departure tomorrow

Chapter 74 Then Say Goodbye
Su Nan lay on the bed bored, staring at the ceiling, not knowing what to do.

She has been back from Hangzhou for a long time, and she has been bored for a long time.

Because Zhu Hao has already entered the end of the semester, he has been staying up late studying crazily for the past few days, and there is no time left for Su Nan. Su Nan also asked him to study hard and leave her alone.

Then she cooks, does housework, reads novels, and chats with heroes, but she has never met Su Mu, as if she doesn't like herself very much.

"Humans, why did you deliberately choose me impartially?"

Who is it, Su Nan picked up the phone.

"Yo." Su Nan sat up abruptly.

"A rare visitor, beauty." Su Nan smiled and looked at Wang Lihui on the opposite side of the screen.

"What are you doing?" Wang Lihui collapsed on the sofa.

"Boring." Su Nan stretched her neck.

"Come out for a walk. I have a Border Collie and I'm out for a walk with the dog." Wang Lihui turned the camera over.

"Wow, it's such a big one." Su Nan looked at the big white-haired dog sleeping paralyzed next to the TV.

"Come out, I'll wait for you downstairs at your house." Wang Lihui got up.

"How did you come here?" Su Nan looked at Wang Lihui who was tying the dog leash.

"Walk, about fifteen minutes. When it's almost there, I call you, come down." Wang Lihui led the dog and closed the door. "I'm coming here now."

"Oh, I'll change clothes and hang up first." Su Nan hung up the video.

"What are you wearing?" Su Nan opened the closet, and Su Nan hadn't torn off the sticker Su Mu had put on.

"That green sportswear." Su Mu suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Oh mom, I was shocked." Su Nan looked at the suit, it was short-sleeved shorts, it was fine.

"Then" Su Nan was about to ask what kind of shoes she was wearing, but when she turned around, Su Mu had disappeared, "she is really a weird woman."

"White sneakers and white stockings." Su Nan put it on and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror.

Su Nan looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. It might be a physical problem. She has a fat face and a big belly, but her legs are thin and her hands are also thin. The protruding round bone on her hand is particularly obvious.

Su Nan is also a little thankful that she is a small skeleton, so even if she has flesh, she won't gain much weight.

"Forget it, just wash your face and go out." Su Nan turned on the faucet and flushed her face.

"Mom, I went out for a walk with Wang Lihui." Su Nan said to her mother who was doing moxibustion on the sofa.

"Okay, come back early." Mom waved her hand.

Su Nan closed the door and went downstairs.

I don't know if it's because there are too many stairs, or because I'm not fit enough, I feel dizzy when I walk from the seventh floor.

Su Nan swiped his phone and Wang Lihui came.

"Yeah, didn't I call you when I got to the point." Wang Lihui led the dog over.

"It's really big, can you touch it?" Su Nan looked up at Wang Lihui.

"Whatever, he is very docile and doesn't bite." Wang Lihui gave the dog leash to Su Nan, "You can try it on a leash."

Su Nan took the rope, "Whoa, slow down."

When the dog saw that the rope had changed, he thought he was going to leave, so he ran forward.

"Er Wang!" Wang Lihui shouted.

The dog stopped immediately and turned to look at Wang Lihui.

"The name is Erwang." Su Nan looked at Wang Lihui panting.

"Forget it, forget it, the community isn't out yet, so you're done, give me the rope, let's walk slowly." Wang Lihui took the rope.

"Where are we going?" Su Nan fanned the wind with her hand.

"In the direction of Wanda, go to the fitness park. There should be many handsome guys on the basketball and football fields." Wang Lihui told Su Nan with a smile, "There were really many boys with abdominal muscles who didn't wear clothes when they went to play badminton last night."

"Not good." Su Nan looked at Wang Lihui bewilderedly.

"You don't have a boyfriend, why pretend?" Wang Lihui looked at Su Nan with disgust.

"Didn't I tell you?" Su Nan looked at Wang Lihui.

"When did you have a date? Wang Lihui looked at Su Nan in disbelief.

"Probably when I was in Hangzhou." Su Nan looked at Wang Lihui embarrassedly, "Hehehe, I may have forgotten."

