Scene language skills that college students must know

Chapter 21 Scene 21 - When Criticizing Others
Chapter 21 Scene 21 - When Criticizing Others
In social life and interpersonal communication, criticism is a language that is often used.When you find that other people's speech, behavior, etc.
If there are inappropriate aspects, you often have to criticize them.But in essence, criticism is to make the other party feel unhappy and feel psychological pressure.
Activity.No one likes to be criticized, no matter how self-cultivated a person is, he hates being criticized in his heart.Because of this, if

If the method of criticism is not appropriate, it can easily have a negative impact on the relationship and work of both parties. ?
The language of criticism does not sound as comfortable as listening to praise. "Good medicine is good for the disease, and honest words are good for deeds" reflects the
such a concept.But for critics, does criticizing others have to be "hard to hear"?Not necessarily.I
We can still try our best to be honest!In fact, in order to make criticism receive tangible results, we must first understand

Criticism has two natures, responsibility and art.Only by realizing this can criticism be fair, powerful, correct and pertinent

And do not invite people to complain. ?
It is undoubtedly a science in order to achieve proper criticism. As a critic, one must master and use the following

Method tricks: ?

([-]) Complimentary criticism?
Before criticizing, first express appreciation for a certain strength of the other party, affirm the value of the other party, and satisfy a certain psychological need of the other party, then it is

Can create a better atmosphere.This will prevent the other party from being rebellious and accept criticism.When Yan Zi criticized Qi Jinggong

This method was adopted. ?
It is said that during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, Yan Zi was a very eloquent person in Qi State. At that time, Qi Jinggong, the king of Qi, was very young and very playful.
Ken manages the government well, but plays outside all day.The ministers were worried but helpless.One day, when Yanzi went to court, he met Duke Jing
Said: "I heard that the lord took out the chicks from the bird's nest yesterday, took pity on the young and sent them back. The lord really has the cultivation of a sage. To birds and beasts
Even if they are so benevolent, what about the common people?Having a monarch like you is really a blessing to the people of Qi! "Jing Gong listened to this
He said that he was both happy and ashamed. From then on, he calmed down and managed the country seriously. It is said that he later became a virtuous king. ?
The credibility of this story has yet to be verified, but it is entirely feasible to use the method of praise to achieve the purpose of criticism.That's because people

The body is complex, there can be no perfect person in the world, and it is also impossible to have no merit person, in what you want to criticize
Look for advantages in people, let him discover his own advantages, and use this to restrain his own shortcomings, this principle is like trying to
It is not only feasible, but also the best strategy to make patients strengthen their own immunity to cure diseases. ?
It is absurd for a monarch to act like a child while ignoring government affairs, and even go up a tree to dig out a bird's nest.However, Yanzi took out the bird from Jinggong and

The "heart of benevolence" was dug out of the "flash of thought" of sending them back to the bird's nest; from the benevolence to birds, it was extended to the blessings of the people.this
This reasoning seems ridiculous but contains a certain degree of rationality.This inspired the other party and achieved the purpose of criticism. ?
Former US President Coolidge also used this method.During his tenure, during one weekend, he had a conversation with one of his daughters
The secretary said: "This suit you are wearing is very beautiful, you are a very attractive woman." Coolidge was relatively taciturn by nature.
, which is probably the warmest compliment he has ever paid to a secretary in his life.This was too unexpected for the secretary,

It was so unusual that she was overwhelmed.Coolidge continued: "Well, don't stand there, I'm just saying this to cheer you up.

prosper.From now on, I want you to pay more attention to punctuation. "?
The way he uses it seems not very subtle, but the psychological principles he uses are quite clever.people are listening to unpleasant things

Before, listen to the praise of your own strengths first, so it will be easier to bear.If we could express it more implicitly, the effect
The result will be better. ?
([-]) Avoid targeting?
Everyone has self-esteem, and direct criticism can easily hurt others' self-esteem. At this time, although others understand their self-esteem

Although the wrongness of one's own behavior is wrong, it is difficult to accept it emotionally, and even sensibility breaks through rationality and contradicts critics.to avoid
To prevent this from happening, you can criticize their wrong behaviors instead of targeting people, so that you can get better results.next
is such a successful example. ?
Li, a young worker in a steel factory in Shanghai, took a few wooden boards from the factory without authorization and went home to make a bookcase.After the incident, the mobile department where Li worked

The chief of the section, Lao Zhang, approached him for a talk, and immediately said: "Wooden boards are the property of the state. You take them back to make furniture without permission. Your behavior is too serious."

