Bachelor

Chapter 409
Zhanbu asked Dongguan to leave, but Dongguan murmured a little: "You are a god...you really are."

Zhanbu suddenly raised his voice, and said in an affirmative tone: "If this disease is discovered, it will be incurable." , People in the Ming Dynasty didn't know what the late period was, so Sun Dan changed it to the current line so that everyone can understand it.

Hearing this, the tall Dongguan was unconvinced, and stared at He Zhanbu angrily: "What's the matter with you? Say something nice during the Chinese New Year, what's the matter?"

Zhanbu calmed down and said, "Don't get excited, you see something wrong, oh, you won't believe it."

"You have to tell me, believe it or not, what's going on?"

"Let's not talk about the illness first, I know what you do."

Dong Guan: "Hehe, you still know what I do, what do I do?"

"Are you the big boss of the business?"

"What?" Dong Guan waved the model of the donkey in his hand: "Does the big boss sit on this?"

Probably because the model of the donkey in his hand was too ugly, the audience under the stage laughed softly again.

Sun Dan took a closer look. Concubine Zhang Gui still kept her straight face, and looked at him angrily from time to time, and then at the three actors on the stage.

Such an interesting skit, she didn't laugh, it's a little admirable.

Dong Guan was actually regarded as the big boss by Zhan Bu, with a helpless expression on his face.

Zhanbu still said in an affirmative tone: "You work in a restaurant."

Yueguan asked Zhanbu curiously: "The head of the house, how do you know that he works in a restaurant?"

Zhanbu laughed and said, "Nonsense, it smells like green onion, it's not the restaurant's fault."

Dong Guandao felt strange: "How do you know, then I ask you, what am I doing in the restaurant?"

Spread: "Heavy ladle, chef."

"Impossible, you can guess this?" Dong Guan's face was incredulous.

Zhanbu turned around and said to Yueguan, "Big head, thick neck, he's either a rich man or a cook! Is it? Is he a chef?"

Hearing these fresh sayings, the audience below the stage couldn't help laughing.

Firstly, Zhanbu’s statement is ridiculous, and secondly, Dongguan has a burly figure and a simple and honest appearance, and he really has the taste of those fat chefs in restaurants.Two times together, the joke came out.

Before everyone's laughter fell, more exciting things were yet to come.

Dong Guan, whose identity was guessed by Zhanbu, believed his words a little, and couldn't help asking: "Ah, yes, yes, yes. Then what did you say about me just now? It's serious and terminally ill again. , what's going on?"

Zhanbu: "In the recent period of time, I don't feel any part of your body, which is different from the past. You think, you think hard."

"I didn't feel it, I just felt that my face was getting bigger and bigger?"

"By the way, this is not the main symptom! Do you know why your face is big?" Zhan Bu began to fool around.

Dong Guan: "Why is that?"

Zhanbu: "That's because your legs have blocked blood vessels, and your head has been suffocated."

The queen mother smiled again and said to Sun Dan beside her: "Obviously she is fat, but why did she become a suffocator? This is a bit interesting." She didn't drink tea before she spoke, but Sun Dan still carefully dodged to the side, worried Said: "The Queen Mother is watching the show, watching the play, the wonderful things will begin soon."

Dong Guan asked: "Where is it held back?"

Zhanbu: "I didn't say it just now, but my legs."

"But there's nothing wrong with my legs."

"If you don't believe me, why don't you take two steps and try."

Dong Guan began to walk on the stage, and everything was normal.The most irritating thing is that Zhanbu is still beating the beat: "Go, go, go, come again, go...go...go."

His rhythm fluctuated from fast to slow, and Dong Guan gradually became a little uncomfortable walking, and his steps became scattered.

For some reason, the audience in the audience couldn't help but feel a little worried for Dong Guan when he saw Dong Guan's footsteps start to mess up.Even the Queen Mother stopped talking to Sun Dan and stared fixedly at the stage.

Zhanbu suddenly yelled "Stop!" When Dongguan stopped, he asked, "What's wrong with your leg? Why do you walk with one side up and the other down?"

Dong Guan also looked puzzled: "Probably because the shoes are not right, I just bought new shoes today."

In fact, this skit takes advantage of a common physiological feature of ordinary people.Because people are used to using their right leg for strength, the right foot of any person is longer and thicker than the left foot, but people usually don't pay attention to it.But once the steps are messed up, or the steps taken are too small, it is easy to become limping.If you are blindfolded, there will be a phenomenon of turning in a big circle in place-this is also the saying that a ghost hits a wall. ——Traveling at night on the great northern plains, if there are no stars and moon, and no lighting tools, you will lose your reference, and it is easy to turn in place all night.Of course, in the brightly lit modern society, this kind of thing is not so easy to happen.

Zhanbu: "Damn, it's because your legs are sick, one leg is short."

