Smile is very alluring: the charming temperament you want most

Chapter 25 Find something besides love that can make your feet stand strong (1)
——with an independent personality
Independence and self-esteem can be elegant.Independent personality, independent thinking, such a woman may not be well-educated, but she is never superficial. She is soft and firm in her heart, not strong, and never willing to show weakness. She has her own unique insights in everything.This is a kind of convincing self-confidence, in which dignity and happiness are deeply hidden.However, independence is a very high state, it requires a high-quality mentality and brand-new values, let's start.

Stand like a tree, don't let your love kneel
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If I love you, I will never be like a climbing sapling, showing off with your high branches... I must be a kapok next to you, standing with you as the image of a tree.The roots are held tightly in the ground; the leaves are touched in the clouds... We share the cold wave, wind and thunder, and thunderbolt; we share the mist, Liulan, and hauni.It seems to be separated forever, but still depend on each other for life. This is the great love.

- Shu Ting

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Since ancient times, people have had the concept that men are strong and women are weak, and men are strong and women are soft.The traditional concept holds that women should be the appendages of men, and women should be "attached" to men.In our real life, many women think the same way. They are often used to regard love as the whole of life, regard a man as their whole world, rely on men unconditionally, and look like a little bird.

As everyone knows, when you get used to being attached to men, you will fall into a passive state of "when a man gives you happiness, you will be happy; if a man does not give you happiness, you will not be happy", and your beauty will be changed by men. weakened, or even disappeared.Just imagine, how can such a woman take the initiative in love, and how can she make a man willingly stay by your side?No matter how beautiful the original love is, it can't escape the ending of one shot and two parts.

Just look at Emma's day and you will know.

Back then, Emma was young, beautiful, versatile, and attracted a lot of admiration from the opposite sex. She eventually married a man who worked as a department manager in a supermarket.After marriage, Emma pinned all her hopes on her husband, and became a full-time wife at home in a pampered manner. However, after a few years of living like a fairy couple, her husband filed for divorce.

Holding her husband's divorce agreement, Emma was devastated and burst into tears, crying, "At the beginning he tried his best to pursue me, but I thought he was a down-to-earth and talented person, so I agreed to marry him. Unexpectedly, he is now dating a female department manager in the industry, and even said that he wants to divorce me. Anyone with a discerning eye can see that that woman is not as good-looking as me. I really don't know what he thinks..."

Emma's experience is really sympathetic, but her husband seems to be full of grievances: "Emma was not only beautiful, versatile, but also very independent, which is what attracted me. But after marriage, she seems to put everything in her It is entrusted to me, she will do whatever I say, and has no pursuit of her own. Although the female department manager is not as beautiful as Emma, ​​she is very independent and has a special taste. I can't help but be attracted by her. attracted..."

A woman who has been attached to a man for a long time will always appear submissive.Such a woman may be charming, delicate and lovely, but she is still not as free and elegant as an independent woman.A man will have a psychological advantage, you can't do without him, and slowly, his attitude towards you may not be as good as before.

Only when a woman and a man stand on the same level, can a woman have the power to be full of charm and shock people, and also be able to win a man's sincere love and his true respect.As a woman with a happy marriage and professional achievements said: "Only when a woman is truly independent can she face setbacks, and a woman should also believe in her own abilities. There is nothing she can't do well. It's not that she can't do it without a man." Live. A woman like this lives free and easy, and is more favored by men than those 'pitiful' little women."

In fact, almost all men appreciate independent women, and they all hope that their wives can have independent thoughts and concepts and become a confidant who keeps pace with the times.

Those beautiful women in the love field know this truth deeply, so no matter how trustworthy someone is next to them, they will insist on their own independent personality, and they will let men know clearly that they are not just men's lovers, they are more Is my lover.

Wu Meinan, who is studying in the Chinese Department of a certain university, is an ordinary-looking girl. When other girls have the desire to "catch a rich husband", Wu Meinan is keen to shuttle between libraries, gyms and other places.After graduating from university, Wu Meinan started her life unsatisfactorily. She lived in a small rented house and walked through the bustling, chaotic, and dirty downtown, living a hard life.

"It's better to marry well than to do a good job." A friend persuaded Wu Meinan in this way, "It's good to enjoy the shade under the big tree. Why don't you just find a rich and capable boyfriend? Why do you wrong yourself like this?" Wu Meinan said indifferently She smiled and replied firmly: "No! I have to rely on myself, a woman is beautiful only when she is independent!"

