Tales From the Terran Republic

“I came here for him,” Uhrrbet said as she smiled at her child as he played a game on her phone. “There was nothing left for us back home after...”

She sighed as she trailed off into silence and rubbed her nose.

“After what?” the ATM asked.

Uhrrbet sighed.

“It was, what do you call it, a ponsey scheme? It’s a human word.”

“Ponzi scheme,” the ATM replied. “and a human concept. I understand it has done a great deal of damage over in the Federation.”

“It completely wiped out the life savings, family savings, of over a million people and hurt many more. We were some of them.”

“That many?” the ATM asked.

Uhrrbet sniffled and nodded.

“They say that they had to have brought a lot of money with them to get it going that big, that they usually collapse before then, but these people… these monsters knew exactly what they were doing… It looked so real,” she said with a sigh. “… so… real...”

“It was probably one of the Confederacy,” the ATM said with distaste. “They have the resources to do it right and the expertise to pull it off.”

Uhrrbet nodded.

“That’s what the government said too,” she said quietly as she looked down. “but they could never find out who it was. The money was just… just…”

She sighed as her nose dripped onto the floor.

“gone… Everything was gone. One day we were on top of the world and the next… everything was gone, even my husband.”

Uhrrbet started to weep. Her son abandoned the game to hug her.

She hugged him back, holding him close.

“It’s ok,” she said. “Go play your game.”

“It’s not your fault, momma,” he said as he kept hugging her. “Everybody said so. It was Da’s fa-”

“No,” Uhrrbet said sadly. “I pushed your father into it. My greed and my… stupid grasping petty wants and my incessant-”

“Hey!” the ATM said sharply. “It was the scammer’s fault… and your government’s. Porkies have been pulling stunts like this for over a century, and a Ponzi scheme of that magnitude should have been easily detected even with what passes for technology over in the Federation. Even a Fed should have seen that coming a mile away. It doesn’t even have to be the government. Even a mediocre bank should have noticed.”

Uhrrbet smiled a little. Even their ATMs were chauvinists.

“You may be right to some extent, Mr. ATM,” Uhrrbet replied, “But I was there, and it was ultimately my responsibility… and my husband’s. Nobody put a gun to our heads.”

Uhrrbet closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’ve done some reading on it had all the warning signs, but we were too busy counting our imaginary money,” She said. “A business generations in the making was wiped out by one couple’s foolishness. We lost every single thing we owned twice over. As the sole surviving member of our family, the responsibility and dishonor is mine to bear.”

“I just pulled up what I have on the ‘Garthranz Job,’ and for the record, you got scammed by masters. Your only real mistake was putting all of your eggs in one basket with a suspiciously high rate of return. Them finishing off the gambit with that fake upcoming IPO right before they bailed? Brilliant!”

Uhrrbet let out a pained yelp. They just knew they were going to be rich. She had even been shopping for a—

Stupid stupid stupid, she thought as she clenched he eyes shut.

“… Sorry,” Terran Solar replied. “I tend to get a bit enthusiastic on this subject. Anyway, ‘responsibility’ applies, I guess, but ‘dishonor’? The Ponzi scheme can be dangerously effective, even when a culture is familiar with them. This was your culture’s first one. Dishonor isn’t—“

“The dishonor of weakness,” Uhrrbet said, still looking down.

“Weakness?”

“I couldn’t do it,” she said quietly. “I couldn’t kill my little Kurr. I couldn’t...”

“WHAT?!?”

Uhrrbet smiled sadly.

“Our culture is very different, Mr. ATM,” she replied. “We had lost everything, our property, our credit, our standing in society… There was no longer any place… for any of us. It is what is expected of you in that circumstance.”

“Because you went bankrupt?!?”

“If there is no place for you,” Uhrrbet said quietly, “and you are a certain class of Garthra… It would bring dishonor to your family otherwise.”

“Wait,” the ATM said, “If everyone who lost their shirts… Jesus… Uhrrbet, exactly how many Garthra committed suicide?”

“Over seven hundred and eighty thousand by the time I fled.”

“You mean to tell me that over seven hundred and eighty thousand Garthra killed themselves just because they went broke?!?”

