good luck

Chapter 288 In this life, it's up to you ([-])

Source: Su Xiaoxiao's QQ space log
Space access: only myself
发表时间：2008年5月17日 10:28
Journal title: Let him be impermanent, but I only like you
①No one knows how much I don't want to get to this point.

If you saw it, you would mistake me for regretting what I did until today.If it were me, I would think the same way. Do you have a lot of regrets, and you suddenly came to the current field.

Tonight was dinner at Lu Jinnian's house.I originally thought that Lu Jinnian would never talk to me again from today, at least there would be a long cold war, or this cold war would last forever.

But Lu Jinnian actually said, Su Xiaoxiao, I want to eat pasta at noon, you go to the supermarket to buy ingredients.

I looked at him and thought I had misheard myself.He probably also realized that I was surprised.So, he added, I played games all night last night, and I was woken up by you again in the morning. The physical exertion was too serious, and I had to catch up for the battle in the afternoon, so thank you for your hard work.

Before I could react, he went back to his room without closing the door.

So I just froze in the living room, my mind blank.

How did things become like this again?I'd rather he yelled at me like he did before or just ignored me.His calm made me think it was the prelude to the storm.Although my subconscious mind told me: Lu Jinnian has compromised, and as long as I can perform well in the university, I can still be admitted to the university he attended.We can still continue in one school.

However, I am still very unhappy.

Being cheap refers to people like me.

Going back to the 'this step' I said at the beginning.

——I took advantage of Lu Jinnian's impatience.Knowing that he still cares about me repeating a grade with him, so it is impossible for him to ignore me.

Now I don't want to say 'he will forgive me' or 'he will understand me', because I don't need his understanding and sympathy.I have never sympathized with myself, and even thought it was an extremely glorious thing.For so many years, I have always loved him, and I have always loved him alone.Single minded.

Even today, I still can't get your love, so even if you hate me, I will be happy.

Actually, I really want to say that to Lu Jinnian.But I can't say it.I think it's too hypocritical.So I can only take it as a comfort to myself.I don't know who wins or loses in this negotiation.In a sense it was me who lost because I used dirty means.

I am neither a gentleman nor a saint, I am a narrow-minded villain who worries about gains and losses.No one needs to be reminded of this, and I know it too.What I thought was a great unrequited love didn't make me really mind nothing at all, like what he wishes must also be my wish.I can't do that.

Because what he hopes is that I stay away from his world, and it is best not to have anything to do with it.I created some kind of mental burden on him, I know.But even so, I am still stubborn and have to stick to my original intention.

Maybe it's holding a delusional idea, and I'm still unwilling to give up, and I can't let go.

I never need anyone to understand.I never needed anyone to love me.This was my doctrine before the age of 14.

(End of this chapter)