good luck

Chapter 195
I've been really tired lately, physically and mentally exhausted.

Many people who were once close to each other are now strangers.It still hurts to think about it.Tears are a bit inappropriate.I also suddenly had a few new friends, and asked about my health every day, but I hate new friends.

I'm such an anachronism.So I deserve it.

I used to always feel that I had grown up and was no longer a child.However, I discovered recently that, in fact, I have not learned many things.I'm still naive and funny.What was said to be invincible in the past is actually just a paper man that can be broken if it is torn.I wondered to myself what I was thinking back then.No matter what, everyone thinks that I am strong, so I should be happy, just like everyone thinks that I am a sunflower.Although that is an illusion.

When I took a shower, I thought, maybe I just grew up this time.I know I've faced it.However, the cost is high.I'm more reluctant than ever to believe it.For example, the man who asked for my number from others worked tirelessly every day to make me happy, invited me to dinner, and went on a trip on weekends.All kinds of compliments.All kinds of words of comfort.As if I should really be touched.However, I found that the feeling in my heart was to retreat, as if I was facing a big enemy.Yes, I am afraid.very scared.

I hate when others treat me so well, because one day, he will still leave.Maybe I can't come across such a thing as eternity.I used to believe that there is always someone who will be different, and then I thought I met, and in the end, everything is the same.Those warm love words of mine are still stabbing like daggers, whether it reminds me that I am too stupid or I should not believe them all.

I thought about who I should fall in love with or accept love from, but those days of heartbreak and more tears than ever always reminded me that in the end it was all the same.

I used to trust so much and finally left, so what else can I trust?I don't want to say that I was not nice to people, but from that year until now he is a completely good person in my heart.There are always some people who can't tell what is good, but no one can replace them.Whether it's my wishful thinking or his duplicity, I always love him with all my heart.

Many things may be meaningless in the past.Like I love him and miss him.He doesn't take it to heart, and doesn't even bother.However, these are all their own affairs.

The rain is really heavy. In this weather, walking barefoot in the rain must be very clear.

I want to get in the rain.let me sober up.

I haven't received personal emails in a long time, and then today, for the first time ever, I received two.Mixed feelings.Because I remembered the time when I corresponded with Lu Jinnian, we haven't written letters for a long time.

Suddenly, I also wanted to write to someone.But I can't find the recipient after I wrote it.Then I sent it to myself. .

Should I be glad that although I am not liked by the person I love the most, there are still people who never forget me.But what's the point.The person most important to you doesn't care about you.

The sound of the rain gradually died down, pattering.

Lu Jinnian, are you thinking of me? ——
Park Anhao Blog · 2011

(End of this chapter)