Restricted Doomsday Syndrome

I was lying on the bed on the second floor of the clinic. I did n’t notice it when I first turned in the window of this room. Now when I look closely, I immediately noticed a lot of clues-the furnishings, colors and patterns in the room are all with The real atmosphere of the strong hospital was not noticed at the time, probably because it was too familiar. The windows are also deliberately opened, but there are some suggestive decorations that show resistance, like deliberately letting people in and out of this channel get bored of their actions. Dr. Ruan Li said that this is a room reserved for me, so all these things are specially prepared for me. Dr. Ruan Li probably knew that I would come in from here instead of walking through the main entrance, but when I appeared in front of her, her startled expression was not faked-even the most familiar person appeared from the most familiar place It will also be frightened because of some details, such as "silent". From the reaction of Dr. Ruan Li, there is indeed nothing abnormal in her body.

If she is normal, it means that I am not normal. I have long been accustomed to my abnormalities, but for this extremely real world, Dr. Ruan Li was surprised to be my adoptive mother. If the world is real, then my relationship with Dr. Ruan Li ’s adoptive mother and child is real. However, there is no relevant memory in my mind at all. Instead, I have the impression of my parents ... I suddenly cannot remember Too. I could n’t help but stand up from the bed, the hairs were all standing up, the identity of the “orphan” is in the reality of the hospital, and in the end of the illusion, I really have parents, and in the memory of this world, Similar to the Doomsday Illusion, the memories of having parents have never been studied, only subconsciously know that they are working abroad.

Only because of Dr. Ruan Li's words. I couldn't help but touch this memory, but no-no detailed information about the parents, all about them, there is only the vague impression of "parents working abroad", and it has never been like this now. Go through it carefully to explore their youth, identity, work and appearance.

I treat them. There is only a vague impression, and no specific memory. I ca n’t even find any evidence of their existence. I do n’t even know my origin. I grew up to be able to recognize the previous memories of the outside world, and it is completely blurred. but. When Dr. Ruan Li said that she was my adoptive mother, I had no sense of disobedience. Although I was shocked, it was only based on the cognition of doomsday illusions and hospital reality.

The deeper I explore my things, the more I discover that in this world, there are too many missing fragments and subconscious neglects in my memory. Looking back now, what is my own past in this world, it is actually not very clear. It was just before Dr. Ruan Li reminded me that I never thought about these things. Perhaps the cognition in the illusion of doomsday and the reality of the hospital makes me subconsciously consider these things as flaws in the "repeater trap".

There are too many details, which are ignored by me. Forgotten by me, if not reminded by Dr. Ruan Li, I probably wouldn't think about them deliberately. It is because of the existence of these details that the realism of the world and the sense of strict logic have been further enhanced. The only thing that makes me unable to think that this is the real world is only one idea: these details. Is it really because I subconsciously ignored and forgotten? Or maybe it was only when I noticed it.

I feel a little creepy, the world is not weird and mysterious, but. What happened to me actually gave birth to a sense of weirdness and mystery. This city is peaceful, people are ordinary and normal, there is no fierce fighting, and there is no large number of people missing. I originally thought it was beautiful, but now I think it is like a disguised monster giant mouth. , Seduce the prey into it.

Maybe I am too sensitive, because what Dr. Ruan Li said before, let me react. This creepy idea is indeed based on the view of the end of the illusion and the reality of the hospital. Once accepting that the world is the only reality, and the end of the illusion and the reality of the hospital are nothing more than "delusions" evolved based on your own knowledge of the world, such a setting really should not have this strong sense of crisis.

Here, Dr. Ruan Li and I are not only the relationship between the adoptive mother and the child, but also the relationship between the psychologist and the mental patient. Although I carry the consciousness of "I am a mental patient", I have to admit this truthfully and take this world as the only truth. There is indeed a subconscious rejection. These cases should have been filed by Dr. Ruan Li. She has been observing and treating me for a long time-when this idea came up, I realized again that I have a very good situation about Dr. Ruan Li Strong acceptance is like taking it for granted, so I never thought whether it was correct or incorrect.