Wicked. When Li heard this, he immediately became angry and confronted Lao Zhang.
Li talked, and Xiao Wang said: "The wooden boards in the factory are the property of the state, and everyone can't take it for themselves. If everyone takes it back and makes it
Furniture, okay? "Xiao Li lowered his head after hearing this.?
Both Lao Zhang and Xiao Wang criticized the erroneous Li Mou, but the results were quite different. The reason is that Lao Zhang adopted
Criticize Li in a straightforward way, which hurts his self-esteem, while Xiao Wang adopts allusive criticism methods.

I made a fuss on the Internet and replaced "Xiao Li" with "Everyone", which made Xiao Li easier to accept emotionally, and thus received better criticism.

Effect. ?
([-]) Self-blaming criticism?
The so-called "self-blame method" is to move the other party with self-blame.Of course, this "responsibility" must be well-founded, otherwise, the words are insincere

It is impossible to impress the other party.Originally, the shortcomings and mistakes were on the other party, but the critics insisted on pulling them on themselves, and they blamed themselves.
Prepare yourself and make the other party reflect on themselves and feel ashamed. ?
It is said that there was a family in ancient my country who was very poor. The mother-in-law of that family was a bit lazy, but the daughter-in-law was very virtuous.one day

One day, the neighbor's chicken got lost and came to her yard.When the mother-in-law saw it, she fell in love with it, and quietly grabbed the chicken and killed it.

The sky was cooked and served on the table.When the daughter-in-law saw her, she neither ate chicken nor spoke, but kept crying.mother-in-law asked strangely

What is she crying for.She said: "I hurt myself and live in poverty, so I can eat other meat!" It means to blame myself for being worthless and mess up the family economy.
It was so difficult that other people's meat appeared on the dining table.The mother-in-law was very ashamed when she heard this, and hurriedly picked up the bowl of chicken and went to the neighbor to eat it.

I went home to make an apology.Here self-blaming criticism has its effect. ?
([-]) Suggestive criticism?
Suggestive criticism is not to criticize positively, but to imply the meaning of criticism in the conversation, so that the criticized can figure it out by themselves.

Solution, accept. ?
Aube, the assistant to the general manager of a company, and his girlfriend Sarah decided to travel and get married, and went to the picturesque Switzerland for their honeymoon.he
While preparing for the trip, the general manager of the company asked him:?

"You have decided to travel and get married?"?
Aube said:?

"Decided."?
The general manager asked again:?

"I sincerely wish you all, when will you leave?"?
Aube said happily:?
"Just a few days!"?
The general manager said helplessly:?

"Alas! The company is about to negotiate and sign an important contract with a client. You are the only negotiator. Who can represent you when you leave?"
For it? "?
In this conversation, both parties have reasons: Oubei and his girlfriend have decided to travel and get married, which is beyond reproach; the general manager has an important

The agreement must be signed, and the only negotiator cannot leave.The general manager of the company cannot criticize the assistant Obei, but is emphasizing Obei's negotiations

Status implicitly implies criticism, and of course expectations.The smart Aube will not be ignorant, and the result can be imagined without mentioning it
And know. ?
([-]) Affirmative criticism?
Criticism itself is not an end but a means. On the basis of pointing out the mistakes of others, it really makes the other party improve their mistakes and develop better.

Learning and working is the ultimate goal.

