Be a Strong Woman: Carnegie's Book of Spiritual Growth for Women

Chapter 16 A Well-mannered Woman Warms Her Life (2)
The two trekked hard in the forest, they encouraged and comforted each other.More than ten days have passed, but there is still no contact with the troops.On this day, they killed a deer and survived a few more days relying on venison meat.But perhaps the war had scattered or killed the animals, and they hadn't seen any since.The little venison they had left was carried on the backs of the young warriors.On this day, they met the enemy again in the forest. After another fierce battle, they avoided the enemy skillfully.

Just when he thought he was safe, he heard a gunshot, and the young soldier walking in front was shot—fortunately, he was injured in his shoulder!The soldiers behind ran over in panic, uttering incoherently in fear, hugging his comrade's body and crying, and hurriedly tore off his shirt to bandage his comrade's wound.

At night, the uninjured soldier kept chanting his mother's name, his eyes fixed.They all thought they couldn't make it through this level, and although they were very hungry, none of them touched the venison around them.God knows how they passed that night.The next day, troops rescued them.

After 30 years, the wounded soldier Anderson said: "I know who fired the shot, and he was my comrade in arms. When he hugged me, I touched his hot barrel. How could I not Got it, why did he shoot me? But I let him go that night. I knew he wanted to eat the venison from me, and I knew he wanted to live for his mother. For the next 30 years, I pretended I didn't know This matter has never been mentioned. The war was too cruel, and his mother still did not survive until the day he came back. I paid homage to the old man with him. On that day, he knelt down and asked me to forgive him, but I did not let him Go on. We remained friends for decades, and I tolerated him."

A wounded soldier knows that his comrades hurt him, but he can forgive his comrades for the sake of his friends. This is the highest state of tolerance.Being able to put oneself in others' shoes when one's own life is threatened, and to forgive others for their mistakes, is a great spirit of repaying grievances with kindness. Such a magnanimous tolerance will surely dissolve all hatred and win a world full of warmth. .

To learn to tolerate others is to learn to forgive yourself; to give others a chance to change is to give yourself a wider space.

open-minded and respected
If a person has capacity, he will have temperament; if he has temperament, he will have more popularity; if he has popularity, he will have more career.Although capacity is born, it can also be learned and cultivated in the day after tomorrow.When we read history, many celebrities and sages sometimes do not praise their achievements, but praise their capabilities.

Women should understand that measure is crucial to fame and career in life.The performance of a capable person in dealing with others is open-mindedness.

The great German writer Goethe once took a walk on a path in a park in Weimar.The path was narrow, and it happened to meet a critic who was hostile to him.They both stopped and looked at each other.The critic said: "I would never give way to a fool."

"I'm exactly the opposite of you, please." After speaking, Goethe stepped aside.

Open-minded people are often optimistic people.The so-called optimism, according to a certain philosopher, means that compared with pessimistic people, it is only because the latter chooses to be pessimistic.

When an open-minded person encounters difficulties, in addition to instinctively acknowledging the facts and getting rid of self-entanglement, he also has a thinking habit of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages.This kind of pursuit of advantages and avoidance of disadvantages is not for utilitarianism, but to maintain a bright and stable mood and state of mind.This is just like what the philosopher said: "The so-called happy person is the person who only remembers the satisfaction in his life; the so-called unfortunate person is the person who only remembers the opposite content." Everyone's satisfaction and dissatisfaction , there is not much difference, but the degree of difference between happiness and unhappiness is quite huge.

Observe and analyze an open-minded person, and you will often find that there is a self-deprecating tendency in his thinking habits.This tendency, sometimes on the surface, manifests itself in a humorous way of getting out of a difficult situation.Self-deprecation is an important way of thinking.Everyone has many unavoidable defects, which is a kind of necessity.People who are not open-minded often refuse to admit this necessity.In order to satisfy this kind of psychology, they are always tensely resisting any external shock that will expose these defects, and as time passes, the psychology becomes fragile.A person who has the ability to laugh at himself can avoid this trouble.He can actively detect his own weaknesses, and he doesn't need to try his best to cover them up.Fundamentally, an awkward situation arises simply because it embarrasses us.To get rid of embarrassment and get out of the predicament, positive avoidance requires great efforts, but self-deprecation provides an easy way for the open-minded to escape-those who surround me are not my enemies in the first place.Thus, embarrassment or dilemma is conceptually eliminated.

Be open-minded to others and yourself

A teacher found that a student often drew something with his head down in class.One day he walked over to pick up a student's painting, and found that the character in the painting was himself grinning.The teacher didn't get angry, but just smiled and asked the students to work on it after class to make the drawing more similar.Since then, the student did not draw any more in class, and he did well in all subjects. Later, he became a quite accomplished cartoonist.