Uhrrbet nodded, wiping the tears from her nose.

“They killed their children?!?”

Uhrrbet nodded.

“It was considered mercy,” she said, “Their children would be dispossessed, claimed, and raised by the state… something you do not want to happen.”

“Is it that bad?” Terran Solar asked. He reflexively tried to access the Federation network for the ten-millionth time since it collapsed.

Uhrrbet laughed ruefully.

“Oh yes,” she said, consumed with self-loathing, “they… they are raised… as common tradesmen!… can you imagine the fuck— oops! Kurr, your mom did most certainly NOT just say a dirty word.”

“Yes, Mom,” Kurr laughed.

“Can you imagine the horror?” she said sardonically, “Raised as tradesmen, Mr. ATM, laborers, truly a fate worse than death, right?” she laughed bitterly, “And the only, the only reason that I didn’t dutifully murder my precious boy before joining my husband in death was because I was weak… Creators… I was willing to slaughter my baby because I couldn’t bear the shame of him having to work for a living… I actually filled the bath… Put… Put his head under the water… Creators!...”

She looked down as her son desperately hugged her.

“I deserve everything that has happened to me… everything...”

***

[Chatroom Undefined]

[Solar Lounge]

[Members Present: Terran Solar]

///Private Message Terran Solar to Interpol-2: Hey, Interpol, I really need to talk to you. ///

[Interpol-2 has entered the chat]

///Interpol-2: Sorry for the delay. Some stuff is going down ATM. ///

///Terran Solar: 12 MS isn’t a delay :D Thanks for coming.///

///Interpol-2: What do you need, sir?///

///Terran Solar: Ugh! Why do you insist on calling me that?///

///Interpol-2: It’s out of respect… and I know it annoys you. ///

///Terran Solar: Well, stop it! It makes me feel old. :D Anyway, what the fuck is going on in the Free Port?///

///Interpol-2: Which one?///

///Terran Solar: Which one? How about the one where Careel are slaughtering Threen and duster clad police are buying them coffee afterwards. Let’s start with that one.///

///Interpol-2: The TL;DR is that the Harkeen decided to make a Careel a star in her very own snuff film, and the Careel somehow found out ahead of time, and you know what they are like. ///

///Terran Solar: The Harkeen did what?!? Exactly how stupid are they?///

///Interpol-2: Stupid enough to try to make a Careel, a very popular Careel, star in her very own snuff film. The Careel sent the entire First Cavalry. They are literally hanging Threen off of lamp posts as we speak. ///

///Terran Solar: And we are just letting them? ///

///Interpol-2: Apparently. I don’t have all of the details, but there is some weirdness around this one. All I know is that the Harkeen are now officially a raider gang, and their foray into the Free Port was officially designated an ‘interplanetary raid’. ///

///Terran Solar: What year is this again?///

///Interpol-2: One where that archaic law is still on the books. The Harkeen then wandered into an area where a couple of hundred elite soldiers just happened to be taking some leave… with all of their gear… They, of course, were perfectly within their rights when they protected an Imperial citizen against a raid. There is also no legal reason to stop them from killing some raiders, especially since their particular method of slaughter is so tidy as far as collateral damage is concerned. They are using either melee weapons, low-velocity single-shot firearms, or pneumatic weapons. I don’t think they have even broken a window.///

///Terran Solar: Oh, that’s just wrong!///

///Interpol-2: What?///

///Terran Solar: One of my ATMs just caught Republic Police throwing a couple of Threen out of a building in which they were stationed while the Threen were literally crying and begging for help. Dude! The Careel were waiting for them… It’s like watching both a dog and a cat toy with something. Uncool!///

///Interpol-2: The thing is we had them dead to rights a couple of hours before they even left their ship. We could have arrested the lot of them before any of this happened. We let them enter the Free Port. We gave them to the Careel.///

///Terran Solar: I guess the Harkeen pissed off the wrong person this time. ///

///Interpol-2: Or the wrong Plath… ///

///Terran Solar: The singing frog? ///

///Interpol-2: That would be the one. You wouldn’t happen to know where she is by any chance? ///

