If you can love like this

Chapter 93

The distance is so close, but I don't have the strength to call out his name, and I can't take a step, as if there is still a world of distance between me, I can't make it, and he can't make it.

Qi Shuli sent someone to England that night. After learning of Annie's intention to marry Chen Jinsen, the man panicked to the extreme. I have known him for so many years, and I have never seen him panic like this.But it seems that it is not so easy to find their people. Qi Shuli was so worried that he called every day to inquire, but it seemed that there was not much progress.After I was discharged from the hospital, I still lived with Geng Mochi in the water side. We were anxiously waiting for the news, and at the same time we were packing up and preparing to go to the United States for surgery, but because of Annie, everyone was restless.

And this winter seems to have never been colder, and it snowed again.

In the evening, I sat by the French windows on the water side and watched the snowflakes flying outside. There was a fire in the fireplace in the living room, and the room was warm.Qi Shuli and Geng Mochi sat on the sofa opposite me, the atmosphere was very tense.The reason is that I insisted on accompanying Geng Mochi to the United States for surgery, but Qi Shuli refused to agree, no matter what, he refused.

"You were so seriously ill this time that you almost died, and you traveled so far to the United States, what if your illness relapses?" Qi Shuli's attitude was very firm.

Geng Mochi also disapproved of my going, glared at me and said, "What are you doing there? You can't help anything, and people miss you, so why bother to let me bring you into the operating room?"

I bit my lip, and after a while, I finally forced out a sentence: "If you don't let me go, I will die for you!"

"Kaoer!"

"Kaoer!"

Both men stared at me and yelled at me.

I glared at them too, uncompromisingly.

Finally, Qi Shuli fell down on the sofa in frustration, "We really owed her in our previous life!"

After he returned to his room, I helped Geng Mochi to bed upstairs in the bedroom.He is very weak now, he has to be supported when he walks, and there is only a skeleton left in his whole body.Soon he fell asleep, and slept peacefully.I couldn't sleep and kept packing.Qi Shuli said that we will fly to the United States by special plane in two days.

Tidying up until early morning, I was very tired and was about to rest for a while, when I suddenly found that the lock on the attic door on the top floor was unlocked. The door was always locked. I have been in and out of the water for so long, and I have never seen anyone go in. Pass.A strong subconsciousness tells me that there must be some unknown things hidden here, just like what is often shown in movies and TV dramas, many secrets of the protagonist are discovered in such narrow corners.

With a creak, I pushed open the door.

He fumbled for the switch tremblingly, only a small dim light bulb was on.

It's a mess inside, with a lot of unused items and household items piled up.This house has changed owners several times, it should be left by the previous owner, and there should be things from Geng Mochi.It may not be cleaned for a long time, and the furniture is covered with dust.

My heart was beating wildly.I searched carefully, and when I opened the innermost desk drawer, a beautifully packaged diary came into my eyes.I took that diary, opened the first page and knew who wrote it, Yesha!
I fell to the floor, holding the diary, my heart was about to burst out of my throat.

This mysterious woman has disappeared from this world since she and Qi Shujie both committed suicide. I tried my best to find no clues about her. On the one hand, this woman was a low-key person during her lifetime, and very few friends had anything to do with her. Two, Geng Mochi seldom mentioned his dead wife to me, and even if he sometimes slipped his mouth, he would point to the point and never say a word. He almost stubbornly defended Ye Sha. privacy.So for a long time, Ye Sha's death has been a mystery in my heart, but I can't do anything to solve it. Now I am holding her diary, will the answer be in it?
Ye Sha is a person who is indifferent on the outside but extremely delicate and sensitive on the inside. From her diary, it can be seen that she cares a lot about other people's impressions and opinions of her, especially people who are important to her, such as Geng Mochi.Most of the entire diary is about her husband. From her crush when she was a girl, to marrying him as an adult, every word in the lines reveals that she is obsessed with this man and has no regrets. She is willing to spend the best youth for him, even if she knows The other party does not love himself.

She is a very caring woman, and she wrote about her dissatisfaction with her husband more than once in her diary: "Today I used the newly bought perfume, which smells very light but has a long aftertaste. Sprayed some in the bedroom, I hope he can feel it. Unexpectedly, as soon as he entered the bedroom, he would lean on the bedside and read a book. When he was tired, he would turn off the light and go to sleep. He didn't even look at me. I slept next to him and hugged him Looking at him, hoping that he could at least feel the smell of me, but he pushed me away, said "tired, go to sleep" and ignored me... This is the man I love? I do it for him After so many things, he didn't feel at all..."

Another diary also wrote: "Sometimes I am really discouraged, forget it, forget it, there is no hope, he really treats me like air, ignores my existence but relies on me, because leaving me gives him His performances are tasteless. But he always comes to comfort me when I am discouraged, and sends some flowers or perfume. It is like this every time. There is nothing new. What am I to him? , is it just his music partner? Doesn’t he know that I am his wife? What I need is not flowers and perfume, what I need is his love, his love! But there is no way, he always says he can’t leave Blame me, yesterday I made up my mind to go back to France, but he hugged me to the death and refused to let go, begging me not to leave, so helpless, I can't help myself..."