Through the above examples, we can conclude that the protagonist's future achievements are not unrelated to the teacher's tolerance at the beginning.Tolerance is a kind of silent education. It can be said that the subconsciousness aroused by tolerance corrects the rudder of his life.

If the teacher is furious at the students' pranks and criticizes severely, the students may not dare to do other things in class in the future, but scars will be left in the students' hearts, and there may be no later achievements.

In daily life, when someone spreads rumors or speaks ill of you behind your back, do you want to find an opportunity to get revenge on him, or do you not argue with him and tolerate him?When your relative or close friend does something wrong to you intentionally or unintentionally, should you break up with him from now on, or should you bear it silently and tolerate him?If you are a calm person, then you should choose tolerance. Such a choice is good for yourself and others.Because tolerance can not only liberate oneself from hatred and troubles, but also make one's body healthy due to relaxation, and allow us to communicate in harmony and have a good relationship with others.

Open-mindedness is a kind of sentiment, but also a kind of cultivation.Only open-minded people really know how to be kind to themselves and others, and life will be full of happiness.

Notice from the Police Department: Avoid Hate

When we hate our enemies, we give them the power to prevail.That force can interfere with our sleep, our appetite, our blood pressure, our health and our happiness.Our enemies would dance for joy if they knew how they worried us, distressed us, and bent us on revenge.The hatred in our hearts can't hurt them at all, but it makes our lives like hell.

"If selfish people want to take advantage of you, don't bother with them, let alone take revenge. When you want to get even with him, you hurt yourself more than you hurt that guy..."

This may sound like an idealist's statement, but it's not.

The words appeared in a circular issued by the Milwaukee Police Department.

How can revenge hurt you?There are many places to hurt.According to Life magazine, revenge can even directly damage your health.

"The most important characteristic of hypertensive patients is anger," says Life magazine. "When anger persists, chronic hypertension and heart disease follow."

Hate changes our appearance.Some of the women, their faces lined with resentment, distorted with remorse, their expressions stiffened.No matter how beautifying they may be, they do not improve their appearance half as much as they would by filling their hearts with tolerance, tenderness, and love.

Resentment can even ruin our enjoyment of food. "It is better to eat vegetables with love than to eat beef with resentment."

Wouldn't our enemies applaud if they knew that our resentment for him wears us out, makes us weary and tense, mars our appearance, gives us heart disease, and possibly even shortens our lives?
We are to love ourselves.We want the enemy to have no control over our happiness, our health, and our appearance.As Shakespeare said:

"Don't get so hot as to burn yourself because of your enemies."

So remember this sentence.If the enemy makes you angry, it means that you are not sure about defeating the opponent.

Good intentions can change someone's life

Our inadvertent little kindness may change each other's life.Georgette LeBlanc, in his book "Reminiscences of My Life with Mitterlinck", describes the startling transformation of a crude Belgian Cinderella.

LeBlanc writes: "A waitress at the hotel next door brought my meal. She was called 'Dishwashing Mary' because she started her career washing dishes. She was menacing and had squinting eyes , bowlegged, vulgar.

"No one around her likes her, but after a few days of contact, I found that she is not bad at heart, so I felt sorry for her. One day, when she brought me a plate of hollow noodles with her red and swollen hands, I was straightforward Said to her, "Mary, you don't know your riches."

"Mary was accustomed to rein in her emotions. She waited a few minutes, not daring to show any sign lest some disaster befall her. Then she put the plate on the table, sighed, and said subtly: 'Mrs. , I would rather not believe what you said.' She didn't doubt, didn't ask anything else, just quietly went back to the kitchen, repeating what I just said. This is a power of faith that no one has ever given Her good-natured affirmation. From that day she began to be noticed. But the most startling change was in the clumsy Mary herself. Believing in herself some undiscovered virtue, she began to adorn herself carefully, to revive her withered youth and gracefully conceal her mediocrity.

"As I was leaving two months later, she announced to me her impending wedding to the chef's nephew. 'I'm going to be a lady,' she told me and thanked me. A short sentence It changed her whole life."

Out of kindness, Georgette LeBlanc gave "Mary the Dishwasher" a good name to work for—and that reputation did change her.

Almost everyone—rich man, poor man, beggar, thief—will struggle to preserve the kindness that is bestowed on him.

"If you have to deal with a thief," said Louth, Warden of Sing Sing, "there's only one possible way of getting him--and that's to treat him like a respectable gentleman. You must treat him like a gentleman." Then he will be flattered, moved by it, and proud of the confidence placed in him."

These words are too good and too important.If you want to influence a person's behavior without wanting to offend or offend him, remember this rule: treat him with kindness, give him a good name, and make him work hard for it.

Make a good first impression
(End of this chapter)