeing and drying cloth.The old lady is frowning all day long, God

If it doesn't rain, I'm worried that my eldest son has no business to do;
If it doesn't rain, how can she not frown?Later, a philosopher told her, "Why don't you think about it the other way around? If

If it rains, the eldest son's business must be very good; if it doesn't rain, the second son can dry cloth. "The old lady was shocked when she heard it.
After enlightenment, I became more optimistic, and I no longer frown. ?
The reason why the old lady is frowning regardless of whether the sky is sunny or cloudy is that all she sees are the disadvantages of the sky and the disadvantages of the cloudy sky.

end, but do not know how to switch perspectives to discover their respective benefits.And the philosopher guided the old lady to change her perspective, thus giving her advice
labyrinth.When we comfort others, we must, like a philosopher, see the positive from the negative. ?
([-]) Give specific help and encouragement to the comforted?

When others encounter difficulties, it is easy to say some grandiose words of comfort, but they have little practical value.such comfort
belong to shallow level.For example, there is a young man who likes to write, and he actively participates in all activities that have essay competitions.

Contributions were returned one by one.Facing the rejected manuscripts one after another, he was a little disheartened.At this time, if you say "It's okay

Please come again”, it’s okay, “If you work so hard, one day you will see the sun again”, it seems to be a little bit of encouragement, but carefully

Think about
, Such words of consolation cannot give the other party benefits.But if we can carefully analyze the reasons for the failure of the submission together with him, and find out the key

The location will help him move from "mountains and rivers to nowhere" to "another village with dark willows and bright flowers".This kind of consolation speaks for itself
Reasonable and practical, if the other party can benefit from it, it will appear to be very weighty and useful.Therefore, there are not many words of comfort, but

Essence; not in gorgeousness and beauty, but in hitting the point; not in reciprocity, but in being useful.If you say: the mountain is not

In Gao, if there are immortals, you will be famous. Then, if you have words of comfort, you will be gods. ?
([-]) Give the other party trust?
Sometimes, others make mistakes due to carelessness and other reasons. At this time, the negligent will have great anxiety and pain.

In this case, you can point out the fault of the other party, but you can still trust him and express trust in him, which will make you face great psychological pressure.
Those who are negligent are greatly encouraged and will definitely do better in their future work, and this kind of trust expressed by the other party, in particular

In fact, it is the greatest comfort to him.Many people have done this in history. Hoover, the famous American test pilot, once used this method.
安慰
The method makes the other side cheer up again.At one point, he was flying back to Los Angeles from a performance in San Diego.However, at distance

Facing the air at an altitude of more than 90 meters, two engines failed at the same time. Thanks to his quick response and superb skills, the plane was miraculous
landing. ?
After Hoover's emergency landing, the first thing he did was check the plane's fuel.As he expected, the propeller he was driving flew
The machine is loaded with jet oil. ?
Hoover immediately summoned the maintenance mechanic.The young mechanic was already in great pain, and when he saw Hoover, he was so frightened that he cried

.Because of his negligence, he almost killed three people. ?
At this time, Hoover did not lose his temper as everyone expected. He just stretched out his arms and hugged the maintenance worker's shoulders, confidently

In full: "To prove you can do a good job, I'd like to ask you to do maintenance work on my F-51 tomorrow."?
Since then, Hoover's F-51 aircraft has never made a mistake again.The sloppy maintenance worker became conscientious and meticulous. ?
The mechanic's blunder was so great, since it directly affected the lives of three people, but Hoover doesn't take it seriously here.
Severe punishment, because he knew how much pressure the mechanic was currently under, and instead expressed his faith in him as always
In this case, the other party regained his confidence and courage. ?
([-]) Consider the character and habits of the person being comforted?
Just like "listening to the sound of gongs and drums", speaking words of comfort also varies from person to person.There was a girl who was frustrated in her relationship and her first emotional journey

I signed the "return ticket", and my heart sank, a little annoyed.This girl is introverted, she is usually not good at talking, and she doesn't ask others.

