Be a Strong Woman: Carnegie's Book of Spiritual Growth for Women

Chapter 15 A Well-mannered Woman Warms Her Life (1)
No matter when and where, you should maintain a tolerant heart.

Upbringing is the most important criterion for measuring a lady
Knowledge is not the same as education.While enriching knowledge, we should be educated women.Pay attention to others seriously, listen to others sincerely, and feel others truly.

True upbringing is not done for others to see, but from the heart; it is not done when someone sees it, and does not do it when no one sees it.Upbringing and habits are closely linked, and good habits will become a conscious action over time, internalized into upbringing.To be educated, one should start with developing good habits.

Working and living with educated people, you will feel harmonious and happy, and often you will be sublimated and moved by humanity.

Mrs. Carnegie said: "I remember one time, a few friends and I traveled in the Yosemite Natural Park in the United States. Infected by Americans' love for camping, we simply packed up the car and joined the American camping team. That is There are more than 100 vehicles and almost 100 camping families and partners in a large open space in a primeval forest. At night, everyone sets up a bonfire, and the smoke rises, like a very enthusiastic and noisy big family. People listen Music, grilling meat, drinking wine... The next morning, I woke up very late, and all the vehicles had quietly left here. I found that there were no traces of more than 100 vehicles and hundreds of people staying overnight .There was no discarded item on the ground, not even a scrap of paper or a leftover bone. There was no leftovers in the sink used for cleaning. I was touched at that moment. I know what education is, It is a kind of life taste and habit that has been integrated for a long time, a kind of demand and expression from the heart."

A well-educated woman is respectable, pleasant, and refreshing.A well-educated woman speaks with a sense of proportion, is not mean to others, does not bargain for a few cents, and does not take advantage of petty advantages.A well-educated woman is dignified and generous in public, not artificial, not frivolous, caring and expressive, and often praises and blesses others instead of envying others.Being with a well-bred woman is always like a gurgling stream flowing, refreshing.

As a mother, a woman's civilized cultivation more directly affects her children and future generations.Just as sociologists pointed out that "the level of women's upbringing is an important criterion for measuring the degree of social civilization" and "the upbringing of women determines the upbringing of a country and a nation."

perfectionist women are fools
No woman is perfect.

Don't fall into the trap of perfectionism, learn to look at the problem from another angle, and give yourself more tolerance and understanding.

The visual beauty will become dull after being familiar with it, but the emotional beauty will last longer.

A woman must really like herself.To like oneself is not to be blindly narcissistic, but to be able to recognize one's own shortcomings and accept everything about oneself calmly, no matter whether it is advantages or disadvantages.People who really like themselves know that the secret of happiness is not to get more, but to cherish everything they have.You will feel that you are so blessed by God, and you are living in this world so happily.This is an open mind, and it is the starting point of your happiness.A woman with such a state of mind will naturally express joy in life, the environment and the people around her.

Learn to accept yourself, accept your flaws, like yourself sincerely, like your imperfections, and like your own personality.You will find that you not only have a more enjoyable life and life, but also gain more charm.

The nature of life is joyful, like blooming flowers, exciting songs, and charming fragrance.Women should be good at discovering the meaning of life and walking into their hearts.There is a saying that is often said: "Love your neighbor as yourself. If you don't love yourself, how can you love others?"

Women should learn to love themselves, don't hate themselves, care for themselves softly and gently, and learn to forgive themselves.

Osho of India said:

"Learn how to forgive yourself. Don't be cruel, don't be against yourself. Then you will be like a flower, which in the process of opening will attract other flowers. Stone attracts stone, flower attracts flower. Then there will be a grace There is a beautiful, wonderful, blessed relationship. If you can find that relationship, it will be sublimated into prayerful prayer, ultimate joy, and through this love, you will realize divinity."

What "Tolerance" Really Means

A woman who knows how to tolerate not only makes people around her feel like a spring breeze getting along with her, but also lives a happy life herself.Having tolerance can make a woman have a charming demeanor, exuding a kind of calmness, peace and self-confidence from the inside out, such a woman is the most beautiful.

Love makes women tolerant. This attitude not only makes others feel relieved, but also treats themselves kindly.Tolerance is a kind of art of life and wisdom of survival. When a woman sees through society and life, she will definitely gain a sense of calmness and detachment.

Susan is already 76 years old, and she never even dreamed that after spending 40 years alone, she would still enjoy the most beautiful family happiness in the world so happily.

