I stand on the bridge and watch the scenery

Chapter 25 The Sleepless Man's Night Is Long
Xiao Shuiguang slowly opened her eyes. She had a nightmare, but she woke up very peacefully, and after waking up, she couldn't fall asleep again. This has been the case for the past six months.

She still remembered receiving a call from her mother half a year ago, when she had just walked out of Zhang Zhenglan's residence.

The mother's voice came indistinctly, she said: "Shuiguang... something happened to Dad."

The father, who has always been upright and serious, was accidentally dismissed from his post and was under investigation, and the mother was terrified.

It seemed that all the bad things that year happened in those two days.

Shuiguang was sitting in the waiting room waiting for the announcer to announce her flight, when the little girl who was held by her mother came over and asked her softly, "Sister, why are you crying?"

Shui Guang remembered saying: "Because it's too sad."

Xiao Shuiguang got up early, the sky was still only dim, and there was no sound in the yard, except for a few scattered insects. After washing, she went to the room to change into sports clothes, and then went for a run outside.In January, the temperature in Xi’an has dropped below zero, and the breath immediately turned into white mist. She ran to the lake in the park. Occasionally, a few birds would fly over the clear and vast lake, and the light of the water circled the lake. After running two laps, he sat down on the bench beside him until he was out of breath.

She watched the day slowly rise in the sky, and saw more and more people coming to the lake for a morning jog, so she got up and left.

Shuiguang went home to take a shower and changed clothes. While cooking porridge, he heard a noise in his parents' room. It was his mother who woke up.Mother Xiao came out and saw her daughter, and asked softly, "Why did you get up so early again? Going for a run?"

"Hmm. Dad still sleeping?"

Mother Xiao nodded, "He tossed and turned again last night and stayed up all night..."

After that incident, my father seemed to have aged a lot. He spent most of his time raising flowers and plants at home, but he was always in a bad mood.

Shuiguang had breakfast with his mother, and when he was helping to clean up the dishes, his phone rang. It was a text message from Jingqin, asking her to help her take care of the baby today. Husband has been temporarily notified to work overtime, and he has to work overtime on Saturdays, this is a broken company." Jing Qin got married in July last year, and the other half is a colleague in her company, and they got married after being together for a year.Mother Xiao saw her daughter was replying to the text message and asked who was looking for her.

Shui Guang said: "Jingqin asked me to take Si Lan with me later."

Xiao's mother sighed again when she heard Si Lan, Xiaoqin is married and has a child, but her child is disheartened about relationship matters.She never asked about her daughter's concerns, because she didn't care about what happened to the young man who had been here before. When the child came back half a year ago, she put all her thoughts on her husband and failed to pay attention to her emotions. In the past, she only noticed the haggard and depressed face of the child who was always by her side.

Sitting by her daughter's bed that day, looking at the half-wet pillow under her face, she heard her say, "Mom, I'm fine, I just... want to go home."

Such a stubborn child, even when Jing Lan had an accident, he was never so weak.

When Shuiguang went out, he called Jingqin and told her to go to her place now, hung up the phone and walked to the alley to take a taxi.But in recent years, there are very few taxis, so I waited at the Shuiguang Station, watching someone hanging red lanterns for the Chinese New Year on a ladder at the gate of the compound opposite.

She thought that last year's Chinese New Year seemed to be still in front of her eyes, and it was another year in the blink of an eye, so fast.The person opposite recognized her and called out: "Shuiguang, are you going out?"

She smiled and nodded yes.

After chatting with the neighbor for a while, a car finally arrived after a quarter of an hour, Shui Guang said goodbye to the person opposite, and took the car to Jingqin's.After picking up the baby's stroller downstairs in a high-rise building, Xiaoqin handed her the big bag in her hand, "Diapers and milk powder, the milk powder is drunk every three hours, and the water temperature is about [-] degrees when brewing... ..."

Shui Guang nodded again and again, "I see, I can already recite it every time you tell it."

Jingqin's husband, Ou Shaohua, stood beside him with a gentle manner, "Shui Guang, I'm going to trouble you again."

"Nothing. I have nothing to do on the weekend anyway."

After she came back, her mother asked her to take the exam for a public institution that was recruiting at that time. She selected five people out of more than 100 people.The salary of this job is not high, but there are many rest days, and there are two and a half days off in a week, and she has never been a person who does not have much entertainment.It is always easy to think about things when people are free, and she wants to have something to do to distract her attention.

After Jingqin and his wife left, Shuiguang covered the baby with a blanket. The child was just half a year old, but he was very obedient, not noisy, just stretched out his little hands and opened his mouth to smile. A bit like Jinglan.