"Okay Su Nan! Don't tell me such a big thing!" Wang Lihui looked at Su Nan angrily.

"Oh, my brain is not working well, I thought I told you." Su Nan took Wang Lihui's arm, "Let's go, let's talk while walking."

"Don't tell me that I won't let you go." Wang Lihui was pulled forward by Su Nan.

"Okay, okay." Su Nan led Wang Lihui and talked about her and Zhu Hao while walking.

Wang Lihui was shocked after hearing this, "I don't believe it, show me his photo."

"That's it." Su Nan flashed the screensaver, and this picture was taken by a passer-by when he went to enjoy the flowers.

"I'll go, Su Nan, have you stepped on shit?" Wang Lihui looked at Su Nan.

"Do you know how to write the word rolling?" Su Nan looked at Wang Lihui with a smile.

"I was wrong." Wang Lihui raised his hands in surrender, "But I don't remember at all, we met such a person when we set up a stall."

"It's good to have yesterday's things in your head, okay?" Su Nan shook her head, "It's a rest, I'm tired."

Wang Lihui dragged the dog to sit down, "Look back, how far we have walked, are you tired?"

Su Nan looked back and said, "It's a long way, we've passed a traffic light."

"I can't say no to you." Wang Lihui shook his head.

"Then aren't you in a long-distance relationship?" Wang Lihui asked again.

Su Nan nodded, "It's okay to see you once every half a month, but once a month at the longest."

"That's okay." Wang Lihui thought for a while.

Su Nan warmly picked up the hand fan.

"Hey, your bracelet is still there, it's been several years." Wang Lihui looked at Su Nan's wrist.

"My grandfather bought it for me, about five years ago." Su Nan did the math.

"Then this is the last thing, you have to keep it well." Wang Lihui grabbed Su Nan's hand and looked at it, "The paint is all peeling off."

"That's for sure. I bought it at a street stall in the town." Su Nan looked at it, and saw that the paint was quite serious.

"Let me tell you something." Wang Lihui looked at Su Nan with a smile.

"What's so happy?" Su Nan looked at Wang Lihui and smiled a little panicked.

"Didn't I tell you before that when I was in junior high school, I had a male god, and later I found out that he was a scumbag, which made me angry. Then I learned that recently he was dumped by the girl he liked, and it was the one wearing the hat. Seed. Hahahahahaha Feng Shui turns around." Wang Lihui patted Su Nan with a smile.

"Happy to you. Hey, hey, mobile phone." Su Nan pointed to Wang Lihui's vibrating mobile phone beside him.

"Oh oh oh, I didn't see it." Wang Lihui quickly picked it up, "Wow, oh oh, I'll go, I forgot, come right away."

Su Nan watched Wang Lihui hang up the phone, "What's wrong?"

"I forgot to visit home today." Wang Lihui quickly stood up, "It's too late to go back now, you take me back."

"What about your dog?" Su Nan looked at the dog.

"In front of the battery car." Wang Lihui pulled Su Nan home.

"No, can you fit such a big one?" Su Nan was a little skeptical.

"If it doesn't work, I'll hold it." Wang Lihui was in a hurry.

"Okay, okay." Su Nan followed suit and became anxious.

"Quick, brother, don't wear a helmet for such a short distance." Wang Lihui looked at Su Nan who was still wearing the helmet slowly.

"Safety first, all right, come up." Su Nan patted the back seat.

"Oh, I really can't let it go, shit, hold it." Wang Lihui complained and got into the car.

"Let's go." Su Nan shouted.

"Hey, when will you take your driver's license test?" Wang Lihui yelled and asked Su Nan.

"Hurry up! There are still a few months!" Su Nan yelled back to her, "Don't talk!"

"The last word! Come out for breakfast tomorrow morning! The wonton shop downstairs!" Wang Lihui shouted.

"Got it! Shut up!" Su Nan wanted to hit her.

Wang Lihui shut up obediently.

The car was still fast, and it arrived in less than five minutes, just in time to see her teacher chatting with her parents in the yard.

"I'm leaving." Su Nan greeted Wang Lihui and left, because her parents didn't like Su Nan very much, and Su Nan knew it, so she tried not to contact her.

It's strange that Su Nan's friends and their parents don't like to let their children play with Su Nan.

