The day I shared a flat with my female boss

I said, "what are you looking at at at the window? Don't you sleep yet? "

"Look at the rain." Said Xi'er.

I said, "what's good about the rain?"

At this time, Xi'er said something inexplicable, she said: "the autumn rain is pattering!"

Then she went back to the bed and lay down with her clothes.

It's very quiet in the bedroom. The rain outside the window is pattering and whispering

After a long silence, Xi'er whispered to me: "Yang Yang..."

I turned to see her

Xi'er asked me carefully, "you Do you still love Xi'er? "

I was stunned. I didn't expect that she would suddenly ask me this question. Do I still love Xi'er?

I turned to the dark window and sighed, "I don't know..."

In fact, I have already made an answer. When we say we don't know a person or a thing, we are already hesitating in our hearts. This is a process from firmness to hesitation, from hesitation to relief.

In short, I haven't completely come out of Xi'er's world.

"Yang Yang..." Xi'er called me softly.

I turned and looked at her

She looked at me and said, "can I ask you a question?"

I said with a smile: "you ask."

"Promise me you won't be angry?" Xi'er looked at me and said.

I said, "OK, I promise not to be angry."

After pondering for two seconds, Xi'er looked at me and said, "who do you love more, me and Xi'er?"

I was stunned again!

Xi'er looked at me carefully and said, "you said, I promise not to be angry..."

I reluctantly said with a smile, "I'm not angry either."

"Can you tell me the answer honestly? Yang Yang. " Xi'er looked at me and said.

I said, "why do you ask this all of a sudden?"

"Maybe it's a sudden question for you, but it's not a sudden question for me." Xi'er looked at me and said.

I said, "do I really want to say that?"

"If you want to be honest with Xi'er and me, if you want to be honest with yourself." Xi'er looked at me and said that her eyes were shining.

My Adam's apple wriggled up and down twice, pondering

I looked up at her and said, "Xi'er, this is not a simple problem in the first place..."

Xi'er looked at me and said, "I know."

"It's not a matter of quantity," I said, looking at her carefully. "It's not a matter of who and how much you love, it's not a matter of quantity."

Xi'er looked directly at me and said, "what's the problem?"

After thinking about it, I said, "it's not about quantity. It's a qualitative problem. Of course, it's also a matter of time. It's a matter of priority! Yes, before Xi'er, I loved you. Now I should say I loved you. After you, I love Xi'er. Maybe now I should say that I loved Xi'er.... "

Xi'er looks at me with twinkling eyes and seems to be expecting me to continue.

My Adam's apple was wriggling up and down, and I felt my mouth dry. At least personally, this is a cruel question, because to answer this question, I have to face my heart, or I have to tear open the wound that has not yet healed!

I lit a cigarette, took two puffs and then added: "although I loved you two, it's not a matter of quantity. It's not a matter of who I love more. It's not comparable. Because the feeling of love you bring me is very different, so it's a matter of nature... "

In the statement, I seemed to feel my own logic problem, and I went around myself. I pause to reorganize the language

After two puffs of smoke, I went on to say, "for example, I love you naturally. It's the kind of love at first sight. In love psychology, it probably belongs to passionate love. You just satisfy all my imagination of the perfect woman. You can make me feel like a quiet summer, or as beautiful as sunset

I love Xi'er and have experienced more twists and turns. At the beginning, I didn't love her, and I even resented her. But a trip to Europe changed everything. In such a special place, special time, and special state of mind, the two people have a feeling of sympathy, or sympathizing with each other. And then we had a weird relationship

In fact, before our trip to Europe, we had a long time to get along with each other. Although we met each other, it was a verbal fight, it was undeniable that it was also a process of gradually getting to know each other. In other words, before our trip to Europe, we had a certain understanding of each other, or it can be said that it is the emotional basis.

