Be a Strong Woman: Carnegie's Book of Spiritual Growth for Women

Chapter 13 Calmness is the Deepest Taste of a Woman (1)
Same bottle, why do you put poison in it?In the same heart, why should you be full of troubles?
Take everything in life calmly

A calm woman must first allow herself to have shortcomings, admit that she is not perfect, and never expect to win everyone's favor.

This is indeed a big challenge for women who have been educated on "how to be liked" since childhood.Because, usually, a woman has a very strong idea of ​​wanting to get the other person's favor, so if she can't get it, she will feel unhappy.Moreover, it is easy to overreact to other people's criticisms, and even can't help but blame yourself: "Is my popularity so bad?"

In fact, when being criticized, most men will accept it calmly-"Yes, I did it wrong".On the contrary, women will easily blame themselves or blame the other party "why do you hate me so much".

As a result, women tend to react more aggressively to even the most trivial criticisms, as if they were totally dismissed.

Faced with this situation, the first priority is to stay calm.Because the desire to please everyone is too strong, when being criticized, some women will rush to find the reason from themselves: "Why can't I please the other party?" instead of analyzing from the matter itself.As a result, I apologized too much and defended myself at length, which made the other party embarrassed and incomprehensible.Sometimes even at the expense of destroying one's integrity and becoming a laughing stock.

To maintain a positive attitude in life and compete shoulder to shoulder with men in the workplace, women need to abandon the false idea of ​​trying to please everyone and be liked by everyone.In this way, you can develop the ability to distinguish between two kinds of criticism, that is, whether the other party is perceptual criticism without objective basis, or reasonable criticism based on objective basis.And develop the patience that will not feel inferior or displeased even if others do not express good feelings towards you.

The more successful the person, the more he knows that he cannot be favored by everyone.Moreover, it is inevitable to face criticism and obstacles from the opposition in the work.Therefore, as long as we get rid of the idea of ​​trying to please everyone, be ready to accept criticism at any time, and use this criticism to temper ourselves, we will reach the other side of success.

Take unjust accusations lightly

When someone calls you a yellow dog, a poisonous snake, or a skunk, you don't have to turn your head to see who is saying those words.

Even if you and I have been gossiped about, made a laughing stock, lied to, stabbed in the back, or betrayed by one of our closest friends, never indulge yourself Only self-pity.You should remind yourself to think of those things that happened to Jesus Christ.One of his twelve closest friends betrayed him, and the reward he coveted was only 19 dollars.Another of his closest friends publicly deserted him when he got into trouble, and said three times that he didn't know Jesus at all—swearing while saying it.One out of six people betrayed him, that's what Jesus encountered, why do you and I want us to be better than him?
While you can't prevent others from making unfair criticism of you, you can do something more important: You can decide whether you want to be disturbed by those unfair criticisms.

In a speech to Princeton students, Charles Schuweber said that the most important lesson he learned was taught to him by an old German who worked in a steel mill.The old German got into a quarrel with some other workers about the war and was thrown into the river by those men. "By the time he came to my office," Mr. Schuweber said, "he was covered in mud and water. I asked him what he would say to the people who threw him in the river. He replied: 'I just laughed.' '"

Mr. Schuweber said that he later adopted the old German's words as his motto: "Just smile." This motto is especially useful when you are the victim of unfair criticism.

If Lincoln hadn't learned to ignore those who cursed him, he might have collapsed under the pressure of the Civil War.What he has written about how to deal with criticism has become a literary classic.Churchill had this passage framed and hung on the wall of his study during World War II.This passage is as follows:

"If I was just trying to read -- let alone answer all the attacks on me -- this store might as well close up and do something else. I'm doing it the best I know how, and I'm I can do what I can, and I intend to keep getting things done. If it turns out that I am right, it will be of no avail to say that I am right."

When you're unfairly criticized, do the best you can, then put away your broken umbrella lest the rain of criticism run down the back of your neck.

Happiness is not being burdened by material things

The world is so big, and there are so many things outside of the body, women will have desires and dissatisfaction.Desires are endless, and when you reach one level, you still want to climb to a higher level.Desire is a demon. People scramble to pursue material interests, but the results are often unsatisfactory.At this time, what is more exhausting than the busy body is the heart that always wants to get.

Indifference is a kind of noble taste that neglects fame and fortune and is clear about material things.What is fame and wealth, what is left behind when you are lonely;

Most people mistakenly think that money is a symbol of happiness.Maybe you are envious of other people's bungalows, foreign cars and lots of money in your hands.But too many examples prove that money does not make people feel the greatest happiness.You can buy a comfortable bed with money, but not a good night's sleep; you can buy high-end cosmetics, but not beauty; you can buy a beautiful house with money, but you can't buy a happy home; You can buy expensive health products with money, but you cannot buy health.

When women all over the street are holding up the label of "substance", claiming that they are "willing to be a hypocritical woman who lives in a car, rather than an honest woman who walks" "I don't know whether material is moving the world forward, at least it has been Push me forward", society is increasingly calling for women to return to basics.

