Smile is very alluring: the charming temperament you want most

Chapter 4 Self-cultivation, let your soul have fragrance (3)
If you experience it carefully, you will feel a poet's emotion about giving: giving is like a ray of breeze, which can remove the irritability in interpersonal relationships; giving is like a stream of clear water, which can moisten the gaps in emotions; giving is communication The bridge of the soul is the bond that connects emotions, the cornerstone to strengthen unity, and the swaddle that breeds harmony.Relying on the power of giving, fighting can be turned into silk; relying on the charm of giving, grievances can be turned into affection.

When we contribute to others, we will feel the harmony and beauty in the world, we can find spiritual dialogue and emotional comfort in giving, and we can also bridge the defects of character and sublimate our spiritual realm in giving.

Those hurtful words are better swallowed
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A beautiful woman who speaks a lot of vulgar words must be disappointing; a woman who is neither beautiful but full of foul words will be disgusting wherever she goes.

—French thinker Romain Rolland

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As the saying goes: "A good word warms the winter three times, and a bad word hurts the June cold." What we say, although there is no actual sharp edge, but it also has a huge lethality.Sometimes a good word that is appropriate and comfortable can make our hearts feel warm even in the cold winter; sometimes a bad word can hurt people more than a sharp knife pierces the heart, and it is chilling.

When people get along with each other, language is an indispensable way of communication. It can build a good communication bridge for us, and it can also destroy a good relationship. It depends on how you control it.

A famous orator warned the audience in a speech: "Be careful what you say, because words have infinite power."

At this time, an audience member stood up and expressed dissent: "Not necessarily, for example, I have been talking about happiness, but I have said it countless times, but I don't feel really happy; It will be unlucky for this. Therefore, I think that language is just a common tool at our disposal, and there is no infinite power..."

Before the audience could finish speaking, the orator immediately interrupted him and shouted loudly: "You idiot, you don't understand what I mean at all."

Being scolded as an idiot, the audience was startled at first, and then angrily counterattacked: "What? You called me an idiot, I think you are the idiot..."

The orator interrupted him again, and said calmly: "I'm sorry, I didn't do it on purpose just now, I hope you can accept my apology, please forgive me."

As soon as the audience heard it, most of their anger subsided immediately, and they didn't refute anymore.All the people present witnessed the intense scene just now, and they started talking about it. Then the orator smiled and said: "Look, I just said a word just now, and the audience is going to fight me hard, and then I said another word, and his anger disappeared immediately. Therefore, we must remember: Sometimes what we say is like a stone, and it will hurt others when it hits others; These words can be like the gentle breeze in spring, blowing the heart, making people feel comfortable and warm. This is the power of language."

As the saying goes: "If you speak out, the water you pour out cannot be recovered." Once the words are spoken, we can't take them back, so we must think carefully before we say them. After thinking about the consequences it will bring, think about whether it will bring harm to others.

Because of their straightforward temperament, some people often speak without using their brains and go straight to the point.Although being outspoken seems sincere and simple, not all thoughts and opinions can be expressed in a direct way, otherwise it will hurt other people's feelings, put yourself in an embarrassing situation, affect the harmony of interpersonal relationships, and hinder things. of smooth development.

A woman with a somewhat obese figure walked into a clothing store to choose new clothes.The shopping guide saw that she was bloated and there were no clothes suitable for her in the store, so she stepped forward and said bluntly: "Sister, you are too fat, we don't have any clothes suitable for your figure in the store."

What this lady hates most is being told that she is fat. When she heard what the shopping guide lady said, she immediately lost her temper. Just as she was about to fight back, the shopping guide added: "Well, I think I'm getting fatter when I'm old. good."

The lady was so angry that she didn't know what to do, when the proprietress appeared, she immediately said angrily to her, "Who am I provoking? Why is it that when I entered your shop, I was told you were fat and fat?" Old man, what happened?"

The proprietress immediately stepped forward to make amends. Unexpectedly, she just said "I'm sorry", and immediately made the lady even more angry. She said: "I'm really sorry, this girl is from the countryside. She has a straight temper and can't speak. But she's telling the truth."

The fat lady who was so angry that she almost vomited blood slammed the door and left.

In the example, the clothing store did not seem to suffer any losses due to the blunt words of the proprietress and the shopping guide lady, but the lady might advise her relatives and friends not to buy clothes from this store, and the store lost money virtually. Some potential customers, their reputation will also be affected.It can be seen that speaking too straight is not necessarily a good thing sometimes.Some words that don't matter to you may be a kind of harm to others.No matter when, where, and who the target is, we must think twice before speaking.