But Su Nan doesn't care, as long as they are willing.

When I got home and had nothing to do, I made a video call to Xu Linlin.

"What?" Xu Linlin spread out on the bed.

"Come out and watch a movie tomorrow." Su Nan looked at Xu Linlin.

"What movie are you watching?" Xu Linlin pinched her nose.

"I'll see what's available in early July." Su Nan narrowed down the page to search.

"Damn, go watch "1921"!" Su Nan looked at Xu Linlin.

"Why, war movies?" Xu Linlin looked at Su Nan suspiciously.

"Wang Yuan played a very good role! It should be an important role." Su Nan looked at Xu Linlin.

"If you invite me, I'll accompany you." Xu Linlin looked at Su Nan.

"Okay! I've placed an order now." Su Nan opened the ticketing software.

"Okay, buy it in Xintiandi." Su Nan took a screenshot and sent it to Xu Linlin.

"Hey, "Chinese Doctor" has a special price now, more than ten yuan a piece." Su Nan looked at Xu Linlin.

"Crazy, two games a day." Xu Linlin scolded Su Nan.

"No, on the [-]th, do you want to see it?" Su Nan asked Xu Linlin.

"Take a look." Xu Linlin nodded.

"Then buy it." Su Nan bought the screenshot and gave it to Xu Linlin.

"Hey, yo, let's see if there is a pre-sale of "Great Dad" for [-] yuan a piece. Fortunately, this price is the day after tomorrow." Xu Linlin sat up.

"Hey, no, Wanda's nineteen ones." Su Nan looked at it.

"Then, do you want to buy it?" Xu Linlin looked at Xu Linlin with a smile.

"Buy, but you'll have to eat and milk tea." Su Nan looked at the balance on WeChat.

"Okay, eat Haidilao, I want to eat Haidilao." Xu Linlin made an OK gesture.

"Okay, I've given you the screenshots of the three movie tickets. If you arrive first, go get the tickets first." Su Nan sent her the third one.

"I've received it. I'll make an appointment with Haidilao first. There will definitely be more people tomorrow." Xu Linlin said.

"Very well, see you tomorrow." Su Nan hung up the phone.

Su Nan looked at the time, it was already eight o'clock, go wash and sleep.

Su Nan took the bath towel and pajamas and prepared to take a bath.

"What are you doing? You want to take a bath again? Why do you take a bath at home every day?" Dad just came out of the shower.

"Isn't there a taste, and I will be tomorrow." Su Nan was interrupted just as he was about to say something.

"You are in such poor health now, how can you take a shower every day? Be obedient and don't wash." Mom brushed her teeth and came from the balcony.

"But it has a taste." Su Nan said.

"Then I didn't smell like you in my time, and I didn't take a bath every day. At that time, I didn't have the conditions to take a bath. That's how I came here." Dad said again.

"But I'm going out tomorrow." Su Nan was a little helpless.

"Why do you run out all day long? Go out to watch movies and eat with Xu Linlin again? Can't you watch movies at home? Can you eat outside food?" Mom came over after rinsing her mouth.

"I cook those dishes at home, and you don't want them. Everything outside is delicious, and the excrement outside must be more fragrant. You want the outside, but you don't want the ones at home." Mom reprimanded Su Nan.

"Tomorrow, I will stay at home honestly. I am still running around when I am sick." Dad said again.

"But I've been at home since I came back." Su Nan didn't understand.

"You want to go out and go crazy when you get better?" Dad looked at Su Nan.

"Okay, no more washing, I won't go out tomorrow, I'm going back to sleep." Su Nan turned her head back to the room, closed the door and sat on the bed.

"Take the medicine before going to bed." Mom opened the door and came in, put the medicine and water on the table and went out.

Su Nan stared at the medicine and the cup in a daze.

She's used to it.

But she doesn't want to take medicine today.

Su Nan just sat on the bed like this.

Get up and put the medicine hidden on the desk together with today's.

"Still sleeping! The light is still on there!" Mom shouted at the door.

"Going to bed!" Su Nan turned around and turned off the light.

"Clap."

Something is missing.

Su Nan turned around, but he couldn't see anything in the black paint. He fumbled with his phone and turned on the flashlight to look for it. When he stepped back, he felt that he had stepped on something.

