how far is Forever

Chapter 9

01
In this way, Song Junmu and I fell in love, because I am a shy person (Song Junmu: Can I vomit?), so we have never made our relationship public. The real disclosure was at Jiang Chuan's birthday party.

It was the end of October, Jiang Chuan had a rare extravagance to invite everyone to dinner at a pretty good KTV near the school. As a childhood sweetheart, I was naturally invited to participate. Song Junmu and I chose a watch as a birthday present and went there up.

When we appeared together, Jiang Chuan was very surprised, his eyes were bigger than Yan Lele's. As a treat, he forgot to take us to the private room, but directly pulled me into the corner.

"What are you doing? Abandoning your family, Lele, and pulling another girl so intimately to such a dark corner, what are your plans? Mr. Shouxing." I teased him habitually.

Jiang Chuan didn't bicker with me like before, but asked seriously: "Su Ruo, have you lost your mind?"

"Ah?" I blinked and looked at him, actually I knew Jiang Chuan was talking about me and Song Junmu, but I pretended not to understand anything, "You're out of your mind, am I normal? "

Jiang Chuan said with a straight face: "Su Ruo, you are still young and don't understand love, don't be fooled by Song Junmu, a playboy."

"What do you mean I am too young to understand love, Jiang Chuan, you seem to have forgotten that I am a few months older than you! Besides, you and your brother can fall in love, why can't I? Don't double standards, okay?" I refute.

"Su Ruo, don't make trouble, isn't Song Junmu..."

"Isn't he a good person? I know, but I know even more that when you are all busy dating and ignoring me, he is the only one by my side. I also know that Su Ruo is no longer important in your world, but in his In this world, at least I am important right now.” I regretted saying that, it seemed cruel to Jiang Chuan, isn’t it normal among friends, why am I yelling here.

Jiang Chuan looked at me in shock and said nothing.

We were silent with each other for a long time, so that when a new guest came, Yan Lele ran over and asked Jiang Chuan to say hello, but he didn't respond.

Yan Lele stood there in a daze, she might not have thought that Jiang Chuan would respond to her, her beautiful face was faintly sad.I don't know if she heard what I said to Jiang Chuan just now, I hope she didn't, so as not to cause unnecessary misunderstandings.

I wanted to ease the atmosphere, and said in a low voice, "Go and greet your guests, Lele is still waiting for you!"

Jiang Chuan frowned: "Su Ruo, I didn't expect you to think so. In fact, Luo Yan and I both wish you well. No matter who you are, there is no way to replace your position in our hearts. I'm serious."

I smiled at him, whether it is true or false, his words are enough.I pushed him and urged, "Lele is waiting for you, go!"

"Su Ruo...you..." He stopped suddenly, and I found Jiang Chuan's gaze focused behind me. I turned my head and saw Song Junmu at first sight. He came over and gently held my hand, saying yes I smiled: "Is it because the birthday star doesn't like the gift we gave you, let's make up another one he likes later."

I smiled: "He just likes their Jialele."

"Then there's nothing we can do about it." Song Junmu looked calm, but I have a feeling that he should have come over because he sensed that the atmosphere between me and Jiang Chuan was not right.

I turned my head and glanced at Jiang Chuan. His expression was still weird. I introduced Song Junmu to him: "Jiang Chuan, this is my boyfriend Song Junmu."

I said to Song Junmu again: "That idiot is my childhood sweetheart—Jiang Chuan."

Jiang Chuan didn't speak, and Song Junmu didn't bother to greet him, but this was enough for me. I dragged Song Junmu into the KTV private room, leaving Jiang Chuan alone behind me. Roaring: "Su Ruo, I don't think you have lost your mind, you must be crazy!"

I ignored him, no matter how I was invited, even if Jiang Chuan didn't like Song Junmu, I couldn't take him away now, after all, this was the first time we showed our relationship in front of our friends.

But Jiang Chuan's voice seemed to still echo faintly in my ears.

Don't understand love?
Although I have never denied it, is it not even a chance to start?It's not fair to me, don't they ever think about it for me?

I took a deep breath, calmed down my mood, and pushed open the door of the KTV private room.

