Otaku man rotten goddess horse is the most annoying

Chapter 15 Cucumber Cucumbers
1
One day, I asked my uncle, who had been single for many years, how he fell in love with the Two-dimensional world.The uncle said that he also forgot, maybe it was fate, and he fell in love with it naturally.

Then we will watch the new show "Things That Fell From Heaven" together.What that said was that the hero Zhishu used the props of the heroine Icarus to build himself a palace full of women's panties, which made my uncle and I spit a lot, and my eyes were full of panties. Pants panties.

After a while, I said to the uncle: "You should collect your clothes." Because our clothes are washed and collected in turn.

The uncle went up to the rooftop while muttering.Soon, he came back with a bucket of men's briefs and said, "I think I have found the answer to your question just now. The three-dimensional is too ugly!"

2
I went to the supermarket to buy things with my uncle again, and chatted about the latest anime while walking.Speaking of which, although we are all nerds, our favorite anime directions are quite different.For example, the uncle especially likes to watch the works of the cute and butcher series. I scoffed at this, but the uncle argued hard, saying: "The butchers are so good, my favorite is the butchers."

At that time, we were passing by the meat counter in the supermarket, when we saw a young man in uniform blushed and turned his head away when he heard what the uncle said.

...Why are you ashamed!Don't think so!What are you doing wrong?This shouldn't be the reaction that normal men should have!
3
I suddenly recalled a very interesting past event, and my strong desire to express made me eager to tell others.Only the painter was present at the time, so I told him.

I said: "During my high school summer vacation, a good friend of mine called me one day and asked me to go to his house to play. At that time, I said, why go to your house to play?" My friend was silent for a moment, and suddenly said happily, "play its me!"

After speaking, I laughed with the artist, and then the artist asked: "Did you have a boyfriend in high school?"

...want to hit someone.

4
In fact, gays are just like vampires, both innate and acquired.Glasses are acquired.Because he is easy to get along with, so I have a good relationship with him.During a chat, Glasses revealed to me that his sexuality was originally normal, but it was because of an accident that he changed from a normal person to a gay.

That moment happened in the car when he came from his hometown to the city where he worked.It was spring at the time, and the weather was warm and cold, so I wore very thick glasses because I was afraid of the cold.Unexpectedly, the heating in the car was turned on abnormally, the contrast was as great as indoor Nanjing and outdoor Antarctica.The poor glasses are wearing a pair of cotton pants. It is so hot that I suspect that if I don't take them off, future generations will be in danger.The problem is that the toilet on the car is too small and dirty. If you take it off inside, the pants are equivalent to toilet paper. The only way is to take it off in the car.This was an impossible task. Fortunately, the bus was not full, especially the last few rows were completely empty.So, Glasses greeted the flight attendant, and came to the last row with his luggage, ready to start his trousers removal plan.It is undoubtedly very embarrassing to be seen by others, but most of the people in the car were sleeping at the time, no one would come over, and if you look back, you can’t see any clues because of the layers of seat backs. The right time, the right place, and the right people.The only thing I need to worry about is the sight from the car window. However, the passenger car the glasses were on was speeding on the highway at that time, and I didn't see any villages along the way after driving for a long distance.Immediately, the confidence in the glasses increased greatly, and while calculating that it would take about 10 seconds for me to complete the whole process of "taking off the outer pants → removing the cotton pants A → removing the cotton pants B → putting on the outer pants", I started the actual operation.

Everyone should be able to imagine what happened next.That is, suddenly another passenger car passed the glasses' car very quickly. The car was full of women. They were happily looking at the beautiful scenery at the window, and when they took off their pants, they took off their underwear too hard. The glasses that had been taken off were thus completely visible.

After that, the glasses had a psychological shadow on women, and this was the beginning of his fall into the devil.

When I heard Glasses say that, I felt so sympathetic to him.

But I couldn't help but spray the coffee all over his face.

5
Since I moved here, my uncle and I felt that the kitchen should not be abandoned, so we decided to start cooking by ourselves.For cooking, my uncle has a little more experience than me, but we have one thing in common: laziness.After we discussed it, we decided that I would do the grocery shopping and wash the dishes, and he would do the washing and cooking.Because we are afraid of trouble, the first dish we make is easy-to-understand cucumber salad.

When I go to the supermarket to buy cucumbers, my mind is full of other uses for cucumbers other than food.Although I have eaten a lot of cucumbers, this is the first time I actually hold them in my hand.Oh shit!This thing turns out that every root is very thick!Like a rolling pin!There are thorns on it!If you really use it, it will kill you!Rotten girls are too ignorant! ——I stood in front of the weighing counter with two cucumbers, and my heart was so turbulent.

At this time, the lady who helped me weigh me smiled sweetly at me, handed over the packaged and labeled cucumbers, and said, "It can only be eaten."

