The Devil's Conversation Learning: Instantly Become Friends with Strangers

Chapter 2

let acquaintance come naturally
——Taking up a conversation is not only a talent, but also an art of expanding contacts
On many occasions, we all meet people who like to strike up a conversation.It turns out that striking up a conversation can be an invaluable pleasure for people.But there's a widespread perception that it's normal and "natural" to strike up a conversation in a social setting, while it's inappropriate on the road or on the bus.The times are advancing, and conservative concepts should also be broken. Through the analysis and sharing of concepts, we need to understand and understand strike-ups correctly, so as to correct our own negative impressions of strike-ups, and then fall in love with strike-ups and actively go for strike-ups , in order to make your life more exciting.

01．Overthrowing the wall of old thinking: first make a name for the strike-up
We advocate striking up a conversation, hoping to regard "strike up a conversation" as the most direct and rapid means of communicating with people.By picking up a conversation, you will have the opportunity to meet someone who may become a lifelong friend, or even a lifelong partner, which should be a good thing.

In fact, striking up a conversation is a noble act that helps you be honest about your thoughts and feelings.Many people have had a similar experience: on the street or at the station, you met a person with an excellent impression. You wanted to know him so much, but because you were afraid of being rejected and losing face, you just watched that person in front of your eyes. Gone from your life forever.All you can do is keep regretting and blaming yourself afterwards: "Maybe I will meet him again next time, if there is a destiny..." However, we can conclude based on experience: you will never meet that person again!Will not.If you don't grasp the moment, God will not give you a second chance.

A person's good or bad can only be judged after getting to know the person, and striking up a conversation is the first step in getting to know him.In your career, you are often taught to be proactive and seize opportunities, but why do you seem timid in your relationship?Be honest about your feelings and desires, and be brave enough to strike up a conversation!When you dare to strike up a conversation with someone you are interested in, will you be afraid to talk to a certain celebrity sitting next to you?Are you afraid to talk to the opposite sex?To put it bluntly, you who strike up a conversation are like a salesman or a salesman, but now the product becomes yourself.

In fact, many salesmen will have confidence in selling products, but they have no confidence in selling themselves?The main reason is that I don't have enough confidence in myself, and I was misled by the wrong concept of the society in the past, and I regarded striking up a conversation as something shameful.A person who can strike up a conversation can show confidence everywhere and show excellent communication skills at all times.It can be seen that striking up a conversation is really a noble behavior that can improve your self-confidence and expressive ability.

We might as well think about how difficult it is for a strike-up person to rely on his eloquence, manners and on-the-spot response to win the trust of a stranger in just 3 minutes, and then to get the other person's name, phone number and basic information. No easy task!Many politicians or entertainers who have the charisma of the masses do not necessarily have such confidence and eloquence.Because they are used to the sense of superiority brought by fame and power, they are even more afraid of the pain of being rejected when they take the initiative to talk to strangers.So, shouldn't some encouragement be given to those who are courageous and like to strike up a conversation?

"Strike up a conversation" is definitely not the rash behavior that was demonized by everyone in the past, but refers to a person with good moral character and a legitimate career, with a sincere heart, polite attitude, appropriate behavior, neatly dressed and good communication skills, It's the act of mustering up the courage to strike up a conversation with someone you want to meet.To put it more clearly, "strike up a conversation" is just one of the many ways to meet friends. It is the same as getting acquainted through a friend's introduction or making friends online, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Chatting is the best way to make friends.Therefore, we need to justify the name of the chat.Only by striking up a conversation can you have the autonomy to know people and create a positive and beautiful life for you!

Further reading: Basic principles of chatting up

(1) 3-second principle. Speak within 3 seconds, otherwise you may lose the courage or opportunity to speak forever.

(2) Nonsense principle.Many people always think about when and how to speak, but they just don't speak.By the time he figured out his lines, the opportunity had passed and his courage was gone.It turns out that the dumbest methods are often the most effective.Saying "the weather is nice today" looks stupid, and even makes you feel embarrassed, but often when the other party sees you embarrassed, they will find someone to chat with you instead, so as not to embarrass you.In fact, as long as the original silence and the original atmosphere are broken.The important thing is not what to say, but to break the silence!
(3) The principle of flexibility.What you say is not the most important thing, what matters is the reaction of the other party.Therefore, everything you say will change with the other party's reaction.

(4) The principle of showing weakness.This has obvious advantages, that is, the opponent can easily let go of his defense against you.For example, asking for directions, the trick seems to be very old, but why is it still so easy to use?It is because it is a way of showing weakness, and the opponent feels that he is in a strong position, so naturally he will not be too defensive.