When we speak, we can warm people or hurt others. The key depends on how we manage it. Here are some tips for warming people's hearts.

1.Assume first, suggest later
When someone asks for your opinions and opinions, and your real thoughts may cause harm to the other party, you might as well provide the other party with some assumptions first, and then express your opinion tactfully, so that you can express your true meaning without As for causing harm to the opponent.

2.Add your "Unbelievable"

Bad news always makes people feel bad and uncomfortable, so when we need to convey some bad news to each other, don't say it directly, but first say something like "I can't believe this is true", and then Let's talk about the content of the message.This expression can reduce the impact of the bad news on the other party, and the other party will not be so disgusted with you, the disseminator of the bad news.

3.Humor to relieve embarrassment
When encountering something that is difficult to say or embarrassed to say directly, if you say it directly, it may embarrass the other party and feel unhappy.At this time, you can resolve this embarrassment by joking, so that you will not hurt the other party, and you will not cause too much psychological burden.For example, if the other person eats indecently, you can chat with her in private and say, "Your voice is really extraordinary, be careful to scare the men away!"

In the field of my heart, a violet blooms
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The widest thing in the world is the ocean, wider than the ocean is the sky, and wider than the sky is the human mind.

——Victor Hugo, French writer
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By the roadside, a small violet blossomed.

Someone ran across the road and stepped on a violet.

"Are you in pain?" asked the little bird in the tree.

"Although it hurts, you have to be patient. People didn't step on me on purpose!" Violet said, she straightened her body quietly, then shook her body, and the pleasant fragrance filled the air.

When a foot stepped on a blooming violet, instead of complaining, the violet also left a wisp of fragrance on the foot that hurt it, spreading the fragrance all over the world.People who step on flowers are ruthless, but Violet is sympathetic, repaying kindness for hatred.What kind of quality is this?This quality is called tolerance.

Due to different living spaces, different growth environments, and the influence of various acquired factors, each person has different weaknesses and shortcomings, which inevitably lead to friction and conflicts in interpersonal communication.At this time, we should learn to be patient and tolerant. This is to let go of others and to treat ourselves kindly.

During the Spring and Autumn Period, when the civil strife in Chu subsided, King Zhuang of Chu entertained civil servants and generals with fragrant wine and delicacies, and asked the concubines in the harem to come out to toast for everyone, including the most favored Xu Ji.When the wine was half drunk, a strong wind blew out all the candles, and the hall was pitch black.In the dark, someone was trying to lighten Xu Ji with the pleasure of drinking. During the tugging process, Xu Ji tore off the tassel from the officer's hat, and said to King Zhuang of Chu, "My lord, just now someone took advantage of the random idea Not a courtier or concubine, but I tore off the tassel of that person's hat, and I can find out this person when the candles are relit."

Xu Ji originally thought that the king of Chuzhuang would decide for herself, but unexpectedly, the king of Chuzhuang said to everyone: "The widow is hosting a banquet today, and everyone should drink to their heart's content. If you don't get drunk, you won't return. In order to let everyone not care about the courtesy of the monarch and his ministers, please invite everyone Take off the tassels of your caps, and drink to your heart's content." When the candles were lit again, the hall was full of people without tassels.Xu Ji looked around, but couldn't tell who was the one who just molested her, so she walked away.

Three years later, the state of Jin invaded the state of Chu, and the two countries went to war. King Zhuang of Chu personally led troops to fight the enemy.King Zhuang of Chu discovered that there was a fierce general in his army. He not only killed the enemy bravely on the battlefield, but also aroused the fighting spirit of other soldiers, so that his army could win again and again.Once, King Zhuang of Chu went deep into a dangerous situation and was almost killed. Thanks to the general's desperate escort, he managed to escape from the dangerous situation.

On the triumphant return, King Zhuang of Chu wanted to reward the general.He asked the general what he wanted, but the general didn't want anything, and immediately knelt down and said, "Your Majesty has already rewarded you. Last time in the dark, it was Mo who molested Xu Ji after drinking and losing his morals." General. Your Majesty forgave me with a broad mind, not only did not punish me for my crime, but tried his best to protect me. Only by fighting the enemy bravely can I repay Your Majesty."

In this matter, the general molesting the king's concubine is undoubtedly an insult to the king, but the king of Chu Zhuang was not angry, but instead covered this person with a spirit of tolerance and tolerance. loyal.Imagine, if King Zhuang of Chu beheaded that general to show the public, how could he win him to repay him with death? Maybe King Zhuang of Chu would die on the battlefield, let alone achieve some hegemony.