Shui Guang held his hand and asked him, "Where does Si Lan want to go?"

Silan, Silan, the name chosen by the child's grandmother, Shui Guang looked at the baby with a growing smile, and said softly: "Si Lan, grandpa and grandma miss your uncle so much..."

After Shui Guang put his little hands into the blanket, he pushed him along the clean path, planning to go to the newsstand not far from the community to pick up two digest magazines before going home.Two girls came over while paying, and one of them suddenly covered her mouth in surprise when she saw the water, then pointed at her and said, "Ah, you, the person on the poster of the game you played with me looks like ah!"

The companion next to her pulled her back in embarrassment, and said to Shui Guang: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, she went crazy playing "The World"..."

The girl before laughed and scolded: "You are crazy."

"The World"?Shui Guang was in a daze for a while, then smiled and said he didn't mind, the girl who spoke first just now looked at Shui Guang and kept mumbling, "I really think it looks a bit like it."

Before leaving, Shuiguang heard a sentence: "The game company seems to be launching "Tianxia II" soon, so I'm really looking forward to it!"

Shui Guang looked down at the left hand that was pushing the car, every time he thought of him, the pain in his fingers was gone, but it seemed to be involved in the stabbing pain in his heart.

Silan, Silan, what she thought of was not Jing Lan, but him.

In the evening, Jing Qin came to pick up the children, and Xiao's mother left the young couple for dinner.Shuiguang has no appetite, so after eating early, he took a walk in the yard with the child in his arms.Mother Xiao looked outside and couldn't help but shook her head. Xiaoqin saw it, put food for Mother Xiao and said, "Auntie, don't worry too much about Shui Guang."

"...Oh, you don't know, Xiaoqin, my child is too determined."

Father Xiao took a sip of his wine and said lightly, "Okay, children and grandchildren have their own blessings."

Ou Shaohua helped Xiao's father fill up the wine and changed the subject.Mother Xiao always had something on her mind, she put down her chopsticks before taking two bites, Jing Qin looked at it and sighed secretly.

After the meal, Jingqin asked Ou Shaohua to carry the child. She moved a bench and sat with Shuiguang under the tree where they used to sit in the yard. "Shuiguang, do you remember when we were young? Come and sit here."

"remember."

"Oh, I forgot, you have the best memory." The children in the house probably don't like being hugged by their father, and they twisted their bodies and babbled. Cry, I really convinced him."

Shui Guang looked over and smiled slightly.

The two talked for a while, Xiaoqin turned her head to look at the people around her, and said softly: "Shuiguang, you told me that you seem to like someone other than brother... I was a little surprised when I heard it, but I really feel sorry for you." You are happy."

Knowing that she was listening, Jing Qin continued talking, "During the Chinese New Year last year, you said he came over and wanted to bring him to meet me, but I just happened to visit relatives in those two days, so I couldn't see you and said people."

"Later, when you came back, I came to see you, and you hugged me and cried softly."

"In the past six months, I have been busy getting married and having children, so I haven't had a good chat with you..."

"Shuiguang, didn't you and that person go on...why?"

Shui Guang kept looking at the shadows of the trees on the ground illuminated by the moon, mottled and mottled, "Probably just not enough love, so I didn't make it to the end." She paid too late, and he... when all the vows finally turned into one sentence When it's "forget it", nothing makes sense.

"Shuiguang, do you hate him?"

Shuiguang's voice was very calm, and it seemed a bit empty in this winter night, "I don't have any hatred, it's just that I feel very uncomfortable."

She always thought that hearing Yu Jinglan's death that year was the most painful experience in her life, but it turned out not to be.

When he recklessly broke into her gray life, disturbing again and again the lake of heart that she thought would never fluctuate again, when she gradually walked out of the quagmire of that year and began to care about people other than Jing Lan, when she thought she could catch Live a little happiness, and start to weave some dreams... But I didn't expect that the so-called happiness would be so short, and the dream would wake up so quickly.

For a moment, she wanted to rush up to him and say, Zhang Zhenglan, please.

Yet she did nothing.

Jingqin moved her lips a few times after listening, and finally sighed, "Guang'er, do you know? Before, which sentence did I like most from you? Say, I'm hungry. You are always hungry, and when you are hungry, you will be hungry." According to my stomach, I am very hungry, and I want to eat something."