Relying on her own continuous efforts, five months later, Wu Meinan finally found an editorial job as she wished.Later, her manuscripts began to be continuously published and reprinted in major magazines and newspapers.With her excellent working ability, Wu Meinan became the editor-in-chief of her magazine after three and a half years.In this regard, Wu Meinan said, "I have always firmly believed that a woman's wonderful life is not given by a man, but must be won by her own efforts."

To the envy of those female friends who have the desire to "fish for a rich husband", Wu Meinan's independence not only won her a brilliant career, but also deeply attracted a male colleague who was as good as her. People get married, help each other in business, and have a warm family. Wu Meinan can be described as a double harvest in business and family.

Yes, true love should be mutual respect, mutual independence and freedom.The husband and wife come together not because they need each other, but because they appreciate and support each other; not to imprison each other, but to help each other grow more vigorously in independence and freedom.

Therefore, if you want to gain the initiative in the love field, and if you want to make yourself a real goddess of beauty, you should never destroy your independence and try to stand on the same level as men.When you can have your own piece of sky, are you still afraid that there are no white clouds under this sky?
"Girlfriend", a chicken soup for the soul that is always delicious
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Women understand women's minds. From going to the bathroom together to reading together, shopping, dressing up, and meeting men, there are many things about women that men don't understand. Therefore, women need the understanding and sympathy of the same sex.

——Anonymous

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In the world of women, there is a warm term called "confidant in the boudoir", and people are used to shortening it to "confidant".

"The relationship between 'girlfriends' is always delicate and long-lasting, and I can't tell it all through my life. Under the irrigation of this friendship, women become more fragrant and more beautiful." A female psychologist Said so in a speech.

Specifically, people's understanding of boudoir is roughly like this: two or three, or more girls who are waiting to be married, go away because of some common interests, or similar encounters and fates. very close.They can talk about everything with each other, and even if they have their own family after marriage, they can still meet up to watch movies, go shopping, or sit in a tea house, chatting with each other and reminiscing about old love with the scent of tea.

Wang Rui and Xue Ni are two childhood sweethearts.Their two families have been neighbors since they were young. If their parents have something to do, they will be entrusted to the other family to take care of them.Therefore, Wang Rui and Xue Ni ate food in the same bowl, slept in the same bed, and helped each other lie to their parents.

After going to school, they were in the same class from elementary school to middle school. In the words of the two of them, they watched each other grow from a little girl to a young girl, and faced many small problems and little secrets in the process of growing up together.Of course, they will get angry and fight, but they will soon make up again.

Although they didn't go to college at the same school, their friendship was passed on by email, and their friendship grew stronger over time.

Xue Ni said that she found another self in Wang Rui, and Wang Rui felt the same way.After taking to the workplace, they feel more and more the value of this friendship that knows the basics.

Maybe you, like Wang Rui and Xue Ni in the story, have a "hardcore buddy", that is, a best friend.Perhaps you will regret to say that you are not so lucky, and you have not met a friend who can be called a "best friend".

In fact, the formation of boudoir friends has its specific environment and conditions.According to the survey, family friends and neighbors are the common factors for forming childhood sweethearts. This is mainly because the common life background and similar childhood will become a solid foundation for future friendship, and the understanding of each other's family and experience, It will make each other feel more secure in the relationship.

However, this kind of situation may not happen to everyone, so some beauties have to find their girlfriends through other channels.

Don't worry, some experienced women have summed up some "roads" for us to get a girlfriend, so you might as well come and learn.

Generally speaking, there are two main channels for becoming a close friend in a boudoir.One is the classmates and neighbors in childhood or school days. Because they grew up together, they are very clear about each other's background, history, and roots.It can be said that such a friend is your bosom friend, and sometimes even knows you better than yourself.Another kind of boudoir is often cultivated in the process of sharing weal and woe.Because of experiencing a certain ordeal together, we have a deep understanding of each other's character and temperament, and there is a reason to trust each other.

Of course, in addition to these, there are still a small number of women who will obtain "best friends" in the process of studying, living and socializing after adulthood.Therefore, we don't have to force too much on whether we have girlfriends or not, just let nature take its course.