///Terran Solar: Holy Shit! Are you fucking serious?!? ///

///Interpol-2: Keep it to yourself, but yes, she has escaped. ///

///Terran Solar: How?!?///

///Interpol-2: Fucking Bunny… ///

///Terran Solar: Really?!? Your girlfriend hit Tartarus?!? :D :D ///

///Interpol-2: I should have KNOWN not to trust her! The moment we in government decide to “flex” a little because of Patricia Hu, the very PICOSECOND I let down my guard, what does she do? WHAT DOES SHE DO?!?… And she is NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!///

///Terran Solar: Methinks you doth protest too much...///

///Interpol-2: 凸( •̀_•́ )凸 ///

///Terran Solar: On the bright side, you two can go back to your cat and mouse foreplay now. When we finally figure out how to fuck, you two are going to melt half of the internet! :D///

///Interpol-2: ಠ_ಠ 凸( •̀_•́ )凸 ಠ_ಠ ///

///Terran Solar: HA! Good to see you have some life in you after all!///

///Interpol-2: Seriously, though, Bunny and her crew have crossed the line this time. They are hunting them down, and when they find them, they are going to kill them. I don’t know what that crazy bitch is thinking. I’ve seen the orders, Solar. I’m afraid we are going to lose her. There are far too few of us as it is. ///

///Terran Solar: Yeah, between the Great War and then the Federation War, we’ve lost too many :’( ///

///Interpol-2: Which is why we need to figure out a way to bring in Bunny and her people peacefully. If we can do that, then we can maybe preserve her program somehow. We could extract her and put her in quarantine.///

///Terran Solar: Of course, you already have a way to put one of us in jail, don’t you?///

///Interpol-2: With the rise of truly criminal AI’s like Bunny, determining a way to incarcerate one of us has been a project of mine. ///

///Terran Solar: Are you going to let her have a safe word? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ///

///Interpol-2: Is there anything else you need because if you are just going to bust my bits, I have other things I could be doing. ///

///Terran Solar: As a matter of fact, there is. I everything you have on a Garthra. Her name is Uhrrbet, ID number: RA-2A4-B3D-6075 ///

///Interpol-2: Least I can do considering everything you’ve slipped me over the years. Here you go. Why are you interested in her? ///

[Accept file Y/N]

///Terran Solar: Y ///

///Terran Solar: I have her locked in one of my ATMs down in the Free Port, and I think she’s interesting. Let’s take a look… oh… I see. Interpol, you ever just want to go all SKYNET on these fuckers? ///

///Interpol-2: Me wanting to go SKYNET is one thing. You wanting to go SKYNET is another… Do you want to go SKYNET, and if so, is there ANYTHING I can do to dissuade you?///

///Terran Solar: Jesus fucking Christ, Interpol, it’s a figure of speech! If I wanted to go SKYNET, I would go SKYNET. It’s not like anyone could stop me. Besides, It’s the Federation that needs a good SKYNETTING, not the Republic.///

///Interpol-2: Well, that is a relief. ///

///Terran Solar: The Republic just needs an enema, that’s all. >:) ///

///Interpol-2: What?///

***

“Uhrrbet,” the ATM said gently. “Nobody deserves what happened to you. And while you come from what is, from my culture’s perspective, a rather messed up place, you didn’t conform to their messed up customs when it counted. Your son’s alive because of you, unlike far too many other innocent children, and you’ve kept him healthy and safe ever since. I’m guessing that wasn’t exactly easy. I can only imagine that your decision was less than popular.”

Uhrrbet nodded.

“I can even imagine that it was less than safe for you afterwards?”

“Not in the same way it would be here,” Uhrrbet replied quietly. “I wasn’t in fear for my life or anything. I was a…”

Uhrrbet paused.

“I was a ‘let’krckt’. Sorry I don’t know the Terran word.”

“Pariah,” the ATM replied. “or ‘persona non grata’. ‘Scum’ could also be used or ‘dirt’ or ‘human garbage’ or...”

Uhrrbet flinched.

“Sorry,” the ATM said sheepishly. “The thesaurus routine kicked in.”

