If you can love like this

Chapter 94

Milan walked up to me slowly, with a calm expression, "You don't need to welcome me, but he is my ex-husband after all, I...I want to see him off for the last time, you will understand?"

I watched her silent.

"Cathy, after going through so many things, shouldn't we learn to forgive?" Qi Shuli thought I was conflicted, so he was busy with my work.In fact, he misunderstood. I just don't know how to face Milan. The distance between the two has been too long, and I don't know how to get along.I sighed softly and changed the subject, "Mochi wants to marry me."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes."

"Then do as he said." Qi Shuli replied very simply, without knowing what was in his heart.He also seemed to be very weak, and his complexion was worse than Geng Mochi's. I almost forgot that he was also a seriously ill patient who was about to be pushed into the operating room.He turned his head to Milan, "You just help them prepare, preferably before my operation."

"Why?" My eyes showed doubts.

He smiled dazedly, "Need to say? I have no hope in this life, why not be beautiful? In the next life, I will definitely meet you earlier than him. I bet, I will definitely meet you earlier than him."

Milan accompanied me to choose the wedding dress, because Qi Shuli's operation was scheduled very soon, we had to buy time.Moreover, Dr. Smith said that the condition of the heart donor is already very dangerous, and he may stop breathing at any time. As soon as he stops breathing, Geng Mochi's heart transplant operation must be carried out. Whether there is time to be transplanted, we can only rush to deal with the things that should be dealt with as much as possible before the operation.

Not sure, nothing is still sure, we are all silently making the last effort, and his side is dying.I was extremely anxious, restless, as if my whole body had been taken out, lost my mind and had no idea, and Milan came forward to help me take care of many things.For so many years of tit-for-tat, and the unbearable grievances and festivals, there is always a gap between me and her. I really want to say thank you, but we are numb and speechless.I heard from Geng Mochi that after the divorce procedures were completed, he still gave Milan a large sum of money, but unexpectedly, Milan refused to accept it.

In the dressing room of the bridal shop, I couldn't help asking her: "Why didn't Geng Mochi give you money? Don't you like money the most?"

"I like money, but now I feel that money is really not that important to me. I want to live with dignity and be more confident." Milan smiled lightly.

I looked at her and shook my head, "Then you have no money, what will you do with your future life?"

"Didn't Geng Mochi tell you, I bought the 'Encounter' restaurant in Star City, it's enough to support myself, and maybe I can also raise a handsome boy, haha..." She laughed wantonly, and the old Milan seemed to be back. "Hey, it's not an exaggeration to not have the man you love and the restaurant he likes, right?"

I laughed and scolded: "Pervert!"

It seemed that Qi Shuli's gallstone surgery could not be delayed for even a moment. I saw him clutching his chest and dripping with cold sweat all day long. The hospital arranged his surgery for the day after my wedding with Geng Mochi.Prior to this, he had been going back and forth to the hospital for examinations.The trivial matters of the wedding were handled by the subordinates of Milan and Qi Shuli, and I stayed by Geng Mochi all day, never leaving.He still takes two life-saving medicines a day, and if he stops one, his heartbeat will not continue.Sometimes I'm really tired and Milan will replace me, let me go home to take a shower and take a short rest, which makes me very grateful, I don't know what to say.

In the afternoon of that day, I took the car arranged by Qi Shuli to go home to catch up on sleep. As soon as I entered the door, Qi Shuli was already waiting in the living room. Seeing the smoke around his head, he must have been waiting for a long time.I was so tired that I didn't even have the energy to talk to him, so I sat silently opposite him, and when I saw his face, I felt so sad.Because he seems to be thinner than Geng Mochi, his eyes no longer have the brilliance of the past, and there is only despair like a bottomless abyss. When he looked at me, his eyes were as empty as if nothing existed.Thinking about the fact that he himself is suffering from illnesses, and he still needs to worry about Geng Mochi's surgery, I'm trying to find out what is going on in this man's heart. I'm holding a wedding with Geng Mochi, can he really act as if nothing happened?This man is really confusing.

At this moment, his gaze stayed on my face, and he suddenly asked: "Cathy, I have a question for you, please answer me truthfully, don't be perfunctory or comfort me, what I want is your most sincere thoughts." He lit a He smoked a cigarette and closed his eyes, as if he had made a big decision.

"what is the problem?"

"You have been with me for so long, do you have any love for me, or have you tried to love me?" He still closed his eyes, as if he was afraid of hearing the cruel answer, "What do you think? How to answer, don't say anything against your will."

