Scene language skills that college students must know

Chapter 22 Scene 22 - When Rejecting a Request
Chapter 22 Scene 22 - When Rejecting a Request
Saying no to someone's request, invitation, or something happens every day for most of us.other people's request
Against your wishes, you will refuse; others' requests are beyond your ability, you will refuse; sometimes, friendly invitations from others
You can't accept it for various reasons, or you will refuse it.However, rejection is another embarrassing thing.it makes the rejected person not
Hurry up, if it is serious, it will make the atmosphere cold and even affect the friendship between each other.So, what should we do? ?
Please see the world famous movie star Sophia?Roland recorded in her autobiography "Life and Love" that she is different from the world's art masters

A dialogue from Lin: "You have to overcome a shortcoming. If you want to be a woman who lives an exceptionally good life, you have to learn

One thing, perhaps the most important lesson in life, is that you have to learn to say 'no'.You don't say 'no', Sophia,
This is a serious flaw.I also had a hard time saying it, but once I learned to say 'no', life got so much better. "pregnancy
There are certain things in life that require a straightforward no, but most of the time, we also need to be careful about how we say no.

The art of saying "no" tactfully, and it's not uncommon to offend others by saying no inappropriately.Therefore, it is necessary to reject
At this time, it is very important to pay attention to the art of rejection, to say "no" euphemistically, that is, to learn to refuse without disgusting, to learn

Will humorously refuse, and so on.In a word, we must pay attention to the language art of rejection. To do this, we must start from the following aspects:

effort. ?
([-]) Delayed refusal method?
When someone makes a request to you, if you can do it, you can say yes to others, but if you feel that this request is beyond your
When you are within the scope of your ability, of course you can immediately refuse: "No, I can't help you!" But if you use the delay method to

Said: "Well, let me think of a way, if it can be done, I will give you an answer as soon as possible, what do you think?"
If you call again after a day or two and say that you can't do anything, then at least you are not "rejecting" and you have done your best.sometimes

Sometimes, the people who are rejected often worry about the attitude of others when they refuse, or they are full of bureaucracy, or domineering, or

casual.If others have done their best, then even if things don't get done in the end, they won't be full of complaints. ?
Sometimes, the "time delay" method can also be used in direct refusal. ?
For example, Xiao Zhang wants to observe a special teacher in class.The one declined, obviously out of humility, and he said: "Okay, let's talk about the start of the class."

Just start class.However, if this class is to be held successfully, to the satisfaction of students and teachers, it must conform to the spirit of the teaching reform, and I must take the exam well.

Consider teaching options.Looks like you'll have to give me a year.I have to think about it every day for 365 days, what a pain! "?
The teacher rejected Xiao Zhang's request with a delay method. Originally, it was a big deal for him to be attracted by others to observe his class.
A kind of respect, if you refuse directly, it will make the other party think that you don't know how to flatter.Instead, use the "delay" technique to reject the other party.
, first readily agreed, and then pushed the time to a year later.Everyone knows that it takes less than a year to prepare for a class.

between.Therefore, the requester also understands that the teacher is refusing indirectly, and of course he will not be reluctant. ?
([-]) Humorous rejection method?
When rejecting others, using humor can often make the other party understand our tactful refusal, thus avoiding embarrassment
. ?
So, why can the humorous rejection method improve the atmosphere and avoid embarrassment?just because the logic of humor works
.The difference between humorous logic and general logic is that it does not use concepts, judgments, and reasoning to prove, as general logic does.

Instead, communicate each other's emotions to achieve the purpose of communication. ?
As long as it is used properly, it can generally receive better results. ?
It is said that President Roosevelt of the United States was serving in the military, and one of his friends wanted to inquire about a secret from him.roosevelt course
Can't tell the secret, but he doesn't want to hurt his friend either.So he quietly asked his friend: "Can you keep a secret?"
Friends thought that Roosevelt would tell him the secret only if he promised not to tell others, so they repeatedly promised: "Of course, I will keep it secret."
Keep it a secret and tell no one! At this time, Roosevelt said: "If you can keep a secret, then so can I!" "One of his friends
Startled, then hugged Roosevelt's shoulder and laughed.Here Roosevelt's method of humorous rejection paid off. ?
But what do you do when your friends' requests are well-intentioned and for your own sake, but you don't want to accept them? ?
It's great if you can tell someone what's on your mind in a lighthearted, humorous way.italian musician rossini
生于1792年2月29日，因为每4年才有一个闰年，所以等他过第18个生日时，他已72岁。他说

This saves a lot of trouble.On the day before his birthday, some friends came to tell him that they had collected [-] francs for

He erected a monument.He listened and said, "Waste of money! Give me this money and I'll just stand there myself!"?
Rossini did not agree with his friends' approach, but instead of refusing him directly, he put forward an unrealistic idea: "Give me

For the money, I'll just stand there by myself! "Implicitly pointed out that the friend's behavior was too extravagant, pointing out its irrationality.?
([-]) Hypothetical rejection method?
When you can't meet the requirements made by others, you can also use hypothetical methods to create a virtual reality that may be produced according to his requirements.