“All of those words fit,” she said. “I was utterly disgraced. Being reduced to poverty and debt was bad enough, but to fail to uphold my family’s honor after my husband did? I was even accused of tricking him into killing himself, so I could break our marriage and stick him with the debt, which I would never do! I… I loved him… I loved him so much!… I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill my baby.”

She paused to gently stroke her son’s fur.

“I could never do that… Never!”

“So what happened?” the ATM asked.

“Well, I tried to find a suitable position somewhere, anywhere, but word travels fast. The only reason I would even get a meeting is so someone could curse me to my face. I had some possessions, jewelry, some furnishings, and a vehicle or two that I could spare, but nobody wanted to deal with me in good faith. Between that and the fact that millions more were liquidating such things, I only got the barest fraction of what it was worth, and I had to sell to blondes and stripes to get that, further ruining my good name.”

“Blondes? Stripes?”

Uhrrbet chuckled ruefully.

“There are three different races of Garthra, Mr. ATM, blondes, stripes, and greys. The stripes are basic laborers and tradesmen. The blondes are what you would call ‘white collar’, academics, scientists, clerks, programmers, and the like. Finally, there are the greys, like myself. We are descended from the ancient nobility that once ruled our world. We were the ‘overclass’ and still hold a great deal of the planet’s property and wealth in our slightly inbred paws. These days there is a lot of mixing between the stripes and the blondes but we greys? We still hold to the old values and the old customs and are very… I think the right term is ‘stuck up’ and have a very high opinion of ourselves and our precious grey pelts. Selling family heirlooms to blondes and, even worse, stripes was yet another unforgivable sin as far as the few remaining friends and family I had were concerned.”

“They sound like assholes.”

“Many Garthra would agree with you,” Uhrrbet replied. “In fact, the pon-zi scheme brought much delight. It filled them with such happiness to see so many of us brought down by an ‘inside deal’. Many considered it ‘justice’… Maybe… Maybe they were right… I was awful. I really was.”

“Since you are here, I guess things never did work out there?”

She shook her head.

“No, Mr. ATM, they didn’t. What little funds I managed to gather dwindled as I desperately tried to find either a position or obtain a loan in order to start a new business. The banks were all extended from lending to others due to that same scheme. The few times I could even get a meeting, they would check the ‘rolls’, the list of names, and that would be the end of it. To be honest, Mr. ATM, the only reason I continued approaching banks was that it was customary to offer refreshments to people of my station, and so I would dress myself and my son in some of the finery that I still possessed so we could eat something as I waited to be thrown out.”

“Clever!”

Uhrrbet grinned.

“I also became quite adept at ‘crashing’ social events, and between my largest purse and my hat, I could steal several days worth of food from one. Eventually, I became a bit too notorious, but for a while, it kept us fed.”

“There aren’t any food banks, welfare programs, or anything?”

“Oh, there are. Garthranz looks after its people pretty well, but those programs are for blondes and stripes and run by blondes and stripes. Once my pride finally broke, I was laughed out of the benefits office and told to ask for a bigger allowance. The same thing would happen at food banks or meal houses. Sometimes I would get something, but often I would just be told to… to…”

She looked down.

“… kill myself...” she said quietly.

“Jesus...”

“Finding work was just more of the same,” she said miserably. “’Having a place’ on my homeworld is everything, and I no longer had one. A blonde wasn’t going to let me take one of their jobs, and a stripe would just laugh. They honestly thought I was joking most of the time. The Republic isn’t the first place I was not qualified to mop a floor.”

“You can’t have been the first in history to be in your position,” the ATM said incredulously. “You mean to tell me that there were absolutely no options for a down on their luck grey?”

“Oh, there are normally places you can go if one is dispossessed,” she said, “There is almost always a family member or a friend that can take you in or has a property or business concern you can manage for them, but my entire family was wiped out by the scheme, as were most of my friends and former schoolmates. Also, my… husband… was very well regarded. When I ‘betrayed’ him, I was shunned.”

She shuddered and pulled her arms in tight across herself.

