Smile is very alluring: the charming temperament you want most

Chapter 17 The blend of rationality and sensibility is just right (3)
This is probably because we have a clear understanding of the background that led to our mistakes, so that we cannot forgive others' mistakes, but it is easier to forgive our own mistakes, so we often focus on the mistakes of others.Therefore, in order to have a harmonious living environment and make our hearts more open and open-minded, we must not only tolerate ourselves, but also tolerate others.

Put some sugar on the "bitter medicine"

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Before pointing out someone else's mistakes, praise her first.

- British philosopher John Locke
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Everyone has strong self-esteem, so it is not easy to accept criticism from others very sincerely.But if we can put a little "seasoning" when criticizing others, it may make the other party a lot more comfortable.

We all know that the outermost layer of some medicines is coated with a layer of sweet sugar.In fact, this is the genius of the drug developers, because by doing so, the drug users will not feel that the drug is so bitter.When we criticize others, we might as well give the criticism a layer of "sugar coating", so that the listener will not feel too uncomfortable, and will not be too resistant to your criticism.

Wu Qing took the position of department manager within two years after entering the company, but some subordinates refused to accept her, and some even openly opposed her, and Ren Mengfei was one of them.

Ever since Wu Qing became the department manager, Ren Mengfei was often late. Five days a week, she was late for four days in a row.According to the company's regulations, being half an hour late will be counted as one day of absenteeism, and wages will be deducted.The problem was that Ren Mengfei was late every time within half an hour, so she couldn't be punished according to the company's regulations.Wu Qing knew that she had to take measures to stop Ren Mengfei's behavior, but she couldn't let the conflict deepen.

Wu Qing called Ren Mengfei to the office and said to her, "You always come late recently, is there any difficulty at home?"

"No, traffic jams are not something I can control, and besides, I didn't violate the company's regulations." Ren Mengfei said a little arrogantly.

"I don't mean anything else, don't worry too much." Wu Qing clearly felt the other party's hostility.

"If the manager has nothing to do, I'll go out and do something." Ren Mengfei turned around and walked towards the door.

"Wait, your family lives near the gym?"

"Yes." Ren Mengfei looked at the other party suspiciously.

"That's right, my house is also in that direction. From Monday to Friday morning, you will wait for me at the east gate of the gymnasium. I will drive to work, and I can bring you to the company by the way."

Ren Mengfei didn't expect that Wu Qing was talking about this, but she felt a little embarrassed and murmured, "No, no need...you are the manager, so it's not appropriate to do this."

"It doesn't matter. Although I am the manager, I am your colleague first, so I should help you."

Wu Qing's words made Ren Mengfei suddenly feel feverish on her face. Even though Wu Qing is a manager, she can still treat her as an equal, and her negative behavior really shouldn't be.Afterwards, although Ren Mengfei declined Wu Qing's kindness, she never came late again.

Good medicine tastes bitter, unpalatable advice help line.But in real life, loyal criticism is not as welcome as bitter medicine.Therefore, beauties have to do what a psychologist said: "Criticism must learn to change 'harm' into 'benefit', so that hard contact becomes a soft landing, that is, put some sugar on the 'bitter medicine', and see It seems to have lost its sharpness, but the efficacy of the medicine has not diminished."

Beauties, if you want your criticism to achieve good results, you must learn to work hard on the method of criticism.After a person makes a mistake, the most difficult thing to accept is that everyone will attack him in groups, which will definitely hurt his self-esteem.How to criticize is actually a skill of persuasion and an art of communication.The purpose of criticism is to attract the attention of the other party, so that the other party can realize their mistakes and get back on the right track, rather than belittle the other party.Even if your motives are good and sincere, you should also pay attention to issues such as method and occasion.

In the process of criticism, timely adopt the method of first praise and then criticism, so that the other party can establish the confidence to correct mistakes and establish a new self-image.Because the information he gets from you is that he has advantages, and even if he has mistakes, he can easily accept criticism and correct it quickly.Therefore, the art of criticism can be called "the basic philosophy of women's success".

Criticism is different from swearing, there is an essential difference between them, swearing is a sign of frustration, a sign of a rogue, it doesn't need a high level of skill, just find a shrew on the street to scold very well.It's just that the act of cursing has little meaning other than hurting the scolded or being ridiculed by passers-by.Criticism is different. The process of criticism is a process of argumentation of people and things by the critics standing on a fair standpoint and standing at a certain height by presenting facts and reasoning. It should have rigorous and powerful logic.Therefore, we must not include the behavior of swearing in the category of criticism.

