I don't like the world, I only like you

Chapter 12 What That Boy Taught Me

I rarely mention my dad to others.No one would believe me if I said it. The last time I met my dad was before I got married. I asked him if he wanted to come to the wedding. He rubbed his hands in embarrassment and said, forget it.

When I was four years old, because my father had an affair, my parents divorced soon, and Guanchao and I followed my mother.

My most intuitive feeling after becoming a single-parent family is that my family suddenly became poor.My father remarried quickly, and his new wife was strict with him. The living expenses imposed by the court were 85 yuan a month, but he really only gave us 85 yuan a month.

We had a hard time during those days, my mother didn't have a job, she was very strong, she didn't want to go back to her mother's house, and insisted on dragging us brother and sister alone.Later, she helped others with manual work, folding cartons, and the whole house was covered with that kind of inferior yellow paper, which cost a penny a stack, and it took 1 stacks in three days.

Later, I told F that he didn't believe it. There is actually a salary in cents these days.

Yes, there really is. My mother relied on this for us to finish kindergarten and then go to preschool. At that time, there were not many children in preschool. People thought she was wasting money. She said that no matter how hard it is, her children can’t worse than others.

Also since then, my personality has changed a lot, from a heartless brat to a timid inferiority complex.

For a long time in my memory, my mother worked very hard.Get up at four o'clock every morning to deliver milk, come back at seven o'clock to make breakfast for us, then make box lunch at ten o'clock, push it to the street with a trolley at noon and sell it, earning a little more than before.But life is still tight.I remember that it was popular to buy various supplements for children at that time. There were often advertisements on TV. The calcium in the blue bottle was delicious. I really wanted to taste what it tasted like.

Other people's children are deficient in calcium, zinc, and iron. When it comes to me and Guanchao, we will only say categorically: lack of money!Looking back on those days, it was a tear. If I had a better literary talent, I would be able to write a "Dream of Red Mansions".

So I used to firmly believe that F and I could not be together—the growth environment was too different.He is a little prince, there is no shadow in his life, full of energy like the sun.And I have low self-esteem, twisted, fragile, and shrink back when the sun shines on me.

Guanchao once asked me what my greatest wish was.I said that I must marry a person I love deeply. He can be poor or have no background, but I want to give my child a normal and complete family and let him grow up in a loving environment instead of just relying on novels I fantasize about love with movies, but I am constantly shattered in real life so that I am full of fear.

Because of my parents' failed marriage, for a long time I didn't believe that there is really a love between two people for a lifetime in the world.

Later F told me one thing.

When he was a child, he asked his father where he came from. His father did not say "picked up from the garbage dump" or "fallen from the armpit" like other adults. Instead, he said: "You are an angel in the sky. , God thinks that mother is the most beautiful woman in the world, so he sent you to protect her."

"So what about you?" Little F asked.

"You will leave her when you grow up, and Dad will be responsible for accompanying Mom until old age."

This is the most romantic answer I have ever heard.

A few years ago, "Crazy Primitives" was released, and I went to see it with F.In one scene, in order to protect the family, the father threw them one by one across the cliff.I was so ashamed to cry in the middle of a bunch of kids in the movie theater.

It's very sad, father's love is a gentle engraved guardian in the blood, many people have it since birth, but I have never felt it.

When he came out, he hugged me and didn't say anything, but I could feel the temperature of that hug, it was warm, full of understanding and love.

As a teenager, I naively thought that I couldn't fall in love with anyone, I wasn't sure I was capable of love.

But he told me that love is an innate talent of human beings, and it is rooted in everyone's life. No matter how poor the surrounding soil is, it will never disappear. As long as someone wakes it up, it will definitely be there.

(End of this chapter)