The Devil's Conversation Learning: Instantly Become Friends with Strangers

Chapter 5

(6) The interlocutor can greet differently according to different occasions, environments, and objects.For example, from the perspective of age, you can ask the elderly: "How is your body?" to adults: "Are you busy with work?" What other works have come out?" Ask the businessman: "How is the business?" Ask the teacher: "Is there a class today?" When speaking, you should be euphemistic, just right, not too many words, and you can sum it up in one sentence. Never say a few words.If you talk endlessly, it will give people a frivolous feeling.

07．Cultivate the charm of striking up a conversation, bloom your brilliance
China's economic development has only just started, and the process of hiding wealth among the people has just begun. Therefore, too full of expectations and too little resources make people reluctant to change their lifestyles easily, such as paying attention to tactful and subtle expressions when expressing feelings, and seeing strike-ups as "adventures". reckless" alternative behavior.But countless facts have proved that striking up a conversation has a more positive impact on life.This is because the biggest function of chatting up is to improve oneself and improve one's social skills. It is definitely a major breakthrough for oneself, especially for introverted people, and may change the fate of the current and even the entire life.Therefore, we can say that changing the inherent concept and cultivating the charm of striking up a conversation will change your life.

Picking up a conversation can change our views on the world and our attitude towards life, and can make us a person who is more enthusiastic about life.In fact, a person who dares to strike up a conversation is a person who is responsible for his own feelings and life. He not only has the courage to talk to you, but also has the ability to resist pressure when you reject him.Such people are more valuable and attractive than those who are afraid to act, always rely on friends' introductions, or attract others with power and wealth!
The times are developing, and the form of charm is also changing.In today's modern age, people's views on choosing friends have also undergone great changes.In order to gain more friends, we should focus on cultivating the charm of striking up a conversation, which mainly comes from the following aspects.

Picking up a conversation is the best way to train your eloquence and overcome your fear of public speaking.According to an interesting observation: a person who is articulate and eloquent in front of his superiors and colleagues in the company may not be able to express himself properly in front of the opposite sex he likes; but a person who can speak freely in front of the opposite sex he likes A person who is perfect in any occasion must be able to have a perfect performance.This is because being able to communicate with the opposite sex is the most difficult part of all communication.As long as you can overcome this part, communication in other situations is just a piece of cake.

The conversation and behavior in the strike-up are the performance of self-cultivation.To a certain extent, it is the performance of education, but to a certain extent, it is the result of self-discipline.Are you jaywalking, swearing, spitting?All these will test your self-cultivation.Remember, your behavior shows your level and value, and your speech reflects your psychology and thoughts.Although good self-cultivation will not make people like you instantly, it can gradually add points to you invisibly, and make people admire and appreciate you slowly.A sense of humor, for example, is not something everyone is born with, but it is indeed an effective weapon that can adjust the tension and put friends and lovers in a good mood.But it is very important to remember that only a rich accumulation of knowledge can make humor rise to humor, rather than sensationalism.

Picking up a conversation can best reflect a person's knowledge level.It is well known that knowledge is a valuable asset.The knowledge here does not only refer to scientific and cultural knowledge, but a wide range of knowledge ranging from astronomy to geography, involving science and technology, current affairs and politics, culture and entertainment, physical education, lifestyle, and life.If you are a good thinker, you will find that although these fields are strange, they have amazing similarities and commonalities.For example, the relationship between countries is actually the development and derivation of the relationship between people. People in various fields need to work hard to succeed, and so on.Only when knowledge accumulates and accumulates can it maintain its permanent attraction and not be disgusted by others.

The demeanor when striking up a conversation is not only a lethal "weapon", but also a golden needle in life and career.It manifests as humility, politeness and respect for people, a kind of generosity and tolerance in life, not to care about small things and lose the big because of small things.Demeanor is an expression of good moral character and a symbol of wisdom.In fact, maybe one of your unmannered strike-ups will ruin your precious friendship with the other party. Similarly, a graceful strike-up may make others appreciate and respect you.

Tolerance and patience in striking up a conversation can reflect a person's charm.A tolerant person will admit his fault when he has a dispute with another person, no matter whose fault it is.They deeply understand the principle of "speaking well", and even if the other party makes a big mistake, they can do it without fussing with him.Such a person is obviously welcomed and even liked by everyone.

Being honest with someone is the key to gaining trust.Honesty is the most reliable. No matter how deeply a lie is hidden, one day it will break through and everyone will see it.People with the quality of honesty and reliability can give people a sense of trust and security through striking up a conversation.

