Smile is very alluring: the charming temperament you want most

Chapter 5 Self-cultivation, let your soul have fragrance (4)
As everyone knows, no matter how beautiful and fashionable a woman speaks aggressively, all her beauty will disappear without a trace, and she will appear superficial, vulgar, and stupid, making people feel dull and absurd, and even put herself in a position like a "clown". embarrassing situation.So, how can there be beauty at all?

Liu Shan is a cheerful, lively, straightforward woman. Her personality is very popular, especially in a highly competitive and deceitful workplace, but she can't control her mouth, which is as "bold" as her personality. Often aggressive, as a result, the good image plummeted.

Once, Liu Shan was arranged by the manager to work outside. Secretary Xiaohong didn't know about it and gave Liu Shan a "leave of absence". As a result, Liu Shan was deducted from her salary at the end of the month.For this reason, Liu Shan was very angry, and went to Xiaohong's theory confidently, and said, "Hey, did you make a mistake? When did I ask for leave? Why should my salary be deducted?"

Xiaohong went to ask the manager and found out that she had made a mistake, but she thought to herself: Even if I paid the wrong salary, you should speak up, how can you speak so rudely?So I didn't give Liu Shan a good word, "The company stipulates that when employees go out on business, they must tell me. Why didn't you tell me?"

As soon as Liu Shan heard the anger, she didn't fight with each other, relying on her own reason, she refused to let go, "It's because you didn't do a good job in your own work, why are you blaming me again? A handyman doesn't know how powerful the world is. You Is it because you usually don’t like me, if you don’t like me, just say so, and don’t play tricks behind your back.”

One was justified and refused to forgive others, the other refused to admit his mistakes, and neither of them would back down. As a result, the two went from bickering to fighting at the end, which even alarmed the general manager.

In the end, the general manager fired the two on the grounds of disrupting the company's order and affecting the company's honor.

In this matter, Liu Shan was deducted her wages. She was justified at the beginning, but she complained, scolded Xiaohong, and spoke rudely. As a result, the harmony between the two parties was destroyed, the conflict between the two intensified, and they ended up being "fired".

It is normal for the spoon to touch the rim of the pot, and it is inevitable that there will be some small conflicts between people. It is normal. Don't show domineering, aggressive, and insist on winning or losing with others.

In fact, the charm of the voice does not lie in the sharpness of the words, but in the hearts of the people.When there is a disagreement, a truly attractive woman never complains, scolds or loses her temper, but handles the conflict calmly.

People tend to welcome women who are friendly and light-hearted, because this kind of woman feels gentle and bright, like the winter sun.In this way, your charm will radiate to more people, and you will have higher popularity and more friends.

Shakespeare advised people: "Don't burn yourself with anger because of your enemies." Franklin said: "Tolerance is much higher than revenge for the injuries suffered."

On a street, there is a simple and elegant tea house.Although the location of the tea house is relatively remote, the business here is very prosperous, and there are many customers who come to drink tea every day.A service lady of the tea house is kind to customers and speaks softly.One day, a rather rude customer came to the tea house.

"Miss! Come here! Come here!" the customer shouted loudly, pointing to the cup in front of him, he said angrily, "Look! Your milk is bad, it ruined my cup of black tea! "

The waitress smiled and said, "I'm really sorry, let me change it for you."

Soon, the service lady brought up new black tea and milk. The cup and saucer were exactly the same as the previous cup, with fresh milk and lemon on it.The service lady gently put the milk and fresh lemon in front of the customer, and said softly: "Sir, can I give you a suggestion, don't put lemon and milk together, because the milk may cause milk curd when it meets lemon. piece."

The customer's face turned red immediately, and he hurriedly finished the cup of tea and walked out.

Other guests asked the waitress: "He is old-fashioned, why don't you tell him directly? He is so rude to you, why are you still so nice?"

The service lady smiled softly and replied: "It is because he is rude that I have to use a tactful way. The reason is clear when I explain it. Why should I be so aggressive and unreasonable? The reason is not straightforward. People often use their arrogance to overwhelm others; reasonable people use kindness to make friends."

All the customers present smiled and nodded, and they had a little more favorable opinion of this tea house. Since then, the business of this tea house has become more and more prosperous, not because of how good their tea is, nor because of the tea house. It's not about how big it is, but because their service attitude is good and makes people feel comfortable.