In the dim room, I saw the people I most and least wanted to see at the first sight——Su Luoyan and Ji Nuannuan.

In fact, I should have thought earlier that it was impossible for Jiang Chuan not to invite Su Luoyan, and when Su Luoyan arrived, his girlfriend would naturally follow him everywhere.

Seeing them sitting together, my originally raised smile fell quickly. Su Luoyan also saw me, and naturally also saw Song Junmu who was holding my hand. He frowned, as if looking at me, He seemed to be looking at Song Junmu again, and his eyes were unpredictable, which shocked me.

"Hey, are you guys dating?" Ji Nuannuan walked out from Su Luoyan's side, blocking Su Luoyan's and me's sight.

I looked at her and showed a beautiful smile: "Yes, Junmu is my boyfriend, please take care of me in the future."

Ji Nuannuan glanced at me, then at Song Junmu, showing a mocking smile: "Congratulations."

She sat back beside Su Luoyan and said: "Look, your sister has grown up and found a boyfriend by herself, so she doesn't need to worry about you as a brother in the future, you should concentrate on being with me from now on. "

Su Luoyan didn't speak, but looked at me.I lowered my eyes slightly, listening to my soft inhalation, I felt his eyes stopped on Song Junmu's hand holding me, at that moment, I had a thought of shrinking back, faintly feeling panic Uneasy, his eyes wandered and he dared not look at anyone.

He must be angry too, right?He and Ji Nuannuan haven't seen me for many days since we were together. If it wasn't for Jiang Chuan's birthday party this time, when will we meet again?
Song Junmu hooked my shoulder: "Sing me a song, Ruoruo!"

I was slightly taken aback, hesitated for a moment or nodded.Finally, that whole night, I took the microphone and kept singing. In Yan Lele's words, I was more excited than Jiang Chuan's birthday star. In fact, only I knew it in my heart. Song Junmu saw that I was different from usual.

After finally sitting down, Jiang Chuan asked softly in my ear: "Do you want to go back first?"

I glanced at him, pretended to be drinking fruit juice as if nothing had happened, and said, "What's the matter? Master Shouxing is going to chase someone away?"

Jiang Chuan sighed: "Su Ruo..."

He didn't go on, I looked at him, actually at that time I didn't know that Jiang Chuan knew everything, he looked carefree, I really didn't expect his thoughts to be so delicate, the lights in the KTV were dim, I couldn't see his expression, but felt that the voice was like a gust of sea breeze: "Go back, Su Ruo."

At that time, I thought he made such a request to me because he really couldn't stand Song Junmu. I was silent for a while, the juice in my hand had been taken by Jiang Chuan, and I clenched my fist slightly at the empty touch. head.

I stood up and told Song Junmu that I was tired and wanted to go back to rest.He didn't ask any more questions and just left with me.

But because the room was very dark, I didn't pay much attention when I left, and I passed by Su Luoyan.Song Junmu hugged me naturally, and I looked up. His expression was the same as usual, with a smile on the corner of his mouth, but there seemed to be countless invisible things hidden in it.

And I didn't dare to look at Su Luoyan's expression for a long time, I leaned in Song Junmu's arms until I left the KTV.

All night, I was pretending to be silly and laughing, my face was a little sour, I rubbed my face, and then secretly glanced at Song Junmu, wondering if he cared about our leaving halfway?I don't know if he has seen the clue?
"Song Junmu."

I called him, and he turned his head to look at me, and I laughed and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't let you enjoy yourself today."

"I've had a good time," Song Junmu looked at me, "I'll take you back to the dormitory first."

I nodded: "Thank you."

Even if we are together, I still can't help alienating him. Maybe I'm a cold person by nature. Without Su Luoyan, I don't know if I can warm up again.

It's a bit chilly at night at the end of October.We went back to the school by car, entered through the east gate, and walked on the tree-lined avenue of the campus. The moonlight was light, and the neatly trimmed trees on both sides set off ripples with the night wind, and I shivered a little.