Therefore, when criticizing the other party, you must affirm his work performance and analyze the reasons for the mistakes, so that the other party can recover better.
Confidence to accept criticism. ?
Fan Chengzuo is an interpreter of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Once he participated in the foreign affairs activities of Premier Zhou. When the Premier and his friends talked about China's climate, suddenly

Asked Fan Chengzuo: "Where did you say the typhoon came from?" Fan muttered and replied: "The typhoon came from the Taiwan Strait..." Premier Zhou
After hearing this, his expression became serious, and he criticized in front of the foreign guests: "Our translators of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs don't study history and geography.
, Where is the reason why the typhoon comes from the Taiwan Strait?The typhoon comes from the deep sea area of ​​the Philippines! "Seeing Fan Chengzuo's embarrassment,
Premier Zhou's criticism ended, and then he changed the subject and said: "Comrade Fan Chengzuo is my fellow countryman, and he has translated for me many times.

He knows it well.I criticize him like this today, not because he didn't do a good job in his usual work.he is still accumulating

Extreme, hardworking, and honest. "Fan Chengzuo said afterwards that this "meteorological class" was taught in a timely manner, which made him better from now on.

I have studied hard so as not to speak "yellow accent". ?
When Premier Zhou criticized Fan Chengzuo, although his tone was harsh and he pointed to the truth at once, he still affirmed Fan Chengzuo's achievements.

He gave Fan Chengzuo precious trust and encouragement.This kind of criticism will naturally make Fan Chengzuo study harder and receive

very good result. ?
([-]) Side-by-side criticism?
The reason why many people make wrong actions is not because he does not understand the illegality, violation and immorality of the action itself,
It was because I was driven by various bad thoughts for a while, which caused me to do wrong things that were unlikely to be done in a rational state.

In such cases, critics often do not need to restate those well-known truths, but use implicit methods.
Insinuating sideways to make the other party realize his mistake. ?
A fisherman was fishing with a rod in a fish pond.At this time, the owner of the fish pond came over.The fisherman's heart tightened: bad

Now, not only will he be punished, but his fishing rod will also be confiscated!Unexpectedly, after the owner of the fish pond approached, he pointed to the "no fishing" in the pond.
Fish" sign, not only did not reprimand him, but said very politely:?
"Sir, isn't it too wasteful for you to try fishing here?"?
The fisherman blushed at the insinuating criticism from the owner of the fish pond, apologized quickly, put away his fishing rod and left. ?
The owner of the fish pond adopts side-by-side criticism here, which not only achieves the goal, but also maintains the other party's self-esteem and convinces the other party
, put an end to unethical behavior. ?
([-]) Motivational criticism?

When a person makes a mistake, criticism from others can easily make him doubt his own ability.Therefore, in criticizing the wrong
When dealing with a person, not only point out the mistakes and make them correct without hurting the other party's self-confidence and self-esteem, but also point out their potential advantages so that they can be corrected.
Be motivated to keep going.Here is an example of this: ?

In a calligraphy training class, there was a student who had a very low starting point, especially in the aspect of brushwork, and always made low-level mistakes.he compares
Others, feel very frustrated.The teacher of the training class knew his situation, and did not blame him for his low starting point or lack of practice, but

He said to him: "You have a good calligraphy talent, and you can feel the art of calligraphy, although you are still a little short in brushwork."

However, this is a mistake that beginners will make. Just practice a few more times and pay more attention to it. "The student listened to the old

Teacher's words, I realized that my mistakes are not difficult to correct, so I am full of confidence in practicing calligraphy.
The problem has gradually improved. ?
Here the calligraphy teacher adopts a motivational criticism method, pointing out the potential advantages of the person who made the mistake, and dispelling his personal ability.
Doubts about his strength made him believe that he was capable of correcting mistakes and doing things well, so the student corrected his brush strokes.
sick. ?
([-]) Contrastive criticism?
In our daily life, we can often see some people are overly satisfied with the glory and comfort brought by their achievements, but they can’t beat them.