"..."

"Why, is it hard to answer?" He slowly opened his eyes, wondering if it was the reflection of the lens, I saw tears flickering in his eyes.

"Do you have to answer?"

"Yes." He said firmly.

I thought for a while and replied calmly: "I won't tell you. Everyone has an unknown side in their hearts. Whether they love it or not is completely personal privacy. Since it is privacy, I have the right not to answer it." ,Is it right?"

When I say this, I actually don’t know how to answer. To love or not to love may be just a word to myself, but it may be a great harm to him. At this time, I still don’t want to hurt him.

"Aren't you going to tell me until you die?" His voice trembled a little.

"Frank..."

"Got it, I won't ask you any more. If you don't say it, you don't want to hurt me. If you don't want to hurt me, it shows that you care about my feelings. This is enough to make me feel relieved." He stood up and sat beside me, He hugged me deeply, and joked, "And it feels like his wedding to you is also my wedding to you."

I stared at him in surprise, not knowing what he meant.

He patted me on the shoulder and said with a smile, "Because I love you as much as he does."

Half an hour later, Milan called and asked me to go back to the hospital quickly. Before she finished speaking, I stumbled and ran out the door. Qi Shuli followed me out without saying a word.But he was too weak to drive. His black driver drove us back to the hospital. The ward was empty. The nurse said that Geng Mochi was sent to the emergency room again.My body shook, I turned around and ran to the emergency room, as if walking on a glacier, my feet slipped, and I fell to the ground several times.From a distance, I saw the red light on the door of the emergency room, like the eyes of the god of death, showing indifference and gloom. Milan and several other people stood in the long corridor.

Qi Shuli hurriedly hugged me who was shaking, "The doctor is treating me, he will be fine."

Milan came over and put his hands on my trembling shoulders, holding back tears, as if trying to give me strength.At this time, the door of the emergency room was suddenly pushed open, and Dr. Smith walked towards us quickly. He spoke English so fast that I could hear the last sentence clearly:
“Please prepare the funeral for him, he can not live over 48 hours.”

He wants us to prepare for the funeral, the ink pool can't survive for 48 hours?
My heart fell straight into the bottomless abyss, and I broke out in cold sweat.I supported Qi Shuli's arm, my body was shaking too much, and the corridor in front of me was also shaking.

Milan cried in a low voice: "There are two days until the wedding!"

Qi Shuli said decisively: "Advanced, until tomorrow!"

"Oh, My God! Will he be ok to attend the wedding like that?"

Dr. Smith shrugged suspiciously.

"Don't care about it. It must be held on time. (It doesn't matter, it will still be held.)"

The corner of Qi Shuli's mouth moved slightly, he took a deep breath, and the words he uttered were clear and forceful: "I'll go. I'll go to the hotel instead of him (I'll go to the hotel instead of him)"

I entered the room (I entered the room)

Sat by your bed all through the night

I watched Ur daily fight

I hardly knew (I barely knew)

The pain was almost more than I could bear

And still I hear (I can still hear)
Your last words to me

Heaven is a place nearby (Heaven is a place nearby)

So I won't be so far away
And if you try and look for me

Maybe you'll find me someday

So there's no need to say goodbye

I wanna ask you not to cry (I wanna ask you not to cry)
I'll always be by your side
……

Lene Marlin sang A place nearby softly on the phonograph. The soft and steady tune gradually calmed my chaotic state of mind, and every line of the lyrics seemed to sing to my heart.

This day has finally come, my spirit has merged with him, and I am on the verge of death.The moment he stops breathing, it will be the moment my soul dies.I can't imagine, I can't imagine, if he really lies down in the dark underground, can I keep my promise to him and live a good life?Thinking about how pitiful he is, he has only one breath left, and he still can't let go of the obsession in his heart, so he wants me to be his legitimate wife. He clearly knows that this has no real meaning, but he still insists on it.

He is such a stubborn person, even if the lamp is exhausted, even if it is burned to ashes, he still clings to this poor love, as if what is flowing in his heart is not blood, but a fire, give me A bright wedding, but I sink into hell, as if only in this way I am his, completely his!
And Jin Yi, who is far away in Shanghai, must have known about this, crying on the phone, "Kaoer, you have to be strong. Remember what you said to me? You said that you want me to believe in the afterlife, this life is not over. His long-cherished wish can be fulfilled in the next life. Now I would rather believe that there is an afterlife. So many of us love him, so much love, we can definitely escort him to the next life... In the next life, maybe he will no longer be a pianist, maybe he will be mediocre, maybe he will be poor, Maybe he no longer recognizes us when we meet him, but as long as he can look back at us curiously when we pass by, or give us a knowing smile, let us know that he is living a good life in another cycle , then we should be gratified, because he can finally be himself, no longer suffer from illness, betrayal and hurt..."

