The Devil's Conversation Learning: Instantly Become Friends with Strangers

Chapter 10

Pay more attention to details, grasp the details, and cater to the information given to you by the other party, which will make chatting more interesting.In the scene of striking up a conversation, many people will put all their concentration on themselves, forget the melody of the interaction, and fail to pay attention to the feedback given to them by the other party.The definition of interaction is two-way. If you are the only one who is planning the whole strike-up and the other party does not participate in it, it can only be regarded as a unilateral initiative at best.A good chat is that the other party will also give you a lot of reactions, and you have to select subtle information from them to respond to the other party, so that the interaction can increase.What is the subtle message?For example, the other person stops to listen to you, arranges his hair, asks you a question, moves forward to you, or crosses his feet, etc. These are all very valuable signals to pay attention to.

Another point worth noting is that at the beginning your body can only be facing 45 degrees, which is the most perfect angle.The reason is simple, it can mask your sense of need without making the other person feel oppressed.When the other person is facing you, it is polite to turn your body toward the other person.If the other person is facing you head-on, and you are still facing the other person sideways or with your shoulder, this is very bad. Apart from being impolite, the other person will easily lose interest in you.

Fifth, courtesy and respect
Use attitude to gain favor.Attitude runs through the entire chatting process, and it is especially important at the beginning, because it determines your communication mode in the future.But no matter what attitude you use, there is a principle that must be followed, that is, politeness and respect. This is not only used in striking up a conversation, but more reflected in your social behavior.

The behavior of striking up a conversation is actually very particular. We should try our best to use polite and respectful language to gain a good impression.If you have a bad attitude and tasteless language, it can become obnoxious.Therefore, be very particular about the choice of words.For example, "Can I have your number" is very different from "We can leave a contact information".In addition, when it comes to politeness, in fact, smiling is the best way to reflect politeness, which is actually very important.

Sixth, pay attention to the warning distance

When a stranger approaches you, no matter what state or intention the other party is in, you will turn on the automatic protection mode to protect your own safety.When you don't know the other party's intention, the closer you get, the more uneasy you will be and your defensive awareness will increase.So when striking up a conversation, you must leave a certain distance for the other party, so that everyone is comfortable.Generally speaking, the most accurate distance is 1 to 1.5 meters, which we call the early warning distance.

The main function of the warning distance is not to scare the other party away, so that the other party has enough safe space to continue interacting with you.Due to the various forms of crime, the sense of connection between people is not deep. Although you approach with good intentions, in the eyes of the other party, it is equivalent to a prelude to crime.Therefore, it is very necessary to reserve a safe distance for the other party. First of all, let the other party feel that the environment and atmosphere of interacting with you is safe, so that they will be willing to continue to listen to you, otherwise the best communication skills will not help.

Is the distance as far as possible?of course not.If you are too far away from the other party in a relatively active and noisy environment, the other party will not notice your existence, or the other party will not notice you until you are talking, which will appear embarrassing.Many people strike up a conversation when they are still a certain distance away from the other party. As a result, the other party does not respond. The people next to them feel that this person is talking to themselves, but instead magnifies themselves into the focus and adds more attention to themselves. social pressure.

Seventh, clever use of sign-collecting terms

The purpose of striking up a conversation is to leave contact information, so that everyone can have further contact in the future.If there is no contact information, then this approach is not considered a successful approach.Therefore, attention should be paid to the language in which contact information can be exchanged more naturally without appearing overly demanding.Many friends will ask: "Do you have a mobile phone?" "Can you tell me your number?" If the other party answers you "I don't have a mobile phone" or "Can't", then the strike-up is over.So try to avoid this from happening.In fact, we can change the terminology: "We can leave a contact information, and we will get to know each other better next time when we are free." Such a request has changed from a unilateral act to an act of mutual intention.

In short, the process of striking up a conversation is linked together.Operate according to the requirements in the above process, do a good job in every link, and it can be said that a complete strike-up is not difficult to do.

Further reading: Key steps to determine the success rate of strike up

Generally speaking, after the basic appearance and clothing meet the passing standard, the theoretical success rate of strike-up can reach about 50%, but those who have had dozens of strike-up experiences will definitely find that the distribution of this probability is very different. Average: Some occasions will fail again and again, but some occasions can even achieve a success rate of more than 90%.Traditionally, the success rate of striking up a conversation is high in an elegant and quiet environment, and the success rate is low in a noisy environment.Generally speaking, in order to strike up a conversation successfully, you need to follow the following 4 key steps.

