how far is Forever

Chapter 19

01
I didn't expect that after such a thing happened, Ji Nuannuan would appear in front of me in a calm state.

The winter sun shone on me, making me feel a little bit more comfortable. I looked at her and blinked my eyes slightly. It was only three days, and she was like a dilapidated doll, lifeless.

The horror of that night was filled again when I saw her standing in front of me.I can't forget that this girl wanted to strangle me, and I can't forget the hatred in her eyes at that time.I subconsciously wanted to escape, but I heard her call my name.

Her voice was very soft, as if the wind could blow it away: "Su Ruo."

"Huh?" I looked at her and stopped in my tracks.

"Go get a cup of coffee." She said to me suddenly.

I don't know why, after so many things, I still followed her.We went to the coffee shop we visited together last time, and sat by the window, Ji Nuannuan ordered two cappuccinos.

Before the waiter brought the coffee, Ji Nuannuan didn't talk to me until two cups of cappuccino were placed in front of us, and Ji Nuannuan let me taste it first.

I brought the coffee cup to my mouth and took a sip, Ji Nuannuan asked me, "What's the taste?"

"Sweet and bitter."

Ji Nuannuan suddenly asked me: "Luo Yan likes to drink this very much, do you know why?"

Sure enough, it was still about him.

Maybe it was because of my guilty conscience, under Ji Nuannuan's gaze, my expression was a little unnatural, I lowered my eyes slightly, and unconsciously stirred the coffee.

Ji Nuannuan said: "Cappuccino represents the faithful sincerity, waiting without changing one's heart."

My stirring hands trembled, and I looked at Ji Nuannuan irresistibly, and heard her continue: "I also like this very much recently." Ji Nuannuan smiled softly.

My eyes fell on the cappuccino again.

Ji Nuannuan suddenly asked again: "Do you believe in fate?"

fate?I shook my head, I don't know.

"My relationship with Luo Yan is very similar to that of you and Jiang Chuan. We were neighbors and often played together before anything happened to their family. Luo Yan is very smart. He has learned a lot since he was a child. He learns new things every time. Words, or new gadgets, he was always the first to find me, at that time, my family was not very rich, and Luo Yan was the same, but we had a very happy time at that time."

Ji Nuannuan's expression became gentle, and I suddenly remembered that when I was a child, they were all the same, and it seemed that there was a softest trace in my heart.

She sighed: "Unfortunately, everything is not as expected. Something happened at Luo Yan's house. I went to play at my grandma's house that day, and when I came back, he was gone. I looked for him all over the world, and at that time I also But seven years old, how much ability can a seven-year-old child have?"

Ji Nuannuan paused for a while, she picked up the coffee, and took another sip: "But I swear, I must find Luo Yan, and God is really good to me, when I see him again, he is already you My older brother, he had just been admitted to University A at that time."

I blinked, and it turned out that Ji Nuannuan had already found him at that time.

Ji Nuannuan continued in a slow voice, "At that time, I saw him, you, and Jiang Chuan. The three of you were really happy together. I was really envious. That was supposed to be Luo Luo who was with me." But he lost his memory, lost his father, but was by the side of an enemy, do you know how I felt at that time, Su Ruo."

I was slightly startled.

"I really hate you. You took away my Luo Yan, and you took away his happiness. It can be said that your family ruined his life!" Ji Nuannuan's voice became sharper, and I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes.

I think if I were her, I would hate myself too!

"Do you think that no one knows what happened back then? Actually, I know, because my father was a colleague of your father and a good friend of Luo Yan's father. Before Luo Yan's father committed suicide, he told my father many things. This includes your father's cowardice. When I told Luo Yan all these things, he begged me not to say anything, he begged me." Ji Nuannuan smiled, but it was full of bitterness.

I looked at her incredulously: "What is he begging you for?"