Reveal your inner secrets.A colleague who was very close to her in the unit saw her sad face in the office, and in front of everyone

She said comforting words: "What's so good about this person? With your conditions, I'm afraid you can't find anything better?" Before she could finish speaking, this
The girl ran out of the office.Only then did she feel that such a place and such comforting words were inappropriate, but the girl could no longer understand.

in love.A few comforting words became the cause of each other's embarrassment.It can be seen that even if you say comforting words, you must respect your personality and fully consider your personality.

Take into account the character and habits of the other party.For introverted people, it is generally not suitable to give comfort directly in front of everyone.
People who are comforted by others generally don't give them at will.Especially when it comes to other people's privacy, you must never "do something wrong with good intentions".

It is advisable to "leak the wind" in public.When speaking comforting words, you have to "see the person ordering", and different objects are treated differently. ?
([-]) Stimulate the other party's sense of responsibility?
When people are hit.It is easy to get lost in the sorrow and regret brought about by the blow, and forget the situation you are facing

and responsibilities.At this time, the persuader can look for one or two reasons to remind the other party of the current situation and the future path, so that they can

Re-aware of the responsibilities on our shoulders, so as to get out of misery, and take positive actions to change the status quo and shape the future.

This trick is usually very effective.The famous Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore went to Bombay as a doctor before going to England for further study.

Learn English at home.Once, the eldest sister who raised him was seriously ill.Tagore was very uncomfortable after hearing the news, and could no longer cheer up
learned.When the doctor's daughter Anna learned of the poet's sister's deep love for him and her high hopes, she couldn't help but feel anxious in her eyes.

superior.So she went to comfort Tagore emotionally and said: "If you want to become a promising person, you should go outside to see the world, and then you will be able to see the world."
It will be helpful for your poetry.In any case, you should work hard to realize the high expectations of your eldest sister! "Some words moved Tai
Gore's heart, since then he finally settled down and continued to complete his studies. ?
The reason why the doctor's daughter Anna made Tagore feel at ease and continue her studies was because she knew that Tagore was so

A person with great ambition will not stand still. She tried every means to make Tagore re-aware of the ideals that she had neglected.

The expectation of wanting to be with relatives aroused Tagore's sense of responsibility, so Anna's consolation was successful.

([-]) Make horizontal comparisons with others?

Many people feel unhappiness and suffering simply because of "herd mentality," that is, certain aspects of themselves compared to others
Seeing that others are better than oneself, or encountering some small setbacks makes you feel worthless.Faced with this situation, the

By adopting the method of horizontal comparison, that is to point out that there are not only people who are stronger than themselves, but also many people who are not as good as themselves, and that they pass through

You can do better and achieve greater success through hard work.The following is such an example. ?
Xiao Wang is not very satisfied with the unit where he works. He thinks that the wages in the unit are low and the interpersonal relationship is too complicated.But I couldn't find anything more ideal
The unit, so depressed all day long and passive sabotage.Xiao Wang's friend Xiao Li persuaded him to cheer up and work hard from the grass roots.
At the beginning, Xiao Wang still complained about his bad luck, and Xiao Li frowned when he heard this: "Bad fate? You still complain about your own bad luck?"
Bad luck?Do you still remember Xiao Zhao who went to technical secondary school with us?He never found a formal job after graduation.

I have been planting at home for two years, and recently I heard that I have a health problem and have tuberculosis.You said that your life is not good, you are bored all day
Bule, if you were replaced by Xiao Zhao, would you still be able to live? "Xiao Wang was greatly shocked after hearing what Xiao Li said.

, I have been more active in my work since then. ?
Xiao Li's consolation to Xiao Wang just grasped such a feature, that is, most people will feel dissatisfied.
He will complain about others, and in the face of this situation, he can find out someone with similar conditions and experiences but in a worse situation, and emphasize what this person has
The greater blows and misfortunes suffered, so that the complainers can obtain some kind of balance and comfort.It was Xiao Li who brought out the similarity with Xiao Wang's experience.
It seems that Xiao Zhao, who is in a worse situation, provides Xiao Wang with a worse reference, so that Xiao Wang can seek security from this reference.

comfort and the courage to act positively. ?
([-]) Distract the other party's attention?