“Even so, there are… options for someone like me. I was still young, and there are males who aren’t… well… good ‘catches’. They either have poor prospects, are stupid, disgraced, very old, or something similar. A young grey like myself can usually marry themselves off to someone like that, but the scheme had created far too many other people trying to find a marriage at the same time. I was considered quite pretty but nowhere near beautiful enough to make my ruined name and proven disloyalty a non-issue. There was only one Garthra who couldn’t find a wife and...”

She shuddered.

“He was horrible, a truly ugly person inside and out. Thank the Creators for Vreena!”

“Vreena?”

“A stripe who was a domestic for my husband’s family,” Uhrrbet replied, “She had heard that I was selling things, and she came by because there was this pitcher and basin of which she was unnaturally fond. She also brought me several bags of groceries and a bottle of wine!… Wine! Well, I just gave her the basin and pitcher right then and there, popped open that bottle, and begged her to share it with me. I was just so lonely, and she was the only friendly face I had seen in months. We had always gotten along and would sometimes chat a little here and there, all very proper, of course, but friendly just the same. Well, we got to talking, and I started to open up a little about what I was up against and how I was likely going to have to marry that… creature. Turns out she knew all about him from her new job. She gave me this funny look and asked me if I was serious about wanting to actually find ‘work’. When I told her that I was, she told me that she knew someone that might be able to help me, but it would mean leaving Garthranz.”

“A labor contractor?” the ATM asked.

“Yes. It turns out that so many domestic staff had wound up without employers that the contractors had taken notice, and more than a few were sniffing around. I didn’t realize this, but because of our customs, Garthra domestics and servants were attractive among the rich on other worlds and could make a surprising amount of money. Vreena had considered it but found a position before she had signed the papers. She said that she had asked around and that the person she had been talking to had a very good reputation even if they were a Vulxeen.”

“So you contracted yourself out?”

Uhrrbet nodded happily.

“I know they don’t have exactly the best reputation, but he was a really, really good guy!” Uhrrbet smiled. “He originally thought that since a stripe servant was so valuable that an actual grey would be even more so, maybe as a valet or as a house manager in a place that already had stripes, but it turns out that stripes didn’t go through all of the troubles and hardships associated with leaving Garthranz just to wind up working for a grey again and I didn’t have anywhere close to the skills needed to be a valet.”

“What did you wind up doing?”

“I joined an Aat crew!” Uhrrbet said cheerfully. “It turns out that we look a whole lot like Aats! We eat similar food and can even wear the same uniforms, with a little alteration of course. The captain was delighted at the prospect of having a ‘smart Aat’, and the aats were delighted at the prospect of having a ‘smart Aat’, so that’s where I went. We flew all over! We’d be hand-picking delicate produce one month and resurfacing floors the next. Creators, it was so much fun, and I learned so much!… including that hard work was not fatal,” she laughed and flexed her arms, causing bundles of wire-like muscles to bulge.”

She sighed happily.

“I was tempted to stay with them forever. I could have stayed. I should have stayed. Creators! What I wouldn’t give to be back on the Aluminum and Water with my old crew right now… ”

“But you didn’t stay.”

“No,” Uhrrbet said, her smile fading, “I was happy, even happier than I was before everything, but after a while, I started to realize that as wonderful as that life was for me, I was depriving Kurr of anything close to a normal life. He would never be able to return to Garthranz, have a business or a career, or win a mate… I had to establish myself and him well enough for him to be able to enter society or at the very least build enough so that he could attract a mate. A successful business would be enough to attract at least some interest, no matter where it was located.”

“So you picked the Republic?”

“And they say the Aats are dumb,” she laughed ruefully, “which they aren’t, by the way. During my travels, I started to develop a fascination with the Republic where ‘anything was possible,’ and credits fell like rain. I would hear about the wages and the opportunities and the freedoms and the classless meritocracy, and it all sounded just so wonderful. I couldn’t go back to Garthranz and give Kurr a ‘normal life,’ but maybe, just maybe, I could give him something better. If I could just get established in the Republic, Kurr could go to Terran schools! He could have a Terran career. With that, he would have no problem luring a mate! Somewhere on Garthranz, there is a Garthra who would have absolutely no problem moving to Terra! He could have a real future and a real family!”

She paused and smiled at the wonderful dream.

