As Long As You Are Happy

‘In any case, I don’t think I should be asking him about it in the first place.’

Irina swallowed the question she most wanted to ask down her throat.

“Because I think you’ve been staring at it for a while.”

He then turned his head towards the tree.

“It is only because the gardener had told me that it would be too difficult to save this tree. So, I was wondering what I should do.”

Rogan reached his hand out and gently brushed the palm of his hand against the tree.

“I would have this tree cut down if it had been any other but my grandfather had cherished it.”

“You must be referring to the Duke of Winfried from two generations ago, right?”

Rogan nodded.

Hm, mirroring Rogan, Irina narrowed her eyes as well.

“Is there any chance that it could survive?”

“I’m not saying that it would die with certainty but I heard it would be extremely difficult to save it.”

“Why’s that? From what I see, it looks fine.”

And Irina was right.

Even though it was so bare that there was not a single leaf to be found on it no matter where she searched, the tree standing before them looked healthy. 

“Though it may seem healthy from the outside, I heard that it’s suffering from a disease that causes it to rot from the inside.”

Ahem, Rogan cleared his throat.

“I would have to treat it with a remedy that is only available in another country but the roads have been cut off because of the war. We wouldn’t be able to make it in time if we travelled all the way there.”

“Hm.”

“With one false move, the disease can spread to other trees which was why the gardener advised to pull this one out. That’s why I had been thinking what I should do”

Irina nodded at his words.

 She realised the urgency of the situation now. 

But at the same time, she understood Rogan’s concerns.

“The duke wants to save this tree, don’t you?”

“I do. Because this is a tree my grandfather had cherished.”

“No, not because of that.”

Irina raised her head and stared at Rogan. 

“Isn’t there another reason why you’re so concerned?”

“… What?”

“To be honest with you, you seemed to have much on your mind earlier. So, I thought you might have other reasons for saving this tree.”

Irina glanced at Rogan.

“… Or am I wrong?”

Rogan did not reply. He merely stared at Irina. 

For a distinctly different reason than before, Irina found her eyes spinning again. 

‘I guess I was wrong.’

Did expressing her opinion bother him? Or did he have anything against what she said?

“… You’re right.”

Her train of thought was interrupted by the sinking voice overhead.

“I have another reason.”

As he spoke, Rogan looked colder than usual.

“I shall instruct the gardener to pull out the tree as soon as he is able.”

“What?”

Hadn’t he wanted to save this tree?

Rogan turned his back around as though he had no intention of taking back his decision. 

For some reason, Irina felt as if she could not let things end like this.

“Duke, please wait!”

Irina grabbed Rogan by his arm.

“Is it going to be difficult to save this tree?”

“It will be.”

Rogan’s voice sounded particularly gruff when he answered.

But as he suppressed his fatigue, his desire to want to leave this place as soon as he could unintentionally leaked out.

“Still.”

In an act of desperation, Irina exclaimed.

“If you move the tree over there, its disease won’t spread to the other trees.”

Irina pointed to a spot in the garden where nothing had been planted yet. 

“Why don’t you move the tree there and monitor it daily till the remedy arrives? I can check in on it everyday for you.”

“There is no guarantee that the remedy will arrive on time.”

Rogan lowered himself.

In an instance, the distance between the two narrowed. 

A shadow casted over Irina’s body. 

“Even if the remedy comes, it might not take effect because the tree is too old.”

His hand slowly approached her before combing it through her hair and sweeping it across her cheek.

He definitely did something similar earlier.

But why did it tickle then and why was she getting goosebumps now?

Irina held her breath. 

“Still.”

He removed his hand.

But his eyes still remained on Irina. 

“Do you think it should be saved, Miss Irina?”

“Yes.”

She was scared.

But that was not enough of a reason to change her mind.

“Because that tree can still be saved.”

Irina took a step closer to him.

Now, they were close enough to each other that they could count the number of the other’s lashes.

“That’s why I think we should try everything we can.”

She could see herself captured in his resolute red eyes .

She surmised that Rogan must be seeing himself in her eyes as well.

‘Hm?’

She spotted a red wound that seemed to have been caused by a scratch behind the collar of his shirt. 

The first thing she did when she noticed the wound was to lower her gaze. 

“Fine.”

Rogan flinched backwards as though he had been waiting. 

Smoothly pulling out the arm Irina had been grabbing, Rogan retreated backwards though it looked more like he stumbled. 

“… If that’s what you wish to do, Miss Irina.”

And that was all.

He then disappeared into the mansion.

***

It was a blistering hot day. 

If it had not been for the old gardener’s words, it would have been another day when the duke would, once again, not have taken a step out of his study.

“My apologies, duke.”

The old gardener, whom Ethan had painstakingly recruited with much discretion, had lowered his back with his hat in hand. 

“It looks to me that the tree we’ve talked about will be difficult to save.”

From the kind of disease it was struck with and the fact that it was rotting on the inside to the news that a remedy to treat it exists but it was only available in a different country and the time it would take. 

He would hear the gardener’s updates from time to time. 

“I would recommend uprooting the tree but why don’t you take a look yourself before deciding?”

“I shall.”

After giving the gardener a single nod, he had left to visit the garden.