"Jinyi!" I cried loudly.

"Kaoer, I grew up with him. Only I know how hard he lived. His family and friends, including me, are worried every day, afraid that this day will come, and always pray for a miracle. But now I I know that the greatest miracle in this world is love. If it wasn’t for love, he would have left this world long ago. It is a miracle that he can survive till now! So let him go quietly, his mother was going to Seattle originally, Now I am also in the hospital, because we have been hiding it from her, fearing that she will not be able to bear the blow. Kaoer, Mochi will be handed over to you, please say goodbye to him for me, tell him that I love him very much, even if I am no longer in the next life When I meet him, I only wish him happiness, and you too, Kaoer..."

This call was made by Jin Yi when I returned to my home in Lake District from the hospital. I hung up on the phone for a long time, and my emotions have been collapsing.The next life is so far away, that is another reincarnation, will God arrange for us to meet?I don't know, I can't even think about it, I was crying hoarsely in the house alone, I wanted to go to the hospital to guard Geng Mochi, but Qi Shuli refused, he was the one who drove me home, he said he would pick me up the next morning The hospital and Geng Mochi got married in a notarized manner.

The sky gradually darkened, and the sun lost its light, quietly giving way to the moon.

So in this long night, I was the only one waiting for Seattle's sleepless night. The temperature was a little low, so I shivered and quickly wrapped myself in a blanket.My eyes were red and swollen from crying, and I drank a lot of alcohol indiscriminately, but I still couldn't make myself fall asleep.It wasn't until now that I realized that the bright and flowing night in Seattle is really sleepless.

For this city, I don't understand why I am obsessed with it, is it because of its sleeplessness?

I will always remember that just 24 hours ago, I was talking to Geng Mochi under the cherry tree in the hospital.It is already April, and the cherry blossoms in Seattle have come to an end, and the rain of flowers all over the sky is interpreting the final parting of life and death.

The sky was cloudy with a slight breeze.

The air smells of wet petals.

His hair fluttered in the wind, and his appearance was already emaciated beyond human shape.He has been in a coma since he came out of the emergency room. When he woke up in the morning, he didn't know how many shots of special medicine Dr. Smith gave him, which allowed him to temporarily get rid of those instruments and tubes to let his heart beat freely and breathe freely.

But he could no longer walk, and kept pointing out the window.After consulting the doctor, I wheeled him from the ward into the garden in a wheelchair.I counted, there were nine Yoshino cherry trees in the hospital, and I pushed him under the largest cherry blossom tree.After only staying for a while, pink petals fell all over his head and shoulders.

He smiled and reached out to brush the petals from my hair tremblingly.

I squatted down and gave him a manicure.

But holding his skinny fingers, my heart trembled suddenly, and tears filled my eyes again. These hands were still slender, but the knuckles suddenly bulged, and I no longer had the agility when I hit the keys, nor Without the watery warmth of touching love, my palms are cold, and it has been cold to the bottom of my heart.

"Don't cry." He stretched out his other hand to touch my cheek and wiped my tears.

"Mochi, think about how stupid we were in the past, always thinking about changing each other, trying to polish each other into what we wanted, but in the end, we both lost, we were still the same, stupid, we were so stupid, wasted a lot Time... But I don’t know why, I don’t seem to regret it much. Love may be like this. What I have experienced must be the best time for each other, so you don’t have to feel sad. No matter where you go, don’t be sad, because you You gave me the best time, Mochi..."

I put my head on his knees, tears had already soaked into his blue striped pants, he hugged my shoulders, patted gently, suddenly felt the hairline on the top of my head was cool, I raised my face, It turned out that he was also crying.

He looked at me as if I had a thousand words to say, but he couldn't say anything, his pale lips trembled and buzzed, and he said a word after a while: "I really want to... eat your... steamed crab..."

"Okay, okay, I'll get it for you right away!" I stood up, covered him with the blanket on the wheelchair, and took out a comb to comb his hair, not sure if I was laughing or crying, "After I finish combing your hair, I'll go to Parker Market to buy you the biggest and freshest crabs, and I'll make them for you at noon, okay?"

He nodded, a contented expression on his face.

(End of this chapter)