Modern social etiquette and eloquence

Chapter 10 Social etiquette and eloquence (2)
In social communication, some topics should be taboo. For example, turning a well-meaning discussion into a heated debate can easily lead to hostility.Therefore, if the other party is noncommittal about your topic, don't discuss the topic sharply and paranoidly, but try to change the topic.Even if you are involved in an argument, you should resist the urge to speak up, and you don't have to make a distinction.

[-]. How to get along with neighbors

As the saying goes, "A distant relative is not as good as a close neighbor".Neighborhood relationship is a kind of relationship in the field of daily life. Paying attention to good neighborhood relationship is very important to the daily life of a family.

To deal with neighbors well, we should start with ourselves first.Neighbors should not only beggar their neighbors, but also take their neighbors’ affairs as their own. Especially young people should take the initiative to care for elderly or single neighbors and help them do some physical work, such as carrying water, pulling coal, etc. Buy food and so on.

Neighbors should not only help each other, but also avoid interfering with each other as much as possible.Those who live in a large courtyard should pay attention to the computer and TV at home, and the volume should not be too loud; teach children not to damage other people's things when they are playing, and explain and compensate in time if they are damaged.If you live in a unit building, you should move more lightly when you live upstairs; when watering flowerpots placed on the windowsill or the edge of the balcony, prevent the water from flowing downstairs, etc.At the same time, in neighborhood interactions, especially young people, they should pay attention to their own influence on the neighbor's children.

Neighbors bow their heads and don't see each other. The family's joys, sorrows, sorrows, and visitors will all be heard by the neighbors.Neighbors should refrain from gossip, neither to inquire about the private affairs of neighbors, nor to give market to gossips, and advise those who like to gossip, if anyone maliciously slanders or destroys people's reputation, they should be strictly stopped , Criticize education, serious to resort to law.

People often use the phrase "as close as a family" to describe the good relationship between neighbors.The two families have a close relationship, and some things don't even distinguish between you and me.But there are also some such close neighbors who suddenly deteriorated, and even turned against each other.The reason is that these neighbors did not pay attention to "non-interference in internal affairs" when they were "as close as a family".

Neighbors sometimes help each other because they share similar interests, talk speculatively, or get along for a long time, forming a relatively close relationship. This kind of neighborhood friendship can bring a lot of convenience and happiness to both parties.But each family still has its own internal affairs. Generally speaking, the friendship between families should not infringe on the internal affairs of the family.Therefore, no matter how good the neighborhood relationship is, one should not comment on the internal affairs of the neighbor's family.When it comes to economic issues, it should be clear that if you forget about borrowing money, it will arouse the resentment of your neighbors after a long time.Neighbors and husbands and wives quarrel, no matter which party is justified or unreasonable, as neighbors, they should only persuade, reason, and criticize the wrong party in order to calm down the quarrel.You must never stand on one side and help him or her quarrel with the other side, because this will not only fail to solve the problem, but will also make the neighborhood relationship deadlocked.Of course, when there is a violation of the law, the neighbors should come forward and stop it.

"Non-interference in internal affairs" is the boundary line for neighborly exchanges.Being good at grasping this boundary will not only not limit the friendship of neighbors, but also make this friendship develop healthily; beyond this boundary, no matter how good the neighborhood relationship is, it will not last.

The communication between neighbors in the field of daily life is mostly trivial matters, but for every family, it is also a basic life problem.Because the neighbors are very close in space, some things that seem to be at home will also affect the interests of the neighbors.Therefore, objectively there are some contradictions between neighbors, and it is unrealistic to think that they will not influence each other at all.The most important way to resolve these contradictions is to negotiate with each other.

Neighborhood relationship is an equal relationship, and there is no question of obedience or disobedience among each other.In addition, most of the affairs between neighbors are the affairs of both parties, so one family cannot have the final say.In the end, most of the conflicts between neighbors are trivial matters in life, and do not need to be formally adjudicated. As long as the two parties negotiate on an equal footing and take into account the interests of both parties, they can be resolved properly.