To criticize others, we must give others reasons to be convinced.As critics, we must first strengthen our own cultural accomplishment, have our own unique vision and insights on the people and things we criticize, and treat problems fairly, instead of acting according to the attitude of the same party and against differences.In the process of criticism, we must maintain our personal will and have our own ability to judge.Then, through your own views on the problem, sincerely put forward your own opinions to the object of criticism, and point out the direction in which he should work hard.As long as our views are correct, our opinions are sincere, and our attitude is sincere, how can others not accept our criticism?
No gold is pure, and no one is perfect. As long as you are human, you will inevitably make mistakes.When criticizing someone, you must first let the other party realize your mistakes. When criticizing, you should not insult the other party or use harsh words to demean the other party's personality, but let the other party thank you in a way that is enough and leaves room for the other party. Tolerant and helpful.

Just right silence is more powerful

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Many times, silence is more proud than eloquence.Because silence itself is a language, a language that can convey power and true emotion in silence.

——Anonymous

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There is a saying: "Talk too much and you will lose." Once a word is spoken, there is no way to take it back.Women must control their words, especially sarcasm, and know that the short-term satisfaction you get from stinging words is far less than the price you pay.

In social life, if a woman wants to be liked and respected by others, she must learn to behave and be good at communication.However, communication also depends on the situation. Some women only see the success after talking freely, but they don't see the silence behind the success.Sometimes, silence is more powerful than words. Silence can show a woman's character and make her stand out from the crowd.

Amanda is a beautiful and elegant woman. Although she doesn't wear expensive clothes or jewelry, she always becomes the focus of the crowd wherever she goes.

One day, Amanda was invited to a banquet.There were a lot of people at the banquet, so she sat down in a relatively remote position.At this time, Mina and Susan, who were dressed in gorgeous clothes, came over. Amanda smiled at them friendly, but she didn't want them to stay by her side.Because Mina and Susan like to show off and spoil others even more.

Mina showed off herself as always, and she proudly said to Amanda: "Miss Amanda, has no one invited you to dance? The two of us have been invited to dance twice, so tired!" Amanda wanted to respond, but she Another thought: It's no fun to compete with her, let her talk!So, Amanda didn't say anything, just smiled lightly.

Susan took Mina's words and said: "I think you should buy a decent evening dress. This dress on you looks a bit old, and it doesn't match your temperament very well. At this kind of banquet, you should wear How can you attract men's attention if you are not pretty?" Amanda continued to remain silent, just smiling.

"Oh, your neck is also empty, you should wear some decent jewelry." Mina said while touching the pearl necklace on her neck.In this way, Amanda has been listening to what Mina and Susan said, keeping silent, but always keeping a smile on her face.She felt that as long as the two of them said they were tired, they would stop.

At this moment, the most outstanding man at the banquet came towards them. Mina and Susan were so excited that they kept saying, "Look, he's walking this way..." But they didn't expect that this The man stretched out his hand to Amanda: "Beautiful lady, can I ask you to dance?" Amanda smiled and stretched out her hand to him and said, "Of course!"

Amanda turned her head and smiled at Mina and Susan, and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Then, she stepped onto the dance floor with that outstanding man, while Mina and Susan standing behind them stomped their feet angrily .

"Silence is an invisible force. It is not blindly not speaking, but a well-thought-out, calm and calm posture. It can overwhelm the other party in terms of demeanor and momentum, forcing the other party to lose their composure and bow down." So say the Taoist experts.Corresponding to the above example, we can see that in the face of the irony of Mina and Susan, if Amanda is very embarrassed and depressed, then the other party must be proud; on the contrary, she always uses silence and a smile in the face of ridicule and sarcasm Respond, but in the end he was appreciated by excellent men, and completely overwhelmed those who despised him.

As a woman, if you want to be liked and respected by others in social life, and want to have a place, you must learn to behave in the world, know how to speak, and be good at communication.And the silent language in silence can often show a person's character and make us invincible.

The meaning expressed by silence is rich and colorful, and it exchanged the minimum value in the form of speech for the communication of the greatest meaning.Silence, a short pause in a sentence, is a masterful means of communication beyond the power of words.Just the right silence can receive the effect of "silence is better than sound at this time".

