The Devil's Conversation Learning: Instantly Become Friends with Strangers

Chapter 8

Skill training for both sides

——How can you captivate others without good eloquence
One thing is beyond doubt, that is, the skill of striking up a conversation directly determines the success or failure of a strike-up.So in this chapter, let's learn some common strike-up skills together, and learn from those master strike-up strikers.Such as: the skills of choosing the target and location of the strike-up, how to make a good first impression, body language skills, skills of each link of the strike-up, humor skills, praise skills, workplace strike-up skills, etc., are covered in this chapter.These strike-up skills are practical and easy to operate, if you comprehend them carefully and practice them bravely, you will surely succeed.

01．Two elements for a successful chat: choose the right place and find the right person

We know that chatting up refers to actively communicating with strangers, which is a way of communication between people.The purpose of striking up a conversation is to express what you want to say to strangers skillfully and reasonably, which should bring happiness to both parties. This method emphasizes sincere communication in the heart.And to strike up a conversation with people, the most important thing is to correctly choose the target and location of the conversation.Two strangers are closed to each other before there is any communication.Only by rationally judging and grasping the target of the strike-up conversation and choosing the place to strike up a conversation reasonably, and then dare to muster up the courage to communicate with the other party through an appropriate channel and open the closed shell of the other party, then you may have further development with the other party, and your You can get off to a good start by striking up a conversation.

First, rationally judge and grasp the target of striking up a conversation
How to rationally judge and grasp the target of strike up a conversation?Some people think that the difficulty of striking up a conversation is not in striking up a conversation, but in the process of finding a target.Finding a suitable target is really time-consuming, as long as you find the target, the next step will be a breeze.

If you want to accurately judge and grasp the target of strike up a conversation, you must follow some basic principles.In fact, only by looking for someone to strike up a conversation with a definite purpose can we achieve real success.The objects of chatting up are strangers, including not only women, but also men, even men, women and children.If a person wants to strike up a conversation, he must first understand what kind of person he wants to find.Many people don't know the person they want to strike up a conversation with, so they strike up a conversation aimlessly.When he succeeds in striking up a conversation, he feels that the other party is not suitable for him, so he will choose another target.Still others find it interesting to strike up a conversation with a stranger.When you see someone to strike up a conversation with, don't rush forward, take some time to see if the other person is someone you can strike up a conversation with.Don't really wait until you strike up a conversation to observe. Not only will it be too late, but you will also lose your chance of success.

Also, and most importantly, the choice of a pick-up target is based entirely on judgment.A good chatter can tell whether a person is interested in him or not by the expression and eyes of the other person.If you don't have such a keen insight, you can lower the difficulty, and you can at least judge whether the person you want to strike up a conversation with is cheerful or closed, and whether he is in a good mood or in a bad mood.Generally speaking, the success rate of flirting with cheerful people is higher than that of closed personality, and the success rate of flirting with people in a good mood is higher than that of flirting with people in a bad mood, so we must be judgmental when choosing a target.

Second, choose a place to strike up a conversation reasonably
How to choose a place to strike up a conversation reasonably?From the scope of application, asking for directions, asking for a phone call, chatting, etc. are all strike up conversations.But some people say that they don't know where is the best place to strike up a conversation. In fact, every place has its unique and favorable conditions for striking up a conversation.In fact, there are many places to strike up a conversation.Listed below are some pick-up locations for those who strike up a conversation to choose by themselves.

University campus: The campus is a relatively simple environment, so girls will feel at ease when approaching the opposite sex.The self-study room is a place where students gather, and the mobility is not strong, allowing you to seize the opportunity.

Library: You may wish to check the schedule of lectures and other lectures to see when and who will attend the lectures, so as to find the target to strike up a conversation with.

Bookstore: The environment of the bookstore can make people feel safe, and people who love to read can give people a good feeling, so the bookstore is a good place to strike up a conversation.

On the bus: The bus is a good place to strike up a conversation, but it also requires the most courage, because people's vigilance is very strong on the bus.There is a problem to pay attention to when chatting on the bus, that is, you don't have much time, and the other party may get off the bus at any time.It is recommended that you tell the other party which station you got off at first when chatting, and then ask the other party at which station you got off, so that you can effectively grasp the progress of the conversation within this limited time, and get the contact information before the other party gets off the bus .If you have a lot of time, or are not in a hurry to do something, when you see the opposite sex you want to meet at the bus stop, you can follow the other person on the bus, then sit next to her, and find a chance to talk to her.In addition, subways and trains are also good places to strike up a conversation, and the method is similar to that of a bus.