Most women who are enslaved by material things have strong vanity.Women with this kind of vanity suffer at least two kinds of torture: one is tormented by their inferior status before they achieve their goals.This is a kind of torture of waiting, and it is a kind of torture that is not as good as human beings. This kind of pain is indescribable; the second is that after achieving the goal, I am tortured by the fear of my own truth being exposed.Because people with vanity always maintain a mysterious state when facing their own achievements, and they don’t want others to know how she succeeded, lest others will also succeed after knowing this way, thus posing a threat to themselves .

Therefore, no matter before or after success, their hearts are always in pain, and there is no happiness to speak of.Material things cannot buy happiness. Happiness is not written on your face, but felt from the bottom of your heart.

Control your irrational desires
Greedy and selfish people tend to be short-sighted, seeing only immediate benefits, not hidden crises, or the direction of their own lives.

Reasonable and moderate desires are the driving force for people to work hard and forge ahead. If the desires have deteriorated, they will lose their rationality when encountering temptations.There are some women who used to have a high status in society, in order to satisfy their unreasonable desires, they put their wealth and life into it.

In 1856, a theft occurred in the Alexandria Mall. A total of eight gold watches were stolen and the loss was $16.At the time, this was a huge number.Before the case was solved, Mrs. Lake, who had been in the shopping mall for decades, came here to batch goods and brought 4 US dollars in cash with her.When she arrived at the hotel where she was staying, she heard people talking about the case from time to time.Rumor has it that someone secretly bought and sold stolen goods. You can buy two gold watches for $1, and you can make a net profit of $3 after changing hands.After hearing this, Mrs. Lake couldn't help thinking: "How can there be such a good thing?" The topic of gold watches rang in her ears many times that day.In the evening, she suddenly received a mysterious phone call: "Are you interested in gold watches? To be honest with you, I know you are a big businessman. These gold watches are not easy to sell locally. If you are interested, We can discuss the quality, how about you go to a nearby jewelry store for appraisal?" Mrs. Lake couldn't help but be moved, she thought that the profit of this business was much better than ordinary business, so she agreed to cooperate with The other party met and discussed in detail, and finally bought three of the eight legendary stolen gold watches for $4.

But the next day, after she picked up the gold watch and observed it carefully, she felt that something was wrong, so she took the gold watch to a familiar jewelry store for appraisal.Unexpectedly, the result of the appraisal was that these gold watches were all fakes, all worth only a few thousand dollars.It wasn't until the gang of scammers were caught that Mrs. Lake realized that the gang of scammers had been eyeing her since she entered the hotel to save money, and the topic of the gold watch she heard was also deliberately arranged by them.The scammer's plan was that even if Mrs. Lake wasn't fooled on the first day, they would have many more tricks to trick her until she pulled out the money.

Greedy people often dig their own graves without knowing it.Women must always remind themselves to control their unreasonable desires, because your greed may make you lose everything.

A normal heart, in response to all unsatisfactory things in the world

Since ancient times, nine times out of ten lose the world's affairs, and there is no one in a hundred to be in love with.There are always many unsatisfactory things in life, why work so hard?Why are children so naughty?Why is it always so unlucky? ... These unsatisfactory things, large and small, bother women and deprive them of happiness.

Sit and watch the clouds roll in the sky, and watch the flowers bloom and fall in front of the court.A woman is a sensitive and worrying animal. She should learn to relax and treat unsatisfactory life with a peaceful attitude.Tolstoy told such a story in his famous prose "My Confession":
A woman is chased by a tiger and falls off a cliff, luckily catching a small bush growing on the edge of the cliff during her fall.At this time, she found that the tiger on the top of her head was staring at it. Looking down, there was another tiger under the cliff. What's worse, two mice were busy gnawing the roots of the small bushes that hung her life.

In desperation, she suddenly found a cluster of wild strawberries growing nearby, within reach.So she pulled off the strawberry, stuffed it into her mouth, and said to herself, "How sweet!"

I have to admire this woman very much. In the critical moment of life, she can still enjoy the sweet taste of wild strawberries.In the journey of life, illness, despair, disaster, and misfortune always approach people by coincidence, making people fall into a helpless predicament.Only a woman who calmly faces all the dissatisfaction in life and still grasps a trace of happiness in a desperate situation can truly understand the true meaning of life.

There was a British businessman who was heavily in debt due to business failure, and has been depressed ever since.He was overwhelmed with shame one day when a disabled man who had lost his feet and moved around on a wooden board with wheels greeted him with a cheerful "good morning".Back home, he wrote these words on the mirror that he could see every day: "I was always depressed because I had no shoes to wear; until I saw a man missing a leg on the street!" After that, he regained the courage to live and finally got rid of the predicament gradually.

When sorrow strikes, you may wish to imagine a worse situation than the present, "fight poison with fire", and your mood will suddenly brighten.

Plain is the deepest flavor of life

Life is not a movie, there are not so many vigorous fragments.Ordinary is the most normal life, neither too hot nor too cold, neither extravagant nor short, just right.People who earnestly walk through the journey of life in the ordinary can also achieve success and happiness, and get a magnificent feeling that is not ordinary.

(End of this chapter)