The Devil's Conversation Learning: Instantly Become Friends with Strangers

Chapter 9

For example, the person who hit up a conversation said: "Hello." The person who was hit up said: "Well..." The person who hit up a conversation said: "I saw you over there just now, and I think you have a good temperament, so I came here to get to know you, and I can tell you your phone number. Me?" The hit-up said: "No..." In the opening stage, the hit-up should not directly ask for a number without any communication.Furthermore, the strike-up person should not just praise them when they come up, especially don't say that they have a good temperament.Complimenting good temperament is very outdated these days, especially for girls.

In the opening stage, it is especially necessary to use the correct pick-up language.For example, the person who strikes up a conversation should say: "Hello..." Pause for a while, let the other person have a reaction process, and then say, "I want to get to know you." Or, "Actually, I just want to get to know you." Say: "Oh..." The person who hit me up said: "I just came out of the video store over there and saw you eating ice cream by yourself, so I ran over as soon as my head got hot." A brief description of the process of striking up a conversation can usually bring the most basic sense of security to the other party.

Second, the wrong language in the midfield stage
For example, the person who strikes up a conversation says: "Are you here for shopping?" In the middle stage, strike-ups like this are typical nonsense. They are already shopping in the same street. If you have to talk too much, you have to make a statement again. Turn a thing that is going on naturally into a contract, so that the other party's psychological defense is sharpened. increase.In fact, the root of this nonsense is the lack of security of the striker himself.

Third, the wrong words in the closing stage
For example, the person who strikes up a conversation says: “Leave a cell phone number.” The person who is being approached says: “Okay, 1234567×××.” The person who is approaching a conversation says: “What’s your name?” Look, what happened to that car over there..." In fact, in many cases, the other party is willing to call you, but may not be willing to tell you his (her) real name right away.

Fourth, the wrong conclusion

For example, the person being hit up said: "Goodbye." The person who hit up a conversation said: "Bye, come out and play together when you have time!" Why do you have to add this sentence "Come out and play together when you are free"?The dog's tail continues the mink, superfluous!In fact, they just gave you a chance to get to know each other, and they haven't regarded you as a friend yet. This sentence will make people think that you are self-righteous.Even if you can come out to play, it's best to wait until the time comes, because you are facing a stranger you just met, not a familiar business customer.For customers, being able to hang out together has a certain meaning.For anyone, the emotional state at that time is the most important thing whether they can come out to play.Therefore, the person who strikes up a conversation will appear to be a mother-in-law if she speaks in advance.

In short, the essence of strike up a conversation is to use the correct use of strike up a conversation.Good pick-up language determines whether the other party can interact with you.If the other party doesn't interact with you, your strike up can only fail.

Further reading: Tips for chatting up
(1) Speak politely.First of all, if she treats a polite person, the defensive psychology of the hit-up will be weakened or even eliminated, and she will also speak politely to the hit-up.

(2) Be tolerant of the impolite behavior of the person being taken.The more impolite the other person is, the more you have to smile at her, so that she has no reason to get angry.

(3) Women naturally like to test the man they like.Sometimes they say they hate you, but you should talk to her calmly and find a way to deal with it.

(4) Do not use sensitive words when meeting for the first time.Presumably everyone knows this, no matter where you strike up a conversation, you must remember that women are the most sensitive creatures.

(5) If someone rejects you, remember not to get angry.Because it is you who took the initiative to strike up a conversation with someone, it is understandable that they don't want you to strike up a conversation.So give people a chance to veto you.

(6) Be sincere when striking up a conversation.Bragging about yourself when you strike up a conversation is counterproductive.To make your status very high is to dig a gap between the two and create obstacles for successful strike-up.

04．From the heart, body language helps you strike up a conversation successfully
In terms of communication, body language is more influential than words.Some people have calculated that when interacting with people, 70% of the information is expressed through body language, 20% is expressed through emotions, tone, atmosphere, etc., and 10% is expressed in pure words.Such an important expression, many people have never cared about it.And those master chatters are always smiling, behind sharp eyes, you will never understand what he is doing.He walks with his chest up, his steps are slow and consistent, he speaks very slowly, and he pauses well... Facts have proved that the rich body language and the aura it exudes are absolutely different from the effect expressed by your straightforward narration.