Negotiation is the basic method of neighbor communication. If there are some things in your home that may affect your neighbors, you should discuss them with your neighbors before doing it to see what the neighbors have to say, or if there is a better way.This not only shows respect for neighbors, but also makes oneself more considerate in doing things.Some people are unwilling to discuss with their neighbors. Sometimes they know that it will affect their neighbors, but they don't explain or negotiate. They feel embarrassed, and when conflicts arise, they become even more embarrassed.

If something happens to your neighbor’s family that affects your own interests, don’t get angry, criticize, or try to obstruct you. Instead, you should calmly discuss with your neighbors, express your opinions, and listen to your neighbors’ ideas.Even if the neighbor has done something wrong, give the other party some time to consider and change. Don't rely on yourself to be justified, push others too far, and cause conflicts to intensify.

Six, hospitality etiquette details
Invite friends to be a guest at home, you should do some preparations properly.The room should be as clean as possible. Although the hostess and hostess don’t need to dress up, they should be well-groomed, natural, and generous. It’s best to prepare some simple fruit at home for entertaining guests, as well as tea and smoking sets.

When the guests arrive at the appointed time, they should take the initiative to go out to greet them.If the guest is visiting for the first time, he should introduce his family and greet each other.Then give up the seat and the tea. When delivering the tea, it is best to give it with both hands to show respect.If it is summer and the climate is hot, you can pass a cool towel to the guest, wipe your face first, turn on the fan or air conditioner, and serve cold drinks.In winter, please go to a warm room.If the guests come from afar, ask if they have eaten.

When talking with guests, be warm and polite, don't look at your watch frequently, and don't yawn, so as not to misunderstand that you are chasing guests.When the guests are older, young people should be more polite, sincere and humble when talking with the elderly, and talk more about the issues that the elderly care about.For the elderly who have special skills, you can ask them for advice on what they are good at, open up the old man's chatterbox, and make the old man talk happily.You can also say some homely words to make the atmosphere more harmonious.

There is no need to stick to etiquette with familiar old friends, and you can be more casual with each other.But even if it is an old friend, it is not advisable to disclose internal conflicts in the family in front of guests.It is best not to criticize and educate children when relatives and friends are guests. Of course, you can't just let the children go and make them mess around in the house just because there are guests.If children are naughty, gently lead them away without yelling at them.

The children brought by the guests should find some toys, comic books, and picture albums, and let the children read them aside to stabilize their emotions, so as to prevent the children from "recognizing their birth" and crying, which will affect everyone's conversation.If you know that your relatives and friends will bring their children, you should pack up dangerous or easily damaged items in advance to avoid accidents.

If the guest happens to have something urgent to do when he comes, call the guest to explain the situation, apologize, or entrust family members to accompany and entertain, or arrange a time to talk in detail at another day, in order to obtain the understanding of the guest.

For guests at home, if the parents are with you, when the old man talks to the guests, don't intervene arbitrarily.If what you are talking about is an important issue, you'd better avoid it.When guests are present, speak softly to yourself and your family members.

If the guest is not looking for you, but the person you are looking for is not there, then you should take the initiative to receive the guest.When the guest leaves, you can ask the guest to leave a note for you to forward.

When an "uninvited guest" comes to the house, you can't turn it away, or show a resentful look on your face to embarrass the guest.The meaning of the guest's visit should be understood as soon as possible so that it can be properly handled.If it is difficult for the guest to speak, they may only need to talk to you individually, and other members of the family should try to avoid it and not surround themselves.

When it is time to eat, guests should be retained for dinner.The dishes at home depend on the situation, but they should be richer than usual.The ethnic customs, hobbies and ages of the guests should be taken into consideration, and they should be prepared at home as much as possible. If it is unavoidable, then go to a restaurant to eat or buy ready-made meals, so as not to worry the guests.The meals arranged for the elderly should take care of the taste and chewing ability of the elderly as much as possible.After the meal, you should pass paper towels and pour tea to the guests.

Guests need to stay at home, and if the family's house is relatively ample, it is best to arrange for guests to live alone.The room should be tidy and ready with necessary supplies.Bedding should be comfortable, clean and tidy.You can also prepare some books and newspapers for the entertainment of the guests.Before going to bed, make the guests familiar with the location of the light switch and the bathroom, so that it is convenient for the guests to walk at night.Do not let children enter or leave the guest's room, so as not to affect the guest's rest.The next day, the host should prepare breakfast and wait for the guests to eat together.Although you should try your best to be warm and considerate to the guests, but it should be just right, "over-enthusiasm" will make the guests in a hectic coping.