Learn to be tolerant to others, and tolerate others with a broad mind.Tolerance is a kind of silent education, just like violets silently enlightening people, when it leaves the fragrance at your feet, it also leaves a noble and open-minded impression on people, and you will also gain The magic power of turning fighting into jade, so that you can enjoy the fun of life calmly and peacefully.

Hugo once said: "Tolerance is like cool nectar, which waters a dry heart; tolerance is like a warm fireplace, which warms a cold and paralyzed heart; tolerance is like an inexhaustible torch, which ignites the fire that will be extinguished under the iceberg "Tolerance is like a magic flute, which wakes up those who are sleeping in the dark." In this world, nothing can jump out of the heart of tolerance, and nothing can compete with the warmth of fraternity.

The widest thing in the world is the ocean, wider than the ocean is the sky, and wider than the sky is the human mind.Open your heart and accommodate others with a gentle and tolerant attitude... You, see?The violets in your heart are already in full bloom.Its bright smile is a tremolo on the melody of life, a drop of dew on the hibiscus, or a warm page in the scroll of time!
The less a woman talks, the more attractive she is

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A lady with real temperament never shows off everything she owns. She doesn't tell people what books she has read, where she has been, how many clothes she has, and what jewelry she has bought, because she has no sense of inferiority.

——Yishu

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Self-expression is the most important feature in a woman's nature. Just like a peacock likes to show off its beautiful feathers, every woman hopes to show her beautiful side, but excessive and deliberately showing her edge will make her enthusiasm false , Become contrived, appear not enough self-cultivation.

This is indeed the case. Those women who always like to boast about themselves in speech and intend to overwhelm others in terms of momentum often give people an impetuous impression. Even if she is very beautiful, she can always make people feel that her beauty is empty.Such a woman can never have a strong attraction to others.

After graduating from university, Eely was lucky enough to work in a newspaper. Eely was originally a Chinese learner, coupled with her energy, she can complete the tasks assigned by the leaders excellently every time.However, she has a problem, that is, she likes to be competitive, and she always wants to overwhelm others with boastful remarks.

When someone else's work has problems, Eely always says in an exaggerated tone: "No way, such an easy thing can go wrong?" When someone points out that there is a problem with her plan, her first reaction is: "Then There is no way! Because the solutions I propose are usually the best, since you can’t come up with a better solution than mine, then don’t point fingers at my solutions.”

Once, Eely was honored by the company.At the summary meeting, she spoke like this: "My achievements are obvious to all. The achievement of my achievements lies in the fact that I don't just look at the superficial phenomena in everything. I like to take one step and think about three steps. This is my greatest advantage. It's just my character."

Gradually, colleagues don't like working with Eely.Some old employees began to ridicule Eely: "Just a few days after she came here, she started playing big names in the company. She is in her own home. She really doesn't know what to do." Later, the leader also talked to Eely, intending to tell her not to Be proud and don't compete with others. Although the leader's tone is very tactful, Eely still feels bad.

After a period of time, the company organized all staff members to conduct mutual evaluation activities, and decided to promote the person with the highest score as the new supervisor.What Eely didn't expect was that she had the lowest score, and she felt very unbalanced: "I am very capable and do my best, but why do they have such a bad evaluation of me?"

"If a tree is beautiful in the forest, the wind will destroy it; if the pile is higher than the shore, the current will be turbulent; if the action is higher than others, the crowd will be wronged." Eely in the example is too competitive, self-righteous in everything, and always wants to overwhelm others A typical performance on the one hand, after others have been embarrassed a few times, who would listen to her boastful remarks?Therefore, if you want to be an attractive woman, you must be a warning when dealing with others.

The words are too high-profile, it can be called suicide.Carnegie once pointed out: "If we just want to show off ourselves in front of others and make others interested in us, we will never have many real and sincere friends."

The mountain does not explain its height, and does not affect its towering clouds; the sea does not explain its depth, and does not affect its ability to accommodate hundreds of rivers; the earth does not explain its thickness, but no one can replace it as the status of all things... A contagious beautiful woman who never speaks loudly.

So, if you want to be a beautiful and contagious woman, you don’t need to shout slogans and carry red flags to let people all over the world know what you are going to do and what you have done, but you have to restrain your tone, Condensing charm in calmness.

Be gentle, don't be aggressive
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A calm demeanor is more frustrating than an aggressive one.

——San Mao

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Many women are eloquent and often have the upper hand in the crowd.In order to show how good their eloquence is, they are more willing to be aggressive, speak without empathy, even provocative, and mean, as if this will make them appear to be eloquent, not easy to mess with, and have personality and charm.

(End of this chapter)