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Chapter 403 But I Only Feel Lonely (V)

Especially loneliness.

So lonely that every piece of skin hurts.Like the north wind blowing, hunting sound.

During the first three months of the breakup, Park Anhao carefully recorded her daily mood diary, and how she missed Lu Jinnian.And self-reflection and punishment.However, in the fourth month, Park Anhao did not record any more.

The bone-eroding pain made it impossible for her to record it alone.

In the quiet night, in the sleepless night, in the windy night.All, everything, in the dark.Lu Jinnian used to appear gently in Pu Anhao's world once and for all.Maybe it was because he was really too confident all the time, the time limit for Lu Jinnian to stay by his side should be forever and ever.Even if it is always too naive and naive, what An Hao thinks is at least that he will be with him for the rest of her life.

Now things are different.No matter how dark the night is, only thoughts are left pouring in like a tide, clamoring wantonly.But I can do nothing, just let the tide be higher than the wave, and finally submerge myself.

I used to hear people say that the memories of failed love are the most painful.At that time, Pu Anhao hadn't fallen in love with anyone, and had never met Lu Jinnian.Even friendship is in the bud.At that time, my heart was still a barren and wide world.

There is no one other than yourself.

So Pu Anhao didn't take these words to heart yet, and just listened to them.

Until he broke up with Lu Jinnian.

All previous cognitions were completely overturned.

——I think it is absolutely impossible for me to really love someone.No one in this world really loves me, except mom and dad.

——Even if you really fall in love with someone in the future, if you propose to break up, it will be me first.If unfortunately, this law is reversed, then I don't have much to say, I will smile and say, I wish you happiness, never see you again.

——I will not fall in love with a guy who will break up.

——My first love is also my destination, and I will only love him once in this life.

Inevitably, I fell in love with a boy named Lu Jinnian on a sunny morning or a scorching summer day or a dark rainy day, and everything was turned upside down ever since.

And I believe even more that Lu Jinnian loves me.

It's just that everything is known now.At the beginning, I was always too self-willed, always refusing to admit that he really loves me, and I really love him more than I imagined.

Lu Jinnian was my first love but not my destination, we let go of each other on the way.According to the order of precedence, it may be considered that I proposed it first, or it is also possible to put it the other way around, and Lu Jinnian was the first, but no matter what it is, the result is the same: I lost, a crushing defeat.I didn't say I wish you happiness as generously as I imagined, and even said something very stingy one day, I wouldn't wish you happiness. (…)
Even we who have nothing to do with each other now.It is obvious to all.No one will come back.But I still want to let me see him again.I really hope he can come back.

My mother often said, if you can afford it, you can let it go.Although I picked it up, I couldn't put it down again.The hurdle in my heart can't get over it no matter what.Maybe I don't want to go there.Because I always think that one day he will come back, one day he will come back.

Maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, maybe a year after next year.

I think he'll come back anyway, probably.

(End of this chapter)