(5) Demonstrate the principle of high value.This step cannot be skipped!If you do not show high value, then the probability of successfully obtaining the contact information of the other party is very low.This requires you to know how to grasp the needs of the other party during the conversation, and then show your high value according to the needs of the other party.

(6) The principle of self-disclosure.Also, it is important to introduce yourself first.In the process of communication, make appropriate self-disclosure.Even if the other party doesn't seem to want to talk to you, just say it yourself.In fact, the other party is listening, but it's not good to talk to you right away.Therefore, it is important to know how to display high value subtly.In addition, business cards are also very helpful, which will not be detailed here.

02．Unshakable face: why did you fail to strike up a conversation

Whether you can put down your face and strike up a conversation with others is a basic attitude towards strike-up behavior.The concept of face has been around for a long time. "A person lives with a face, a tree lives with a skin" and "a person fights for a breath, a Buddha fights for a stick of incense" and other sayings related to face can be found everywhere.In life, we can often see diseases and avoiding doctors for the sake of face, toddlers in Handan, crowned with monkeys, Yelang arrogant... Some people seem to be born to make friends. They can easily make friends with strangers on different occasions, and strangers also like to be called They strike up a conversation.But some people have a hard time making friends with strangers, or even don't know how to strike up a conversation with strangers at all.Because they are embarrassed and afraid that if the other party refuses or ignores them, they will leave a laughing stock for others.

There are many reasons for the failure to strike up a conversation. In fact, the most important one is that you can't put down your face and say the first sentence to a stranger.If you want to have a successful strike-up behavior, you must first have a deep understanding of the harm of face in strike-up, so as to overcome the barriers to communication brought about by face.

Please think about it carefully, you who are going to strike up a conversation at this moment, you don’t know the other person at all, if you get rejected, the big deal is to go back to the original point, have you lost anything?In fact, striking up a conversation is more cost-effective than any business activity or decision-making, and it only earns but not loses.Because as long as you do it, you may gain; even if you fail, you will not lose anything.Some people will say: "No, failure to strike up a conversation made me lose face!" But the experience of modern society tells us: To be a person is to be pragmatic, and appearance is more important than face.

The problem of face may also lead to a false sense of guilt, thinking that striking up a conversation is a frivolous act, uncivilized and immoral.In fact, striking up a conversation is just a means, getting acquainted with each other is the real purpose.Therefore, you don't have to feel guilty about taking the initiative to strike up a conversation with others.If you don't take any action to contact the other party, then the other party will not only not become a gift from God to you, but will become your eternal regret. "Knowing people by their appearance" is not "judging people by their appearance"!Moreover, a person's appearance is not only his beautiful appearance, but also his temperament, demeanor and manner.Isn't it natural to be attracted by such a person and have the desire and action to get acquainted with him?
Some people use fate as an excuse not to strike up a conversation, which is actually a misunderstanding brought about by face.I think that only people who are introduced by friends or work in the same company are the so-called "naturally" met people, and people who know this way are more trustworthy.Picking up a conversation is talking to someone completely irrelevant, so it can't be considered fate.In fact, this kind of argument is untenable. In essence, striking up a conversation is a kind of fate in a broad sense: as long as it is seen by you, it is a kind of fate.What you should do is to seize this opportunity, talk to the "stranger" you are interested in, and start your real "journey of friendship".

The face problem is really harmful!In fact, if you think about it carefully, striking up a conversation is just a simple matter, and it doesn’t matter much. As long as you don’t overdo it, which beautiful woman or handsome guy will slap you with rounded arms?Everyone wants to be approached, because it is not only an affirmation of their own charm, but also makes a new friend, why not do it?Everything is just caused by face, how hard can it be to let go of face?
Face is a potential inferiority complex.Pay too much attention to face, and only you know the bitterness behind the vanity, just like Madame Mathilde in Maupassant's novel "The Necklace", behind the vanity, she paid the price of ten years of bitterness.In fact, true dignity comes from self-confidence, strength, and achievements.The purpose of striking up a conversation is to make yourself a good relationship or contribute to the success of your career, so you must always remember that putting down your face does not mean losing your dignity.

Face is a burden, a burden.It will only make you indecisive when facing things, and will take into account many factors, making you hesitate, and finally you can only say goodbye to opportunities.Some people live their whole lives only for face, but lose face in the end; while some people shake off the burden of face, work hard, and finally win face.In the final analysis, face is a layer of shackles around us, and only by breaking free from its shackles can a person regain a new life.