I opened my mouth in surprise. In my guess, even if the marriage between Geng Mochi and Ye Sha was not happy, it should be considered perfect. They are typical gifted scholars and beautiful women who share the same goals, but I didn’t expect their marriage to be so unbearable. In the diary, Geng Mochi's various indifferences to her are listed, and at the same time, it also talks about the acquaintance with Qi Shujie.According to the diary, they met when they were seeing a psychiatrist. Because of the same symptoms, they naturally have a common language. This is something I did not expect. I never knew that Qi Shujie had been seeing a psychiatrist.Ye Sha said that the doctor's surname was Lin, he was a man, and he was very famous in Xingcheng. She also went to see this doctor under the arrangement of Geng Mochi. Maybe Geng Mochi never dreamed that his accidental arrangement completely ruined his marriage. , and completely lost his wife——

"He is a very interesting man, he always speaks in such a humorous way, and it is easy to be with him..." Ye Sha spoke highly of Qi Shujie in her diary, and her appreciation for him grew day by day, and later she even praised him as "a real man." man".Maybe they had gone off the rails at that time, and the two often had trysts secretly, mostly in Xiangbei not far from Xingcheng. In the diary, Yesha also revealed Qi Shujie's inner world that I didn't know, which shocked me so much that I almost stopped breathing!

"It turns out that he also loves another woman in his heart, and that woman is actually his childhood sister. Today when Ajie told me about this, I was very shocked. I asked him if he loved his wife, and he said yes. Love, but the feeling is different. He is more of a transfer of love to his wife, but the younger sister is the whole spiritual world for him. For many years, he has been shackled by this feeling, tortured but And there is no way to get rid of it. On the surface, he wants to maintain his normal marriage and take care of his wife in every possible way, so in order to maintain his psychological balance, he has to resort to the comfort of a psychiatrist. Up to now, seeing a psychiatrist alone cannot solve the problem. Said that the load on the heart is getting bigger and bigger, and said that I have never felt so tired, very tired, very tired, and I have a desire to be completely free. I said that I am the same, and I also want to be free. Why are we so similar? The fate is too strange..."

My hand holding the diary began to shake.

Four years of marriage.

When has he acted abnormally?

Even in the last days of his life, he was too normal to be normal, but he didn't expect that under his "normal" appearance, there was a deformed love hidden.Why can't he tell his wife?If we talked about it, perhaps there would be no subsequent tragedy.Regarding the final tragedy, Ye Sha had a very bad prophecy from the very beginning. She described her relationship with Qi Shujie as dangerous in her diary many times.

"I think this man is more complicated than I imagined, a little abnormally complicated, and the strange thing is that I can't live without him. Every time I meet him, I feel that his inner struggle is escalating. I also know that Going on for a long time is not an option. Mochi will find out sooner or later. I will definitely lose him by then. With his personality, it is absolutely impossible to tolerate my wife Hongxing cheating... But just because I lost Geng Mochi does not mean that I can get Qi Shujie , He has already made it very clear that there will be no results with me, we just need each other to comfort each other. When I met him yesterday, I mentioned this issue again, and I said that I can’t go on like this, it’s strange, he He also said that he can't go on like this anymore, I don't know what he means, but I feel very bad..."

In fact, Ye Sha already had a premonition that her relationship with Qi Shujie had come to an end. In her diary later, this premonition became stronger and stronger, her mental state became worse and worse, and her words were inconsistent, saying that she She suffers from insomnia all the time. When she closes her eyes, she is Geng Mochi, and when she opens her eyes, it is Qi Shujie. These two men have tortured her until she is neither human nor ghost. The most important thing is the resentment towards Geng Mochi, saying that he only knows to be busy with work and performances all day long, and he doesn't care about his wife's nerves that are about to collapse.

"I will make him regret it, and he will regret it. How could he treat me like this? I have already told him the date of our wedding anniversary, but he still forgot. In the end, he just called to apologize and said that it was my birthday. I would make up for it when I was late, and asked me hypocritically what gift I wanted for my birthday. His birthday was right after mine, so I asked him what gift he wanted, and he said that any gift was fine. Is it really all right? I I asked him this way, and he said yes...I have been thinking for the past few days, what gift can I give him to make him unforgettable? Can he realize his mistakes and regret his life? Yesterday I asked Ajie, the best gift What is the precious gift, he told me it was life... Is this the gift I want to give him? Will he wake up after receiving my gift?"

This is Yesha's last diary entry, and then something happened to her, and her life is like the blank paper behind the diary, which will always be blank.I have burst into tears after reading this, and I don’t hate Ye Sha anymore. This poor woman is undoubtedly a victim of this emotional catastrophe, including Qi Shujie, who also sacrificed herself entirely. Maybe Ye Sha doesn’t know, her The lover Qi Shujie and the younger sister that her husband Geng Mochi has always loved are the same person!

