The Devil's Conversation Learning: Instantly Become Friends with Strangers

Chapter 3

The fifth step is to strengthen the neural association.The subconscious mind cannot tell whether something is true or not. As long as we keep imagining, repeating, and believing, it will become a fact.Here are a few ways to help you strengthen positive neural associations: One is to achieve self-hypnosis by repeatedly studying various materials, including reading the cases of successful people, paying attention to the natural and confident attitude of the masters, and observing the happy expressions of girls after being approached.These materials allow you to gain great spiritual power.The second is to imagine success.Imagine what life will be like after you become a master of chatting up?At that time, how many beautiful women can you know, what kind of girlfriend can you have, what kind of weekends will you have, what kind of changes in your life will be, how will your friends envy you, when you choose a wife What kind of selection advantage will it have over ordinary people, and so on.The third is to establish positive anchors.The so-called anchor is the connection between a certain physical feeling or action and a certain spiritual feeling.In volleyball, players clap each other before serving.The physical action of clapping hands is associated with high fighting spirit, which is the heart anchor.Using the method of heart anchor can make you quickly reach the peak state when striking up a conversation. As long as you do this action, you will feel full of confidence in your heart.

The sixth step is to test.As long as any behavior is repeatedly strengthened, it will eventually become a habit; as long as any behavior is not strengthened, this behavior will eventually disappear.Imagine seeing a girl who feels good now, will you still be afraid?If you still have fear, continue to repeat the above five steps to strengthen the effect.

Remember, any time you don't approach someone for a while, your approach fears will resurface.One day does not practice hands, one day does not sing oral.So make chatting up a habit.

Further reading: social phobia
Social phobia, commonly known as "seeing people phobia", is psychologically diagnosed as social anxiety disorder, a type of anxiety disorder, and the most common type of phobia, accounting for about half of phobia patients.Social phobia is a psychological disorder characterized by an intense fear or anxiety about any social or public situation.Patients have a marked and persistent fear of humiliation or embarrassment caused by their behavior or nervousness in the presence of strangers or in social or performance situations where they may be closely observed by others.Some patients have difficulty going to parties, making phone calls, going to the store, or asking authorities.Social phobia should not be confused with panic disorder, where people with panic disorder believe their panic attacks have some serious physical cause and often go to the hospital or call an ambulance during or after the attack.In addition, social phobia is often intertwined with obsessive-compulsive disorder, and many obsessive-compulsive disorder sufferers often also have interpersonal communication disorders, such as peripheral vision fear, some classify it as obsessive-compulsive disorder, and some classify it as social phobia disease.The essence of both is the same, which stems from a strong attachment in the heart, but the attachment of social phobia is relatively simple, obsessed with a good self-image and saving face.

Social terror can be subdivided into many types, the most common of which are the following:

(1) Red-faced fear.Most people often blush because of shyness or embarrassment when they are in front of people.

(2) Fear of sight.When the patient meets others, he can't look straight at the other person, and he feels very embarrassed when his sight meets the other person's sight, so that he doesn't know where to look.

(3) Frightened expression.Patients are always worried that their facial expressions will arouse the disgust of others, or be looked down upon by others, and they are terrified and disturbed.

(4) Fear of the opposite sex.When the patient is in contact with the opposite sex or his superiors, the symptoms are particularly severe, he feels a great sense of oppression, he is at a loss, and he can't even speak.There is not much problem in communicating with the same sex and ordinary colleagues that I know well.

(5) Fear of stuttering.There is nothing abnormal when the patient reads alone, but when he is in front of others, it is difficult to talk, or he starts to have dysphonia or can't speak halfway through.

For the treatment of social phobia, the general procedure in psychology is to increase the tolerance to fear by gradually increasing the social situation, so as to achieve the effect of eliminating social fear reaction.Social phobia can also be resolved through self-treatment methods:

(1) Don't deny yourself, keep telling yourself "I am the best" and "I am born to be useful".

(2) Don't demand yourself, you can achieve whatever you can, as long as you try your best, it doesn't matter if you don't succeed.

(3) Do not recall the unpleasant past, let the past go, nothing is more important than the present.

(4) Be kind to others, help others is the foundation of happiness, and when helping others, you can forget your own troubles, and at the same time, you can prove your own value.

(5) Find someone to confide in. If you have troubles, you must tell them. Find a trustworthy person to tell your troubles.Maybe others can't help you solve the problem, but at least it can let you vent.

(6) Give yourself 10 minutes of thinking every day, and constantly summarize yourself so that you can continue to face new problems and challenges.

(7) Go to crowded places, let the constant flow of people pass by, and try to make people smile.