On the plane: most people on the road are lonely, as long as you take the initiative to talk to them, the other party is generally very happy.A strike-up expert said that when he was applying for a boarding pass at the airport, he never rushed to queue, but sat down in the rest area first.When he saw the target to strike up a conversation with, he hurried over to line up behind the target.This way, he is seated adjacent to the target.

Civic organizations, religious groups, political groups, charities: these organizations meet regularly and are great places to meet new people.They always need a little help with their events, so take advantage of this opportunity by volunteering for their events, like using your car to pick up dancers or deliver things.In this way, you can meet the opposite sex who will participate in the event.

Barbeques, parties, holiday celebrations: try bringing a beer or a grill.Since you brought the grill, of course you have to be busy grilling, so that you can distribute the grilled food to the opposite sex's plate and increase your chances of contact with the opposite sex.

In addition, jewelry stores, fashion shows, wholesale jewelry exhibitions, health clubs, gymnasiums, dance studios, seminars, public speaking venues, self-help conferences, museums, antique stores, gardening shows, flower shows, photography shows, art shows, chamber music Recitals, baroque concerts, concerts in parks, lectures, seminars, dining places near office buildings, business centers, parent meetings, playgrounds, theaters, laundromats, beaches, swimming pools, resorts, tourist areas, shopping Centers, supermarkets, green food stores, singles meetings, clubs, dance parties, etc. These places where we can strike up a conversation are often encountered in our lives.

After choosing the place to strike up a conversation, it is time to enter the real conversation.You can look for opportunities to strike up a conversation based on different locations, and follow the opportunities carefully.Smart chatters know that in many cases "location" is the best chatter weapon.If you can make use of the scene, you are in a "favorable strike-up state", and this kind of strike-up can reach its peak.

In short, the choice of the target and location of the strike-up is particularly important.Judging the target of the conversation, choosing the location of the conversation, and being brave to "strike out" will help you convey the most direct belief in the process of striking up, bring you confidence, win the trust of others, and improve your psychological adjustment ability.And this kind of strike-up result is exactly what you need.

Further reading: Keys to a successful first strike-up
(1) Brewing courage.Courage runs through the thread of approaching from beginning to end, and if you don't have the guts to talk to a stranger, you'll never start your first approach.

(2) Accurate target.You have to learn to choose your goals. Choosing the wrong one may embarrass you, or it may cause you unnecessary trouble.Generally speaking, you should choose a simple goal for the first time to strike up a conversation, and wait until you have accumulated enough experience to choose a difficult goal to overcome.

(3) Quickly.There is a "3-second rule" for chatting up a conversation, which means that when you meet a stranger for the first time, you must approach the stranger within three seconds. scare away.

(4) Emergency wisdom.When it comes to wisdom, there should be no need to explain it. This point is a necessary quality for all who want to achieve a wonderful life. In the process of striking up a conversation, you must have the ability to be resourceful or make the other party interested.

Although the above qualities are not born with you, you can hone your courage and wisdom through continuous practice, and become a master at picking up conversations through continuous learning and summarization.

02．A good first impression is the beginning of a successful conversation

When meeting someone for the first time, your approach skills can make or break your first impression.The first impression is the impression formed by the two parties based on the other party's expression, posture, body, appearance and clothing.In the process of communicating with people, the initial impression about the other party is called the first impression.The first impression is not always correct, but it is always the most vivid and firmest, and determines the process of future exchanges between the two parties.

First impressions are often the cornerstone of a relationship.If you can use your pickup skills to make a good first impression, you're halfway there!
In order to let you leave a good first impression on people every time you strike up a conversation, the following is an in-depth analysis of various factors and angles, so that you can succeed every time you "strike out", have excellent popularity, and a beautiful relationship!

First, make a good impression with a smile
The quality of the first impression depends on the feelings of the expressions of the two parties when they first meet.Psychology believes that "smile" is a sign of "acceptance".In other words, when you smile, it is equivalent to telling the other party "I will not harm you" and "I am not hostile to you".The expression on the corner of the mouth and the smile on the eyes can make a good impression.But if there is no smile when you meet for the first time, it will make the other person feel nervous, thinking that you are unfathomable and harboring evil intentions, and find it difficult to get close to you.The expression with the corners of the mouth raised and the eyes smiling is a sign of goodwill.When you keep smiling and looking at the other person, you can dispel the other person's vigilance.

Second, similar clothing is conducive to shortening the distance between the two parties

Dressing is an important factor in first impressions.Dressing similarly can shorten the distance, but if the difference is too large, it will cause distance.We can judge the difference between this person and that person in an instant, and we can also immediately feel who is the same as us and who is different from ourselves.And from the way a person dresses, you can roughly know the personality of this person.Maybe you think such a judgment is too subjective, but this is the so-called first impression.People who have always been sensitive to color will make an impression based on the color of the other party's clothes, while those who are sensitive to fashion will judge based on fashion sense or matching accessories.If the taste is the same, there will be a sense of intimacy, and of course there will be a sense of alienation if the taste is different.