The power of silence should not be underestimated. When you feel that you are powerless to refute, that your words will not work at all, and you don't want to lose your temper, you might as well keep silent.Although chattering in language gives people a feeling of domineering, it is mostly a bluff; while keeping silent seems to be shrinking, but in fact it is confident.The power of silence comes from the advantage of being a latecomer. If you don't make a sound, you will be a blockbuster. After the silence, you will give others a fatal blow.

Therefore, women must learn to be silent at the right time.In silence, we can find our true selves by discovering our own strength.In silence, we enjoy solitude, and every thought in solitude is an ideological advancement; every calmness in solitude is an improvement of our own strength on the road of life!
Introspection makes our hearts stronger
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Self-reflection is an opportunity to review yourself, to re-recognize yourself, and to improve yourself.When the heart becomes pure, our mind will be more powerful.

——Anonymous

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If the flowers in the vase are not replaced frequently, no matter how beautiful they are, they will soon wither. Only by changing the water frequently can the freshness of the flowers be kept. The reason for the freshness of the flowers is the same as that of our body and mind. What method should we use? To purify your body and mind?The answer is self-reflection!
Introspection is necessary for the cultivation of temperament.In modern life, we will inevitably have some dishonorable thoughts in our hearts, such as desires, complaints, selfishness, jealousy, etc., which will make our hearts heavy.But it doesn't matter, we can eliminate these "demons" in our hearts through self-reflection, and make our hearts more powerful!

Self-reflection is an opportunity to review yourself, to re-recognize yourself, and to improve yourself.Learning to introspect is a wonderful way to listen to yourself, treat yourself well, and return to yourself, just like hearing a camel bell in the desert and seeing a lighthouse in the sea.

However, the process of introspection is like dissecting yourself with a sharp scalpel. It is undoubtedly painful, but only in this way can your crux and defects be clearly revealed and the stains on your mind can be removed.When the heart becomes pure, our soul will be more powerful and our temperament will be more charming.

During the Xia Dynasty, Dayu had a son named Bo Qi.Once, the rebellious prince Youhu led his troops to invade the Xia Dynasty, and Xia Yu sent Boqi as the commander in chief to resist.After several rounds of brutal fighting, Boqi was unfortunately defeated.His subordinates were very unconvinced and unanimously demanded to be guilty and fight again.

At this time, Bo Qi said: "There is no need to fight anymore. My territory is not smaller than them, and my soldiers are not inferior to them. In the end, I was defeated. What's going on? I think the fault must be In me, maybe my moral character is not as good as that of the enemy general, or maybe there is a mistake in the method of teaching the army. From today on, I have to work hard to find out what is wrong with me, and it will not be too late to send troops after I correct it.”

From then on, Bo Qi no longer paid attention to personal food and clothing, determined to work hard, cared for the people, respected and appointed talented people, and his city and army became stronger day by day.But a few years later, when Youhu learned of this situation, not only did he not dare to invade again, he also willingly surrendered to Boqi.

It can be seen that a person who is good at self-reflection and self-examination can always keep his body and mind pure. His inner strength is very strong, like a flexible container that can be large or small, and can freely retract and release his own energy. Life must be far from mediocrity, impetuosity and stupidity.

The famous saying of the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates is "know yourself", and he once said this sentence: "a life without self-examination is not worth living." Most of his life is spent in self-examination. His career is his spirit, the spirit of self-consciousness, voluntary, self-discipline and thus freedom, which has been magnified through him.

So, how should we conduct introspection training?The following two points can be used as a reference.

First, take out a small notebook, examine yourself carefully, comprehensively and honestly, and make a list accordingly.Put a plus sign after each positive characteristic of yourself and a minus sign after each negative characteristic of yourself.Go through this list every day and tell yourself, "I want X, I don't want X."

Secondly, through reviewing and reflecting on your own words and deeds, choose some aphorisms and famous sayings, such as "impulse is the devil", "the biggest enemy in life is yourself", etc., and constantly compare and remind, check and correct. Calibrate yourself and keep improving.

In short, being able to control our own heart is a matter of treating ourselves well. We should introspect every day like washing our face and sweeping the floor every day. When our hearts become pure, our hearts will be more powerful, and our hearts will become harmonious and peaceful. Thus forming a charming and decent temperament from the inside out.

(End of this chapter)