Tales From the Terran Republic

“And one final thing,” Sheila said to her crew as they lounged on the bridge, “I know she’s cute and all but keep your eye on Sheloran. I don’t know what her deal is, but I do know she can get on top of you before you can blink.”

“Dare to dream, right Eno?” Gloria smirked.

“Could you please take a break from being a complete bitch just this once?” Eno growled dangerously. Good ol’ Eno was as nice as could be… riiiiight up until he wasn’t.

You didn’t want to see that. He was in the crew for a reason. Only Gloria had the balls to really fuck with him.

“Yeah, she’s a bitch,” Sheila said, “but that bitch has a point. Eno, you are a great guy, but this might not be the time for, pardon the pun, your ‘white knight’ routine. I don’t expect there to be any real trouble. If I did, I wouldn’t let that thing prowl around so freely… but… and I’m not saying there will be trouble, but if there is…”

“There won’t be!” Eno snapped.

“I know… I know...” Sheila said reassuringly, “But, if there is, don’t get in front of my shot, alright? That’s all I’m saying.”

“You would shoot me?”

“Of course not, dipshit!” Sheila snorted as she tossed back a beer, “I wouldn’t take the shot, and that little blue demon would kill both of us… You did watch the snuff flick, right? If she goes ‘pop,’ we had all better be on our game.”

“She won’t go ‘pop’ if Gloria wouldn’t try so hard to make it happen!” Eno snarled accusingly.

“And one point for the white knight,” Sheila smirked. “Gloria, stop fucking with the frog, got it?”

Gloria muttered something under her breath.

”Got it?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gloria grumbled, “I’ll leave little miss pissy pants alone… Christ… That fucking thing is getting on my last nerve.”

“What do you have against Sheloran, anyway?” Lorna asked.

“It’s her whole… act...” Gloria smirked, “I just want to sell coffee,” she said in a whiny voice, “I’m not a bad person!” Gloria wailed, holding her hands to her cheeks, “Oh, I’m soooo… pooping scared Eno… Hold me!… Finger my gills!” Gloria gasped as she lunged at Eno wrapping her arms around him, laughing as Eno bounced her off the floor.

“SHE NEVER ASKED ME TO FINGER ANYTHING!!!” Eno bellowed. “The only thing she has ever done is hold my hand!” Eno exclaimed and then groaned. He knew what was about to happen.

“OooooOOooooo!” Gloria crooned suggestively, “You two are up to hand holding already?”

“Gloria!” Sheila snapped. “Stop baiting Eno. Eno, stop simping over the frog. It’s weird.”

“I’M NOT SIM…” Eno bellowed as everyone burst into laughter, “You know what? Fuck all of you!”

Eno rose to leave.

“Ok, ok...” Sheila said reassuringly, “I’m sorry Eno. Come back, please,” she said trying to keep a straight face. “I won’t fuck with you anymore, I promise. We might have a vote.”

Eno sat back down, glaring at Gloria.

“And Gloria,” Sheila added, “don’t forget what happened last time you pushed Eno just a bit too far. We might be stuck out here for a while, and we don’t need to be wasting medical supplies.”

“What happened?” Lorna whispered to Jacob.

“I’ll tell you later,” Jacob whispered back, “Let’s just say you don’t want Eno to go Yellowstone, trust me.”

“Next item,” Sheila said, looking at the tablet, “repairs. We have the second coming of combat spacecraft sitting in our hold and a pilot who really needs to kill something.”

“Our shipbuilders are in Sol,” Greg replied, “and we are about as hot as you can get. How bad is it, Bunny?”

“Bad,” Bunny replied, “They have covered the Barnard’s Star system in drones, and I mean covered it. There are thousands of them flying constant patrols. Nothing is getting in or out without tripping hundreds of alerts. Sol is even worse. The whole fleet is mobilized. They are flying patrols everywhere. Every port, every shipyard, even little mom and pop junkyards are getting regular visits.”

“What about the Kuiper Belt?” Sheila asked.

“They are even out there,” Jessie chirped. “That’s where the battleships and carriers are.”

“Even Eris?”

“The Retribution is hovering right on top of it.”

“New Tokyo?”

“The Alduin.”

“Makemake?”

“The Sovngarde,” Jessie replied. “I’m telling ya, the Navy is out there in force. It’s so bad that the Kuipers are letting them… Oh, and they are pissed at us, too. They blame us for bringing the heat down on them.”

“What they aren’t blockading,” Bunny said, “they are flying regular patrols over. Turns out they even knew about places we didn’t think they did.”

“What about the scattered disk?” Sheila asked. “They can’t have all of that covered.”

“Stiletto squadrons and trawlers,” Jessie replied. “I think we kinda pissed them off… and our ‘friends’ say that they think Gloria’s reaper was built in the Sol System, which it was. They also figure she’s going to need serious repairs, which she does.”