It is precisely because the service lady did not take it easy because of the unreasonable troubles of the customers, but served the customers with a smile on her face, and other customers were deeply moved, so they were willing to patronize her business.Just imagine, if the service lady insists on arguing with the customer, insisting on telling right from wrong, then her heart will inevitably become dark and hard, and how can other customers be attracted and influenced by it?

I believe that no woman is willing to leave a superficial, vulgar, and stupid impression on others. Maybe some people are regretting their aggressive words and deeds, but they can't help but do the same thing next time.How to do it?Such people should pay attention to the following principles: 1.learn to think twice

Words spoken are like water poured out, which cannot be taken back.Think twice before acting, this is the precious experience left to us by the ancient sages and sages. It is intended to warn us that we should think before speaking and doing things, and think about the consequences of speaking out.How will it affect others?what effect?More importantly, will what you say hurt someone?If it hurts someone, can you say it in another way?As long as you insist on doing what is pointed out above, gradually, you will find that you have become a gentle woman who speaks carefully and has a sense of proportion.

2.take a step back

Women who speak freely are mostly straightforward. When faced with things that wrong them and treat them unfairly, they can’t control their temper. Once their temper comes up, they can’t control their mouths. If their words hurt harmony, harmony between them will be impossible. Speaking of which, how to infect and influence the other party?Take a step back and think about everything, and remind yourself to stay calm when something unpleasant happens, and it is possible to avoid this situation.

3.strengthen your knowledge
This is the most crucial point. Only by improving your personal knowledge, enriching your knowledge, broadening your horizons, and improving your realm, will you become more tolerant and kind, and gradually become mild-tempered, docile, and gentle in words and deeds. I no longer take it as my own ability to hurt others, and the "aesthetic sense" tends to stabilize.

In short, when an elegant woman speaks and handles things, she will put peace and tolerance first, be modest, humble and tolerant.Handling things with such a healthy mentality can not only get a satisfactory result, but also leave a beautiful image of elegance and generosity to others, and is also conducive to shaping the beauty of integrity and kindness.

Be good at listening, be a beautiful "interpretation flower"

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In life, the most attractive woman must be a listener, not a chatterer.

——Dale Carnegie, American inspirational guru
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In ancient my country, people called those women who were good at listening "Jiehuayu".It is not difficult to understand how charming a woman who knows how to listen is. She gazes gently, nods frequently in approval, and always keeps a smiling expression, which will make everyone praise and appreciate her.

In fact, everyone is eager to be listened to by others. When they are talking, they always hope that the other party will listen attentively.

Therefore, we learn to listen, and being a qualified listener not only reflects that we obey the civilized and polite behavior in dealing with others, but also expresses our appreciation for others.Moreover, this kind of appreciation is an important way to help others build self-confidence, and at the same time, it will be easier for us to gain friendship and trust.

Let's take a look at the following story first:

Jesse and Linda have been good friends since college, and after graduation they worked as salesmen in the same immigration company.

Although the two of them have the same academic level, after entering the company, there is a big gap in their performance.Jesse's monthly performance has always been mediocre, while Linda has become the monthly performance champion in less than half a year.

Once, other colleagues in the company encountered a difficult customer. The customer expressed dissatisfaction with the agreement and refused to pay the second installment. Jesse and his colleagues tried to persuade them, but instead of achieving their goal, they quarreled with the customer.Finally, the company sent Linda to communicate with the customer. Unexpectedly, within two days, the customer called the company for the final payment.Through this incident, everyone in the company knew Linda, and because of this incident, Linda was promoted to the company's business director.

Linda's ability to work impresses colleagues, and everyone wants to know how the new business executive does it, so they decide to ask Jesse, who has the best relationship with Linda, to find out.

Just when Jesse was going to find Linda, Linda also happened to be looking for Jesse.Linda spoke first, and she said with a smile, "I was just looking for you, so here you are, let's go, that difficult customer wants to treat us to dinner, as a way of thanking us."

Hearing Linda say this, Jesse didn't come back to her senses for a long time, she looked at Linda in disbelief, "No way, when I went last time, she wanted to kick me out, how could she invite us to dinner What? Thank us too, how on earth did you get that cold and arrogant woman to agree to pay the second installment and thank us at the same time?"

Linda smiled slightly and said, "Actually, I didn't do anything. I was just looking for her. I didn't list the terms first, but listened carefully to her views on the matter, and then based on her thoughts Solve her problems. The other party is our old customer. Not paying the second installment is nothing more than a cover. The key is that she must have something to solve. But if you start talking non-stop, don't give her a chance to speak , she will feel that the problem cannot be solved, and she will naturally be very angry. On the contrary, if she can follow her way of thinking, won't everything become easier?"