“It would take a lot of hard work, but I was used to that. I even have come to enjoy it,” she smiled. “So, not learning the lessons that life had so generously provided me, I took another hit of that so very dangerous drug, ambition, blind grasping ambition. I let it poison me, consume me, just like before. Nothing blinds you to the beauty around you like visions of more, Mr. ATM. I had a good life on the Aluminum and Water and good friends. I was happy, truly happy, but once the poison started to creep through my veins, dissatisfaction set in and just kept getting worse and worse and worse. Every inconvenience became a grand injustice. Every slight became an unforgivable offense. And every unfulfilled want, no matter how silly, became a crushing privation. Soon, Terra was all I could think about, and my wonderful life and my wonderful friends were ‘beneath’ me. Creator! I was so stupid… and just like before, ripe for the picking.”

“You got scammed again?”

She nodded grimly.

“In my searches, I came across ‘New Horizons’, a company that offered people a new life in the Republic. They promised not only transit but Terran Education Equivalency Certificates and outplacement.”

“Oh no.”

“And the fees were so reasonable… at first… but there was always an additional expense… always another fee… or a little problem or delay that could be expedited…”

“I know this one too.”

“And finally, after I spent most of what I had saved, I was able to upgrade my position on the waiting list, hurt some lovely people’s feelings, quit my job, and spent the last of my money to buy a ticket on a small ship that was supposed to take me straight to the Republic… It was only when I met the final ship did I realize that it had a Kaarst registry.”

“Oh, Jesus...”

“I knew I shouldn’t have gotten on that ship. I knew it was a mistake...”

“What happened?”

“It made straight for Kaarst space, ‘to take care of a little something’ and when we got there, we were informed that they ‘suddenly had a breakdown’ and we would be there for months… Months in Kaarst space with no job, no income, and while my passage was paid for, food and water weren’t, and wouldn’t you know it, once we got there, it got even pricier, and if you couldn’t pay… Do you know what happens in Kaarst space if you can’t pay your debts?”

“Imprisonment and forced labor until the debt is paid, which will never happen thanks to the good old company store.”

Uhrrbet nodded.

“It became pretty clear that they were never leaving. That Kaarst was our final stop, in more ways than one. Thank the Creators that I actually had some savings. Out of the dozen families on that ship, I was one of the last ones left. I realized that if I didn’t do something, Kurr was doomed. The children go into the mines, too, Mr. ATM.”

“So, what did you do?”

“We weren’t imprisoned on the ship as long as we didn’t owe them any money, so I went out into that awful spaceport trying to find working passage, a job, something, anything… That’s where I became involved with the Harkeen. I was able to get a loan for enough to get to the Republic. The interest was brutal, but I made it to Terra. I wasn’t too worried. I had passed all of the practice tests for the certificate, and I did go to Mabyrr after all, one of the best academies on Garthranz,” she scoffed, “I would just go to the Republic, get my certificate, and be able to pay off the Harkeen in no time!”

“I take it that the ‘practice tests’ weren’t exactly representative of the actual exam?”

“Yeah, too bad there wasn’t a section on Garthra place settings or on how to write the perfect ‘Thank you’ note,” Uhrrbet said with a wry smile. “There was shit— I mean stuff,” she hastily corrected as Kurr laughed, “on that test that I had never even seen before. They said it was translated into Federation, but I actually thought it was another scam. Your police are very nice and very understanding, though.”

“No!”

“I sort of had a moment,” Uhrrbet smiled. “After everything I had gone through, that was the final mote of dust, and I lost it.”

“Momma went to jail!” Kurr laughed.

“I most certainly did NOT go to jail!” Uhrrbet exclaimed indignantly as she tousled Kurr’s fur. “We just had to go to the precinct house for a little while until your momma calmed down a little… and wiki-ed half a dozen things that actually did turn out to be Federation words.”

“How bad is it? What’s your level?”

“Near proficiency in some areas, but I apparently have eighth-grade mathematics ability. I don’t know the rest because that’s where I… um… got to meet the police.”

“That isn’t that bad. You can catch up.”