"He begged me to keep the secret, and I must not let you know." Ji Nuannuan stiffened and looked at me, "Su Ruo, at that time, I already knew that your position in his heart was something I didn't care about. It can be surpassed, but at that time, I just didn’t believe in such a thing.”

Listening to her story, I suddenly wondered: "Why did you start dating?"

"I made a deal with him." Ji Nuannuan looked at me slightly and said, "If you want me to keep this secret, Luo Yan must be my boyfriend until one day, he gives up this secret." She Clenching his hands tightly, his voice dropped completely, "Actually, he was right. I only guessed the beginning, but didn't expect the ending..."

Ji Nuannuan lowered her head, her coffee was already cold, and in this season, you can't keep anything out for too long, as it will get cold after time passes.

"you love him……"

"Yes, I love him!" Ji Nuannuan answered my question with certainty, and at the end, she asked me, "What about you?"

"I used to love him too, very much. I used to think that I was the person who knew him best in the world. I thought I was the person he loved the most. But then I found that I didn't understand him at all. He always liked I buried myself too deep, people couldn't see through it, and I didn't share it with others. I found that the Su Luoyan I liked when I was a child was gone and became strange. After the incident with Yan Lele, my heart welled up A despair, a deep despair. I thought for a long time, what should I do? But I found that I couldn't think of a result. Later, Song Junmu asked me about my feelings for him, and I found myself hesitating. I, obviously should like my brother, but at that time I hesitated, and I had doubts in my heart." At the moment Su Luoyan kissed me, I suddenly realized that I was actually not that obsessed with him.

"You... don't you really like Luo Yan?" Ji Nuannuan's lips moved, her face was extremely pale, "Hahaha, you don't like him, don't like him, then what is the reason for my tragedy? Su Ruo, do you know how cruel Su Luoyan stood in front of me that night and said to me, do you know that his words made my life worse than death, I really want to kill you, I really want to. But he Tell me, even if there is no Su Ruo in this world, he will not like me, no!" She paused and continued, "But someone told me that to love someone is to see him happy, I came to you today , I keep telling myself that I want to make Luo Yan happy, but you tell me that the person you like is not him anymore."

I smiled: "People change. I am no longer the six-year-old Su Ruo, and he is no longer the elder brother when he was eight."

"Maybe I was wrong from the beginning to the end. I shouldn't force someone who doesn't love me to love me. But Su Ruo, I still can't forgive you for hurting me. Your innocence makes people feel sick."

"I can't forgive you, but your viciousness made me grow up and see many things clearly."

"Then goodbye, never see you again."

"Goodbye."

We got up and left at the same time. After walking a few steps, I looked back at Ji Nuannuan's back and left with a sigh.

If I were Ji Nuannuan, I think maybe I would be even more extreme, everything she did to me was because of love, she loves Su Luoyan deeply...

02
After saying goodbye to Ji Nuannuan, I went back to the dormitory alone, and I was thinking all the way, how should I tell Song Junmu of my decision.Will he be happy after knowing the decision?

"Su Ruo."

Su Luoyan?

The white snow all over the sky fluttered and fell like stars, and the night became clearer.Su Luoyan stood in the snow, looking as good-looking as when I first saw him.

He said to me, "Su Ruo, long time no see."

I also replied, no more words.

In fact, it's been a long time since we met, but it's only been three days, and we've been separated by thousands of rivers and mountains.

I thought about a lot of things that happened to us before, but it was nothing after all. I was lost in thought, and he didn't speak. We stood in the snow, as if we were recalling the past.

The night wind brought snowflakes and flew into my eyes, I blinked slightly, Su Luoyan walked towards me step by step, standing in front of me, the world seemed very quiet.

"Are we never going back to where we were before?" he asked me.

"Maybe." So much has happened, we've all changed a lot, we're not who we used to be anymore.

"Su Ruo, I'm sorry, that night..."

"It's okay." I interrupted him, I didn't want to think about what happened that night again, I didn't want to equate Su Luoyan in my memory with him that night.

