Be a Strong Woman: Carnegie's Book of Spiritual Growth for Women

Chapter 8 Conquering Bad Emotions, This Mustang
No matter how good the medicine is, it can't compare with having a good mood.

uncontrollable bad mood
A business assistant returns home full of worries.Throughout the workday she was hectic, distressed, aggressive, and ready to explode.When she stopped working in this way and came home, she brought back with her residual aggression, sleepiness, haste, and worry.She is especially irritable with her husband and family.While it would never be possible to solve work problems at home, she kept thinking about the office.

Emotional entanglement can cause insomnia.A lot of people go to bed with unresolved problems when they rest, and they still want to process things mentally and emotionally, when they are the worst time to do things.

We need a variety of different emotions and psychology during the day.You need to be in a different mood when you're talking to your boss than when you're talking to a customer.After you talk to an angry, tantrum customer, you have to change your mood.to talk to the next customer.Otherwise, the emotions in one situation are entangled in another situation, which is not conducive to dealing with the problem.

A large company found out that one of their assistants answered the phone in a gruff, angry tone for no apparent reason.The call happened to be from an important meeting the company was having.At that time the assistant was in distress and hostility.Needless to say, her angry and hostile, mallet-like tone took the caller by surprise.Of course, this got her into trouble too.People in the company were furious at the assistant's behavior.In response to this matter, the company stipulates that all assistants must pause for five seconds and smile before answering the phone.

Emotional entanglements can also cause unexpected events.Insurance companies and their agents who traced the causes of accidents found that many accidents were caused by emotional entanglements.If a driver gets into an argument with his wife or his boss, if he gets frustrated with something and walks away, he's likely to get into an accident.He drives in a bad mood.He wasn't mad at the other drivers, but as if in a dream, he was in a daze and couldn't concentrate.That's how it is.

You should understand that the really beneficial things are kindness, peace, calm and composure.

Therefore, you might as well clean up your emotions from time to time, so that the previous emotions can evaporate.At the same time, bring a sense of calm, calm, and tranquility into the activity you are about to perform.The effect of this is obvious.

Use your brain to work through emotional baggage
If you are having trouble or setbacks at work, there is no wiser way to think of your sisters who have suffered like you.You should try to take the initiative to make friends with them, discuss common problems, and discuss solutions.Could your YWCA or communal cafeteria have a problem-solving agency?Will the federation have the capacity to address such issues?Can your Human Rights Commission or Ladies International help you?
Find an accomplished man or woman to be your soulmate.His or her success stories may be of some help to you in solving your problems.

Think carefully about how those "rules" ("I should be polite and kind at all times" or "I should not seek personal gain and ask for a raise") bind, constrain, and put you at this disadvantage situation, this is good for you.Can you find a role model for your behavior to emulate?

If you are married and feel burdened and suppressed by conflicts at home and abroad, you must discuss with your family to find a new solution.You can't go to work with a heavy family burden on your back, and your husband and children also have responsibilities.You don't have to feel guilty about it.If you want, make a plan to organize your chores.

You must set aside time for yourself, every Monday evening or at least one Saturday or Sunday afternoon.

A group of married ladies once arranged for groups of five ladies to go to their respective homes on Saturdays for cleaning.While they clean, their husbands help with the children.By the next week, they will be swapped.This seems like an "ingenious" idea, and it is.If you're feeling down, remember, there's always a new solution.

Although everyone will be lonely sometimes, the loneliness of single women is the most representative.Their loneliness is a solid, pessimistic and disappointing loneliness.It is precisely because of the loss of confidence in life that they cannot always get what they want. This negative attitude of disappointment and loneliness is one of the biggest obstacles to overcoming depressed emotions.

Quick but only temporary relief of pain will not do much here. The fundamental way to cure loneliness is to establish friendship with everyone.Friendships need to be connected with people.So time is of the essence here.Take the time to make friends and build friendships.

No one is inferior, the key is how to surpass

There is no one in the world who is not inferior.Whether it is a sage, a rich prince, or a poor farmer, a trafficker, and a pawn.In the subconscious of childhood, they are all full of inferiority complex.

When analyzing the causes of inferiority complex, Mrs. Carnegie believes that there are two main factors: one is that in childhood, one has a strong feeling about one’s own weakness; people feel inferior.

This feeling is more prominent in women.Society seems to have higher requirements for women than men, coupled with the contempt for women in traditional concepts, this contradiction has led to women's serious inferiority complex.