When the guests leave, the host has to wait for the guests to get up, and then the host stands up to see them off.It is impolite for the host to stand up and see off the guests as soon as the guests say they want to leave.

The guest presents a gift, and the host should express his gratitude and ask the guest not to spend any more money in the future.At the same time, some suitable gifts should be returned for the guests to take away.It is impossible to remain indifferent to gifts from guests.

Banquets should advocate economy and not extravagance and waste.Sometimes it is a formal treat, such as a celebration, a birthday banquet, etc., which is more solemn, and mainly invites the guests of the elders. There are host guests and accompanying guests; , chat.

To entertain guests, there are not many dishes, but appropriate preparations should be made according to the age, taste, hobbies, etc. of the guests, and it is appropriate to suit the season and be cheap and high-quality.

When entering the table, if you know each other well, you can sit freely; if you want to follow the traditional habits, you must arrange the seats. Generally, the host always sits at the bottom and the last seat, and the guest of honor sits at the top of the host.For the rest of the guests, when arranging seats, it is best to arrange familiar friends together so that they can talk freely with each other and the atmosphere can be more lively.In wedding and birthday banquets, the host should sit next to the distinguished guests or elders, so that they can often serve the distinguished guests or elders.

When serving, it should be served from the side of the host so that the host can arrange the dishes.After the dishes are served, the host should take the initiative and warmly greet the guests to eat.

A toast is an indispensable item in a banquet, especially a festive banquet.When making a toast to guests or elders, the host should hold the bottle and pour the wine in person, with a calm and generous attitude and actions.

General banquets also have the act of persuading them to drink, but be careful not to force them to avoid creating a discordant atmosphere.The guest is drunk, which not only hurts the body of the guest, but also destroys the atmosphere of the banquet.

During the dinner, the host should talk to the guests about things that everyone is happy with, so that the dinner is full of harmony.If it is found that some guests are arguing over a certain issue, the host should use the method of "drinking a glass of wine to settle the dispute" to change the topic to other topics and maintain a pleasant atmosphere.

After the banquet, the host chats with the guests for a while as usual, but it is not advisable to make the guests stay too long.When seeing off a guest, stand at the door and shake hands with the guest. For example, elders and guests who are far away can send the younger generation a ride to show respect.

In short, whether it is entertaining guests or seeing off friends, it is necessary to make the other party feel that the host is warm, sincere, polite, and cultivated, so that the guests feel warm and harmonious, and give the guests a good impression.

Seven, praise also needs good eloquence

Everyone loves to hear compliments from others, and even those who hate sycophants rejoice in the well-earned praise.Because praise means approval, praise also means affirmation.And everyone has more or less bright spots worthy of praise from others.There are many shining things in excellent and outstanding characters, and even in ordinary people, there are many excellent qualities worthy of our praise.Therefore, in communicating with people, being good at discovering the advantages of others and appreciating them appropriately can not only inspire others, but also strengthen the relationship between people.

To praise others, you must have sincerity, but also pay attention to eloquence and methods.

1. Sizing up the situation and adapting to individual conditions

There are many ways to praise others, you can praise directly face to face, you can also focus on praising someone or some people in public, and you can also praise behind your back.What kind of method should be used under what circumstances to make the effect of praise better, which requires the praiser to seize a certain opportunity, which varies from person to person, and express his praise appropriately.

Compliments not only vary from person to person, from occasion to occasion, but also from time to time.When you find something worthy of praise and a sign of a person's good character, you should immediately seize this opportunity and give good encouragement to the object of praise; if the person's advantages and good things have been fully reflected, then you must give praise The object is fully affirmed and fully praised.Using different compliments at different stages can give people a sense of reality and concreteness.

2. Seek truth from facts and use appropriate wording
Praise should be based on facts, which is the essential difference from "flattery". "Flaty" comes from a subjective desire, is for selfishness, and has the obvious purpose of flattery.Sincere praise is based on objective facts, and it is an expression of true feelings, aimed at making people happy and communicating with people emotionally.In addition, sincere praise should not only be based on facts, but also be properly worded: first, do not exaggerate, and second, do not overdo it.