In short, if you want to strike up a conversation, you have to let go of your own face, and don't think how embarrassing or degrading you will be if you strike up a conversation.As long as we change our views on striking up a conversation, we can sacrifice face if we want to successfully meet strangers; for the sake of real dignity, we can lose face for a while!

Extended reading: If you build it, you will succeed

The practice of striking up a conversation is a transition in life. From a silent person to a successful strike-up, the process experienced is difficult, but also happy.If you want to strike up a conversation smartly, you must do the basics well.In this way, chatting up will become a breeze.In addition, it doesn't matter even if you fail to strike up a conversation, there are opportunities to strike up a conversation every day, and this failure is the starting point for the next success.

As a rookie, you have to be responsible for your own language offensive, and the road to strike up a conversation will become smoother and smoother.The basis of striking up a conversation is the opening remarks, there is no need to dig into the corners, and there is no need to care about the success or failure of striking up a conversation.Relatively speaking, if you take it, you will be successful.You can grow in the conversation, and of course you can become powerful in the conversation.

It is not an easy way to cultivate and strike up a conversation. You may be misunderstood as a bad person, or you may be ridiculed.But when you find someone who makes you feel good, you can turn around with pride.You can do what those who laugh at you can't.From this perspective, you are much better than them.

03．If you want to overcome the fear of approaching people, you must first strengthen the belief in success
A person who really understands how to strike up a conversation can be regarded as a person who has overcome the fear of striking up a conversation!

The biggest hurdle for many people who are starting out with approaching is the fear of approaching, a fear and anxiety that is often felt even by some of the world's top pick-up masters.In fact, the fear of striking up a conversation is buried deep in the subconscious mind, and it jumps out when we approach the target, and keeps whispering in our ears to stop us.Consciously, we have no way to eliminate this sense of fear, and a simple sentence of "no loss" cannot actually eliminate our fear.

How to overcome the fear of approaching a conversation?If you have the determination and perseverance to practice the following six steps to practice the method of striking up a conversation, you will definitely make great progress!
The first step is to clarify your purpose of striking up a conversation and find out what is preventing you from striking up a conversation.For example: Why did you strike up a conversation?In order to prove that he can break through?Do you doubt your own motives?Do you have a moral burden?Are you afraid of failing to strike up a conversation?What's stopping you from taking action, a sense of fear?What are you afraid of?Fear of failure, rejection, or ridicule?
The second step is to stimulate your willingness to strike up a conversation to the state of "must".Do you have to strike up a conversation?Definitely, or just thinking about it?Reconsider why you strike up a conversation: every time you pass by on the street and see those beautiful figures floating by, do you feel full of melancholy and remorse for missing out, hate yourself for not being able to do anything, hate yourself for not being her Classmates are not her colleagues?Are you going to live with this pain forever?Seriously taste this pain, treat it as your gall, lick it every day until you can't stand it, shout out "I must go to strike up a conversation", change the weak expression "I will try", and put "I "Must" has become a habit of expression.

Step three, breaking down old neural associations.What are old neural associations?It is your wrong emotional model, that is, you feel comfortable doing things you shouldn't do, and you feel uncomfortable doing things you should do.For example, if you strike up a conversation, you will feel uncomfortable if you strike up a conversation, but you will feel relaxed if you don't strike up a conversation.You have to break out of this old emotional pattern of being happy when you are approached and miserable when you are not.Specifically, it is to recall a scene where you failed to strike up a conversation, the girl's indifferent expression, the strange eyes of the people around you, and yourself standing there stupidly... Do these all make you painful?First, playing back the footage, and then just destroying the film in a funny way.For example, imagine that girl rejected you, but as soon as you turned around, she knelt down and begged you: "Please call me again, and I will give you the number!" Use your imagination to rewrite these failed experiences , processed into funny scenes, you can tell your friends and share with them.With this process, you can eliminate the painful feeling of failing to strike up a conversation.In addition, establish a punishment mechanism to punish yourself for avoiding approaching.Tie a rubber band on your arm. If you see a beautiful woman but you find an excuse not to act, use the rubber band to crush yourself and make yourself hurt.

The fourth step is to establish new neural associations.New neural associations are positive neural associations that help you succeed.When you strike up a conversation, you feel happy, when you strike up a conversation, you feel strong, and when you strike up a conversation, you feel that you are on your way to success!
(End of this chapter)