A beautiful garden that had completely changed in the past few weeks welcomed him but he did not pay it any mind. 

He merely observed that everything was finally falling into its right place one after the other. 

Other than himself. 

‘It is just like me.’

As he stood in front of the tree his grandfather cherished, Rogan smirked.

It looked fine on the outside but was rotting within. 

The fact that their disease could spread to others. 

And the way they wandered alone while everyone else was trying to find their new place. 

It was no different from him, was it?

‘No, this tree is better than me.’

At least the disease the tree was inflicted with was already known and a remedy existed to cure it. 

It was starkly different from himself who was still helpless against it. 

What should he do? 

Erasing the smile on his face, Rogan stared at the tree solemnly.

Should he cut it down or save it?

To kill or to save.

Should it die or…

“Please spare me!”

Clang, a desperate scream echoed in his ears accompanied by the sound of something shattering. 

“Please spare me, your grace, I-I want to live.”

“I want to go home. I miss my fami…”

“…..”

Why did it still hurt the same even though these voices had haunted him hundreds and thousands of times before? When would he get used to them?

No, would he ever get used to them? 

Rogan swept his hand down his sunken face.

He wanted to cover his ears but it did not help to block out the voices. 

Rogan could only stand still in place and listen to the cries from the past that passed him by one after the other. 

His body felt heavier and heavier. 

His hefty body felt like it was sinking into a swamp because he hadn’t been sleeping well recently. 

No, was this how it felt to die alive?

“Do you understand? The ones who stand above the rest should view soldiers as mere numbers.”

He could hear his voice again. 

Again, it was another voice he would rather forget. 

“Otherwise, you would never win, your grace!”

“Please make the wise decision.”

The voices wrapped around his neck and gradually began to squeeze. 

In spite of himself, Rogan brought his hands to his neck and began scratching it. 

“Your grace.”

When he heard the next voice to visit him, he raised his head.

 The bright voice sounded familiar which only made his heart ache more.

“Why don’t you find yourself a reason to go on? When the war ends, I want to give my daughter 100 kisses.”

Red hair fluttered in the sky. 

And the golden-haired man smiled cheerfully in response.

“So, you should find a reason to continue living after the war, your grace.”

The red-haired knight gave a slight curtsy when she noticed Rogan’s presence. 

“This will be the last assignment I hand you before I head into this operation.”

Eventually, that memory surfaced.

Rogan frowned. 

‘There’s too much on my mind.’

It was just a tree.

But because of it, his stomach was tied up in knots. 

“Can’t you save it?”

Another voice gave him a clear answer.

“Because that tree can still be saved.”

Just like the two from his memories, her voice was unwavering. 

Those eyes too, those blue eyes. 

“That’s why I think we should try everything we can.”

Her gaze was so resolute he felt guilty for even being reflected within them. 

“… If that’s what you wish to do, Miss Irina.”

Eventually, he had no choice but to leave as though he was running away. 

***

‘What’s going on, seriously?’

Frowning, Irina thought back on what happened earlier in the day. 

‘Why had he reacted like that?’

She had grappled with herself for so long before she finally expressed her own opinion after much consideration. 

And to receive such strange looks! And to suddenly dash off like the wind!

‘What did he say again? Whatever Miss Irina wished to do?’

As she recalled what Rogan had said, her expression contorted even more. 

Seriously, why did he say it like that?

‘When he had been so sweet before.’

He talked about how red her cheeks were before bringing her under the shade and talked with her about this and that.

So, why did he say that all of a sudden?

Irina drew her legs to her chest and buried her face within. She was upset.

Hold on.

A thought suddenly popped up in his head which prompted her to raise her head.

‘Did I do something wrong?’

Had he treated her coldly because she had unknowingly made a mistake in front of him?

The thought was pretty convincing. 

There would not have been any reason for the duke to change his attitude so suddenly otherwise. 

Then what mistake did she commit?

Could she fix things if she found out, apologised and swore to not commit the same mistake again?

“…..”

Irina tried to recall the events that happened earlier in order. Before she came to a conclusion. 

She did nothing wrong. 

Of course, she had committed numerous faux pas that were barred by the etiquette she was taught. 

Hadn’t her palm-sized etiquette handbook state that an unmarried man and woman should not be in the same place in the absence of any guardian?

But they had been breaking that rule in the first place so that couldn’t be it. 

Then, what could it be?

What mistake did she make? What did she do wrong? 

“…..”

The longer she thought about it, the more tangled her thoughts became.

At the same time, her anxiety, which she had barely suppressed thus far, had begun to turn her head.

‘… He’s not going to kick me out, is he?’

He wouldn’t hate me because I made a mistake, would he? He was not going to kick me out of the estate because I appear alright now, right?

Countless questions flooded her mind. Irina felt the slight urge to sob.

“Ah.”

Suddenly, something caught Irina’s eye. It was the window of a study that was still lit. 

As though announcing that the duke was still up, the candles by the window flickered. 

She knew that the butler, Aaron, and the others in the estate would avoid the study this late at night. 

There was only one person who would stay in the study this late into the night, the Duke, Rogan Winfried. 

When she noticed the lights, Irina got up.

Let’s go.