Smile is very alluring: the charming temperament you want most

Chapter 26 Find something besides love that can make your feet stand strong (2)
If you still bite the bullet and "do" when you encounter something you know you can't do, you will only end up suffering yourself.Therefore, at this time, we must trust our own judgment and dare to say "no" boldly.It is the most unwise behavior to act reluctantly just for the sake of temporary face.As the saying goes, you must save face and suffer, and this is the truth.

Therefore, for our own physical and mental health, it is necessary for us to learn to reject others effectively, which is also a strategy in interpersonal communication.

So, how to refuse can not only get yourself out of trouble, but also make it easy for the other party to accept?
Generally speaking, a "polite and forceful" strategy should be adopted.The so-called politeness refers to politeness, that is, to take care of other people's rights and emotions as much as possible, use words and speech in a more tactful manner, and avoid bluntly contradicting others.The so-called power refers to being powerful, that is, to express your meaning clearly and let the other party know the unpleasant feelings that arise in our hearts.

For example, when we are watching a movie in a movie theater, and the two people sitting in front of us are discussing the plot loudly, which hinders our appreciation, we can say to them: "Sorry, I can't hear what the movie is talking about."

In this way, we express our own feelings without blaming others, and the other party is generally easier to accept.On the contrary, if we yell at them angrily: "What's the matter with you two, you are so noisy! Others have to watch movies!" Although such words can also achieve the purpose of reminding others, but It is easy to make the other person feel unhappy, and the anger we show ourselves also shows that we are lacking in quality.

Another example, when a fellow countryman borrowed money from us to buy things, and we have long known that this person is the master who often borrows money and does not return it.At this time, we can say: "I don't have change, so I can't lend it to you." Or say: "I'm sorry, I don't always have change."

In short, if we want to reject others, we must first learn to express negative and unwilling feelings freely, and express our feelings in a straightforward, honest and appropriate way.

Specifically, we can refer to the following art of rejection.

First, first judge whether the request made by others is reasonable, not whether others think it is reasonable.If we hesitate or shirk, or feel embarrassed or forced, it means that the request made by the other party is not reasonable at all.

Second, don't worry about saying "yes" or "no" before you fully understand what others mean, but listen to the words and understand the meaning thoroughly before considering whether to reject or accept.

Third, when we do not want to accept the request made by the other party, we should say the words of rejection concisely and forcefully.It's important to simply say "no" and not make it a complex statement full of excuses and justifications.When rejecting others, we simply explain how we feel in a simple and clear way.You should know that a direct explanation is a kind of decisive self-confidence, while an indirect misleading or excuse presented to the other party is a kind of indecision, which will leave more troubles in the future.

Fourth, don't say "I'm sorry, but..." When saying no, saying "I'm sorry" will sway your position, and the other person may use your guilt to make you accept his request.When you carefully assess the situation and decide to say no, you don't have to feel guilty.

Fifth, adopt a roundabout strategy and say "no" euphemistically.Sometimes, in the face of leaders or elders, we directly reject each other, which may arouse strong dissatisfaction from the other party, thinking that this is a "disrespectful" behavior, which will cause other work to not be carried out smoothly, or cause family conflicts, etc.So at this time, we might as well say "no" a little more tactfully, such as changing the unspoken "no" to "I will try my best", "I will give you a call after thinking about it", etc., and then change the topic.In this way, the other party will feel that we are giving him face, and it will be easier for him to accept it.Afterwards, if the other party thinks carefully again, he will feel that his request is "too much", so he will consciously give up, and the matter will be solved.

All in all, when faced with requests that are unreasonable or against our inner will, we must learn to refuse reasonably.In this way, we can take the initiative in life, and we will live more easily.

The sea is blue for yourself, you live for yourself

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Why bother to prove something to someone who is not worth it, live better, but for yourself.

——Yishu

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Wu Danru once said this sentence: "Everyone has a song in their hearts. Even without applause, we can sing and please ourselves." Deliberately weigh the interests, don't care about the amount of material, how many people really listen to their hearts?
There is a young girl who has always longed to be appreciated by the man she likes, but the man is very picky.Several times in a row, things went wrong.Sad and self-blaming, she confided to her friend: "I really want to impress him. I have been choosing clothes for a long time. I have been thinking about what I should say and planning what I should do." What the hell. I thought it was going to be all right, but I was screwed by my stupid self. Now, he must be laughing behind my back that I am a stupid woman."