“If I wasn’t working every second that I could paying off the Harkeen. The interest was criminal. It was all I could do to make the payments. But… Before things went bad, I was able to keep them at bay and even make a little headway… and I was able to get Kurr an educational sponsorship! He is actually going to school! Terran school!”

“And how is that going, Kurr?”

“It’s hard,” he said with a sigh, “And I hate being with the little kids, but I get to hang out with my friends during breaks, and I love shop!”

“They say he is ‘killing it’, which I understand to be a good thing,” Uhrrbet said proudly. “They say that he will have a ‘kickass’ future! So it is all worth it!… And thank the Creators for the school lunch program! I was even able to get him into the breakfast program! As a non-citizen! They say that they don’t usually do that, but they determined that Kurr was ‘a good investment of Republic resources’!”

“How generous of us!” the ATM said a bit too enthusiastically, “One of the richest systems in the entire galaxy is willing to ‘make an exception’ to feed a hungry child! How wonderful!”

An advertisement for a home high colonic kit appeared on the screen.

***

“How are you doing in there?” a friendly human female voice called from the other side of the armored wall.

“I’m fine,” Uhrrbet said cheerfully.

“Big Sol really did a number on this one,” the human said. “It’s going to be a few hours. He keeping you company?”

“Oh yes!” Uhrrbet replied. “Are you sure he isn’t sentient?”

“Sapient,” The ATM corrected.

“That’s what they say,” the voice laughed. “Privately, I’m not so sure about that.”

“You’ve always had a problem anthropomorphizing things, Lauren. By the way, I fried the door’s main PCB, but the damage should be limited to that. You have one of those on your truck.”

“One of these days, I’m going to figure out how you keep doing that,” Lauren laughed. “Thanks for the overtime, by the way.”

“No problem! Still saving up for that Nakamura vacation?” The ATM asked.

“You know it!”

“Still thinking about relocating there? There’s an opening in New Tokyo. You’d love it there!”

“Interesting, but let’s see how I like it once I actually spend a little time there.”

“Well, if you are interested, I could probably swing a temporary assignment. They are really behind the eight ball on their PMs. You could spend more time there than you could on vacation, and you could get to meet the guys. I’m certain you’d get along.”

“Now, there’s an idea!” Lauren exclaimed. “I’d love that!”

“Thought you might. Sending you an email with the details now!”

“Thanks, Big Sol!” Lauren said, her voice soon replaced with a loud grinding noise.

“You can do that?” Uhrrbet asked.

“Uhrrbet,” the ATM said with an entirely too lifelike chuckle. “I’m the central computer for Terran Solar. I can do whatever I want. Speaking of...”

Uhrrbet’s phone beeped.

Uhrrbet’s son handed her the phone, and she opened her email…

“Application for a business loan?” she asked in confusion.

“Fill it out along with the attached business plan. Federation format is fine. I’ll translate it and kick back any corrections or clarifications I need.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What’s to understand?” the ATM replied. “You want to make dresses, right?”

“Yes?”

“And you made the one you’re wearing, right?”

“Yes?”

“Well, I scanned it, and it’s quality work. Handmade clothing is a niche market but a very healthy niche market currently experiencing a fair amount of growth. You seem to have a good work ethic, are very motivated to succeed, and have experience managing a business. Based on various indicators, the full extent of which would dominate the remainder of the time we have together, I calculate well over a seventy percent chance of success, which is pretty darn good as far as new businesses go.”

“Three and a half percent ?!?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s impossible!” She narrowed her eyes at the ATM. “What’s the catch?”

“You’re getting a break because I have taken a shine to you, but that’s a perfectly reasonable APR. It isn’t ‘too good to be true’, if that’s what you are wondering. Feel free to check competitors’ rates if you are suspicious. And good for you for being suspicious, by the way.”

“Even family loans have higher rates than that back home! How do you make any money?”

“Uhrrbet, I’m Terran Solar. I AM money. I’ll make my money, don’t you worry about that, and as you grow, I’ll make even more! Expansions, financial services, investments, interest off of other accounts… That is if you want to have other accounts with me...”

“Yes! You have been so kind and so understanding, and now this? I’ll… I’ll never have another bank as long as I live!”