Dong Guan: "That's okay! If I want one leg longer and the other shorter, tell me if you sell pants!"

"The trousers seller told you that you still sell trousers. Who is as good as I am? Well, let me adjust it for you. Believe it or not, your legs follow my hand to lift up as high as you can. , down hard, okay? Believe it or not? My leg is definitely sick, and my right leg is short! Come on, get up!" Boss Zhan raised his hand and waved it up vigorously while speaking.

Following Zhanbu's gesture, Dongguan's right leg was lifted vigorously, and then fell heavily.

The stage was originally made of wood, and she kicked it down with more than a dozen feet in one breath, making the stage thud.Moreover, Dong Guan's movements are very large and exaggerated, and he has practiced it before, so this kick is raised very high, which is quite like a high kick.

The Empress Dowager smiled at Concubine Zhang from the audience: "Although this girl is big, she has a very soft body. Not bad, not bad. But... the movements are ugly, making people want to laugh."

Then, he picked up the teacup and began to drink water.

Concubine Zhang Guifei was sprayed with tea by the Empress Dowager before, seeing that she started to drink water, she was afraid first.He hurriedly dodged to the side, and said in a trembling voice: "Queen Mother, this play is directed by Sun Danpai. If you have any doubts, you can ask him." Let her spray Sun Dan.

The Empress Dowager drank the tea with a grunt. Seeing that Concubine Zhang could not keep dodging, she felt uneasy, and said to herself: Is this Concubine Zhang despising her old body?hateful!
However, Zhang Guifei's expression made the Queen Mother lose her interest in talking.

Queen Mother: "You are right. Let me ask Sun Dan why he wanted to find such a Coke kid to act in? Sun Dan... Sun Dan..."

Sun Dan can still be seen around.

It turned out that Sun Dan started to drink tea again when he saw the Queen Mother, knowing that the following joke was very funny, he was afraid of harming himself, so he ran away quietly.

When Dong Guan stomped down with his dozen feet, seeing that the fire was almost done, Zhan Bu yelled: "Stop!" Then he asked: "Is it numb?"

Dongguan groaned all over, rubbed his right leg, grinned in pain, and shouted, "Num, really numb!"

Yueguan next to him asked Zhanbu in surprise, "Hey, why is he numb?"

Zhanbu: "Nonsense, you'll feel numb if you stomp on it." After speaking, he said to Dong Guan: "Get up, get up! Don't control, your legs are [-]% sick, don't control, relax! Go! Go, go! Go, go! Go, don't think about it, can you come with me? Let's go, just a little bit, let's go!" While talking, he was striding forward, and Dong Guan didn't know he was hit. What evil, also followed him all the way quickly.

The problem now is that Dongguan's legs are very numb, and he was in a hurry all the way, so he couldn't keep his body steady. As he walked, his feet gradually became limp, and he even started to limp.

Poor Dongguan was already fat and fat, and as he walked with a limp, his appearance was even more ridiculous.

"Si!" The audience in the audience gasped, and after trying to understand the truth, they burst out laughing at the same time.

The laughter was so loud that it almost turned the stage over.He also ignored the presence of the Queen Mother and Concubine Zhang Gui.

In fact, the Empress Dowager also laughed so hard that tears rolled down her eyes: "This girl, this girl, why is she walking like this!"

Such a new entertainment program was very novel to the people of the Ming Dynasty.Moreover, because they have never seen funny sketches or heard cross talk, their laughter is too low. No one can hold back after seeing this play.

Concubine Zhang Gui first turned her face upside down, absolutely not giving Sun Dan any compliments.She could bear it for a long time, and then she couldn't help "giggling" indiscriminately, making her tea-smeared face even more colorful.

After laughing for a long time, Dong Guan on the stage seemed to realize that he had become a cripple, and yelled in pain and horror: "Ah, ah, ah... oh my god. My leg, what is it? What's the matter?"

The audience laughed again.

At this time, Zhanbu looked indifferent, pointed to the way out and said to her: "You go, you go, you go and try."

Yueguan giggled wildly, and shouted in a rough voice: "You are so powerful, the head of the family, and his good legs were limped by you."

Dong Guan looked at Yue Guan puzzled: "What are you talking about?"

Zhanbu immediately interrupted: "Did you look at it? My daughter-in-law has already seen it. She said you were limping after flickering."

The audience laughed even louder. In order to see more clearly, there were already palace maids and eunuchs who pretended to come to wait on the driver of the Queen Mother and Concubine Zhang, and quietly crowded towards the front row.

Concubine Zhang Guifei saw that there were suddenly more people around her, she frowned unconsciously, and said in a low voice, "What are you doing?"

The queen mother didn't care: "Don't talk, just watch the show." As she spoke, she went to serve the teacup again.

Concubine Zhang was startled, she hurriedly shut her mouth, and subconsciously moved away.

(End of this chapter)