Susan once had a son, Little John, but when he was 17 years old, he was accidentally hacked to death by a group of bad kids wandering around the society.During that time, she was very sad, and her heart was full of hatred. Every time she saw those bad children who were disheveled, walked around the streets with a cigarette in their mouths, sang wildly, and even swearing, she would rush to tear their mouths open. impulse.This plunged her into a deeper vortex of pain.Later, at a "soul saving" charity event, she met Paul, who was already an old pastor who was too old to walk.When Paul saw Susan with melancholy eyes, he walked towards her tremblingly, and said to her: "I've heard about you, resentment can't solve the problem. And you know? These children It is also very pitiful, because their parents abandoned them prematurely, people see them through colored glasses, and most of them have not tasted any warmth since the day they were born, let alone know what love is!"

Susan said angrily: "But they took my John!"

"That may have been an accident. Let go of these grudges, if you like, maybe they will all be your little John!"

Susan followed Paul's advice and joined a "soul saving" group.She spends two days a month at a nearby juvenile delinquency center trying to get close to the kids she once hated.Although she was a little uncomfortable at the beginning, after a period of communication, she found that these children were indeed not as bad as they appeared.They long for love, long for warmth, and some even long for someone to be called "Mom".Later, Susan also adopted two black children.She found the shadow of Little John in them.She not only saved these children from a deeper place with her love, but also found the family happiness she deserved.

In the Oxford English Dictionary, "tolerate" means to forgive and sympathize with someone who is at one's disposal and has no right to ask for forgiveness.Tolerance is a sign of a mature woman.Living in a society, living in a crowd, there will always be some friction.For things that you can't figure out, change your position and stand on the other side's perspective to think and judge, and you may be able to find a basis for tolerance.If you can look at the world with a tolerant eye, you will find that green water, green mountains, blue clouds and blue sky are all pleasing to the eye.

If a woman wants to be a wise man in life, she should be open-minded and smile at life.

A tolerant woman is the most beautiful

A tolerant woman is beautiful and can be respected by others. People often describe a magnanimous person with an ocean-like heart.A woman's tolerance is first of all facing her husband.In the long-term family life, the ultimate power to attract each other's continuous love is not beauty or great success, but a person's bright personality.This brightness is the most attractive personality trait in a person, and the foundation of this personality trait lies in the childlike tolerance that a woman harbors.

Tolerance in life can have principles, but tolerance in feelings cannot be measured by principles.Home is a paradise of love, not a court of reason.Only use love to create happiness, use emotion to resolve conflicts, and face the misunderstanding and hurt of your relatives. After the pain of the bones, you still have to choose to be tolerant.

Forgive your lover, as long as the relationship between each other does not deviate from the track of principle.Tolerance is not cowardice, not blindly accepting everything, but generosity and patience based on understanding, so as to solve problems before conflicts intensify. It is a mature state of mind, a manifestation of perfect personality, and the best strategy to solve problems.

First of all, tolerance means not being angry or jealous when dealing with things.There are indeed many contradictions and difficulties in life, but sulking will not help.As long as you think calmly and observe carefully, you will find that our life is bitter, spicy, sour, sweet and salty.If you want to change the facts, you have to learn to face the reality with tolerance, and then find opportunities for transformation.

Secondly, tolerance is reflected in your not demanding of others and being able to tolerate others.Although things that don't go your way will happen at any time, if you can treat others with tolerance, you will have a happy life. Isn't that a blessing in life?Therefore, we should try our best to deal with all kinds of problems in life with a happy mood. Even if we can't bear it, we should restrain our emotions rationally, and finally make big things into small things and small things into nothing.

Of course, tolerance is not without boundaries, because tolerance is not about compromise, forbearance and accommodating. Although sometimes it is necessary to do so, tolerance is more of love.

Only by facing life and life with tolerance can one have a peaceful and calm life, and one can live a more relaxed and free-spirited life.Forgiving others is actually forgiving ourselves. A little more tolerance for others will give us a little more space in our lives.

Don't let anger burn you

Be grateful for life, not angry.

Some couples, from the time they meet and become confidants to the gray-haired walk together, live a poetic life, like love birds chasing each other, relying on each other for life.Even such a couple will inevitably have entanglements and conflicts.

An upright person will be angry when he sees treachery, hears falsehoods, encounters right and wrong, and sees injustice.All kinds of quarrels in the life of husband and wife are largely caused by trivial or trivial matters.Sometimes when a word does not agree with each other, one thing is not done well, or a little work is not done well, it arouses the anger of the other party, and even quarrels.

The relationship between husband and wife can easily be ruined by easy anger or anger.If you want to keep your husband and wife angry and not angry, you must learn to exercise your self-cultivation.You know, it is better than a brave man not to get angry easily.

