Even If I Killed This Love, Only You Wanted To Protect It

A week has passed since the number of seats in the classroom increased.

Shimizu Terumichi, the owner of the newest seat, got used to everyone in the class in no time and climbed to the very top of the caste, which was something I and some other students had expected.

At first, he seemed like someone who only hung out with Kouno Yuka. However, on his first day of transfer, he played an active part in basketball in one of our PE classes, almost instantly joining the group of those idiots, with whom he then continued making the whole classroom noisy by chatting with the girls, including Kouno Yuka.

He is definitely much more popular than I was two months ago, having reached the top of the pyramid in an instant.

And now, because it’s break time, he can be heard laughing in the back of the classroom.

I don’t like Shimizu Terumichi’s strained, faint laughter. It feels fake. It’s been less than a week since I met him, and he seemed rather impolite on his first day of transfer. Moreover, that stupid brightness of his reminds me of that time in the second year of junior high school.

“Oh! I haven’t taken a video with Terumichi yet. Let’s take it, shall we? What song would you like to choose?”

“Uhhh, well… This or this, maybe?”

After the fifth hour of today’s classes, I was lying down on my desk, wishing for the remaining hour to pass by as soon as possible. Then, I heard the voices of Kouno Yuka and Shimizu Terumichi from behind. They were probably trying to take a video.

By the way, I didn’t really want to know the contents of the video. However, I didn’t like to move around purposelessly. But I wouldn’t look forward to talking to them either.

When I reluctantly got up and tried to reach the door on the opposite side, I heard a mocking voice behind me.

“Could it be that you were listening all this time?”

That impatient voice belonged to Senda Riko.

Kouno Yuka immediately asked, “Is that so?,” sarcastically. Shimizu Terumichi made a silly laugh, saying, “No, that couldn’t be.” “Scaryyy,” uttered the others simultaneously.

What a pain in the ass. Even though you guys only think of me as some bug.

I pretended not to hear them and looked down. If I react, it will be over. If I show them that I can hear them, they will start messing with me like a toy.

When I left the classroom, a gloomy person like me was standing in the corridor, holding a smartphone in his hand.

He was probably from the class next to us.

I heard that the class next door had a relatively large number of people called otaku*. There were many of those who liked anime and games. At the athletic festival, they were at the very bottom in the ranking of all the seven classes, due to which Kouno Yuka ridiculed them.

*Otaku is a Japanese word that describes people with consuming interests, particularly in anime and manga.

There were people in the corridor. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom. There were also those who stood by a mirror, fixing their hair. The stairs had become a place for students of other grades to hang out, so I had nowhere to go. Eventually, I just started walking without a certain destination.

Damn it. Why do I have to wander like this?

Kouno Yuka was happy with her current seat. Even when Andou-sensei asked her whether she wanted to change seats soon, the girl put pressure on the other students, asking them with a smile on her face, “Isn’t the current arrangement still good for everyone?” She stated that it was a spot where you wouldn’t be caught sleeping during lessons, and that it was really convenient that the seat was near lockers.

“Annoying.”

But no matter if I hated her, it would be over for me if I said anything unnecessary right to her face.

Surely I’d be bullied for the last three years. It was the same when I was in elementary school and junior high school. I have to continue maintaining the peace that I have had till this day. Unlike junior high school, I can’t take a break from school for too much time, as I would get dropped out or would have to repeat a year eventually. I have to put up with it…

While turning away because of this weird feeling that appeared in my stomach, I checked the clocks of each classroom and started waiting for the start of the next lesson.

However, the wait was almost unbearable, and I felt like the hands of the clocks didn’t move for a slightest bit. When I went down the stairs, went back up, and ended up going around the corridor, I heard a voice from behind, “You…” My heart started pulsating greatly. I assumed that I wasn’t the one being called, so I casually continued walking. However, the same voice from before appeared again.

“That’s you for sure. You’re from the class next door, right?”

I turned around and noticed Kurai-sensei, the homeroom teacher of the class next to us, standing before me.

The teacher’s cold eyes were looking straight at me, and I immediately understood that I was the one he was calling. After that realisation, my forehead got covered with sweat.

“Actually, I wanted to tell Andou-sensei, ​​who is in charge of your class, that the timetable for your class will be changed… Could you please deliver the message instead?”

Kurai-sensei’s words made my head go blank.

Me, delivering the message…? What should I do? Should I write it in the corner of the blackboard? But what if everyone finds out that I was the one who wrote it? Andou-sensei might say something when she looks at the blackboard. Then I would have to talk in front of my classmates…

I imagined myself talking in front of everyone as their eyes were directed right at me. I started sweating at the very thought of something like that happening in my life. Then, Kurai-sensei tilted his head, probably noticing my current state.

“Is something wrong?”

“…N-n-no.”

I wanted to reply to him properly. I wanted to, but I couldn’t speak well.

It was useless. That’s why I didn’t want to talk. Did I really have to leave the classroom?

I felt as if my head was spinning around, and it hurt a lot. The moment later, someone’s hand was placed on my shoulder as I tried to get the words out of my mouth.

“What’s the matter, teacher?”

“Oh, aren’t you that transfer student?”

When I looked up, I noticed that the one who put their hand on my shoulder was none other than Shimizu Terumichi.