Everyone has a little bit of vanity more or less, and they all want to be praised.It is understandable to value one's image in other people's minds and other people's evaluation of oneself, and doing it moderately can also reflect a woman's self-esteem.But if it is overdone, doing things just to get the favor and praise of others, you may get into a dead end from which you cannot extricate yourself.

There was a young girl who always wanted to prove her worth, but whenever she mustered up the courage to do something, as long as people around her said a negative comment, half of her enthusiasm and interest would disappear immediately.Gradually, she lost confidence in herself and even developed feelings of inferiority.

Later, she turned to an elder for help, hoping to get some inspiration and change herself.She asked the elder: "Why do others always get rewarded after hard work, but the result of my hard work is always so bad?"

The elder shook his head with a smile and said, "If I gave you the word 'fragrance', what would you think of?"

The girl thought for a while and said, "I will think of cakes. I also opened a cake shop, but it closed down not long ago. Until now, I can still think of those fragrant desserts."

The elder nodded, and then took the girl to visit a painter, whom he also asked the same question.The painter said: "Fragrance reminds me of wild flowers blooming and dancing girls. These two words have brought inspiration to my creation."

Later, the elder took the girl to visit a zoologist and asked the same question.The zoologist said: "Aroma reminds me of the subject I am researching. Many animals in nature use the aroma emitted from their bodies as bait to catch prey."

The girl didn't quite understand the elder's intentions.Seeing this situation, the elder took her to visit a wealthy businessman who had lived overseas for a long time and had just returned to China to visit relatives.Again, it's a matter of fragrance.I saw the rich businessman said emotionally: "The fragrance reminds me of the land of my hometown."

After bidding farewell to the wealthy businessman, the elder asked the girl: "Now, you have seen many accomplished people. Do they have the same understanding of 'fragrance' as you do?" The girl shook her head, still full of doubts.

The elder smiled and said meaningfully: "In life, everyone has a unique fragrance, and you, too, have your own fragrance. Why can't you be as good as others? That's because you always value too much Other people's understanding of fragrance is wasting life in other people's eyes."

There is such a sentence in an old man's notebook: "Don't care whether others like you or treat you fairly, let alone expect everyone to treat you well." People's reflections on a person are like multiple prisms, and they will not agree Well, no matter how good you are, there will still be people who will find fault.Women must learn to value their own thoughts, not deliberately seek other people's opinions and evaluations of themselves, and not lose their true self for anyone, so that they can live happily without interference.

Amanda was playing the piano one night when her 10-year-old daughter walked in.She listened for a while, then frowned and said, "Mom, you don't play the piano very well." It's not very good, and anyone who is serious about learning the piano will shy away from her playing, but Amanda doesn't care. .

All the while, Amanda was playing so badly and having fun.Amanda also likes to sing, and occasionally learns to sew, and after a long time she has become decent.Although these things are not good in the eyes of others, Amanda is very contented. She does not live for others. As long as she is happy, what does it matter what others think?

The poet Dante once said: "Go your own way and let others say it!" The most precious wealth in life is rich life experience.Everyone has independent thoughts and consciousness, and different people have different experiences. If you care too much about other people's opinions, you will not be able to live your own splendor.In many cases, it is really unwise to regard other people's criticism as a negation of oneself, and to change oneself intentionally or unintentionally.After all, everyone has a different perspective and a different starting point, so the conclusions they draw are naturally different.Therefore, no matter what, a woman must have her own opinions, and naturally listen to other people's opinions if they are right, and there is no need to pay attention to them if they are wrong.

People live in this world not to overwhelm others, nor to live for others.What people should pursue in life is the realization of self-worth and self-cherishing. The most important thing is how you see yourself, not how others see you.If a woman's pursuit of happiness is to refer to other people's models everywhere, then her whole life will be miserable living in other people's values.

So, from now on, don't pay too much attention to other people's indifferent expressions and whispers, and don't bother to figure out how others treat you, how to evaluate you, and don't need to regret for small gains and losses, mistakes, that's just the way of life Just a little episode.Be more open-minded and detached, spend every day in peace and joy, save time for yourself, read two books you like, listen to two pieces of music you like, you will find that life is full of sunshine.

Be yourself!Because the person who cares most about you in the world is yourself.Let go of the burden in your heart and go your own way. Remember, the sea is blue for you, and you live for yourself.

do what you want to do, go where you want to go
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Go to meet the person you like, do what you want to do, and treat these as the last willfulness in your youth.