In short, a person's charm for striking up a conversation is reflected in his caring, good looks, elegant manners, knowledgeable, personable, tolerant, honest and reliable.Of course, the charm of practicing strike-up is far more than these, there are also mature and steady, responsible, sense of justice, self-motivated, optimistic, gentlemanly, sense of humor, and so on.Only by making continuous efforts in many aspects can chatting up add color to life and have a positive impact on life.

Further reading: Principles that must be followed in interpersonal communication
The basic principle of interpersonal communication is gradually formed in the extensive communication between people, so it must be recognized and followed by most members of society.It can be seen that if one does not follow the basic principles, one's own behavior will conflict with the ideas of most members of society, thus leading to the isolation of individuals in society.

(1) The principle of equality: the relationship between people is an equal relationship. In our society, there are only differences in social division of labor and scope of responsibility among people, but no distinction between high and low.Regardless of the position, ability, occupation or economic status, everyone enjoys equal political and legal rights and personal dignity, and should be treated equally.Therefore, people should treat each other as equals, treat each other equally, respect each other, and be neither humble nor overbearing.

(2) The principle of sincerity: Treating people sincerely is the guarantee for the continuation and development of interpersonal communication. Only when people treat each other with sincerity can they understand, accept and trust each other, and can get along with each other in unity and sincerity.Therefore, in communication, we must treat people sincerely, seek truth from facts, be open-minded, and match words with deeds.Mutual trust, respect for others, modesty and prudence, civility and courtesy can establish good interpersonal relationships.

(3) Principle of self-esteem: Don't be keen to accept gifts from others.Very good friends, sincerely give each other some small gifts to connect feelings and enhance friendship, which is human nature.However, if you only have one-time acquaintances or people who don't have deep acquaintances, it's best to decline in person.Especially for gifts between the opposite sex, the recipient needs to be clear-headed and understand the other party's intentions, and not refuse all comers, so that they are controlled by others.

(4) The principle of friendship: Chinese Confucianism has a tradition of "the benevolent loves others".In our society, people should be more united and friendly, and they should take the initiative to unite others in interpersonal communication.Those who tolerate others are tolerated by others.Mutual respect, open-mindedness, and generosity can build good interpersonal relationships.Friendship means loving comrades, friends, colleagues, and the people. True love is manifested in helping others and dedicating one's strength when others need it.

(5) Mutual principle: Mutual care, mutual assistance and reciprocity are the objective needs of interpersonal communication.In life, everyone will inevitably have difficulties and need help from others; in work, they also need to cooperate, support and cooperate with each other in their respective positions.Helping each other is a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation.When one person is in trouble, all directions support.To help each other is to be willing to help others, and to help others enthusiastically when they are in trouble.

08．I can do it, chatting up makes you more confident
Believe that striking up a conversation can help improve a person's self-confidence, which is an important aspect of correctly understanding and treating the connotation of striking up a conversation.Picking up a conversation is a kind of self-improvement in the realm of life.If a person can express his thoughts or wishes clearly and clearly, then he must have clear goals and firm confidence.At the same time, his confident words will also infect the other party and attract the other party's attention until people believe that his self-confidence is of great help to others.

In a competitive society, self-confidence is one of the most important survival weapons.When faced with an opportunity to express yourself, do you take the initiative to go forward and seize it?In fact, we often live in bondage to a variety of habits.It would be a wonderful experience to be able to get rid of one of these.Such as breaking away from gravity, such as invisibility, and so on.Picking up a conversation is a way to get rid of the shackles of interpersonal relationships. Its charm lies in its abnormality under the current social customs.If everyone can communicate well with others, then our life will be a different scene.

There are many people with sharp minds and high talents, but they cannot use their strengths to participate in discussions.It's not that they don't want to participate, it's that they're conditioned by habit and lack confidence.For example, whenever we see someone we are interested passing by, we are bound by habit as well as the desire to strike up a conversation.If we approached this person, would we be arrested?Won't.Will I be fined?Nor will it.Will be ridiculed?uncertain.But we just feel a force stopping us, this is our habit!In fact, as soon as we say "hi", the prison falls apart.It is such a simple thing, but it is so difficult.You must use the purest "Hi", and it can also be translated into other Chinese, but you must not be evasive or cover-up, just to let the other party clearly know that I am trying to strike up a conversation, not asking for directions, nor lying sell.The simpler you are, the more confident you will be, and the simpler you will be, the more natural you will be. The so-called wonderfulness without self-confidence and unnaturalness is actually another kind of begging.Facing the challenge bravely, muster up the courage to strike up a few more conversations, and your self-confidence will slowly rise.