Su Nan looked down and was stunned.

It is the necklace on the hand.

Su Nan picked it up and wanted to ask her mother if there was anything she could do.

Pushing open the door and walking to the door, I heard them talking. Su Nan was afraid of being scolded if she went in now, and planned to wait until they finished speaking before going in.

"Anyway, didn't she know it a long time ago, and she kept herself silent in the room for a whole day that day."

Su Nan was puzzled, what were they talking about?
"Then should I tell her when I go back to the grave tomorrow? I didn't tell her when I went to the grave."

"Let's talk about it after it's over. Anyway, Mom told her when she passed away. And didn't the coin be given to her?"

Su Nan didn't react at first, mom?Isn't it grandma?
"But she wasn't allowed to see her for the last time, she wasn't allowed to go to the burial, and she wasn't allowed to go to the grave in the future. It's not good, after all, they are her grandparents."

"Think about it, if you tell her that Mom died of lack of oxygen because the oxygen tube fell off at night, how can she accept it? What happened to her back then was such a big blow to her."

"And she can't go with her body. Didn't the master say that she is now like this because she is wearing a white hat, isn't it just that time with Dad? I just attended that funeral."

Su Nan stood at the door in shock, not even knowing that the bracelet on her hand fell off.

"Well, that's all. Tomorrow we'll go by ourselves."

Su Nan turned around in a daze, stepped on the necklace, then lowered her head in a daze to pick it up, and walked back to the room.

Sitting on the bed, he stared blankly at the completely broken bracelet in his hand, but still didn't react.

Open the wooden box of the drawer, and sure enough, there is a new coin next to Grandpa's coin.

Su Mu knew about it, but she didn't say it.

Su Nan held two cold coins in his hands and couldn't help himself.

why why.
Su Nan couldn't figure it out.

Is it so difficult to take care of your own parents?
In the end, he left alone and in despair.

Su Nan tremblingly looked at the warmed coin in his hand.

I can't express how I feel at this moment.

Su Nan squatted down holding her heart.

It's all gone.

Su Nan smiled.

Get up, open the window, the outside world is still operating as usual.

It's so brightly lit.

Step on the table and sit on the windowsill.

It's better at night, I can't see anything.

Su Nan closed her eyes and opened them again.This is not a dream, this is reality.

All of a sudden, I felt that nothing was necessary.

Nothing matters anymore.

I kept telling myself not to expect anything or anyone so that violent grief would be avoided.

Because of this, where there is no hope, there will be surprises.

But always, will be full of hope after disappointment again and again.

Again and again, infinite loop.

Su Nan sat on the window sill and looked at the bustling city in the distance, feeling so ridiculous.

Today is the first few days that she doesn't know how to be a waste.first few years.

Su Nan looked down at the pile of medicine beside her. She hadn't taken medicine for several days, and it was all piled up here.

There are really too many medicines, and she doesn't want to take them.

Su Nan spread out her palms, holding the bracelet that had just been broken suddenly.

There is no way to fix it.

This bracelet has been by Su Nan's side for a long time, and it is the only thing grandpa left for Su Nan.

Not anymore.

Just got into an argument with my parents.

Because of the daily shower thing.

Su Nan is very afraid of heat and sweats a lot almost every day. Because of her body odor, Su Nan takes a bath every day.Because she couldn't bear the smell on her body, and when she smelled this smell, she would think of the harm that she had caused from childhood to adulthood.She would keep washing and washing until there was no trace of the smell on her body before she would let it go.

I once thought about getting rid of it. Moxibustion, acupuncture, physiotherapy, taking medicine, applying imported ointment and even surgery are all just a short-term get rid of.

She knew that her parents were doing it for her own good, and it was not good to take a bath every day.

Su Nan used to be the same, because she lived on campus, and the school environment was inconvenient to take a bath, but the smell would be very strong if she didn't take a bath, so she had to wear thick clothes, because the smell would be covered.But he also became a strange person in the mouth of his classmates.

She will even go out on a rainy day and walk deliberately, hoping that the rain will wash away the smell on her body.

Then she became what everyone called a lunatic.