The literati in the streets and alleys often write famous quotes about ancient and modern times.However, anger cannot be controlled in the face of fire.There are countless examples of couples who have never blushed in their entire lives.Even if your husband does something irritating, don't get angry. "It's hard to regret when you are too angry" means that getting angry hurts your body. This is probably the reason why "being angry is punishing oneself with other people's mistakes".

In fact, overcoming anger is harder than overcoming a stubborn enemy.When there is an incentive to get angry between husband and wife, you have to act according to a famous saying of Plato, which is: "Be patient for a while." "Be patient for a while", when reason overcomes impulse, reason will subdue anger.We advocate three patiences before acting, and don't get angry when you encounter anger.

Anger itself is a form of self-disclosure.When a person is angry, you can observe him carefully, and his true character and character will really be revealed.When angry, they will say a lot of angry words, and the angry words themselves often have a taste of irony and exaggeration, which can easily hurt the other party's heart.

In reality, there are many women who act as a representative of the Harmony faction at home. When encountering irritating things, they often treat them with patience and tolerance.In fact, this does not prove that she is weak, but only proves that she has a high moral character.

Anger between husband and wife often contains acts of revenge.Anger is like a sharp knife that stabs the other person's heart, and this kind of injury is difficult to heal.

Between husband and wife, once one party annoys the other party, he should immediately apologize to the other party, reunite after breaking the mirror, renew the relationship, and respect as before.A little less anger between husband and wife will add a lot of brilliance to life.

Tolerance Improves Your Relationships
The widest thing in the world is the ocean, wider than the ocean is the sky, and wider than the sky is the human mind.A broad-minded person can often get a lot of help and eventually achieve a great career.

Napoleon developed the virtue of tolerance during his long military career.As the commander-in-chief of the entire army, it often happens that soldiers are criticized.But every time he is not domineering, he can take care of the soldiers' emotions very well.Soldiers often readily accept his criticisms, and are full of love and gratitude for him, which greatly enhances the combat effectiveness and cohesion of his army and becomes a powerful force in the European continent.

In one battle to conquer Italy, the soldiers were hard.Napoleon patrols at night.During the patrolling process, he found a patrolling soldier leaning against a big tree and fell asleep.Instead of waking up the soldiers, he picked up his gun and stood up for him.About half an hour later, the sentinel woke up from his deep sleep. He recognized his supreme commander and was very frightened.

Napoleon was not angry, he said to him kindly: "My friend, this is your gun. You have fought hard and walked such a long way. You can be forgiven and tolerated if you doze off. It may ruin the whole army. I happened to be not sleepy, so I stood for you for a while, and I must be careful next time."

Napoleon did not yell, did not reprimand the soldiers loudly, did not put on the airs of the commander, but criticized the mistakes of the soldiers with earnestness and gentleness.With such a generous commander, how can the soldiers not fight bravely?If Napoleon did not tolerate the soldiers, the consequences would only be to increase the soldiers' sense of resistance, lose his own prestige among the soldiers, and weaken the combat effectiveness of the army.

As long as we understand the meaning of tolerance, we will gain a lot.

Shuttle in the vast sea of ​​people, facing a small mistake, often a faint smile, a gentle apology, bring understanding, this is tolerance; , being misunderstood or distrusted by others, but not demanding anyone, discipline yourself with the heart of others, forgive others with the heart of forgiveness, this is also tolerance.

In daily life, when an "opponent" speaks ill of us behind our backs, do we want to wait for an opportunity to retaliate or to be tolerant?When our close friends do something that makes us sad unintentionally or intentionally, do we want to break up or tolerate?Think about it calmly, tolerance is the best.This is beneficial to both ourselves and others.

Some people say that tolerance is a sign of weakness, but it is not.Tolerance that smacks of weakness is not true tolerance at all.Tolerance is a rare good state in life - a state that needs to be practiced and practiced to achieve.

Moderate tolerance is beneficial to improving interpersonal relationships and physical and mental health.A large number of facts have proved that if you will not tolerate others, you will also bring disaster to yourself.People who are too demanding on others or themselves must be in a tense state of mind, forming a vicious circle and harming physical and mental health.Some radicals even lose their minds and cause disasters.And once you forgive others, you will go through a huge psychological transformation and purification process, which will bring about a new turning point in interpersonal relationships, and many worries and depressions can be avoided or eliminated.

Forgive others with self-forgiveness

During World War II, a troop encounters enemy troops in the forest.After a fierce battle, the two fighters lost contact with the troops.The two fighters are from the same town.

(End of this chapter)