This is a feeling of facing relatives day and night. The presence of Dr. Ruan Li is clearer, more impactful, and easier to accept than the vague impression of my parents in my mind.

I carefully pondered every clue that I might have overlooked, and put it into a more specific outline. With such a move, the realism of this world is becoming stronger and stronger. Even for a while, I did not take the doomsday illusion and The reality of the hospital came to confirm the relationship between each other, as if it was completely forgotten, and suddenly remembered.

The bias of attention is like being pulled by the two forces from both ends, so that before I immerse it completely, it drags me out again.

My thinking began to be chaotic, and I couldn't think logically anymore. The divergence of my thoughts soon made me not even remember what I thought of, and the intense sleepiness filled my heart. I closed my eyes and consciousness slipped towards the darkness.

Before I fell asleep, the intense sleepiness made me feel like I would have slept soundly, but when I sink into the darkness, I can still feel the existence of myself vaguely, and then I feel the strong fall The feeling makes me feel like the soul is about to be pulled out of the body by this pulling force. I'm struggling, I vaguely know that I'm struggling, but the body has no response, as if only my vague consciousness is struggling, the great fear seems to spread from the deepest part of the dark abyss, like a tide, like Some kind of vine plant. It is like a thick and sticky liquid, and it seems that a huge tongue is licking the whole body. It is full of maliciousness, reminiscent of death. These malicious piercings of the soul's skin are rooted in the core, like a curse. Be one with me.

Familiar malice, familiar fear, in the state of vague consciousness, everything I feel is full of "Jiang" taste, since coming to this world. For the first time, I felt its existence so clearly, as in the past. Its playfulness on me is like announcing my possession. I calmed down in fear, but in peace, with the fear of penetrating the bone marrow, the cold was full of warmth. Anxiety, contradictory spirals intertwine in anxiety, as if the genes penetrated my body and soul.

Then, the vague self "sees" it. Under the dark abyss, I don't know trillions of miles. It seems that even the distance is no longer the other end of the clear concept, and a blood-red eyeball emerges. It stared at me. I cannot describe the emotions in this vision, but I am still sure that it is not simply brutal and cold. Perhaps, brutality and coldness dominate the majority. However, the extra emotions, like stains, slowly spread from a corner.

"Jiang ..." I am vaguely able to feel myself, exhausting all my strength. Say that name as if it were a magical name, and as soon as you say it, you will wake up from the nightmare. I can feel that my consciousness has become sober, and instead, this bottomless dark abyss has begun to blur. After so many experiences, I know that it has not disappeared, but just returned to where it was originally.

When I can freely turn my thoughts, the first question arises: Why do you feel its existence so deeply in this situation?

This thought was like awakening a sleeping bell. I felt my body, turned my body hard, and then there was a force pushing my body. The sound seemed to be approaching from a very distant place quickly: "Achuan, wake up ,have to go home."

I opened my eyes vigorously, and Dr. Ruan Li's face was leaning in front of me, breathing gently across my face. I had nightmares again, but what happened in this nightmare, after waking up, did not fade like a tide, and the profound and contradictory impact branded it in my memory. However, even if the experience is very different from the nightmares of these days, it is not unfamiliar to the experience in the illusion of doomsday. I know how to deal with the strong stimuli left in my body. Compared to the unclear nightmare of the previous days, this clear nightmare makes me more used to it.

When Dr. Ruan Li saw me awake, she was talking about today's clinic and collecting information. She kept reminding me that this is a real world. However, the appearance of "Jiang" in the nightmare is like a rebound in this cognition. It was already dusk outside the window, and the afterglow of the residual sun dragged a long shadow, rendering the city landscape in the field of vision in psychedelic colors, as if even the air was shiny orange-red.