Just now she found out that the reason why her mother would let her go to Hangzhou alone was because her grandma passed away and had to hold a funeral, but she was not allowed to attend because of her weak health.

This incident happened during the period when she was Su Mu.

Su Mu didn't tell her.

She didn't even see grandma's last look, and she didn't even know about the funeral.

Someone once told her that if you hate this world, you should become better to change it, and if you can’t do it, don’t be changed by this world.It's not about getting along with the world and blaming it.

She once also believed that the price of creating good is: hard work, disappointment and perseverance.First the pain, then the joy.

But now Su Nan just wants to know how to get rid of this world and herself.

Su Nan looked at the brightly lit phone screen, Zhu Hao was sharing her happy daily life with her, Wang Lihui sent a lot of voices and should be complaining about the strange things he met, Xu Linlin sent her some dancing videos, she I'm taking dance lessons these days.

Su Nan was really content to meet them.So she didn't want to share her negativity with them, she didn't want to, and they were as depressed as she was.

She told herself from the beginning to the end that it is impossible for people to be like this all their lives, and there will always be a day when they get better, but how long is that day?

She remembered Yin Yun's words that Zhu Hao was not as happy as before after meeting her.

Is it the sadness I bring?

Su Nan remembered what Xu Linlin and Wang Lihui's parents said, because of you as a friend, our children have become worse.

Is this my problem?

Su Nan took out two coins sealed in her pocket, which were buried under the ashes of her grandparents, saying that they would bring good luck to the children and grandchildren.

"You will bring bad luck and make those around you unhappy."

This is what she once thought was a good friend left behind when she left.

is it?

seems like it.

Parents are worried about her every day, their health is worse every day, and they are working harder every day to treat the disease. They should have retired to enjoy their old age.

Because my parents had to run around to accompany me to see a doctor, no one in the family took care of my grandparents, so I put my grandpa in a nursing home, and my grandma was alone at home, and then they all died of accidents.Grandpa died on the side of the road exhausted because he couldn't find the way, and grandma died because the oxygen inhaler fell while sleeping at night.But if they have someone to take care of them, they should be lying in a chair listening to the radio and basking in the sun by now.

Only when you lose it will you know that you should cherish it, and only when you lose it will you realize that you regret it.

In the past, Su Nan, during a long period of suffering, the reason for persevering was thinking that she must work hard to live and let her grandparents live in the best nursing home.

Su Nan didn't dare to think about it any further, she was afraid that she would not be able to bear it.

"You're exhausting and painful to those who love you."

This is what a classmate said to her when she left school.

It seems that I really only bring darkness to those around me.

including yourself.

Also dark.

As they say, flies do not bite seamless eggs, where there is no wind there is no wave.

Why only for you?
Why only bully you?
Why are you all?

why only you

Why is it you?
Su Nan stretched out her hand to catch the evening wind, but in vain.

Looking down from the seventh floor is an endless abyss.

Looking at this already dark world, Su Nan felt that she had also become dark.

Vulnerable.

Full of bad breath.

This is me.

Maybe, she was a serial murderer who committed all kinds of crimes in her previous life.

This life will be like this.

But if possible, I don't want to have a next life, so let me just fly away.

Leave nothing behind.

I always feel like I am redeeming myself, and I feel like I am moving myself.

Life is very messy, as if I have forgotten something, but it seems that I am desperately trying to remember something.

I always feel like I forgot something...

I always feel like I shouldn't remember anything...

She didn't know why, but she felt that at this moment, she was so calm that she couldn't be more calm, and the enthusiasm for living actively in the past disappeared in a snap...

Su Nan turned around and looked at the empty room, she was the only one left...

The past few days of her... In fact, she was already very wrong...

It's as if... memory has been tampered with by someone... There will always be strange memories that don't belong to me looming in my mind...

She is gradually forgetting that in her world, there are many people, and every day is very lively.But in the eyes of others, she is the only one, and she is always the only one.

When Su Nan was sitting on the bed eating, she would always see Jiang Ziwen sitting next door chatting with someone.

She can always see Zhu Hao running in with a smile and calling Su Nan's name, trying to take Su Nan out to play...

I can always see my grandparents smiling and standing together holding hands, and standing in the distance smiling at myself and reaching out to hold me.