Song Junmu took off his coat and put it on for me. I was slightly taken aback, the clothes still carried his body temperature, and the warm feeling permeated into my body.I looked at him, more and more unreal in a trance.Later, I thought about clarifying with Song Junmu and then separating, but his ubiquitous tenderness made it impossible for me to say it.

"Thank you."

I couldn't help but say these two words to him.

Song Junmu smiled, and suddenly asked gossip: "Why didn't you say a few more words to your brother today?"

My footsteps couldn't help but stagnate: "My brother wants to stay with his girlfriend, I don't want to disturb his life anymore." I quickly lowered my head, not daring to look directly into his eyes.

"Oh, really?"

Song Junmu didn't ask any more questions. In the silent night, we walked side by side. The starry sky in front of us was bright and long, and a bright light drew a beautiful trajectory and fell in another direction.

02
That night, I had a very long dream.

In the dream, white snow fell from the sky, and I was so cold that I could hardly speak. For a moment, the wind fluttered wildly, as if sharp knives were scraping my body alive. Although there was no blood spilled, I could feel the pain like bone cutting.

I wanted to call for help, but I couldn't make a sound. In the vast expanse of whiteness, I saw Su Luoyan. He was bound by five iron chains, hanging in mid-air, as if he had lost consciousness.

I was stunned, I wanted to shout desperately but I couldn't make a sound...

Suddenly, I woke up with a start, dizzy, and my eyes were so sore. I closed my eyes again, trying to calm down the frantic heartbeat, and cold sweat flowed down my cheeks.

"It's a dream..." I made a weak voice, clenched my hands tightly, and didn't feel it when my fingertips dug into the flesh. I kept telling myself, "This is just a dream!"

Shaking my head, my sleepy eyes began to look at everything in front of me, and there was no one in the dormitory.I was a little hungry, so I tried my best to get up, but within two steps, my eyes suddenly turned black, and my legs were so soft that they slid straight to the ground.

So sad……

I lay on the ground, the coldness of the ground combined with the scorching heat in my body, as if even my breathing became scorching hot.I felt like I had a fever, but I still braced myself, went to wash up, and then ate a few pieces of bread I bought the day before yesterday. I suddenly missed the poached eggs that Su Luoyan made for me before.

I still remember the taste at that time, neither old nor tender. When I bit it open, there was a little bit of egg yolk flowing, but it quickly solidified on the tip of the tongue.I swallowed, and looked at the bread in my hand and felt funny again. This is the thing I hated the most before, just like the things I used to like the most. Do they all change?

Just like Su Luoyan has Ji Nuannuan, I have Song Junmu.

I swallowed another mouthful of bread, and seemed to hear my mobile phone ringing in a daze. I stood up, groped around for a long time, and finally found it. I don't know anything anymore.

I heard that hallucinations are most likely to occur when I am sick. I don’t know if it is true. When I became conscious again, I seemed to see a person with his hand on my forehead.

"You have a fever."

The man covered me tightly with the quilt, his movements were very light, as gentle as Su Luoyan.

"elder brother……"

When he was about to leave, I grabbed his clothes and said, "Brother, don't leave, okay?"

"I'm not your brother."

He broke away from my hand, not as hard as before, and there seemed to be no emotion in his voice.

My heart was suddenly pulled into severe pain!I have been trying very hard to restrain my emotions, but at this moment, the blood in my body rushes to my brain.

"You bastard, you play me again, you bastard!"

I got up, and the ups and downs of my chest gradually increased. The light from the window happened to be printed behind the man, making my vision blurred, but the smell was unusually alienated.

"What do you mean you are not Su Luoyan? You obviously are, you are obviously! I know you want to find your girlfriend again, but why didn't you tell me earlier? I am your sister, do you think I am Isn't it at all? Why did I hide it from you like a fool? Why didn't you explain to me at that time? Why were you so indifferent to me? Why..." I felt my body trembling, as if I was supporting it with all my strength Her fingers gripped the sheets tightly.

From the age of six to now, I want to recall, but I don't want to distinguish.Whether he was good or not, it turned into a strange pain.

After a long time, that person came over, put his arms around me, and pulled me into his arms: "Ruoruo, you have a fever, the school doctor will come soon, just keep going, okay?"