Ordinary world, peaceful city, normal country, everyone is accustomed to spend their daily life, watching pedestrians walking through the streets in a hurry or slowly, I really feel a kind of exclusion, perhaps It is my own rejection of this world, or, it is my rejection of this world. Nonetheless, I still like this world because it is normal and ordinary. People I know can find the stimuli they can bear in this plain life, instead of being persecuted by danger. Don't devote yourself to fighting if you don't know if there is a future.

"Jiang", who had a glimpse in the nightmare, left a deep impression in my soul with its unparalleled sense of existence. This impression even dilutes my hesitation about whether this normal world is real. Dr. Ruan Li said that all this was just my delusion, but the horror that Jiang used to penetrate into the bone marrow made me have to admit that even if the doomsday illusion and hospital reality are delusions, it is definitely not a delusion.

"Jiang" exists. Even if you come to this world, you can only feel it in a nightmare, and you usually have nowhere to look for traces, but that kind of bone-contradictory fear is definitely not comparable to delusional terror. It proclaimed its existence in such a powerful way, however, I ca n’t tell anyone in this world—because, even if it ’s spoken, it ’s useless, others ca n’t feel it, ca n’t touch it, ca n’t observe it. Existence, any evidence that can prove its existence, to anyone but me. None exist.

If I want to doubt myself, I will treat it as my own delusion, a thing that does not exist, I cannot do it now, and since I believe in its existence, then, the truth of this world. It is naturally open to question. I do n’t know how this ordinary world will become when I feel the existence of “Jiang” so clearly, but my thoughts are also very clear. I do n’t want this world to happen because of the existence of “Jiang” Variety.

I hope. This ordinary and beautiful world, even if it is not the only truth, can exist as a possibility of "truth" like doomsday illusions and hospital reality.

The illusion of doomsday is always on the verge of destruction. The reality of the hospital seems to be solid and safe, but the small darkness is full of depression. Only this world. Ordinary and expansive, just like the illusion of doomsday and the reality of the hospital, after eliminating those dangerous and depressing factors, they achieved a coincidence. Its realism can even serve as reality relative to "doom illusion" and "hospital reality". Dr. Ruan Li, Bajing and Saki Ye, if they are not fakes that the repeater uses my consciousness to transform, but they are real or a part of them. A projection or something, that's really good-I hope so much, but I don't have much hope for it. "Jiang" proclaimed its own existence, breaking too many possibilities that I had imagined.

I haven't found Zhen Jiang and theirs, but the appearance of "Jiang" has caused many things. Many of the details that I observed became meaningless. Despite these details, one by one proves that Dr. Ruan Li is correct. However, for me, the biggest, strongest, and first reference is "Jiang", not the details of this world.

In my heart, the waves provoked by Dr. Ruan Li's words have already calmed down. Dr. Ruan Li put the information in a suitcase and put the white coat on his arm, just like my family, chatting about household affairs, compared with what she saw in the hospital, she is no doubt now More vivid, more beautiful, and more normal, exuding a touch of warmth. Her eyebrows are actually quite harsh, but her character is much gentler than she is in the hospital. Perhaps it is because, in this world, her identity is my adoptive mother.

Even though "Jiang" reminded me that only it is true, but I also accepted the setting of this world. My parents have long since died, and they are orphans adopted by Dr. Ruan Li. There is no inevitable and profound connection, just a normal life growth. If there is any problem, it is probably that in the eyes of Dr. Ruan Li, I have suffered from a very serious mental illness, amnesia easily, easily immersed in delusions, and often confused delusions with reality. Without her adjustment and treatment, I am afraid that she will be sent to a psychiatric hospital for detention.

Yes, I accepted this setting, I am here, it is such a Gaochuan, such a life. Other than that, there is no weirdness and mystery. I can accept such a world, such a self, as I would accept the illusion of the end and hospital reality. And when I am willing to accept all this, I feel that in my thinking, there are many contradictory things that have become refreshing.

When he does not feel the existence of "Jiang", this real world has a deep gulf from the end of the illusion and the reality of the hospital. However, when "Jiang" appears, it uses itself as a bridge to connect the three The world is connected in series with each other, becoming an equal existence. I no longer need to think about which one is the real question. Because only "Jiang" is the reference point and reference object for determining your own reality, because only things that are constant and have a strong sense of presence can be used as reference objects, coordinates, reference points and the like to distinguish other objects Core.