Many people tend to focus on the unfortunate event when they feel distressed, which often makes themselves more miserable, such as

If some method can be used to distract the other party's attention to other aspects, then he will feel less pain. ?
In a car accident in the United States, the girl Shirley was crushed under the wheel, and the overturned oil tank was roaring and burning around her at the moment.

Seeing this, firefighter Kennedy bravely rushed forward and hugged the girl Shirley.Shirley, in pain and fear, kept yelling: "I'm afraid,
do not leave me! "Kennedy suppressed the burn after hearing this, put his arms around her and comforted her and said, "Don't worry, I swear, I will never leave you.

We live and die together! "When other firefighters were flushing with taps, Shirley was delirious, and Kennedy couldn't help but shouted.
"Chat" with her: "Shirley, what TV show do you like to watch?" "Do you like horses? After we go out, I will guarantee

and I will take you on my daughter's horse! The dying girl murmured: "If I can't get out, tell my mother that I love her."

But Kennedy comforted her: "You have to tell your mother that you love her, and I promise not to leave you. Now, you should also promise

don't leave me! "After 40 minutes of rescue, because Kennedy kept saying all kinds of words to distract the other party's pain, the other party's heart ached.

Spirit was comforted and inspired, and the little girl was finally rescued. ?
At the moment when the body is suffering great pain, the little girl will naturally focus all her attention on her own body, and this will only
Aggravate her feelings of pain, and even bring life-threatening.The firemen did everything they could to distract the little girl.

She had to mobilize part of her energy to deal with other problems, which relieved her experience of pain and relieved her psychological stress.
The huge pressure on the road gained the confidence and courage to overcome the difficulties.

([-]) Use humorous comfort?
Most of the time, what people worry about and worry about is not a big deal, just change it
Even the wretched person himself will find that he should not be so preoccupied with this angle or circumstance.Well, if we deliberately

If you understand the other party's complaints and exaggerate their unfortunate situation, you will give them hints in a relaxed and humorous way, making them realize their greatness.

Make a fuss, and thus look at your situation with a more rational attitude.Here's a life story that comforts others with humor
moving example. ?
A woman stomped her feet and beat her chest on the platform of the station, shouting repeatedly:?

"What bad luck, what bad luck, I missed the train!"?
"How long has it been since you missed your car?" someone asked. ?
"2 minutes!"?
"Ai—!" The man said in a tone of insignificance: "It's like this in 2 minutes, people think you're up

It was two hours wrong! "The woman smiled when she heard the "puchi", and her distress was swept away, thinking that since she had missed

Car, what's the use of suffering? ?

Missing a train is frustrating, but it's not worth beating your chest.The comforters seized on this point and deliberately exaggerated the
The act of grabbing land and the seriousness involved in it made women realize that there is nothing wrong with losing their composure for such a trivial matter.
Necessary, thereby sweeping away the sad emotions. ?
([-]) Make full use of "body language" other than words of comfort?
In fact, body language is the externalization and extension of words of comfort.It can also be charming if used properly.For example, there is a

Coach, when he saw football players tried their best on the field but still lost 0:2, he patted the players on the shoulder and gave them a look.
God, conveyed the meaning of comfort subtly.On this occasion, perhaps the "language" of the action is more in line with the scene at the time, and it is more able to speak ""

Unfinished meaning". One look, one movement can promote the interpretation of the comforting process. At this time, silence is better than sound. This kind of comfort

It is the tacit understanding of each other, and the tacit understanding of each other. ?
When others need comfort, considerate, practical, and warm words of comfort can help the other party untie their worries and dispel unpleasant emotions.

shadow.But to do this, we must adopt different skills and methods according to different situations, and we will be able to receive a lot of attention if we are targeted.
certain effect.

(End of this chapter)