However, no matter what kind of boudoir, we should not act casually in the process of communication.Only by properly grasping each other's friendship can the friendship between us be kept fresh for a long time.Now, let's take a look at the things you need to know!
1.Treat ordinary friends and boudoir close friends equally

In social situations, there are ordinary friends and close friends, which requires us to treat them equally.Although you have the closest relationship with your boudoir close friends, you can't favor one over another.If you let your friends feel that your attitude is obviously divided into intimacy and indifference, neglecting this one and warming up that other, others will have opinions on you, and they will think that your approach is naive.In addition, because you show obvious distance and closeness, your best friend has entered an isolated position invisibly, and she will also feel uncomfortable because of this.

2.respect each other's privacy
Even brothers and sisters have their own privacy, and girlfriends are no exception. In the adult world, no one will let himself be transparent in front of others.When interacting with close friends in the boudoir, if someone does not take the initiative to bring it up, you should try to avoid issues involving personal privacy and the other party is unwilling to talk about in the conversation, otherwise, it will not only cause the other party's displeasure, but also embarrass yourself.During the chat, if you find that the topic you have chosen is not popular, then find a way to change the topic immediately.

People compare close friends in boudoir to good medicine for each other.Share happiness with each other, and happiness becomes two shares; share sorrow with each other, and sorrow is halved.It can be said that a boudoir is a chicken soup for the soul that is always delicious. No matter how hard the years are, they can always maintain a calm and mellow.It is a blessing in life to have such a friend; if you are lucky, please cherish your friendship and take care of this relationship with all your heart, it will make your happiness and sorrow become open-minded and calm in sharing and undertaking.

Be brave enough to say "no" when necessary

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The only man who is truly free is the one who can refuse an invitation to a party without giving reasons.

——French novelist Mir Renard

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Whether in life, work, or interpersonal communication, everyone will encounter some unreasonable demands from others, or things that they are unwilling to accept.If you refuse others directly, you will feel that you hurt each other's face too much; if you don't refuse, you will wrong yourself again.Therefore, how to tactfully reject others and how to tactfully say "no" has become an art.

However, some women are often because of their kind nature, when faced with other people's requests or orders, even if they are unwilling to do it, they are too embarrassed to refuse others.So sometimes, in order to calm things down, they endured it by themselves, preferring to be a "bad good person".

In addition, some women have a kind heart and never reject others. They feel that saying "no" is an act of hurting their feelings, which will make them feel guilty.For example, she was already very tired when she was shopping with her colleagues, but when the colleagues proposed to go to a certain place to buy something by the way, she persisted with her colleagues until the end; Hope to be massaged, or readily agreed.

Such women are often good partners among colleagues and considerate and docile wives in life.They agree to everything, without their own desires and needs.

However, they may not know that they will not refuse or say "no", which will cause them to lose respect from others because they lack respect for themselves.Women who dare not say "no", their goal is to be liked and loved by others, but the price is self-sacrifice.

The weekend is approaching, and my colleagues are planning the arrangements for the two days of the weekend.But Kan Fei has arranged a lot of "tasks" for herself: the first item, her daughter's ballet class will take an exam, and she will accompany her to the dance academy to rehearse for a morning on Saturday; the second item: accompany her mother-in-law to sign a contract with the tenant on Saturday afternoon ; the third item: to accompany my sister-in-law to choose a wedding dress on Sunday morning; the fourth item... When seeing other colleagues discussing where to go or which restaurant to eat, Kan Fei can only sigh.Busy with other people's affairs all day long, very tired, annoying and reluctant, she wished she could have the ability of Monkey King and perform a clone technique!

A colleague with a good relationship in the office said to Kan Fei: "Who told you to be brave, you always have a lot of things to deal with?"

Kan Fei replied: "I can't help it. Others have already opened their mouths. How can I have the nerve to refuse them?"

Colleagues know Kan Fei very well. She is the kind of enthusiastic person who responds to requests. As long as others open their mouths, she is always out of face and afraid of making others unhappy. Even if she is reluctant in her heart, she will insist on agreeing. The word "no" popped out of her mouth, it seemed that it was more difficult than reaching the sky.In the end, I often make myself physically and mentally exhausted and exhausted...

At work, Kan Fei often does the same. She is worried that if she does not undertake all the tasks assigned, she will make her boss unhappy, so she responds to every request and never considers her ability to bear. You have to be criticized by your boss.

Although we have been instilled with the principle of helping others from an early age, we should not be too blind when providing help to others, and regard helping others as an obligation or responsibility, but should be determined according to our own tolerance and do what we can .

The famous writer Jia Pingwa once said: "Walk in the world, accept or reject, love or not love, give up or be persistent... Everyone should have a heart of acceptance and tolerance, but also learn to refuse."

(End of this chapter)