Confidence is not a chic appearance, but confidence will bring you a chic appearance.Self-confidence will allow you to recognize the role you play in life, and realize in which areas you have sufficient abilities and potentials, thus giving you a bargaining chip for self-confidence.Confidence is another way of appreciating a person.Confident people are born with courage and strength to forge ahead, while those who are not confident, as we all know, are like defeated roosters, unable to raise their fighting spirit.

In real life, many people live in a state of lack of self-confidence. Therefore, reluctance to strike up a conversation with others has become a common way for everyone to avoid each other.For example, avoiding other people's eyes and not daring to look at others squarely, this is a relatively common phenomenon.This habit usually means: I feel inferior around you; I feel inferior to you; I am afraid of you; I have done or thought something I don't want you to know; I am afraid that if I meet your eyes, you will see through I.But to face up to others is to tell him: I am honest and aboveboard; what I tell you is true and I am not guilty.Therefore, to make your eyes work for you is to let your eyes focus on others, which not only gives you confidence, but also earns you the trust of others.

For another example, most people who are silent in the discussion think that "my opinion may be worthless. If I say it, others may think it is stupid. It is better not to say anything. I don't want them to know that I am so ignorant", and then Find a plausible reason for yourself: Wait until the next time to speak.But when these taciturn people don't speak up, they lose their self-confidence more and more.From a positive point of view, if you speak as much as possible, you will increase your confidence, and it will be easier to speak next time, and a virtuous circle will naturally form.Therefore, no matter what kind of meeting you are participating in, it is best to take the initiative to speak every time. Comments, suggestions or questions are fine, and don’t wait until the end to speak.Don't worry about looking stupid because there will always be someone who agrees with you.Of course there is one exception: expressing your opinion without any thought.In fact, as long as they are carefully considered, most of the opinions expressed are valuable.

So, how do you boost your self-confidence by striking up a conversation?There are many ways to instill confidence in yourself.First of all, try to lower your tone of voice when you usually speak, so that it sounds stable, harmonious, and more charming.Don't speak in a hurry and in a particularly delicate tone. Such men are usually annoying to women, because their panic makes them lose their normal speaking tone.Secondly, use the abdominal cavity to breathe instead of the chest cavity, so that the voice will be powerful.Some people speak very strangely. The first half of a sentence is very powerful, and the further they speak, the less sound they make.Such a situation, we can call it "indirect aphasia".It is the most prominent manifestation of lack of self-confidence.Also, when speaking, cooperate with some gestures, look at the other person, and smile, which can enhance the appeal of the language.Again, in various gatherings or social activities, do you choose to sit in the front row or in the back row?Most people who are willing to sit back hope that they will not be "too conspicuous", otherwise the chances of being noticed or named will increase. In fact, the underlying reason is lack of confidence.In fact, sitting up front builds confidence.In addition, when you feel insecure and uncertain whether you can complete a certain task, it is easier to persevere if you write out the expected goal you want to achieve.Find a trusted friend to share your plan with and your chances of success will increase dramatically.You can also infiltrate positive cues into your daily life, such as coding your self-evaluation into your computer password and reminding yourself every time you use the computer.This is the so-called "positive self-evaluation" in psychology.

Positive self-evaluation requires the following points: First, blur negative memories and strengthen positive memories, which can also effectively improve self-confidence.You can imagine that you have an old black and white TV that is showing negative images from your memory that gradually become blurred.Then imagine you are sitting in a theater watching a 1D movie with a positive image of yourself on it, and the images become clear and bright.When you meet someone who threatens you, take [-] minute to imagine him wearing ragged clothes and acting funny, making you laugh, and you will not be so afraid of him.The second is to collect photos that show personal confidence (photos of winning or smiling), and whenever you feel unconfident, flip through these photos, and your confidence will improve.The same method is to listen to music, choose some music that you like to listen to when you are confident, listening again will recall your self-confidence memory.The third is to use body language.Body language is an indicator of your confidence level.First of all, open your arms. Holding your arms tightly is a subconscious defense against others, and opening your arms is a symbol of relaxation and openness; secondly, smile, which creates a relaxed and confident image; Symptoms of low self-confidence and self-doubt.The fourth is to pay attention to details.Take the handshake as an example. A confident handshake method should be to hold the other party vertically and completely, but not too hard; make sure the palm is dry, and shake it three times at a moderate speed, not exceeding two or three seconds; Eye contact, a friendly smile and an appropriate greeting.Paying attention to these details will leave a confident impression on the other party.

(End of this chapter)