It is impossible for everyone to have good eloquence. Sometimes we can't tell so many jokes and make the other party laugh non-stop, so let's change the direction and become a calm and deep person.We can go from frantically memorizing dialogue to a deeper level of inner control.The phase is born from the heart, as strong as your heart is, so is your exterior.Some people say: "I'm not tall, not handsome, have no money, no status, I really can't be very confident." It doesn't matter, you just need to believe that you are so powerful.Even if you hold on, you can temporarily act as inviolable as a lion!Think of Napoleon, short and not very handsome, but he also had an amazing aura.Body language is very important when interacting with people.In many cases, it is not what you say, but how you say it. The same "hello" can be said in a hundred ways, and the emotions expressed are completely different.The best way to learn body language is not to read books, but to actually watch how other people do it. It is best to have a coach correct your habitual mistakes, such as enrolling in a dance training class.

Overall, good body language conveys a message of confidence, poise, coolness, and even mastery, humor, joy, and the impression that there is a strong and interesting person standing in front of you.This kind of strength and fun is an external manifestation of a good inner foundation, and has little to do with height and appearance.

Paying attention to and improving the body language of striking up a conversation should start from the following aspects:
First, slow down your actions, including your speaking speed, walking, turning around, and even blinking
Steady action is the characteristic of adults, and children are always in a hurry.Some people always turn around calmly and show their hole cards when they are deeply surrounded, and deal a fatal blow to their opponents.

Second, remind yourself to hold your chest up

The simple action of raising your chest can increase your height by 1 cm and shrink your beer belly by 2 cm. This action can also drive the muscles of the whole body to tighten upwards.

Third, use an open attitude

Some people have relatively closed and covered postures, such as catwalking when walking, that is, walking with their legs twisted between each other, crossing their legs back and forth when standing, crossing their legs when sitting, and forming an "eight" shape of their calves.For example, we sometimes see a beautiful woman, but feel that her walking posture is wrong, probably because her legs are spread apart when walking.Men's posture is the opposite, to be open and open.When walking, the legs are separated, so that you can carefully observe the male model's catwalk.Stand with your legs slightly wider than your shoulders.You can observe the posture of American soldiers standing guard. When sitting, avoid crossing your legs and hands, keep your legs open, and put your hands on your legs or on both sides, but don't block your crotch, don't hold your hands, and don't cross your fingers.

Fourth, use exaggerated expressions when necessary

Westerners are very good at this, like raising eyebrows.Chinese people don't know much about it, so they seem to have dull eyes and rigid expressions.A person with rich expressions will make people feel smart; on the contrary, a person without expressions will make people feel dull and stupid.When you look at someone, raising your eyebrows or winking your eyes will create a strong attraction.

The above four aspects can strengthen learning and training in life.In life, we must always pay attention to the expression of our body language.For example, watching movies and TV, and learning the expressions and movements of idols in them, such as Daniel Craig in "Casino Royale 007", belongs to the level of charisma that kills invisible.He never talks much, but he has super lethal power to women, which is all reflected in his expression and eyes, and he must observe and learn repeatedly.Looking in the mirror is also a way to practice your expressions and movements.And ask your friends to point out your habitual bad movements, because you don't always realize it.

Regarding the practice of aura, you must read the book "Aura" by Pick Fill carefully. This is a tutorial that teaches you how to cultivate a strong aura. Although it may not be effective immediately, as long as you persist, you will also Can have strong control and inviolable sanctity.Watching Jiang Wen's movies, his arrogance is his aura.People with a strong aura must pay attention to controlling their hearts. Even if you want the person in front of you to know how powerful you are, don't rush to show all of you.If you keep a little mystery for the other party to discover, the other party will be more impressed with you.So when we strike up a conversation next time, don't be so anxious to show yourself, keep a little mystery, always smile, and let the other party guess what else you don't know.

Remember that sentence, "A phase is born from the heart", as strong as your heart is, you are as strong as you are!Imagine that if you keep improving your body language, one day you might be able to captivate your pick-up target without even saying a word!

Extended reading: You must learn to adapt to the situation when you strike up a conversation
Many people can easily succeed in striking up a conversation.As long as you master the secret of striking up a conversation, whether it is making friends or applying for a job, it is not too difficult.

Don't follow rigid principles when striking up a conversation, but learn to adapt to the situation.Everyone has their own weaknesses. As long as you seize the weaknesses of the person you want to strike up and launch an offensive, then striking up a conversation will become quite easy.Don't push yourself into a corner by talking.Some people are talking and suddenly find that they can't answer their own questions, so their strike-up is a dead end.Therefore, to strike up a conversation, you must learn to adapt to the situation, and use the fastest speed to figure out what you want to say.