Inferiority is characterized by feelings of inferiority, inferiority, contempt and doubt about one's own abilities.Low self-esteem, as a negative state of mind, is a great obstacle to success.If the degree of inferiority complex is weak, and you have a strong ability to control yourself, then this inferiority complex is easy to overcome.It can even be sublimated into a good character: modesty and prudence, neither arrogance nor impetuosity, which can be transformed into an aggressive driving force.

For some women with heavy and deep-rooted inferiority complex, it is not an easy task.Women with high self-esteem are divided into three types:
First, passive acceptance of fate.They let their feelings of inferiority become reality, admitting and accepting that they are inferior to others and believing that they are not capable.Women who hold this negative view tend to give up their personal efforts and struggles, let their fate dictate, and use various excuses to deceive themselves and others to defend their failures.

Second, give up on yourself.This type of women completely loses confidence, sees no bright future, and does not hesitate to use wrong ways to compensate for their inferiority complex.Due to excessive low self-esteem and too many setbacks, they destroy their own future, drink alcohol, take drugs, sell their bodies, and even join some violent organizations to retaliate against society by destroying them.Obviously, if this kind of women is obsessed with obsession, the end will be very tragic.

Third, have the courage to overcome.They admit the fact that they are not as good as others, but never let this feeling control them.Instead of being pessimistic because of low self-esteem, it is better to turn low self-esteem into a strength to struggle and strive for success.Once there are a few small success records, the inferiority complex will be gradually overcome and self-confidence will be built.Women who hold this attitude, regardless of their own strong ability, can maximize their value.

Inferiority is not an insurmountable moat, but mainly depends on whether you are consciously overloaded.

If every woman with low self-esteem has the courage to change herself, success will gradually become a reality.

Don't let the "bad idea" bird nest on your head
Negative thoughts are pests that devour happiness in life.

All the staff of a certain bank went to a seminar together.The president issued an instruction: each employee must choose one of the one hundred bags next to him and carry it during the two-day seminar.

Clerk Juliet is an old girl who complains constantly every day. She always thinks that she is a very unlucky person and is very upset about everything.According to the instructions of the president, Juliet also took a burden, and felt that this burden was heavier than expected.Looking at the other employees who were talking and laughing happily, she thought that the burden she was carrying must be the heaviest.Thinking of this, she was naturally very unhappy, and the complaint of "Why am I always so unlucky, I wish the seminar would end one day earlier" appeared again.

At night, after everyone was asleep, Juliet quietly went to the place where the bundles were piled.Feeling in the dark, she tried carrying them one by one, and finally found the lightest one. After making a mark on it that only she knew, she went back to sleep.The next morning, when she was taking the bundle, Juliet rushed up and picked up the bundle that she had marked.But, she was surprised to find that this was the same bag she had been carrying the day before and complained about being too heavy.

In a person's life, who will not encounter some unsatisfactory things?It's normal to feel a little depressed now and then.However, people who always feel that they are unlucky and unlucky have a problem.In fact, many problems are thought up by people themselves.Dr. Locke said that there is a disease more terrible than cancer, and that is frequent complaints and dissatisfaction.An optimistic person sees opportunity in all adversity, while a negative person sees only difficulties even in the midst of once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

If there are some negative people around you all the time, then please stay away from them.Because negative thoughts are contagious.If you stay with them for a long time, you will also fall into negative thinking unconsciously.So, please associate with those optimistic people as much as possible.Also, please stay away from people who say "that's not going to work, that's not possible" about things you want to do, it's definitely not for your own good.Because the person who really worries about you is the one who gives you encouragement and advice.

We can't stop a bird from flying overhead, but we can stop it from building a nest on top of us.Bad thoughts are as irresistible as birds flying overhead, but keeping bad thoughts from taking root in your head is something anyone can do.

jealousy can't make you famous
Jealousy is a bad emotion that devours people's hearts like a poisonous snake.

Joan is a senior employee of a large company.Two years ago, she was an ordinary employee of this company, doing the most basic work with a large group of sisters.At that time, she was "on an equal footing" with all the girls. Everyone cared and loved each other, and the working atmosphere was very harmonious.

Now, she's a senior employee, and she feels terribly empty.Everyone alienated her as if she were a monster.Joan was expelled from the "friendship" by the sisters. At first, some girls satirized Joan by using some dresses, but soon this irony escalated into rumors and slander.

Joan lost her footing and had to switch to another company.There, she started from the grassroots again, but she didn't know what her fate would be this time, whether it would repeat itself.