——Anonymous

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I once read a story from a foreign country, and I was deeply moved:
The two teenagers met in the toilet, and one of the boys asked the other boy in the hat to borrow some toilet paper.After leaving the toilet, the boy who borrowed the toilet paper lit a cigarette for the boy in the hat as a token of thanks.The two walked and chatted.

The boy in the hat said: "I've been very depressed recently. My family has been forcing me to learn the piano, but I can't play it well."

The boy who borrowed the toilet paper said: "The piano is not difficult at all! I started playing it when I was 5 years old, but what bothers me is that my family always forces me to write poems. God, how can I write them?"

Hearing this, the one in the hat smiled and took out a stack of manuscript paper from his bag, and said, "Here is this for you! Take it back and hand over the work. I like writing poems the most."

People must do what they like and want to do, so that they can be happy.Perhaps, in the process, we will be hindered by the people around us or the environment, but we should not give up our will for this. If some things are delayed, it may be a lifetime.

Shuichi Otsu, the youngest hospice physician in Japan, wrote the book "1000 Things You Will Regret Before Dying" based on years of experience in practicing medicine and after hearing and witnessing the regrets of 25 patients.Among them, there are many items related to "not being yourself", such as - not doing what you want to do; spending your life controlled by feelings; not traveling where you want to go; not expressing your true wishes... a true love My own woman will not leave such regrets in life.They don't change their original intention of "live yourself" because of anyone's words.

When she was a child, she didn't like dancing, but under the strict requirements of her parents, she still bit the bullet and learned it.This dance is 15 years.

During the college entrance examination, she wanted to apply for the Tourism English exam. Under the strong opposition of her family, she still listened to her mother and went to a dance academy.But later, I worked as a nurse in a hospital in the city.

After work, she made an officer boyfriend, but her father disagreed.Unable to resist her father's obstruction, she finally compromised and married a doctor under the introduction of her relatives.

After getting married, she and her husband originally had their own house, but their parents-in-law insisted that they move in and live together.She knew that her mother-in-law was a picky person, and she didn't want to live together every day, for fear of any conflicts, making her unhappy and making her mother-in-law angry.But unable to bear her husband's persuasion, she still lived with her in-laws with a forced smile.

In the eyes of others, she is happy.Versatile, outstanding in appearance, married to a husband from a good family, and in-laws to help with housework... Such a life, how many women dream of it.However, who knows the pain in her heart?
On the night of her 30th birthday, she thought that in the past few years, it seemed that every important decision was made by someone else.This life seemed not to be her own.The dream of being a volunteer to travel the world, the lover who once held an umbrella for her in the rain, everything has become an untouchable dream... She turned her back to her husband and shed tears.In the salty tears, she suddenly made an important decision: change to a different way of life, do what she wants to do, go where she wants to go.

The great Peruvian writer Mario Vargas Llosa once said: "I am sure that the writer feels deep down that writing is the best thing that has ever happened to him, because for a writer, writing is the best Lifestyle." Because I like it, I am happy, and I can't get tired of it, and money and reputation are dispensable added values.If there are too many constraints and you cannot do what you want to do, over time, you will definitely be physically and mentally exhausted and at a loss.At this time, you should learn to change your way of life, keep calm, and not change your will for other people's words and decisions, and your life will be extremely comfortable.

We always hear women complaining that if they were so and so, they can be so and so now.However, once the gate of time is closed, it is impossible to open it again. Life is a one-way journey, and there is no way back.Life is too tiring and there are too many regrets, because I have given myself too many constraints, and I dare not break all potential rules and find my true self.Learn to wake up your own feelings, let go of your heart, let go of all kinds of worries and concerns, and live out your own courageously.One of the secrets of happiness and happiness is to choose to do what you like in your limited life.Only when you are satisfied with the things you care about can you feel happy, otherwise, even if you guard the castle and wealth, you will feel empty and boring.

While you are still young, read more books and go to places you want to go, because you still have a heart that has not been completely numb, and you can still be inspired and moved.Some dreams, if you don't go for it, will always be just a dream.Tell him how you feel while he still loves you, and travel hand in hand with him.Create more wonderful memories while you are young and he still loves you.

Life is too short and time waits for no one. If you don't do some things now, you will never have the chance to do them again.Ask your own heart, love the person you really love, do what you want to do, and be the self you want to be the most.

(End of this chapter)