Don't exaggerate, that is to say, the words of praise should be simple and natural, without any embellishment, and don't exaggerate.

Don't overdo it, it means that the words of praise should be appropriate, "don't say good things twice", if you say a word of praise many times or pile up a lot of compliments on a certain person, then the other party will think you are unworthy or doubt your motives impure.

3. Enthusiastic and specific, in-depth and meticulous

In daily communication, you can often hear such compliments: "You are so kind", "Your article is so well written" and so on.Exactly in which aspects it is good, to what extent, and for what reason it is good, is unknown.This kind of compliment seems very empty, and others will think you are being polite and perfunctory.

American social psychologist Helen Kleinard believes that the correct way to praise is to specify the content of praise, in which three basic factors need to be clarified: the specific behavior you like; Feel good about the results of this help.With these three basic factors, praise will not be general and empty, and it will make a deep impression on people.Therefore, compliments should be as earnest, specific, in-depth and meticulous as possible.For example, if you compliment someone on a beautiful dress, you might as well say: "This dress fits you well, the color is bright, and you look more energetic."

4. to attack by surprise

In the use of compliments, if you can catch people off guard and catch them by surprise, you can often surprise people and receive unexpected results.

When we communicate with people, if we can pay attention to observation and praise those advantages that we have neglected in time, the effect is often better than praising those advantages that everyone knows.For example, a famous scientist, a famous actor or a famous writer, or ordinary people who have made outstanding achievements in some aspects, etc., they have made great achievements in their respective fields, so praise for their achievements in their respective fields will be endless.Then, we might as well find another way, such as praising their harmonious family life, their beautiful clothes, their kind smiles, and their excellent qualities, etc., which will definitely surprise them.

[-]. Criticism: good medicine can also be "sweet"
Each of us does not live in a vacuum. Just as we are infected with many germs, there will inevitably be some flaws and mistakes in our ideology, speech and behavior.Ostrovsky said: "Criticism is a normal blood circulation. Without it, stagnation and illness will inevitably occur." Only by actively conducting criticism can we maintain physical and mental health.However, when carrying out criticism, we must pay attention to methods and methods.Otherwise, it may hurt others and yourself, and affect the relationship between people.

1. Be considerate of each other and win the trust of each other
When criticizing others, "outspoken" people often fail to understand the emotions of the other party. They try to "speak quickly" for a while, say it casually, and then forget what they said, which casts a psychological shadow on the critic. Lost trust in critics, too.So when criticizing others, you might as well look at the problem from the other person's point of view, put yourself in the other person's position and consider whether you can accept this kind of criticism.If what you criticize sounds a little blunt to you, then it's time to revise it.

In addition, the occasion should also be considered.Everyone has face, and no one will accept criticism if you don't pay attention to the occasion.

2. Sincere attitude and friendly tone

Criticism is a sensitive subject, and even mild criticism is not as comforting as praise, and the object of criticism always treats the critic with a critical or hostile attitude.Therefore, if the critic is not sincere, or condescending, with a cold and blunt tone, it will instead cause contradictions, generate antagonism, and make the criticism deadlocked.

Therefore, criticism must pay attention to attitude and tone. A sincere and friendly tone is like a lubricant, which can often reduce friction and make criticism achieve the desired effect.

3. Criticism is worse than encouragement

Joseph Addison, a famous British commentator in the 18th century, once said: "Those who really know how to criticize value the 'right', not the 'wrong'." The "positive" mentioned here is actually to encourage from the positive , which is a kind of implicit criticism, this method can make the object of criticism correct their own mistakes and shortcomings unconsciously.It can be said that the method of positively encouraging the other party to correct shortcomings and indirectly criticizing mistakes will be faster and better than direct criticism.Because this method of criticism is easy to be accepted by the other party, thus producing good results.

When conducting criticism, there are still several issues that require our attention.

(1) Discuss the matter as it stands without hurting the personality

When criticizing others, one should discuss the matter as it stands, and don't dig out all the "old sesame seeds and rotten millet", entangle them together, and settle the general account.Doing so will only arouse the other party's resentment.And exposing the other party's scars, or even hurting the other party's personality, is more likely to arouse the other party's anger.

(2) Be specific and clear, not abstract and general

(End of this chapter)