The consequences of life, such consequences are unacceptable to him.In this way, it is tantamount to rejecting him.But this refusal is not by refusal

It is what the rejecter said, but the conclusion drawn by the rejected person under the guidance and inspiration of the rejecter's hypothesis, so it will not lead to

Being unhappy can in turn educate and inspire those who are rejected. ?
It is said that the writer Bernard Shaw was once courted by a movie star.The star proposed to him, saying: "If we get married, in the future
Wouldn't it be a beautiful thing to have a child with a mind like you and a face like me! "George Bernard Shaw did not directly refuse, but made a
Hypothesis: "If we combine, the future child will have a brain like you and look like me, wouldn't it be too miserable?"
Of course, Xing would not accept such a hypothesis but could only accept and reject it.Another comrade, when his relatives wanted to ask him to open the back door to work for him
When buying a cheap air conditioner in the factory, he said straightforwardly: "If it is cheap, it is easy to handle, you
You can pay as much as you want, and I will subsidize the rest! "I am afraid that any relative who wants to take advantage of such consequences will have no
If you can't accept it, the result is naturally not to talk about it. The beauty of the "hypothetical" refusal method is that it uses the method of "obviously agreeing but actually rejecting".from the surface
It seems that there is no rejection, and sometimes it is even very happy to agree, but in fact it makes a kind of thing that you cannot accept.
The facts are placed before you, forcing you to immediately withdraw your request. ?
([-]) Turning defense into offense and rejecting the law?
The method of turning defense into offense and refusal is to realize the purpose of the other party before making a request to us, and at this time, first propose a similar request to the other party.
If the request is turned from defense to offense, the other party will naturally be unable to ask for help, so as to achieve the purpose of politely refusing.The following is such a
A typical example: ?

Self-employed Liu heard that the son of the director of industry and commerce wanted to borrow a large sum of money from him.He knew that if the money was sold, it might be meat buns
The son beats the dog——I will never return, but I don't want to offend this young master.So he had an idea, as soon as the son of the director of industry and commerce entered

door, and immediately said: "You came just in time, I was just looking for you, these two days have made me anxious, there is a batch of goods that are very cheap
, but people have to ask for a bite, I can't get together the funds, and I'm trying to ask you to borrow tens of thousands. "When the other party heard this
I regretted that I went to the Monk Temple to borrow combs--I went to the wrong door, so I hurriedly prevaricated a few words and left. ?
Liu seized the opportunity here and turned the defense into an offense, so that the other party was rejected by him without any psychological preparation.

It is naturally difficult to achieve. ?
([-]) Fuzzy rejection method?
Everyone may have such an experience in life. When you make a certain request, the other party neither immediately opposes nor immediately agrees.
, but patiently and meticulously talk to you about some vague questions related to the topic, the whole conversation seems to be caged in "smoke"

, In the end, you don't even understand how you were rejected.This strategy can be called "fuzzy rejection method". ?
In 1864, during the era of the Tokugawa shogunate in Japan, after the western powers carved up China, they eyed Japan again.
Coerce Japan to sign a treaty ceding Hikoshima, Japan.The Japanese side sent Gao Shanpu as a negotiator.Fusaku Takasugi has been to China
, Witnessed the tragedy of China's territory being divided by foreign powers.Therefore, for the safety of the country, he is determined to do his best to fight against the great powers.

Negotiating at the negotiating table.So at the signing ceremony, in order to delay the time, he said endlessly: "My country, Japan,

Ever since Amaterasu, I have..." Describe the historical texts of Japan one by one. History is generally difficult to understand, if you translate it again
成其
Other languages ​​are more time-consuming and labor-intensive.Therefore, Gao Shanpu's approach caused the translation a headache, and many places did not know what to do.

express in English.The representatives of the Western powers heard even more clouded.In the end, it was impossible to tell who would win and who lost in the negotiations. It is said that after the signing

The matter was left alone, and Japan's national territory was preserved. ?
It can be said that Takasugi Fusaku has developed the strategy of rejection to an unprecedented level. When the national security is threatened, he is witty and calm.
He used the "fuzzy rejection method" to make great achievements.

([-]) Self-deprecating rejection method?

It often happens in life that others make requests or invitations to you because of your fame or status, not yourself
If you meet certain conditions and reject everyone directly at this time, it may make everyone lose face and be very disappointed.At this time, you may wish to
Find a related flaw in yourself as an excuse, use humorous language to mock yourself, and hint to the other party that you are unwilling
It is also not suitable to agree to their request, and they will often receive better results.Lincoln used this type of rejection. ?
On one occasion, Lincoln had to attend a meeting of newspaper editors in Bloomington, Illinois.At the meeting he spoke that he

Not an editor, so it would be quite disproportionate to be present at this meeting. ?
In order to explain why it is best not to attend this meeting, he told everyone a humorous little story:?