She practiced a lot of martial arts and was always the most hungry among them.She heard Xiaoqin say: "Brother would always put some snacks in the bag... Once a girl in their class found Skittles and was teased for several days, Luo Zhi always caused trouble, I Well, I always want to surpass my brother... How wonderful it would be if time could go back in time."

Yeah, it would be great if we could go back in time.

She will say the phrase "I like you, Yu Jinglan" later.She wouldn't call him that day.

She also doesn't know Zhang Zhenglan...

On the 23rd day of the twelfth lunar month, it snowed in Xi'an, and when Shuiguang returned home from work, a thin layer had already accumulated on the ground. Halfway through, he received a call from Luo Zhi, saying that he would be back tomorrow.

Luo Zhi stayed there all the time, and his career was getting better and better. At first, he went to her place to develop, saying that it had a good prospect, after all, it was one of the best big cities in the country, but in the end, he went there because he was worried about her.And later, when she came back, Luo Zhi didn't ask her how much she just said, it's good for you to be at home.

Shui Guang didn't know how to be good, but she was really pleased that Luo Zhizhi had broken out of his own career, unlike her, he came and went, and finally achieved nothing.

Shuiguang told him that it was snowing here.

Luo Zhi smiled and said, "Then we can have a snowball fight when I go back." Then he told her to help him tell his parents when he would come back. He and the two elders didn't answer the phone before, and they were probably playing mahjong .Luo's father and Luo's mother's biggest hobby is playing mahjong.

Shui Guang said yes, and after putting away the thread with a smile, seeing that the snow was getting bigger and bigger, she took out an umbrella from her bag to prop it up.Looking at the vast expanse of whiteness in front of me, I wonder how long this snow will last.

Half a year is an unbearable long time for Zhang Zhenglan.

Once Zhou Jianming saw him and said, "There are eight sufferings in life: birth, old age, illness, death, parting from love, long-lasting resentment, inability to ask, and inability to let go. Zhang Zhenglan, do you know what you are like now? Apart from that death , you have taken up the rest of the eight sufferings."

He had no direction in his life, but he deserved it for being so uncomfortable.

One day before the new year, Zhang Zhenglan went to a charity gala in a well-groomed dress.After the person in charge of the organizer finished speaking, he asked He Lan to donate a check. He retreated to the back and leaned against the wall to watch the turbulent crowd in the arena.

The loud voice seems to be able to drive away the desertedness in his heart.

After a while, someone came over to say hello to him, a man and a woman, he knew the man, he was the boss of a media company in this city, the other party reached out and said, "Mr. Zhang, long time no see."

Zhang Zhenglan shook his hand back, "Long time no see, Boss Yu." The man introduced the lady next to him, "This is the deputy editor-in-chief of the Chinese edition of Legend (Legend) magazine, Julie. It's been a long time since I interviewed you."

Julie nodded to Zhang Zhenglan with a smile, "I've heard about GIT Mr. Zhang, and today I see him. I want to say that I am much more handsome than those photos." A few tactful words on the scene were sincere.

Zhang Zhenglan smiled and said "Thank you".

The three chatted for a while, Boss Yu came to look for someone, so he walked away first, Julie and Zhang Zhenglan continued to chat, she wanted to do a report on outstanding figures in the IT industry at home and abroad, and Zhang Zhenglan of GIT is undoubtedly a domestic The leading IT leader, Julie naturally hoped to interview him, but the other party didn't seem to have the slightest interest in it. In the end, she confessed that he also clearly refused. Julie was puzzled, "Mr. Zhang once accepted Yu I have been interviewed by the magazine owned by the boss, I have also participated in several interviews with other magazines, and I was even invited to participate in the recording of a TV program, why is there no intention in this regard now?"

Zhang Zhenglan leaned there with a lazy attitude from beginning to end. After hearing this, he smiled and said, "The past was the past, and the present is the present. I'm not in the mood right now."

It was the first time for Julie to meet such a person. His behavior and attitude would not make people feel rude, and he was even polite, but what he said was... how to say, very self-centered and indifferent.Zhang Zhenglan has a height of 1.8 meters. His perfect figure looks even more heroic and upright against the backdrop of a fine suit.

Julie collected her thoughts, thinking that people with high reputations would be difficult to please, but she didn't want to give up, but it seemed that this person would not be easily swayed by others.

Just as she was thinking, the man in front of her suddenly stood up straight, and her face became a little ugly. He touched his suit trouser pocket, and then raised his hand to touch the inner pocket of the suit. His face became more and more serious, and she couldn't help but Immediately asked: "What's the matter? Is something missing?"

Zhang Zhenglan glanced at Julie, his eyes were dark, and there was no wave in them before, but now, Julie was sure, she saw a trace of panic, and he said in a deep voice, "My ring fell off."