As he stood in front of me, he answered with a light tone, “I’m Shimizu!”

“So, what did you want to do, teacher? If it’s about errands, then I’ll do them! I only recently transferred to this school, so I’d like to get to know you soon!”

“No, I just wanted to notify your homeroom teacher about changes in the timetable of your class, but she seems to be sick…”

“Oh! Then I’ll go to the infirmary and deliver the message to Andou-sensei.”

I was silently standing near the two and listening to their conversation. But before I knew it, I was walking beside Shimizu Terumichi straight to the infirmary. Behind my back, Kurai-sensei’s “I’m counting on you then” could be heard.

I was sure Shimizu Terumichi would deliver the message properly. He knew that Kurai-sensei would get angry if something went wrong. 

However, as I got relieved, Shimizu Terumichi looked into my face with anxiety in his eyes.

“You look so pale. You okay?”

I shook my head at his words. But he looked closely at me and muttered, “No, I’ll take you to the infirmary,” and started walking, pushing my back lightly.

“Eh, eh-“

“I’ll take you to the infirmary. You’re covered in cold sweat and your face doesn’t look so good… Wait, maybe you don’t know me? I transferred to this school a week ago, and I’m currently in the same class as you… Don’t you know?”

It’s not that.

My complexion looks this way because Kurai-sensei asked me to deliver that message, so I’m not feeling sick. Besides, it’s not that I don’t know you.

When I stopped walking, Shimizu Terumichi looked at me.

“Maybe you don’t want to go to the infirmary? Is there anyone you don’t like?”

“N-n-no…”

I tried to speak as naturally as possible, but that didn’t seem to help. When I thought that he was simply fooling around, he looked at me silently and said, “You should definitely go,” and started moving forward, supporting my shoulders.

It seemed as if he didn’t care about the way I talked. However, that couldn’t possibly be true. Perhaps, he just didn’t notice it? But he was certainly responding to my words.

“… A-ah- W-wait, I don’t need to go to the infirmary.”

“Even though you look so pale? I would really like to show you the way you look right now. Just what kind of a guy I am going to be, if I leave you all by yourself when you’re like this?”

Shimizu Terumichi adds, “We’re going either way,” and takes me right to the infirmary. Not knowing what to do, I was heading there as if drawn by him.

“Excuse meee, a sick student is here!”

Upon arriving at the infirmary, Shimizu Terumichi went inside first.

Despite being a transfer student, he took the shortest route to the infirmary. I assume someone in the class showed him the way before.

When I entered the room right after him, the inside of it reminded me of junior high school, having two beds separated by curtains in the back and a shelf surrounding the entire room.

There also was an office desk near the window where the teacher was supposed to be working, as well as a large round desk placed in the center of the room. Chairs were scattered around it, and a student with a mask on their face was sitting in one of those chairs.

A textbook that seemed to belong to the student was placed on the table. Noticing the number 2 on it, I assumed the said student was a senior. When Shimizu Terumichi approached that person, he asked, “This girl is a little sick. May I know where the teacher is?”

“Oh, the teacher is talking on the phone in the staff room right now.”

The senior stood up and approached me with the sound of some metal rubbing. They were wearing trousers as their uniform. In this school, there were trousers for both girls and boys. They differed by pattern, and the one the senior was wearing had a common color, so it was impossible to assume their gender. They also had a peculiar voice that could either be high or low.

“Are you feeling sick? You sure don’t look so well.”

The student looked into my face. The bangs that were entwined in a circular motion in the air were long, and although it was possible to see their eyes, I felt like their entire face was hidden behind the mask. They nodded silently and urged me to bed, saying, “If so, you can sleep.”

“In the infirmary, there is a sheet to write down about what kind of symptoms you have when you’re sick. However, you look so pale that it would be best for you to do it later. When the teacher comes back, I’ll leave all the talks to you.”

When I was a little lost for words and turned to Shimizu Terumichi, he nodded as if relieved and laughed, saying, “Don’t tell the teacher of the next lesson.”

Eventually, a peaceful atmosphere was created in the infirmary. But, was that really okay…? Did I really have such a terrible complexion?

When I looked at the mirror above the sink in the infirmary, I could see my pale face, which seemed to be covered in cold sweat.

“Careful, careful.”

As I walked to the nearest bed, my senior added, “Take off your slippers when you go to bed. Oh, and don’t forget to close the curtains.”

“Well then, rest well. Please, take care of Higuchi.”

With that said, Shimizu Terumichi left the infirmary. The senior got back to studying.

Although I was confused, I closed the curtain near the bed, took off my slippers, and then laid down. The ceiling was just white with no stains, and a light pink curtain surrounded it so that it seemed to be cut out in a square.

I could hear the senior writing something on the desk and the sound of the clock ticking. I couldn’t hear any footsteps. I was sure Shimizu Terumichi was already far away from the infirmary.

As I closed my eyes, I recalled what happened in the hallway.

Could it be that I ended up owing that guy? That carefree person? I mean, what was with that attitude earlier, even though he was acting like a complete fool in the classroom?

Actually, didn’t he say that he was going to shoot a video in the first place? Because of that, I had no other choice but to leave the classroom.

While I was wondering, a bell started ringing, informing students of the start of their classes. I made myself comfortable on the bed and just looked up at the white ceiling.