04．The inner strength is strong enough to strike up a conversation to be influential

Chatting up with people with a sunny attitude is the best embodiment of a correct understanding of chatting up.In fact, a sunny mindset is essential to successfully strike up a conversation!The so-called sunny mentality is a healthy mentality of contentment, gratitude, and optimism. It can make people feel good, have normal interpersonal relationships, adapt to the environment, and have a healthy personality.Possessing a sunny mentality can make people deep but not impetuous, modest but not ostentatious, and have excellent ability to strike up conversations.Only when you are in a good mood can you enjoy the good scenery.If your strike-up state is not good, try to create a healthy and sunny mentality, and release a strong influence in the process of strike-up.

There is a saying: "Attitude determines everything." It is intended to remind people that no matter what they do, they need to have a good attitude, otherwise, words will be difficult to speak and things will be difficult to accomplish.Everyone has their own emotions and psychological activities that are different from others.When striking up a conversation with someone, if you ignore this mentality factor and talk nonsense, it will often make the conversation fail completely.Therefore, in order to strike up a conversation with high quality, we must start with a sunny mindset.

First of all, showing weakness is a kind of superb wisdom in life, which can reduce or eliminate dissatisfaction and jealousy in the process of striking up a conversation.In modern society, everyone is eager to stand out from the competition and fully demonstrate their personal style.We have the misconception that being cute is only on the best side, but that's not the case.Be appropriate at different times, places, and occasions. Don't worry too much about whether your performance is perfect. It's more comfortable to look away.As the saying goes, "Shoot the top bird with a gun" and "a big tree attracts wind, and a big name attracts jealousy".If a person is too capable and expresses himself too much, it will invisibly cause pressure on others.Therefore, in communicating with others, showing weakness in a timely and appropriate manner is often a beneficial way of dealing with the world.Because whether they are strong or weak, they all desire to be needed and respected in their hearts.And showing weakness can often make others feel their own importance and give people a kind of psychological balance, so they have a good impression of those who show weakness.

Everyone has a jealousy mentality.Showing weakness can keep people who are not as good as themselves in a balanced state of mind, which is conducive to interpersonal communication.If a person is outstanding in one aspect, he must have a weakness in the other.So in socializing, you might as well choose your "weak" side, weaken your overly aggressive grades, and let others relax their vigilance.People with high status may wish to show their struggle process in front of people with low status, showing that they are actually ordinary people; successful people talk about their failure experiences and real troubles in front of others, giving people a feeling that "success is not easy" The feeling that "successful people do not become famous overnight"; for those whose current economic situation is not as good as their own, they can properly tell their own difficulties.For example, poor health, poor academic performance of children, and many difficulties at work make the other party feel that every family has a difficult book to read; some professionally skilled people, it is best to declare that they know nothing about other fields and reveal their daily life. How have you ever made jokes and embarrassments in your life? As for those who have gained fame and fortune entirely due to objective conditions or chance opportunities, they should bluntly admit that they are pies in the sky, and they have good luck occasionally; Don't make yourself too tall and perfect, but expose your shortcomings from time to time to increase your affinity.

Showing weakness not only eliminates unnecessary hostility and enhances mutual understanding, but is also an indispensable test on the road to success.Just think about it, who can be strong?Who can be smooth sailing?Deliberately showing weakness when you are strong is certainly a strategy, but when you are weak, you might as well be honest, show your weakness to others, express your sincerity that you need help, accept help from others, and get out of the predicament.

Secondly, praising others will make the conversation more harmonious.As the saying goes: "One good word is warm in three winters, and one bad word is cold in June." The intimacy and harmony between people actually only needs a sincerity and a heartfelt compliment.For the strike-up and the hit-up who meet for the first time, if you can find a suitable point to praise, then the distance between the two will be shortened quickly.Of course, praise also requires skill.

One is from negation to affirmation.When many people praise others, they just speak plainly, and the effect is limited.Perhaps it would work much better if you tried a negative-to-positive praise approach.For example, the general evaluation is "I admire others, and I admire you as well"; the evaluation from negative to positive is "I seldom admire others, but you are an exception."

The second is to praise its pride.Complimenting what you like is generally very suitable for some arrogant people. Most of them value their self-image and feel good.If you give them realistic praise for their achievements, knowledge, talents, etc., so as to satisfy their sense of honor and self-esteem, the distance can be shortened psychologically, and it can also play a role in influencing their attitudes.

The third is to boast to the point.The motivation to praise others is good, but if you don’t grasp the scale of praise and use some points that are not suitable for praise, it will be counterproductive.A young man went to play at a classmate's house. When he saw his brother, he went up and said, "Hello, big brother. I'm so glad to see you! I've admired your name for a long time, and it's like a thunderbolt. Today, it's better to see it than to hear it!" He blushed to the base of his neck.It turned out that he had been detained for 15 days for fighting and had just come out of the detention center.The young man didn't know the situation, so he went up and complimented him "for a long time", but accidentally exposed his scars.