Keep improving yourself!Treat striking up a conversation as a kind of fun, regardless of success or failure, just the act of striking up a conversation can make you very happy.Once you understand this truth, and then match it with a suitable topic, success will not be far away.

05．Beginners strike up a conversation, prepare for interaction

Some people have studied the success rate of strike-up and think that 50% of the success of strike-up comes from self-construction in the early stage, 30% is your first step, and the remaining 20% ​​is the content when you interact with the other party.According to this ratio, the important thing is not what you say, but some previous preparations.Some rookies who strike up a conversation don't know what to say when they strike up a conversation, and they fail miserably in the end.The reason is actually that they failed to make good use of their various conditions, and did not capture useful information, let alone use these valuable information that can continue to strike up a conversation.

The ways and techniques given below are enough to make your strike-up conversation go on smoothly, and I hope you can experience it carefully.

First, find out the location where it appears for the first time

If you want to have a good interaction, you must find the location where it appears in the first place.Under normal circumstances, 30% of the factors that affect the success or failure of the entire strike-up are the first step of the cut, that is, to see where you appear on the other side, whether it is one side, or front, middle, or back.A more suitable position is about 1 to 1.5 meters in front of the opponent's side, cutting in with an arc trajectory.The advantage of doing this is that you are already within the sight of the other party and do not pose any threat.If the other party doesn't stop to listen to you, you can turn around and walk side by side in the direction the other party is going, so that your body can be at the same level as the other party, and you can chat with the other party with your head looking forward, walking like a friend.

If you stop the other party from behind when you strike up a conversation, the most common reaction you get is that the other party turns around and looks at you lightly, then turns your head and continues to walk forward. At this time, if you catch up again, it seems too deliberate and too demanding strong.In other words, you've lost an opportunity.If it appears from the side of the other party in a straight line, it will often startle the other party. If you are in a good mood, they will be willing to listen to you. If you are in a bad mood, they will look at you in panic and then leave immediately. Open, because your appearance has already constituted a threat to the other party.It can be seen that if you cut in from the rear or from one side, you have already lost a step.

Second, master the loudness of speaking

Many people like to use their hands and feet when speaking, drooling all over the sky, but they don't take into account the feelings of the audience.In addition, there are some people who don't pay attention to the habit of speaking, and make loud noises everywhere, with too high a volume, and don't even know that they are hated by others.If you don't grasp the corresponding energy level of the first sentence or word you strike up a conversation with, the response you get will be very different.Therefore, it is very important to control the loudness of speaking and say the first sentence and word well to achieve the best opening.

Loudness is one of the properties of sound or noise.Strong noises usually have larger pressure changes, while weak noises have smaller pressure changes.Relatively different environments should use different speaking loudness.For example, in Starbucks or other quiet places, the noise of the surrounding environment is relatively low, and you only need to have a slightly higher energy to start the scene.In this environment, the other party can hear your content without being too loud. If you use a high level, other people will notice you, which means your strike-up will fail.Because you will focus the eyes of the people around you on you, and it will also make the person being approached feel social pressure, and the high-volume cut-in will also make the other person very uncomfortable.For another example, on the street or in a shopping mall, the surrounding noise is relatively high, and the other party may not be able to hear or know what you are talking if the voice is too low.Another point is that the loudness of speaking depends on the state of the other party at the time. For example, the other party is contemplating and walking very slowly. It is not suitable for you to start with a very high volume of voice.

Third, use footsteps to stop and create a benign interactive atmosphere

What really makes the other party stop and communicate with you is actually your own footsteps, not other things.Under your leadership, the opponent is willing to follow your footsteps to slow down and stop, and to stop with your footsteps.The correct way is to stop the opponent at the first step of the cut, then try to make the opponent stop; but if the opponent does not stop because of this, walk with the opponent for a short distance first, and then slowly slow down your own pace To stop, until the other party also slows down and stops moving; if the other party does not slow down, you repeat the operation until neither party moves, and the meaningful interaction begins at that moment.

Many friends like to use their bodies to hinder the progress of the other party when they strike up a conversation. This is a very impolite behavior.As soon as you walk over, block your head or body in the path of the opponent, making the opponent feel that you are approaching with improper attempts, which has greatly affected your success rate.In fact, under normal circumstances, receiving the other party's number during the strike-up must be when the other party stops to interact with you, and it must not be the other party telling you the number while walking.If the other party reports the number to you while walking, there are only two situations, one is that the number is fake, and the other is that the number is invalid.

Fourth, pay attention to the feedback information
(End of this chapter)