The spirit will continue to work hard and surpass the past.For this group of people, it is possible to use euphemistic expressions to talk about the

Let’s talk about the current inaction and bleakness, and criticize implicitly by emphasizing the contrast between before and after.
Make them aware of their situation and the responsibilities on their shoulders at this time, so as to cheer up again.Huang Yongyu criticized Cao Yu for adopting

in this way. ?
The playwright Cao Yu once received a letter of criticism, which was written by the painter Huang Yongyu, in which he said: "You were once a sea,
Now it is a stream. "This remark made Cao Yu very emotional, so he mounted the letter into a banner and hung it in the living room, even American TV dramas.

Writer Arthur?When Miller came to visit, Cao Yu also read to him verbatim. ?
Before liberation, Cao Yu wrote famous dramas such as "Thunderstorm" and "Sunrise", but after liberation, he stagnated in art for a long time.

new breakthrough.The painter Huang Yongyu fully considered Cao Yu's status as an old man in the theater circle, and did not use direct criticism.

Instead, he presented him with a subtle banner, vividly implying the sharp contrast between his early years and his current achievements in art, which made Cao
Yu felt a strong shock, which achieved the effect of criticism. ?
([-]) Comforting criticism?
When criticizing the other party, pointing out mistakes on the one hand, and expressing affirmative criticism on the other hand, can give comfort to those who make mistakes.this
This can often make the critics be greatly moved, so that they can be more diligent in their work. ?
The assistant to the general manager of a company is negotiating a deal with a firm.At the negotiating table, the two sides are at each other's throats, refusing to give in to each other
.Unexpectedly, the assistant of the general manager accidentally made a slip of the tongue when he was nervous, and revealed the reserve price of the company's products, which put the negotiations at an awkward position.
Passive status, and lost a large amount of income.Afterwards, the assistant regretted unceasingly and decided to take the blame and resign.At this time, the company's

The general manager found him and said to him:?

"I understand your mood at this time. Your negotiation did cause the company to suffer some losses, but in general, the company still makes money.
With the money, your contribution is not small.The company still trusts you! "?
After hearing this, the assistant was very moved.Later, he worked conscientiously and recovered a lot of losses for the company in various negotiations.

success. ?
Here, the criticism of the assistant by the general manager of the company is not so much a criticism as a consolation.to criticize
Words are reflected in the form of comfort, which is the trick of critical language. ?
([-]) Humorous criticism?
Use humor in criticism, emphasize the critical factors contained in it, reveal the improper behavior of the other party from the side, and make it appear in humorous criticism.
Review your mistakes.The following is such an example. ?
Liang Qichao is a giant in modern history. His intelligence was shown as early as his childhood, and he benefited from his father's care for him.

Get educated correctly.When he was ten years old, one day, he followed his father to a friend's house as a guest.As soon as he entered the house, he was greeted by a bud plant in the yard.
The apricot tree in bud was fascinated, and secretly broke off a branch, covering it in the wide sleeve robe.Who knows that this move of his was exactly

Fathers and friends' families watched.Liang's father usually taught his son very strictly, so it was inconvenient to criticize him face to face at this time.At the banquet, the father always
His son was worried about this matter, and he wanted to hint to him quietly, so he said to Liang Qichao in public: "Before the banquet,

I will put out a couplet first, and if I can get it right, I can toast, otherwise I can only pour wine and tea for the elders, and I am not allowed to sit down. "Father Lorgarth

Suo, made the first couplet: "Cage flowers in the sleeves, the boy is hiding the spring." Liang Qichao was shocked when he heard it, and suddenly realized, but he did not lose his color.

, and casually read the second couplet: "Hanging a mirror in front of the hall, my lord can see clearly."?
Faced with his son's indecent behavior, Liang's father did not criticize him face to face, but expressed his criticism implicitly in a humorous way.a problem

, Kill three birds with one stone: it not only implies criticism, but also prevents the child from making a fool of himself in front of everyone, and also shows strict family education.

(End of this chapter)