In the world I experienced, the change is too strong compared to "Jiang". Every time, it seems to be true, but in the end it is impossible to determine whether it is true.

In the calm of the results, I took Dr. Ruan Li's suitcase, casually answered the topic about campus life, followed her out of the clinic, and took the co-pilot position of the car. The strong and true atmosphere of ordinary life makes me reluctant to be in this world. I am playing, a Gaochuan belonging to this world who has escaped from delusions and returned to real life. Dr. Ruan Li showed a gratifying expression. I do n’t hate this kind of acting because I want to leave it to all people in this world who love me With the people I love, a calm and hopeful self. I gave up thinking about whether they are real or not, because, I think, to become a fool may be the best way to face this world.

For Dr. Ruan Li in this world, it is gratifying for her to temporarily get rid of her mental symptoms and return to her normal adopted son. She stopped halfway, bought a lot of cooked vegetables, and a bottle of fragrant cake, just like to celebrate something, she never mentioned my delusions, as if I had forgotten it, but I know that she was just used to it, and Not completely assured. In the future, she will still observe and treat me, trying to keep me completely away from the "delusion" of the end of the illusion and the reality of the hospital, and truly return to the normal state of life.

I did not resist, because this is the only thing I can do for Dr. Ruan Li in this world-to make her adopted children healthy and normal, at least, to what she thinks is healthy and normal.

In my room, I successively found evidence to prove what Dr. Ruan Li said, that is, "I confuse delusion with reality, and I am a mental patient". The impression of my parents in this world is indeed my fiction, the reason is actually written in the computer diary by the "wake" state of "I", and even put it in the easiest place to see, "I" can be seen for the first time, but every time I will be ignored by the "self who is ill", of course, every time after being reminded by Dr. Ruan Li, it will return to normal within a certain time, and then write my own experience again In this electronic diary, the first record of "illness" was three years ago, and the number of records was two hundred and thirty-one. Now, I can enter my current situation again, which is two hundred. Thirty-two times.

I didn't think about whether these evidences "existed" until I "realized that they should exist". Because I accepted my setting in this world, everything I can experience and observe can be regarded as a fact. Moreover, I have already decided on the time of "onset" again. However, before that, I will accompany Dr. Ruan Li in a "normal" state for a period of time. Because, I do n’t know if there is still a chance to return to this world after I have "increased" again, and even, I ca n’t judge whether this world will survive.

Staying in this world and facing every moment of this ordinary and peaceful life seems to me precious. It is ideal, but I have to leave, not only because of the repulsion between me and it, but also because the presence of "Jiang" is too strong ~ www.readwn.com ~ makes me occasionally feel , Will have a bad impact on the world-that is, the erosion of "Jiang".

I hope that until I leave, and even after I leave, the world can remain as it is today, but this means that although I like it, I can't stay here for too long.

I breathe the air of this world greedily, at the top of the building at night, overlooking the vast night view of the city. I wrote down my story about "The Doomsday Illusion and the Reality of the Hospital Reality" and gave it to Dr. Ruan Li as her research material and as proof of my existence here.

"Did you know? Only the delusional stories will be so divergent, twisted, sudden, and unbelievable." Dr. Ruan Li commented: "Achuan you like to write stories, you must know, write an inspiration idea into a first draft. At this time, how rough this first draft is, and even full of contradictions, it may become gold, but it needs further refinement to become smooth. And your experience in delusion is as rough and true as the first draft. Your life is much more refined. I think that when you should hypnotize you and fall into delusion again, once you encounter something unthinkable and illogical, you will subconsciously understand that this is just a delusional, terrible world. "(To be continued. If you like this work, you are welcome to come to the starting point () to vote for recommendation and monthly tickets. Your support is my biggest motivation. For mobile phone users, please read.)