That's the damage typical female jealousy wreaks.

Envy is resentment and dissatisfaction with someone who has better talent, reputation, or circumstances than oneself.Virtue, talent, wealth, and appearance are all triggers for jealousy.

Jealousy is a deformed emotion that arises from the pursuit of ownership.

People often have a mentality of "because you have it, but I don't have it, and if I can't take it from you, I will make it impossible for you to succeed."In the previous example, it is not difficult to see that Joan fell to that point because she surpassed her "equal" friends.

Jealousy is a morbid manifestation of the mind, which is harmful to oneself, to others, and to society, without any benefit.Hegel said: "Envy is the aversion of mediocrity to happiness."

Jealousy is a product of mediocrity.Because mediocre people will realize their incompetence and failure when they see others succeed in their careers. Compared with the two, it is easy to have "disgust" deep in their hearts.As a result, all kinds of attack methods were thrown at the opponent.The purpose of the envious person is to "see the virtuous and think differently", and want to negate others.Facts have proved that jealousy cannot make people successful, it can only show their vulgarity and mediocrity.

Jealousy can be overcome, take Mrs. Carnegie's advice, and you'll be an exceptionally successful and immune woman.

To be liberated from the "ego", one should place oneself in the larger scope of society, adjust oneself with position awareness, and develop a broad heart, indifferent temperament and demeanor.

Focus on doing practical things, not trying to make a name for yourself.Guided by the mind of "success lies in self", immerse yourself in your own business, and don't waste time on being jealous of others.

Make use of strengths and avoid weaknesses, and find another way.Acknowledge the strengths and successes of others, and learn with an open mind.Find your own unique talents, walk your own path, and complete the transformation that does not work and finds another path.

No matter what you create, you can't create depression

On a train, a lady was wearing an expensive fur coat embellished with dazzling diamonds.However, for some unknown reason, she always looked unhappy on the outside.She complained about almost everything, from "the service on this train is really bad, the windows are not closed properly, the wind keeps blowing in", to complaining "the service is too low, the food is terrible... "

Her husband, however, was very different from her, seeming to be a genial, suave, and magnanimous man.He seemed to have a difficult and helpless feeling about his wife's words and deeds, and he seemed to regret traveling with her.

He politely greeted his silent fellow passengers, asked about their industry, and introduced himself.He stated that he was a legal expert, and added: "My wife is a manufacturer." At this time, he had a strange smile on his face.

After hearing what he said, the fellow car was quite puzzled, because his wife didn't look like an industrialist or manager at all.So, the fellow driver couldn't help but asked suspiciously: "I don't know what kind of manufacturing industry Madam is engaged in?"

"It's 'depression'," he went on to explain, "she's creating her own depression."

This gentleman has indeed stated the actual situation very aptly.

Compared with those young girls who are in their prime, urban "yu girls" are at the top of women's life and have more opportunities than ordinary women--educational opportunities, career opportunities, marriage opportunities, promotion opportunities, and opportunities to obtain high remuneration.It is said that such women should be the happiest, but the word they often hear in life is "depressed".

Evidence suggests that women are more likely than men to wallow in worry, and therefore more likely to experience sadness and depression.This also explains why there are so many female depression patients from another aspect.

Diversion of attention can effectively change the unpleasant mood.Such as watching a wonderful sports game, watching a comedy, reading a relaxed and pleasant book, etc.In order to relieve depressed emotions, many people also adopt effective methods such as reading, watching TV, watching movies, playing video games, guessing puzzles, sleeping, and cranky thinking.

There are also some effective ways to suppress depression, such as doing physical exercise, taking a hot bath, eating delicious food, listening to music, going to the street to buy some gadgets, eating something, changing into good clothes, having a new hairstyle, etc. Wait.

Never overeat, drink, or smoke to resolve it.A woman who eats a big meal often regrets eating too much afterwards; alcoholism and smoking inhibit a woman's central nervous system, and her mood will be even more depressed.

Women can also achieve a small success by doing one thing.For example, take care of a long-delayed chore at home, or finish the cleaning and sanitation that you plan to do as soon as possible.These things are easy to do, and when you do, you'll be happier.

Compared with the above, the best way to eliminate depression is to look at the problem from another angle.When a person loses love, he will have the idea of ​​self-pity and self-pity, thinking that he will be helpless from now on.If you think about this love from another angle, it may not be so important to you, and maybe it is really beneficial to you to separate.

(End of this chapter)