(1) Please learn to try to figure out the girl's mood more than simply observing the environment.This experience is equally important in follow-up.

(2) For ordinary strike-ups who have no advantages in appearance and height, it is completely possible to achieve a high success rate by choosing the right timing and practicing their own details.

(3) To strike up a girl with an impetuous mood, the person who strikes up a conversation must look like a Hollywood action movie. She didn't see the explosive car for 3 minutes, and she left the scene yawning.

(4) Pick up a girl with a relaxed mood, and the pick-up can be like a European literary film.Maybe there is nothing eye-catching for two hours, but a wonderful dialogue and a subtle shot are enough to make her stick to the end.

06．The opening words for striking up a conversation are different in different occasions

The opening remarks are the first step in the substantive stage of striking up a conversation, which can be divided into direct opening and indirect opening.The so-called direct opening is to use concise and direct words to start a conversation, which is suitable for occasions where there is no reason to speak at all.For example, if the target is a beautiful woman walking in a hurry on the street, the classic words are: "Hello, I want to know you." Although the words are blunt, they are very practical.The reason for using a direct opening is that there are too many salesmen and scammers in today's society, so you must first express your intentions, otherwise people will not feel safe; moreover, our culture has been "reserved and euphemistic" for several years, and everything pays attention to speed Today, sometimes expressing the intention directly can show a unique charm; in addition, what is important to strike up a conversation is eye contact, and the direct opening method allows each other to quickly screen.

The so-called indirect opening is also called natural opening. As the name suggests, it is to use the current scene to start a conversation with the other party. It is suitable for nightclubs, bookstores, exhibitions, travel, and friends' weddings.For many people, indirect opening remarks are easier to start with, and are more in line with our habit of talking to strangers for the first time.There are many indirect openings that are common in our daily life. For example, if you are going to a place and don’t know how to get there, you need to ask others for help; or for example, if you are traveling in a place and you need to take pictures, then you need to ask others for help. You take pictures, and those are indirect conversation starters that we use a lot.The reason why the indirect opening is used is that for the striker and the person being approached in the same space, if the strike-up is unsuccessful, both parties will be embarrassed, and the indirect opening is conducive to the rapid evacuation of both parties.

Whether to use a direct opening or an indirect opening should be determined according to the actual situation.So, how to say your opening words well when you strike up a conversation on some common occasions?The following guiding practices are sure to be helpful to you.

First, the opening remarks of chatting in the mall
To strike up a conversation in a shopping mall, you can choose a relatively open place with less crowds, and go directly to the selected strike-up partner and say, "Hi, I want to meet you."

Second, the opening remarks of the street chat
Be sure not to shoot in places where no one is around, especially at night, try to find a place with street lights before opening your mouth, so that you will appear open-minded and aboveboard.Because for everyone, it feels less safe to be on the street than in a mall.When approaching a conversation on the street, it is better to use a direct opening: "Hello, I want to meet you." If you can, you can leave.

Thirdly, opening remarks for chatting up in cafeterias, study rooms, cafes, and fast food restaurants
When striking up a conversation on these occasions, you can go directly, sit down first, and then directly ask: "Hello, I actually want to meet you, can I sit here?"

Fourth, the opening remarks for striking up a conversation on a bus, in a subway car, or on an airplane
It is best to use an indirect opening to start a conversation on these occasions, such as: "Can I borrow your magazine?" "Your mobile phone is very beautiful." If you use a direct opening, the trouble is that you cannot leave immediately when you are rejected, because Whether it is in a car or an airplane, both you and the other party will feel very uncomfortable.If you really can't find a topic, but you want to get to know the other person very much, then follow the other person to get off the car or plane together, and then start directly on the road.

Fifth, the opening remarks of the campus chat
On campus, you can choose to start directly or indirectly.For example, when approaching a target with a drawing board on his back, the indirect opening may start with talking about art, while the direct opening is to first express the intention of coming, and after confirming that the target is friendly, then talk about painting.Many students have a misunderstanding, thinking that a direct opening will reduce their first impression on others, while an indirect opening can give them more opportunities to show their inner beauty.In fact, the only advantage of an indirect opening is that it does not embarrass the other party, and it has little effect on your own image.

Sixth, the opening remarks of the strike-up during the trip
During the journey, because everyone has more time, you can divide one step into two steps to create the best time.For example, on the train, eating and going to the bathroom are good opportunities. You might as well give way in the aisle, smile when you line up, and meet again later, and you can naturally chat.In fact, the meaning of doing this is to make the other party not embarrassed.