……what do you mean? !Do I know you well? !Have we met many times? !Why are you reminding me of this? !If I don’t eat it, what else can I do with it? !Why do you make it sound like I'm sure I'm going to use it for something? !Has even the supermarket been infiltrated by rotten girls? !I want to complain!Be sure to complain!

6
Regarding the cucumber, the follow-up plot is like this.After I bought it back, I kept one of them as our dish that night, and I planned to chew the other one like a fruit. Chew it and eat it myself.While I was doing this, I had a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, so naturally, I walked into the bathroom with that cucumber in my mouth.

When I came out with a cucumber in my mouth, I met glasses because the door of his room was facing the toilet. He looked at me, then at the cucumber, and then smiled without saying a word.

"Trust me! Believe me, okay?!" I frantically held the shoulders of the glasses and shook them vigorously, but the glasses kept laughing without saying a word.

7
Our kitchen is very small. When the uncle is cooking, I usually squat in front of the monitor to bask in my stomach and enjoy the fruits of the food.One day, I heard my uncle calling me, so I left the manga and went.I saw that the uncle was washing vegetables in front of the sink. When washing vegetables, you must roll up your sleeves in order not to get wet, right?But after washing, the uncle's sleeves slipped down again, and the uncle's hands are wet and sticky now, so he asked me to help him roll up the sleeves.

Since the kitchen is so small that it is difficult to turn around, I help the uncle roll up the sleeves in this posture: I cling to his back, stretch my hands forward from behind, and when I touch his arm, I put the sleeves up stroke……

Opposite our kitchen is the kitchen of another building. When I finished this work, I saw Obasan on the opposite side looking at us calmly.

The uncle and I smiled at her awkwardly, wondering if we should say something, but that Obasan actually spit out a mouthful of phlegm and closed the window.

...not even giving us a chance to explain!

When I exited the kitchen resentfully, the all-pervasive glasses approached me mysteriously and said, "Do you need a nude apron? It's more interesting."

……enough!
8
Recently, I feel that painters have become cute and joyful.This is all thanks to Xiaobei, because the painter has been trained in the process of pursuing Xiaobei.For example, one morning, I saw the painter in a daze with a tooth cup and a toothbrush in front of the sink.When I approached him, I saw him put the toothbrush into the tooth cup and said while stirring, "The toothbrush is for attacking, and the tooth cup is for receiving..."

I was shocked, not expecting the artist to have mastered such terms.

Then the painter actually put himself in the shoes of the toothcup and worried about the toothbrush, and he said to himself: "But the mouth of the toothcup is so wide, the toothbrush must not be able to satisfy it."

I suddenly felt that this person had a bright future.When I went back and told the uncle, the uncle laughed so hard that he fell on the bed, and I said, "Don't laugh, I believe Xiao Bei must like that painter more than you now."

The uncle felt as if he was facing a formidable enemy. After a moment of solemn expression, he picked up a can of Coke with a straw in it and said to me: "The straw is the attack, and the can is the victim!"

...I really want to move out of this haunted house.

9
The painter is still very lonely. The evidence is that he would talk to me and uncle every day, even if he had nothing to say.

For example, one day he excitedly told us: "I found out that Jay Chou has hemorrhoids!"

We were all surprised, thinking that this disease is simply a military secret for a superstar, but he actually knew about it!We asked where the gossip came from.

The painter cleared his throat excitedly, and began to sing: chrysanthemums are broken, the ground is full of injuries... After singing, he said, "Look, isn't this song very obvious?"

My uncle and I both showed frozen expressions.

But running over and making bad jokes can still be forgiven, what is even more unbearable is something else.

For example, a painter came to tell us one day: "I recently watched "Lan Yu", "The Wedding Banquet", "Brokeback Mountain" and other films, and I was really moved."

I kicked him out with my uncle.It is your family's business to be moved after watching that kind of film, why tell us!Who wants to know how moved you are!

10
Nianzai uncle is sincere to Xiaobei, I think that as a friend, I should help him.It happened that Xiaobei and Xiaolu were relatively close, so I entrusted Xiaolu to say a few words for uncle, and say more things that Xiaobei likes to hear.Xiaolu agreed.

Soon Xiaolu came to report the situation to me.

"how?"

"No play."

"Why no play? What did you say?"

"I said that uncle is not bad. He is optimistic about Dokiman and Jihua. When he walks on the street and sees two men, he will immediately study their relationship. He will buy cucumbers and chrysanthemums and go home when he has nothing to do. He often looks at pictures of strong men. ..."

"That's right. For a rotten girl like Xiaobei, such a man can be regarded as a confidant. Then why do you say it's useless?"

"Because Xiaobei said that if you introduce him to a boyfriend another day, he will be a perfect gay guy."

"..."

Uncle, we have really tried our best.

(End of this chapter)