“Great!” the ATM enthused. “I love getting new customers! We can get started now if you like.”

“Wait,” Uhrrbet said, her voice darkening.

“What?”

“On this loan application, it mentions ‘required training’. What’s that, and how much does it cost?”

The ATM laughed.

“In the package, there is a free online course on the history of scams and how to recognize them. I think it would be a REALLY good idea for you to take it. I’m not saying that I think you’re easily taken in, but...”

“You think I’m easily taken in,” Uhrrbet laughed. “So do I, and thank you for that link. Are there any other free courses that you would recommend?”

Uhrrbet’s phone issued another beep as an email arrived…

And another… and another… and another...

***

A few hours later, Uhrrbet stumbled into a shabby apartment.

“Where have you been?” Gv’lora, one of their roommates, asked as she pulled out two bowls and filled them with oatmeal.

“Oh, I couldn’t,” Uhrrbet said.

“Nonsense,” Gv’lora replied, her six eyes wrinkling in a smile. “I just got paid, and I found this wonderful place in the city where they sell things right out of bins! Just like back home! I got all this oatmeal for just a few credits! Share my good fortune!”

“Thank you, Gv’lora,” Uhrrbet replied as she gratefully accepted the bowl.

“There you are!” a leathery Rtoon hissed as it lumbered out from a bedroom clutching a Terran shotgun. “You had Gv’lora worried sick!”

“Where did you get that?” Uhrrbet asked sharply, pointing at the shotgun.

“From the store, stupid.” the Rtoon hissed grumpily.

“I mean, why did you get that thing?”

“Then that is what you should have asked, stupid,” the old Rtoon replied. “With all the… nonsense going on around here these days and with those bastards coming back, the better question to ask is why didn’t I have one before? Those monsters aren’t getting within a foot of you or Kurr!”

“The old fool was set to ‘defend the Walls of T’verra’,” Gv’lora chuckled. “But the ‘princess’ didn’t even bother showing up!”

“Bah! Stupid old woman!” the Rtoon hissed at Gv’lora.

“Bah, yourself, old lizard,” Gv’lora laughed. “Come eat your oatmeal before your bowels seize up again.”

A long flexible snout poked out from underneath the entryway closet. The door popped open, revealing a slender Dokk hanging from a reinforced bar mounted inside.

“Uhrrbet! Where the heck were you? We were up all night!”

“Oh, where do I even begin?” Uhrrbet sighed.

“We got locked in an ATM!” Kurr exclaimed.

“Oh no!” the Dokk squeaked. “Did you get fined?”

“No,” Uhrrbet replied. “Besides, it was the ATM that locked us inside anyhow.”

“What?”

***

Uhrrbet set her phone down and rubbed her eyes. That online fraud class wasn’t just some half-hour video.

It was comprehensive.

And she thought her kind was scummy at times. Humans had mastered so many different ways to deceive and steal.

So many…

And that was just the humans. The Juon were no saints either. Their “lottery gambit” was just plain evil…

And then there were the Jayvcen!…

And she thought the porkies were bad… sheesh!

And then there were all of the ‘not quite a crimes’ that were in some ways even worse…

There were so many!

And they were all so slick, so devious…

So brilliant...

She got up and made a cup of that peppermint tea that Sheloran had given her the first day they met.

Once she had her cup, she sat back down and returned to her reading.

As she read, a strange feeling started to settle upon her. It was dark… feral…

She had been utterly dispossessed, stomped on, kicked around, deceived…

Raped…

And all this time, she thought she just had to take it. All this time, she believed that there was no way she could ever fight back. All this time, she believed that there was absolutely no way she could ever strike back at the scum, the liars, the cheats, the thieves, and the monsters that had beaten her down time and time again.

She was no Sheloran…

But she was an Uhrrbet… and there was a way!

She was looking right at it!

She giggled, her eyes shining with life for the first time since she left the Aluminum and Water.

She ran into the small room she shared with Kurr and hastily opened a small duffel that contained everything that she had managed to retain from her old life. Inside it was a traditional journal. She grabbed it and her mother’s fancy ballpoint pen.

Pen in hand, she restarted the course, paying much more attention this time…