So when I came back from Europe, I was with Xi'er. At first, I felt guilty, but I don't know what happened. The longer I get along with Xi'er, the deeper I understand her, the stronger my love for her, and the better my impression of her. Maybe it's because I found a real Xi'er. Under the surface of her strong and arrogant, there is a weak, helpless and sometimes confused heart. Of course, it makes sense to say that love grows with timeFrankly speaking, Xi'er is not a happy girl, her happiness is superficial, her heart is sad, she is eager to be understood, but often fall into the mire of loss. Her love is very brave, very warm, very sacrifice spirit, it seems that for love, she can do nothing, including her own life! Love is life to her! She will change a lot for a person, sometimes her great changes make me feel at a loss

Of course, her love is also full of her character defects. Sometimes her love is possessive, but it is because of this that she has a special sense of reality... "

I pause for a moment, I don't know if I have said too much. Even I am surprised, when it comes to my love with Xi'er, my mouth seems to be unable to stop the car.

Xi'er's eyes twinkled at me and asked softly, "is there anything else?"

I exhaled a puff of smoke and said, "there's more. I know that I love Xi'er because I fall in love with her vigorous personality, including all kinds of small shortcomings such as being unreasonable and so on... "

Sighed: "I love you so much

I wry smile a way: "should say, I once deeply loved Xi son!"

"Yang Yang, do you know?" Xi'er looked at me and said, "you just said Xi'er's words. I feel so sour after listening to them. It seems that I have drunk a whole bottle of vinegar. I don't know why. I feel very sad in my heart. I should have been happy for Xi'er You say, am I very strange... "

I said, "no, you're honest, too."

"But, obviously, you love Xi'er more than me." Xi'er looked at me and said.

"It's not a matter of quantity," I said

Xi'er looked at me with red eyes and said stubbornly, "but it's really a problem! When you mentioned me, there were only a few words, but when you mentioned Xi's childhood, she was eloquent When we were separated, you soon forgot me, but after you and Xi'er were separated, you never forget... "

I hastily said: "at the beginning, but you proposed to break up..."

Realizing that my words were too extreme, I quickly stopped my mouth and said in a low voice, "Xi'er, I'm sorry..."

"It doesn't matter," Xi'er looked at me and shook her head. "Yes, I proposed to break up at the beginning. I wanted to help you and Xi'er If my opponent is not Xi'er, I won't let you go. I won't, I won't... "

Xi'er said with a nasal voice.

I said: "Xi'er, let's not talk about it? It's all over... "

"No! I want to say Xi'er looked at me stubbornly and said, "maybe for you, it's all gone, it's all gone, but for me, it's never gone, never..."

I opened my mouth and didn't say anything. I still don't understand the real meaning of Xi'er's words.

"I can't forget you," Xi'er said, looking at me with tears in her eyes. "Your smile, your poverty, your warmth and talent All these can't leave because of you, on the contrary, it becomes more and more clear in my heart! But I silently put all this pressure in the bottom of my heart, I carefully I remember on national day, aze wanted to go with me to Hokkaido, Japan. I refused. I went to Lijiang and Yulong Snow Mountain alone. I wanted to seek spiritual relief, but When I was lucky enough to witness the legendary "one meter sunshine", I was praying in my heart. I prayed for the "daughter of the wind" to bring my missing lover to me. I prayed to be with him all my life. I prayed for eternal love yes! At the beginning, I proposed to break up. It was I who pushed my favorite man into my sister's arms. I was responsible. I was my own sinner... "

I still remember a passage in a diary written by Xi'er when she was in Lijiang:

for a person's life, the truly brilliant and unforgettable love is fleeting, just as the "one meter sunshine" is short!

"The eternity that can't be achieved in a lifetime may be condensed at a certain point; the brilliance that can't be possessed in a lifetime may only be within one meter. However, if you miss it, you will miss it. The short one meter sunlight will only irradiate people by chance, but not necessarily cover them. "

I said: "Xi'er Stop talking, don't torture yourself! Let go of yourself... "

"I also want to, I also want to, but," Xi'er looked at me and murmured, "but I can't do it. You are always so active in my heart, just like I saw you at the first sight in Sicilian manor Just like the white jade hairpin on my head, it's always there. It's always a part of my body and mind... "

I said: "it's all over, Xi'er..."

"Yes, it's all over, but," Xi'er whispered, "but now that Xi'er has left you, I give you to her just to think that she can love you well, but she finally chooses to leave you