Then Zhang Zhenglan walked towards a place where he had stayed before.

Julie watched the tall man anxiously searched around the buffet table, then grabbed the passing waiter and said something, and the waiter quickly helped to find him. Julie looked at Zhang Zhenglan's genuinely anxious face. , the only thought in her mind was that the person on the other end of the ring must have a very important position in his heart.

Just as Julie was about to go up to help, she saw him answer the phone, and then walked towards the exit. His expression was already relaxed, as if he had finally found something precious. Standing there, Julie thought, she must have found the ring.

"I put the ring on the dining table for you. I brought you soup and put it in the refrigerator. You can drink it when you come back and heat it up. Don't always eat unnutritious food outside." Mother sighed without saying anything With a single sound, the line was closed.

It turned out that it fell at the door. After he sat in the car, he leaned against the back of the chair, and closed his eyes due to a kind of exhaustion after tension.

The things she left with him were not many, such as toothbrushes, towels and pajamas, she didn't come to take them back after she left, probably because she thought she didn't need them anymore, but the things he left with her were clothes, books, handbags, and the things he gave her. She asked his brother to return the ring to him.

At that time, Luo Zhi said to him: "Mr. Zhang, I believe you will not hurt her, no one would be willing to hurt her. But..." Luo Zhi punched him, and he took it.

He was not willing, how could he be willing, but in fact, he did make her leave in pain.

He reached out and touched the side of his neck. Later, he strung the two rings together with a chain and hung them around his neck. He wore them day and night. He was so used to them that he lost all feeling, so that he didn't notice them in time when they fell off.

After sending a message to He Lan, he started the car and drove away. When he returned home, he saw An Ran's two rings on the dining table. He slowly sat down on the floor of the entrance, his eyes blushing slightly.

That time he came back early from Hainan because he was in Tianya Haijiao the night before, staring at the big rock in a daze for a long time.That night, I suddenly missed her very much. I originally wanted to come back that night, but there was no air ticket, so I bought a ticket the next morning and flew back non-stop. When I got off the plane and took a taxi, something happened.Because I ran to stop the car in a hurry, I was hit by an overtaking private car. I didn't fall down, but my arm was bruised, and the bone was not injured, but the skin was bleeding and the pain was unbearable.The perpetrator got out of the car and apologized again and again. He wanted to scold someone, but the more anxious he got, the more he got stuck, and finally had to go to the hospital to bandage the wound. At that moment, he was thinking, would someone feel distressed seeing him hurt?And in that hospital, he received a call from that man, "She is with me, do you want to come and see her?"

"She came to see her lover's sweetheart."

"Boss Zhang, who do you think is the saddest person in the world?"

"A person who doesn't give up... To be honest, I feel a little sympathetic to her."

He hangs up.

For so long, he was really not afraid of anything, and he could ignore everything. What he was most afraid of was always her attitude.

It turned out that she was in the next inpatient building at that time, a hundred meters away from him.

He always thought that things would gradually go smoothly, but in the end, he was too confident.

Zhang Zhenglan smiled wryly. He stood up and looked at the building behind him. At that moment, he felt a ridiculous and sad sense of fate. Even though he was so close to her, he felt as if he was separated by thousands of peaks and thousands of ravines. out of reach.

When he got home exhausted, he sat in the living room and waited for her to come back. He wanted to ask her, if he died, would she be sad for him?

But this question is really stupid.

Taking her to Hangzhou, where no one knew them, the two of them alone, deluded themselves into thinking that they could get rid of all their heart problems, but it only made him see clearly that he was no match for the person who had been dead for many years.The extravagant dream of being in love with each other is a luxury after all.

On June [-]th, he was busy preparing for her birthday. He wanted to spend two days with her. He had so many things in his heart that he wanted to tell her, but in the end he was busy and waiting in vain.

When you are disappointed to a certain extent and you can’t give up, you can’t help deceiving yourself and others, but after a long time of deceiving yourself, you will eventually get tired.

It was his death day, right?

He suddenly hated her a little, hated her obsession with her, and hated her for being ruthless to him.

He drank glasses of wine in the bar, saying over and over again in his heart, Xiao Shuiguang, he died, you pity him, you can't forget him?Then why don't you pity me?

The moment he said forget it, he felt that there is really a feeling in this world called "life is better than death".

Zhang Zhenglan pressed his forehead, he has chosen this step by himself.

But after half a year, he thought he could survive it, but found that he couldn't.

(End of this chapter)