"Once I came across a woman riding a horse in the forest. I stopped to make way, but she stopped too, staring intently at

look at my face.She said: 'I just now believe that you are the ugliest person I have ever seen. '?
"I said: 'You're probably right, but what can I do?'?
"She said: 'Of course you've been born with this ugly look and there's nothing you can do to change it, but you can still stay at home and don't come out.
! '"?
Everyone laughed at his humility and humor. ?
The organizers of the newspaper editors' convention invited Lincoln because of his presidency, so Lincoln's presence seemed indecent

No class.Lincoln told a funny little story about laughing at himself for being too ugly for such a public event.this excuse
It sounds ridiculous, but it hints at Lincoln's refusal. After the news gets out, no one should invite him to participate in a party.
Some irrelevant activities. ?
([-]) Praise-style rejection method?

If there is some reason in the request made by the other party you want to reject, but you don't see its disadvantages, then rejecting the request first

You can first praise its strengths, and then tactfully raise its shortcomings, so that the other party suddenly realizes and accepts your proposal. ?
At a meeting of an electronic company in the United States, the manager of the company took out a trademark designed by him and asked for everyone's opinions. ?
The manager said: ?

"This trademark is designed with a sun, which is very similar to the national emblem of Japan. Japanese people will be happy to buy our products when they see it."

All the people attending the meeting praised the manager's design in unison, which is very good. It will definitely expand the Japanese market and bring great benefits to the company.
big gain. ?
However, a young director in charge of sales said: ?
"I disagree with this logo design."?
The manager was taken aback.The people present also looked at him in surprise. ?
The young director added a sentence: ?
"I'm afraid it's too good!"?
The manager was even more puzzled, and asked with a smile:?

"I can't understand your words, can you tell me why?"?
The young director said: ?
"The theme of this sun design is indeed very harmonious with the Japanese region, and it will definitely be loved by the Japanese, and the sales of the products will also be greatly improved.
Must be good.However, what our company wants to expand at present is not the Japanese market, but the Chinese market.This is obviously wrong

Horse mouth! "?
The manager suddenly realized and exclaimed excitedly:?
"Your words are too good!"?
This example shows that when expressing opposition or rejection to a superior or someone with authority, you must not be straightforward, and you must have sufficient reason.
Reason, to adopt a clever strategy.The young director first gave the manager face with a compliment of "Great", satisfying him

His self-esteem made him respectable.Then I explained my reasons, using "It is not the Japanese market that we want to expand, but the Chinese market."

"On-site" to refuse. The manager feels reasonable, and will not feel embarrassed to step down.

([-]) Analysis of pros and cons and rejection method?
When others ask us, if it is really difficult, but in order not to hurt the other party, we can stand in the position of the other party and think about it.

Examine questions, help them analyze the pros and cons, and then start from safeguarding the interests of the other party, reminding the other party that if their wishes come true, they will be satisfied.
what kind of harm.After the other party understands it, they can calmly accept your opinion and withdraw their request.Please
See the example below: ?
At the end of 1949, Mr. Zhang Yuanji, the chairman of the Commercial Press, approached Mayor Chen Yi and asked to borrow 20 yuan to meet his urgent needs.

The chairman is 80 years old and highly respected. Chen Yi knew his name when he was a child. ?
At that time, the People's Republic of China had just been established, and there was a lot of waste waiting to be raised, so it was very difficult to come up with 20 yuan.There is no way, Chen Yi can only be straightforward
Mr. Zhang Yuanji said: "If you say that the People's Bank of China does not have 20 yuan, it is lying to you. I can't lie to you, old man. Just call one

Calling the People's Bank of China can solve the problem.You are so old, and you came here in person for cultural undertakings, so I should lend it to you.

But I think it’s better not to lend it to you. The 20 yuan will be spent on business in one go. I’d better find a way to improve the operation.
We only produce textbooks, but we can produce some popular New Year pictures, something suitable for the needs of workers and peasants, and learn from Zhonghua Bookstore.no
Don't say 20, 200 million is useless.I am very moved to ask you old man to lobby everywhere at such an age.sorry,

I can't borrow this money, it will harm you. "?
Chen Yi explained Mr. Zhang Yuanji through his words, and he said happily: "I completely accept your opinion, I will not borrow money anymore.

I am very touched by your words of love and care for our business. "?
When persuading Mr. Zhang Yuanji, Chen Yi not only considered the overall situation of the country, but also for the sake of the Commercial Press, reminding them to borrow money
It is a long-term strategy, focusing on the needs of readers, improving operations and broadening horizons.The conversation touched a question that the other party never thought of.

He felt that he had benefited a lot and found a more useful method than borrowing money.Chen Yi not only successfully rejected the other party, but also won

Get the gratitude and love of the other party.

(End of this chapter)