Seventh, the opening remarks in the bookstore
In the bookstore, because the environment is relatively quiet, you should first ask the other party in a low voice: "Is this book good?" The other party will usually have three reactions. One is to have a positive attitude, so just keep chatting all the way; But you don’t have the attitude of refusing, then you immediately resume the direct opening "Actually, I just want to know you"; the third is that the answer is cold and indifferent, then you just walk away.

Eighth, the opening remarks of the wedding or social occasions
In weddings or social occasions, you must not use a direct opening method, because this will not only embarrass the person you strike up a conversation with, but more importantly, it will also affect the image of the event initiator.A safe way to strike up a conversation is to start with self-introduction, for example: "I am the groom's middle school classmate, where are you from?"

The strike-ups listed above are only for some different occasions. In fact, there are many other occasions, but just remember the general principle, that is, choose different opening methods according to the actual situation of different occasions.One problem here is that any occasion will encounter complex situations.So, how can we strike up a conversation effectively in different situations?Here are three key points to keep in mind.

First, when approaching a lady who is waiting for someone, don't ask her whether the friend she is waiting for is male or female, this is a boring question.As long as the target is friendly to you, ask for the phone number before continuing the conversation.You must know that when her friend comes, even if it is a woman, you may not have a chance.

Second, it is best not to strike up a conversation with someone who is working.We all have the opportunity to get to know ordinary people in our lives, such as shopping guides, people at the front desk or people in neighboring companies.However, because their social identities and workplaces are relatively exposed, and the establishment of a sense of security requires mutual information symmetry, so when expressing intentions, the strike-up person should also tell the other party relevant information, which can greatly increase the success rate of strike-up improve.For example, in the face of a girl who is a shopping guide in a clothing store, after she recommends clothes to you, you can say: "I work in IT and rarely go out. Next time, actually, I really want to know you.” In addition, I would like to remind you that when asking for contact information, try to avoid the other party’s colleagues, so as not to cause trouble for the other party’s work.In the same way, street friends don't have to introduce themselves like this as soon as they come up, otherwise they will look a little silly.

Third, direct opening does not mean directly asking for a phone number. "Hello, I want to get to know you", after this sentence is finished, a communication process is still needed.If you feel good, leave your contact information, and if you feel bad, you will voluntarily withdraw. Picking up a conversation is not just to ask for an account.

In short, it is not difficult at all to start a conversation. In fact, it is the normal state of your usual communication with people. You just try to understand each other until you leave your contact information at the end.

Extended reading: Opening words
A good opening statement is half the success of a sales pitch. The best way to convince someone is to let him do what he wants to do.

(1) Arouse the curiosity of customers.A clerk said to the customer, "Do you know what the laziest thing in the world is?" A good hairstyle that reflects your temperament will put you in a good mood every day."

(2) "Qualification" sales pitch.First ask the customer: "Do you know our store very well?" Dominate the customer's thinking, and then say, "Our store is a branch of ×××× hairdressing chain organization. Our company has 30 branches and is the largest hairdressing company in the country. A chain organization. Most of our customers are satisfied and patronize again, I think you will patronize our store again soon and help me again, right?"

(3) Stimulate customer interest. "Are you interested in knowing how to effectively turn heads while walking down the street?" or "Would you like to wow your family or your friends?"

(4) Sincerely care about customers. "You look a bit tired, let me give you a gentle massage and let you relax, okay?"

(5) Spark an interesting topic. "I need your help. Because I have been looking for a customer who is suitable for my favorite hairstyle. Today, I am lucky enough to meet you. I think you will definitely let me get what I want. Our store manager Said, if I can't make a performance, I will pack up and leave, so maybe you can give me a job!"

(6) Find common topics and achieve consensus. "Listen to your accent, like a northerner, I am from Shandong, where are you from?" In order to reach a consensus, you can say: "Miss, according to my professional experience and your hair quality, face shape, and temperament, I think There is already a hairstyle that is especially suitable for you, let me explain it to you, how about it?"

(7) Hypothetical question syntax. "If I had a way to make your hair look 10 times more beautiful, would you give it a try? Would you be interested in buying it if I could prove it really worked?" Note, any A customer cannot be persuaded by others, only himself can convince him.

(8) Empathy speaking skills.For example, talk to a housewife: "That's right, my wife is very tired at home, so I try to make her look better."

(End of this chapter)