The fourth is to praise its unnoticed place.As the saying goes: "Listen to a good word three times, and you will be bored after hearing it." Everyone is always easy to notice other people's skills, and naturally the most people praise their expertise, so if you add "icing on the cake" it seems dispensable .If a beautiful woman listens to others praise her beauty every day, she will always feel bored in her heart.It's better to change the angle and observe more carefully some places of the other party that are not noticed by others, but she actually cares about it.

Fifth, the words are novel and vivid.Some people want to praise others, but they don’t know how to do it. They always like to use the words they learned from books as words of praise, such as: long-admired famous names, like thunder, seeing a hundred times is better than seeing it, business is booming, wealth is making a fortune …These vulgar, ear-piercing language is really tasteless, and others will feel that you are insincere and just a casual politeness.If the tone and expression are not well grasped, it will make people suspect that you are flattering and have other plans, which will be self-defeating.Praise with fresh and vivid words is beautiful even if it is a lie.It can make the relationship between people more harmonious and conducive to the smooth progress of communication.However, first of all, praise should make people willing to believe and accept it, not to mention that silly children are outrageous like geniuses; secondly, they should be beautiful and elegant, and they should not spoil themselves in a vulgar, low-spirited way, and make others off-putting; Too much, no character, no brains.Appropriate praise, others will like to accept.As long as you follow the above principles, I believe you will be successful in striking up a conversation.

In the end, meaningless arguments will destroy the feelings when you strike up a conversation, and speaking quickly will inevitably lead to loss of words.

Paranoid, overtly aggressive quarrels are like demons that eat away at friendships.The two sides in the debate quarreled because they stubbornly insisted on their own points of view, and it was hard to tell the winner.Why bother?Take a step back and open up to the sky.As the wise Benjamin Franklin said, "If you're always talking and contradicting, you might win now and then, but it's a hollow victory because you'll never get the other side's favor." So measure yourself, you Do you prefer a superficial victory, or do you want others to treat you well?In fact, changing another's perspective can only be done with skill, coordination, tolerance, and a sympathetic eye.

Don't think that "speaking quickly" is good eloquence when striking up a conversation.In fact, many people are defeated by his "quick talk" that feels good about himself.Quick speech is easy to learn, but it is difficult to make no mistakes in fast speech.People who can speak quickly and rarely make language mistakes are, after all, language geniuses.Ordinary people, when they meet people and things, they don't think about speaking, and the result is naturally unpredictable.If you are a "talker", then, while you spend a lot of time striking up a conversation, how much energy do you have to waste in language lawsuits!

In short, a good attitude when communicating is like a banner guiding you to strike up a conversation with others, and it will also push the stream of your language to flow like the gravity of the earth.If you want to deeply understand the essence of striking up a conversation and have a more harmonious interpersonal relationship, you must devote yourself to cultivating a sunny mentality and force yourself to maintain a positive and sunny mentality at all times. This is crucial!

Further reading: The state of mind in communication

People have three kinds of mentality in communication, namely parental mentality, adult mentality and child mentality.The so-called parental mentality is the idea of ​​"what must be done" and "should be done".The mentality of parents can be roughly divided into two types: one is mean to others and likes to find fault with others, while the other is easy to express emotions to others.Which form a person's patriarchal mentality belongs to is acquired from his parents.How our parents treated us when we were young, what kind of parental mentality we have when we grow up.The so-called adult mentality is manifested as being calm, rational, and objective. We are neither critical nor impulsive.The so-called child mentality is manifested as being emotional, doing things without considering the consequences, and emotionally unstable and easily affected.

We must understand the application proportion of our three role mentality in interpersonal communication.This requires you to record the mentality of your role in interacting with people within a week, and gather together for inspection, and the proportion of the three mentalities will be very clear.After knowing the proportions of the three mentalities, you can consciously reduce the mentality with the highest proportion and increase the other two mentalities in your interactions with people.

If you find that you often communicate with others with a parental mentality, you should observe objectively, learn to listen, criticize and criticize others less, and adopt correct suggestions from others.Let your life be a little more casual and sensual, and you will be much happier.

If you're a very rational person, you'd better tone down your adult mentality a little.You can try to relax yourself and allow your feelings to vent properly.It is recommended that you often watch some comedies or jokes, and let yourself have fun like a child.

If you are often in a child's state of mind, then you'd better analyze things calmly and avoid being emotional, so as not to lose yourself; it's better to train yourself more and be responsible to others instead of relying too much on others.

In a word, talented people never rely on their talents to be arrogant and arrogant when they communicate, but they are open-minded and gather wisdom to form their wisdom.

05．Take the initiative to strike up a conversation, and only those who understand etiquette have social charm

(End of this chapter)