I raised my head, and at a very close distance, my vision gradually became clear. It was Song Junmu, and who was it just now?I shook my head, which one is reality?Which is the dream again?I was so dazed that I couldn't tell the difference, I just leaned against his arms, my eyes were so sleepy that they seemed to close at any moment.

He stroked my long hair again, his movements were very light, and his voice was just right: "I'll call you when the school doctor arrives."

I grabbed the hem of his shirt, was too sleepy to open my eyes, and gradually fell asleep.

When I woke up again, I saw that I was on an IV drip. The heat in my body seemed to have faded, and my vision became much clearer.

Song Junmu saw me waking up, so he sat by my bed and put his hand on my forehead: "Is it better?"

I closed my eyes and opened them again. I vaguely remembered what happened before. I seemed to see Su Luoyan, and Song Junmu, and there was no one. A feeling of loneliness spread in every cell. , scared in my heart, but unwilling to leave.

Seeing that I hadn't spoken, Song Junmu asked again: "Do you want to eat something?"

I shook my head, looked at him, and couldn't help but ask, "Was it always you just now?"

He nodded.

"Did I say something?"

"You said you missed me."

Song Junmu smiled, I don't know if it's true or not, I don't know if what I remember is a dream or reality, I closed my eyes again, feeling very tired.

Under Song Junmu's care, I recovered very quickly. Jiang Chuan and Yan Lele visited me, but Su Luoyan never showed up.

Yan Lele was still so pretty, but when she saw me again, she wasn't as enthusiastic as the first time, she just sat aside, quietly watching Jiang Chuan talk to me.I don't know why, but I don't have the energy to think about it.

In fact, after the last KTV, Ji Nuannuan and Su Luoyan also made their relationship public. Jiang Chuan and Yan Lele were in love. The original threesome suddenly broke up and became a two-two couple. After all, I became a couple outsider.

The loneliness that secretly breeds seems to cover all my past, making me panic and restless.

03
Su Luoyan didn't show up until I fully recovered. I remember Jiang Chuan told him that I was sick, but he never showed up.I don't know if it's because he's too busy, or because he doesn't even want to look at me again, or if he and I are no longer siblings...

Out of anger, I stopped looking for him. When I went home, I was alone and didn't call him.

That became the decision I regret most in my life.

I was standing at the door of the house with my bag, the door was ajar. Just as I was about to enter, I heard various sounds of smashing things coming from inside. My parents used to be noisy before. As Su Luoyan and I grew up, we have already grown up. Not that often.But this time, it was the worst I've ever had in memory.

I stood at the door, dazed, not knowing what to do.

"I can't live this life anymore, I want to divorce you!" Mom yelled.

"Stop making trouble, because Luo Yan, isn't it enough that you have been arguing for so many years?" Dad also yelled angrily.

"Not enough, never enough! As long as you don't tell me the truth, I won't be able to sleep peacefully!"

"Don't make trouble for no reason, okay?" Dad said exhaustedly.

"I made trouble for no reason? Why didn't you ask yourself how you did it? Back then, you brought Luo Yan back without saying a word to me, and just said, 'I think he is pitiful, so he went through the formalities to adopt him' and that's it. Send me away, do you think I'm a fool? Su Ruo was there at the time, I didn't quarrel with you, but it doesn't mean I can bear it forever!"

"Then what do you want!" Dad was also a little impatient, because he and his mother had quarreled too many times about Su Luoyan.

"What do I want? I also want to ask you, what do you want? I have endured you for so many years, and I have endured the cynicism of the neighbors for so many years, and it is enough! I don't want to be poked in the back by others when I walk on the street. Help you raise an illegitimate child! Let's get a divorce, and go right away before the Civil Affairs Bureau closes!"

"Don't make trouble, okay, the house is already chaotic enough, I..."

"I'm not making trouble. I'm telling you the truth. I've endured for so many years, and it's enough. Although I don't like Luo Yan, I've helped you take care of him for so many years. It's enough, enough! I don't want to be bullied by others Poking the spine and talking right and wrong, I don't want to raise your little wife's child for you anymore!"

(End of this chapter)