I can always see in a very bright place, the hero smiles and looks at Su Nan who is making trouble, very happy...very happy...

It also seems to see Wang Yuan standing on the high stage, singing and greeting her...

It's like... and it's like...

But now...

That's ridiculous……

She once firmly believed that... she would be fine
She once thought she had climbed out of the abyss but was told that she was only halfway up the mountain, but now she has been kicked into a deeper ice sea...

Why do the two words "bad" always surround me...

why……

Why can't I let myself go...

If possible, I hope to travel back to the time when my mother was pregnant with the first child, and then try my best to prevent her from aborting and leaving that child. In this way, I will naturally not be born.

I was born as a human...I'm really sorry...

It's really... hopeless...

Su Nan stretched out her hand to look at the dense scars on her wrist, and touched it, "I'm sorry, following me, I really suffered..."

Know me... I'm so sorry...

For so long, she has been repeatedly struggling and jumping in self-saving and self-abandonment. Now, she is really tired...

I really don’t want to continue anymore. The medicines that I take every day, the salt water that I hang up, the treatments and examinations that I can’t finish, the days that can’t be seen, the medical expenses that are getting more and more expensive, I feel more and more uncomfortable every day. , everything is unbearable, she really can't hold on to such a day, the news is getting worse every day...

This year, I originally planned to watch the sunrise, watch the snow with the people I like, watch the fireworks, and start my life again...Maybe it's too hot this summer and I can't make it through...

Su Nan sat quietly on the window and looked outside.

The elders always say that a kind person will never be unhappy in life.

So she remained kind and hoped for a better life.

But later she discovered that what kindness brings is infinite darkness.

People always say that people who love to laugh will have good luck.

So she tries to be cheerful and optimistic every day, and faces everything with a smile.

But later she discovered that the premise of loving to laugh is that her luck is not bad.

Later, she really didn't know what to do, so she asked the people around her for help.

But they always say, you have to find the reason from yourself.

So she would reflect on herself every time she encountered something, but she couldn't change her fate.

What was wrong, what was wrong with me, that ruined my life.

Who can tell me.

Su Nan looked up at the bright starry sky.

That's great, no matter how the world changes, they will always shine brightly.

Su Nan got up and got down, closed the screen, and put all the medicine into a small bag.

Looking at the time, it was already three o'clock, parents should be asleep, Su Nan was going to take a bath quietly.

Su Nan washed very seriously, because she didn't know when the next bath would be.

After washing, Su Nan found out the white dress that she had never dared to wear but liked it, put it on, dried her hair and tidied it up, and leisurely put on a mask.After finishing these, I replied to all three of them, and they should all be asleep by now.

Not only is the mobile phone quiet and quiet, but the world is also quiet and quiet.

It was as if nothing had happened.

Su Nan sat by the bed and opened the small box that she had sworn never to open again.

There were only two things in it, a graduation photo with Su Nan's face painted green, which was the last gift for graduation as those people called it.

A piece of paper with only one sentence "Don't tell others", this is a memory that Su Nan dare not recall, a memory that has been dusty for a long time, it is about a boy, and Su Nan was only in the first grade of junior high school that year That's all, that boy was four years older than Su Nan, and that night, he coaxed and tricked her back home as a boyfriend.

Su Nan sealed the thing in the box again and pushed it under the bed.

Those who have hurt Su Nan are now living happily under the bright sunshine.

They may not even remember Su Nan, as if she never existed.

She didn't want to argue anymore.

Su Nan opened the drawer, and inside was her little secret, a drawer of wine.There are also medicines that she didn't want to take in it, and they are all hidden here.

Su Nan took out a bottle and opened it, and dumped the contents of the drawer and the contents of the bag on the bed.

"A lot of candy, let's go with some wine." Su Nan smiled and swallowed the wine until it was gone, and the wine was gone.

Su Nan carefully put the wine bottle back in the drawer, and looked up at the already dark sky.

A new day is about to begin.

She is really tired.

After tidying up her hair, she quietly lay down on the bed with her arms crossed.

This skirt is her favorite one, bar none.

Sleepiness slowly hit, Su Nan closed her eyes.

This time, hopefully, it's a good dream.

(End of this chapter)