Third, the openness of the posture determines the timing of the conversation
Whether you can speak or not often depends on your posture.If you are receptive to the other person and show an open attitude, the time between meeting and starting a conversation will be shortened.If you stand in a relaxed posture, facing the other person directly, it will make people feel approachable.Conversely, if you clasp your hands behind your back or cross your arms across your chest, it will create a sense of separation.If you hold the bag in front and face each other, although your hands are not crossed, it will still give people a sense of distance.It is best to carry the bag on the shoulder, so as to leave a first impression that is easy to get close to.

Fourth, answer other people's questions and be responsive
When talking with people, in order to relax the tense atmosphere, we must strive to create a warm feeling.Don't ask questions that require a simple "yes" or "no" answer.Only when the questions are asked interestingly and interestingly can others have the enthusiasm to answer them, and the conversation between the two sides can continue in a pleasant atmosphere.

Fifth, get rid of the "stranger" complex
You don't need to put on a show when you're with strangers, but you do have to show your sincerity.In fact, everyone feels uneasy when talking with strangers, and must first let go of the stranger complex.

Sixth, interpret the atmosphere of the scene and the mentality of the other party

Avoid talking about annoying topics, don't be alone with your opinions, and learn to listen to others.Interpret the atmosphere of the scene and speak at the right time.Even if the other person's reaction is not very enthusiastic, you don't have to feel frustrated.It is impossible for us to please everyone, but there must be a chance of redemption, and your attitude should be optimistic.

Seventh, stick to the three-second strike-up rule
Each shot does not exceed three seconds, which is right.However, these three seconds are very short, and you only have these three seconds, so these three seconds are the most important conditions you must consider, and sometimes it can even violate the three-second strike-up rule!Because there is only one result if you make a shot in the wrong situation, and that is failure!Although it is only a momentary observation and analysis, it seems simple, but it is very important.If the time is not ripe, it is best to wait for the next appropriate opportunity to strike up a conversation.

Eighth, pay attention to the details

The so-called "details determine success or failure."Details include: is she dressed stylishly or modestly, is she dressed sexy or tightly, is anxious or deadpan, refreshed or empty-eyed, natural or curly hair, is she wearing sneakers or sandals, standing in a bookstore Standing at the entrance of the disco, sitting in the store by the window or sitting in the innermost part of the store, looking ahead or looking left and right, carrying a bag or not carrying a bag, etc. There are too many details of how to strike up a conversation!If you think about it carefully, you will find that many small things can allow you to understand a person and make a correct judgment.

In short, for the first impression, people without self-confidence must first shape their personal style.You have to decide in advance whether you want to make a friendly, good impression or a strong, memorable impression, and then you can express how you want to feel every time you meet a stranger.Just remember the golden rules above regarding facial expressions, posture, etc., and you won't be embarrassed.As for dressing, if you are an expressive person, you must dress with personality and beauty.

Further reading: Things to keep in mind when making a first impression
(1) When chatting with women, talking more is not always better.You know, women nowadays are very smart, and your thoughts will never escape their eyes.

(2) Concentrate and make a good impression.Almost everyone is sharp when it comes to meeting strangers, so if you want to make a good first impression when you strike up a conversation, you must pay attention.Maybe you don't think it's dangerous to sneak a glance or smile at someone, but please believe that the consequences of doing so are serious.

(3) Be sincere when speaking, and it is best to look people in the eye.Sometimes the details are more important than everything else. If you are sincere, you will say what you want to say more appropriately and perfectly.

(4) Don't commit childish illnesses, and treat each other seriously.You can't do things that will make the other party feel frivolous, otherwise, it will be difficult to restore your good image.

03．Increase the probability of success in chatting up, don't be defeated by the words used in chatting up

Picking up a conversation is a probabilistic event, with mixed success and failure.In other words, the same time, place, occasion, and opening remarks, but there will be different results.Oftentimes, the deadliest mistake is the wrong strike-up language.Although many people are very courageous, they bravely go up to say hello when they see a person they feel good about, but the success rate is very low due to improper strike-up language.Over time, no matter how confident people are, they will lose confidence, thinking that they have a problem with IQ, and they will not be able to attract the other party no matter what!In fact, such people often make a common mistake, that is, they don't pay attention to the language used to strike up a conversation.Maybe his language is very polite, but it is out of date, does not conform to the psychology and taste of the other party, and appears very rash and abrupt.

Now, let's analyze some common wrong words in the first conversation, so that you will no longer panic and make mistakes when you strike up a conversation!

First, the wrong language in the opening stage
(End of this chapter)