“What about the builders?” Sheila asked.

“They got a visit,” Bunny said, “but they are pros, and nothing was found. They aren’t getting any more heat than anyone else, but any shipbuilder or repair specialist has eyes on them. They have a drone hovering outside their shop, like every other shop in the system.”

“They say that they might be able to sneak out a few people,” Jessie chirped, “But it’s going to cost us big time.”

“Well, if they can do it,” Sheila replied, “we’ll pay them.”

“What about the Oort cloud?” Gloria asked impishly.

“No!” Sheila exclaimed, “Just… no… Not them.”

“They have a shipyard,” Gloria said with a wolfish grin.

“And they think the universe is 7,000 years old!”

“And you know the Navy isn’t there.”

“Remember what happened to Jacob?” Sheila exclaimed, “We almost didn’t get him back!”

“Pedo,” Gloria smirked.

“She said she was eighteen!” Jacob shouted defensively.

“Bruh,” Lorna said disapprovingly, her eyebrow nearly reaching escape velocity, “Seriously?”

“And what did we learn?” Sheila chuckled.

“When someone feels the need to volunteer the fact that they are eighteen without you asking,” Jacob sighed, “they aren’t...”

“And?”

“Her family will break out the shotguns...”

“And?”

“Can we please drop this?” Jacob said, flushing bright red.

“Ok, lover boy,” Sheila smirked, “Just keep it in your pants this time.”

“Or at least wait until recess,” Greg snickered.

Jacob sighed and hung his head.

“She looked eighteen...”

“And that’s why we paid them off,” Sheila replied. “Otherwise, we would have left you with your new family. Man, were they hungry for some fresh genes or what?”

Sheila turned to Jessie.

“There has to be another option. If the builders can give the Navy the slip,” Sheila asked, “what about taking them out of the system?”

“Any other shop in the Republic is covered. Even the mining outposts.”

“The Empire?”

“They are cooperating with the Republic,” Jessie said as she looked at her tablet. “We have a lot of supporters, but the Empire doesn’t like nuke-slinging vigilantes all that much either, and they don’t want a Barnard’s Star level shoot out spilling over onto their well-manicured lawn. We might be ok, but they have a lot of agents prowling about and have us, and our genomes, all over the place.”

“What about the Vengeance?” Sheila asked hopefully, “Have you talked to Kolvac’’ksa?”

“We aren’t welcome,” Bunny replied, “They see the heat we are bringing down and don’t want that following us there. Kolvac’’ksa says he wishes us victory and hopes that we can do business again… someday… other than today. He was really nice about it,” Bunny added. “Can’t blame them. If the Republic followed us to a Republic hulk...”

“Oh fuck me...” Sheila grumbled as she facepalmed, “Ok… T?”

“Yes?” T’sunk’al asked, looking up from his tea.

“It’s going to be a tough jump,” Sheila said. “There is a gravity well, but it’s shallow. You are literally aiming at a big snowball.”

“Not a problem,” T’sunk’al said as he sipped his tea. “I would like a bit of a challenge.”

“You are not shoving a fan up my ass again!” Bunny exclaimed.

“Did we have to last time?” Sheila asked.

“No...”

“Then quit your bitching,” Sheila replied. “Ok, guys, we are going to MAGA… God help us...”

“Woooo!” Jessie exclaimed. “MAGA!!! I love those guys! Ooo! Can we fly over to Hobby Lobby while we are there?”

“Sure, why not,” Sheila grumbled, “Might as well get the whole experience.”

“Yay!”

“Hey,” Greg said, elbowing Jacob, “She’s legal now! You should look her up!”

“Go and fuck yourself, Greg.”

***

“I am so terribly excited!” Caw gushed. “I just can’t believe it!!!”

“Really,” Karashel chuckled, “I couldn’t tell.”

“Your people are actually interested in what really matters!!!”

“It’s not going to be easy,” Caw said, “but oh, the rewards...”

“Mmm hmm,” Karashel replied as she looked at her tablet.

She smiled.

“We have a plan in place that should really make things a lot easier,” Karashel smiled as she read something. “In fact, I believe that the quality of life for the average Baleel is about to improve markedly.”

“I know the prospect is intoxicating,” Caw said, practically dancing in place, “but care should be taken not to overreach or try to take on too much at once. This will be a long process, taking generations of careful planning and hard work.”

“Or we could just increase our wealth by a factor of a thousand,” she said absently as she stared at her tablet again. “And just bankroll the whole thing in one shot.”

Caw chuckled.

“If only it were that simple,” he clicked, laying his hand on top of Karashel. “Even if that were remotely possible, there would still be innumerable surprises, problems, social issues… as your people will learn.”

“We could just run a very detailed simulation first,” Karashel said as she idly poked at her screen. “You know, have a test population that we could use to iron out all the details.”