After listening to Linda's words, Jessie kept nodding in agreement, and finally understood why he and Linda joined the company at the same time and their performances were so different. ", to listen to the voices of customers!
After reading this story, everyone must have seen the secret of being liked in the workplace. In fact, it is very simple, that is, listening.

It can be seen that being a humble listener is a very important condition in the process of communicating with others.Being willing to listen to others means that you are willing to accept others, recognize and value others.In this atmosphere, the other party will fully express themselves.

Of course, we have to admit that compared with men, emotional women have more language talent.Therefore, it is often much more difficult for a woman to shut her mouth willingly and listen to others than to make a man obey the principle of "silence is golden". It is more worthy for women to learn, understand and apply this "golden" rule in communication.

Su Qianqian works as an editor for a well-known art magazine in Beijing. In order to find more ideal content and layout, she visits several well-known painters in the industry every weekend and invites them to participate in her column.These painters would never refuse Su Qianqian's invitation, but they would never agree to participate in the column that Su Qianqian was in charge of.They always listened to Su Qianxi tirelessly introducing how good the magazine and the columns they were in charge of were, while apologetically telling Su Qianxi: "I'm really sorry, I'm afraid I won't be able to participate in a short time."

After coming down for more than ten or twenty times, facing repeated rejections again and again, Su Qianqian became a little discouraged. After all, colleagues around her can always find suitable famous artists to cooperate with. But very little.For this reason, Su Qianqian planned to resign.

This matter reached the ears of the editor-in-chief.He took the initiative to find Su Qianqian, and after asking and listening to her troubles, he also found out the reason why Su Qianqian repeatedly hit the wall.It turned out that every time Su Qianqian went to visit the painters, she kept talking non-stop since she met them, and kept telling the painters how authoritative and high-end her magazine was, which actually disgusted the painters.Therefore, the editor-in-chief said to Su Qianqian: "When you go next time, you might as well calm down, listen to the other party's opinions, let them make their own evaluation, and adjust their way of conversation in a timely manner according to the other party's opinions. In this way In the future, it is likely to greatly increase the probability of success."

After listening to the editor-in-chief, Su Qianxi also realized that the interview she had done before was indeed somewhat inappropriate.So, the next day, she made an appointment with a painter she had never visited before, and adjusted her way of socializing in time.This time, she didn't keep talking as soon as they met, but first watched the artist's works seriously, and hurriedly asked if there was anything she didn't understand.Unexpectedly, Su Qianqian's question aroused the painter's interest, and they talked for two hours without knowing it.Through this conversation, Su Qianxi left a very good impression on the painter.Before leaving, Su Qianqian put down her sample magazine and made an appointment with the artist to talk about it tomorrow.As a result, as soon as Su Qianqian arrived at the artist's house the next day, the artist said that he agreed to participate, and told Su Qianqian that several of his friends also planned to participate.

Su Qianqian was very happy when she heard this. Under the introduction of this painter, she suddenly gained several clients.

It is not difficult to see from the above two examples that if you want to be a popular woman, you must first learn to listen.

Women should remember that in social situations, most people like to start everything from their own perspective, and they love to talk about themselves.Then, your listening can make him feel satisfied, so as to have a good impression and positive evaluation on you.

Therefore, when we have the desire to speak but have not thought about it in our hearts, we might as well think about that Western proverb: "God gave us two ears and one mouth, so that we can speak less and listen more."

Maybe you will say: "Listening to others is not easy." But in real life, it is difficult for us to really listen to others.Think back, were you distracted, dazed, looking around impatiently, or mechanically fiddling with objects in your hands while you were listening?These behaviors are not the wisdom of listening, or even called listening, and you will be regarded by the other party as an uneducated or impolite woman.

Therefore, listening in the communication process is especially important for the confidant.When the other party finds that we are listening carefully to his conversation, goodwill and a sense of intimacy will arise spontaneously.Because we have met his needs and most importantly, we have respected him from the beginning.

Please note that in the process of listening, you must not only maintain a good state of mind, concentrate, and show that you are willing to listen and are interested in communicating with the other party, but also be good at using ways such as smiling, nodding, and asking questions to give timely feedback. The other party echoed.This is a message of affirmation, trust, concern and even encouragement, which will make the conversation atmosphere more harmonious and highlight your charming charm.

(End of this chapter)