This is where the cruelty of fate lies.Including the acquaintance and love between me and Geng Mochi, the appearance of Qi Shuli, and all the grievances and grievances that happened in between, are actually the arrangements of fate.

No one can escape the catastrophe, who will survive this catastrophe in the end, who knows?

"Kaoer, what gift do you want for the New Year?"

On the plane flying to the United States, Qi Shuli suddenly asked this question. At that time, I was still immersed in the great grief brought by the diary, and I was really shocked when I heard the word "gift". I thought of the last and most expensive gift that Ye Sha gave Geng Mochi - life!
I looked at Qi Shuli in horror, and shook my head again and again, "I don't need any gifts, I don't need anything, don't give me gifts, don't give me any..."

"What's wrong? Why this expression?" Qi Shuli glanced at me in surprise, and touched my forehead worriedly, "Are you okay, you were fine just now, I didn't give you a bomb as a gift, why are you so nervous? "

"I'd rather you give me the bomb."

"Fool!" Qi Shuli scratched the tip of my nose lovingly, which is his usual gesture of intimacy, "Why would I give you a bomb? I can at most give you my heart..."

Seattle, I'm back!

Charming harbor.

Quiet Mount Rainier.

The sky is as blue as washing.

Cherry blossom rain all over Lake Washington.

The strong aroma of coffee fills the streets.

The blue waves in the Lianhe Lake area are rippling, and couples of mandarin ducks swim leisurely.Everything remains the same.I thought I would never come back in this life.Breathing this long-lasting air, I wet my clothes with tears of sentimentality.

On the night of our arrival, a group of us had dinner at the revolving restaurant on the Space Needle.Through the curved floor-to-ceiling glass windows, you can have a panoramic view of the entire Seattle Harbor, with bright lights and the prosperity of all beings, so beautiful that it doesn't seem to be in the world.

Qi Shuli sat across from Geng Mochi and me, with a smile on his face, feeling very emotional, "I never expected that we would still have the opportunity to dine in such a beautiful scenery. The prosperity of life is nothing more than this."

"Me too, very satisfied!" Geng Mochi filled him with red wine.

"Drink less." I told.

Qi Shuli quickly interrupted, "Cathy, it's this time, what are you still worried about? I wish I could get drunk and never wake up, so let's have fun." I was a little funny, and when he arrived in Seattle, he called me again "" Cathy."

Geng Mochi looked at his former opponent thoughtfully, "Frank, you seem to have something on your mind."

Qi Shuli was startled, a little absent-minded, and looked away from the window.

Two days later, Geng Mochi fainted again and was hospitalized.

He knew that he might not be able to wait for the donated heart, and he would die before the donor.None of us knew who the donor was, not even Qi Shuli.

He said: "It was my subordinate who contacted me. I really don't know who it is."

I have given up hope.

Dr. Smith injected Geng Mochi with a new drug that can greatly stimulate the vitality of the heart, but the maximum dose should not exceed three pills a day.Now, he uses two a day.

To him, life was already so weak that it was like a wisp of smoke that could be melted away with just one breath.I don't know what kind of chemical reaction the drug was injected into his blood. After being in a coma for a day and a night, he opened his eyes to me in a daze.

It was early in the morning, and the breeze blew the elegant gauze curtains, flashing a piece of lush green, and the pink ones should be cherry blossoms, densely piled up in the yard like clusters of pink clouds.The warm sunlight shone in through the gauze curtain, and he actually smiled, and the quiet smile ran down his face, on such a pale and weak face, he still looked pitiful.

I sat by his bed and could only smile at him.

His lips trembled slightly, trying to speak.I leaned over and put my ear to his lips, breathlessly, he uttered a few words with difficulty: "I, I want...to marry you..."

I burst into tears, nodded with a smile, "...Okay."

"I want you...to be my wife justifiably..."

"I promise you, Mochi." I said "hmm" again and again, tears rolled down his face, he reached out his hand to wipe it for me, but he couldn't lift his arm.I hugged his head and rubbed my cheek against his forehead, "I'll get ready right away, right away!"

Yes, he finally despaired.He doesn't believe in the afterlife, and he knows that I don't believe in it either. He still has a sigh of relief, and he hopes it's still too late for me to be his wife.Righteously, what a stinging word!I thought the April Fool's Day wedding a few years ago had faded away, but it turned out to be a hurdle in his heart that he couldn't get past. I let go, but he still couldn't let go.He wanted to lie down in that cemetery with a smile on his face, so when the countdown to his life began, he wanted to make up for the regret.

I wiped my tears with my sleeve, and when I left the ward, I suddenly found his ex-wife Milan standing in the corridor.

"I asked her to come," Qi Shuli on the side quickly explained, "Steven and I are going to have surgery soon, and I don't worry if you don't have a caring person by your side."

(End of this chapter)