“That sounds ominous,” Caw replied, looking down at his friend curiously, “Have you been reading human stuff again? I thought you said you were done with that.”

“I said I was done with Marx, Mao, and Hitler,” Karashel replied with a little smile that Caw had learned was a very bad sign. “I’ve moved on to the 21st and 22nd centuries now. The events leading up to their third global conflict and what happened afterwards are far more useful than starry-eyed idealists like Lenin and Pol Pot.”

“Who is Pol Pot?”

“Oh, nobody,” Karashel muttered absently. “Come on...” she muttered as she shook her tablet. “How long can it fucking take?”

“How long can what take?”

“Oh, sorry,” Karashel said, turning off her tablet and looking up at Caw for the first time, “work stuff.”

“You’ve had a lot of that here lately,” Caw replied, “I hardly ever see you anymore, and when I do, you barely have the energy to curse at me. Is everything ok?”

“Not especially,” Karashel replied with a chuckle, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but a lot has been going on in the Federation here lately.”

“Yes, a lot of systems are really struggling,” Caw replied, “I honestly don’t know how some of them are going to make it… Oh, progenitors… Are the Baleel, you know… ok?”

“It’s my job to ensure that we will be,” Karashel replied, “And I am very good at my job,” she added with a moist but feral gleam in her eyes.

She paused.

“Um… Caw...” she said, looking up at him earnestly, “I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and the time you’ve spent with me and everything you’ve shown me… You mean a lot to me, and I hope…”

“Kara?” Caw asked with concern.

“Oh, nothing,” Karashel smiled, “I just want you to know, that’s all.”

“Thank you,” Caw “smiled”, “that means a lot. You mean a lot, Karashel, and now so do the Baleel! Nobody has ever asked us what they have. Oh, we have so much to share with you!”

“I hope you feel that way in about a—“

“Councilor Karashel!” an unpleasant voice rasped angrily.

Karashel’s eyestalks whipped around excitedly. It was the one person she had been waiting for.

Councilor Nemat of the Gvorta was scuttling up, radiating annoyance.

“Councilor Nemat!” Karashel gushed pleasantly, “I am so happy to see you.” (and she actually was… very happy.)

“What is the meaning of this?” he snapped as he shoved a small cube projecting a hologram of a text document into Karashel’s eyes.

“We were speaking,” Caw said icily as he watched the loathsome arthropoid bully his friend.

“It’s ok, Caw,” Karashel said with a defeated tone. “This is work stuff. I won’t be a moment.”

“One of you people had the audacity to present themselves to our bureau of trade, on our homeworld requesting… no… demanding payment after I told you not to press the issue!”

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Councilor,” Karashel said in a timid little voice. “It wasn’t my idea! I told them that it would make you angry. It’s just that you said that you couldn’t transfer funds because of the network, so my boss thought that if we took possession of the payment and then physically transported it back home, it would be ok.”

“Well, it isn’t!” Councilor Nemat shouted. “We need to maintain a reserve for emergencies. You will get paid when we decide you get paid and not one second before!”

Councilor Nemat then splayed his hands in a sneer.

“Besides, it shouldn’t be a problem,” he said with a little chuckling hiss, “according to the documents you filed, you should have no problems with a little delay, right.”

“Oh… yes… of course...” she said, looking downcast. “Right,” she added nervously, “no problem… nope… none at all...”

“Then this issue is settled,” the Gvorta councilor said with a dismissive wave. “Don’t trouble us again.”

“Could you...” Karashel stammered, “Could you maybe give me that in an e-mail, or a memo, you know, something in writing that I could show my boss? Otherwise, they will just keep bugging you.”

“Fine...” he hissed. “Someone from my office will give you something. Now send the next shipment immediately, or you will regret it.”

“And, just to be perfectly clear,” Karashel said, “you are absolutely refusing to pay and are not establishing a timeline for said payment?”

“Yes!” Nemat shouted, “How many times do I have to tell you. You will get paid when you get paid, and that’s it!”

“Ok,” Karashel replied. “I understand.”

“Well, it took long enough,” Councilor Nemat sneered, “Creators, you people are so stupid.”

With a flip of his robes, he scuttled off.

“What an asshole!” Caw hissed, flaring his crest.

Karashel wasn’t paying attention.

She pulled out a communicator from her shawl-jacket pocket.

“He took the bait,” she said quietly. “Do it.”

“With pleasure,” a feminine and very predatory vulxeen voice replied.

“...Kara?” Caw asked dubiously.

Kara looked up at him.

Caw shuddered. The last time he saw that look was in the woods, just before he had his people open fire.

“Ok, time for lunch!” Karashel said brightly as she returned to normal. “Where do you want to go?”

“… our bench outside?” Caw replied dubiously, “Um… Karashel…”

“Yeah?”

“Do I want to know?”

“Nope.”