"I broke up with Ji Nuannuan." He said.

"Ok, I know."

"My deal with her is over."

"A deal?" It turned out that in his eyes, he and Ji Nuannuan were just a deal. If I were Ji Nuannuan, I would be so sad.

"Yeah, deal. Ji Nuannuan found me the year I entered college. She used to be my neighbor. In fact, when she mentioned what happened back then, I already remembered everything."

"Since you knew then, why didn't you say it?" I asked.

"I'm afraid," Su Luoyan looked at me with a smile, his glass-like pupils seemed to be surrounded by mist, "I'm afraid of losing you, and I'm afraid of losing our family. Mom, Dad and you are the most important things in my life." You are the last thing I want to lose. So I started to be afraid of going home, afraid of seeing my parents, afraid of everything that was close before, I was afraid that I could not help but do things that hurt everyone, and I was afraid that you would all leave me. Do you think I'm a coward? But Su Ruo, I'm really scared. "

In the chilly sky, I actually felt slightly relaxed. I understand what Su Luoyan said, and I was like this before.

The snowflakes scattered like a dream like a butterfly, Su Luoyan was right in front of me, he was looking at me, he had been looking at me all the time, that warm breath and peaceful smile was something I couldn't be more familiar with.

"Su Ruo, do you remember? You once said that I will always be your brother and will not change. Do you still insist now? Am I still the brother in your mind?"

"I..." Is he still there?
Things from my childhood came to my mind one by one, and Su Luoyan's kindness penetrated into my heart a little bit, and my heart suddenly became much warmer.Even though so many things have happened, I still regard him as my dearest person in my heart, and this has not changed.

"Su Ruo..." His eyes were full of sadness.

I stretched out my hand to smooth his frown, and said softly, "You will always be my brother."

Maybe we are not related by blood, but after more than ten years of mutual care and dependence, I have no way to push him out of my world cruelly, he is my elder brother.

"Su Ruo, thank you. Maybe, as Jiang Chuan said, it's the best result for us to be brothers and sisters."

"Jiang Chuan?" I looked at him puzzled.

"Jiang Chuan talked to me a lot that day, and I thought about it for a long time. Maybe what he said is right. For you, it's better for us to be brothers and sisters."

"Brother, thank you." Thank you for giving me the last choice, and thank you for always being my brother.

"You call me brother and you are so polite to me. I'm really afraid that you will never recognize me again." He suddenly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Obviously you are capricious." I retorted.

"When did you see me being self-willed?" Su Luoyan asked.

"Always self-willed, dare you say that you didn't fight with Jiang Chuan when you were young because he said you were a girl?"

"Don't turn over the old score, okay? I was protecting you, protecting you." Su Luoyan quibbled.

"I don't believe it. You are clearly willful, willful."

Long-lost playfulness, long-lost atmosphere, long-lost brother-sister love.

I used to think that Su Luoyan and I would drift apart on different paths, but now I am firm, it will never be like this between us.

"Brother... I believe that we will all be happy, you will meet a very good girl, she will love you wholeheartedly, and you will love her wholeheartedly, and then when you get married, you will invite my sister As a bridesmaid, I am the same. At that time, our children may be able to marry, and Jiang Chuan, he will definitely find his own happiness and find the person he is destined for." I raised my head and looked at the sky. As soon as the film falls, such a night is as beautiful as a fairy tale world.

"Su Ruo." Su Luoyan looked at me and asked, "Are you happy now? Are you happy with him?"

"I am very happy." I said softly.

"Didn't lie to me?"

"I'm not lying to you, I'm really happy." I looked at him and showed a big smile, "Brother, I'm really happy, I'm very happy with Song Junmu."

Su Luoyan also smiled along with me, he seemed to habitually stretch out his hand and stroke the tip of my nose: "That's fine, as long as you are happy..."

I grabbed his hand and laughed: "Brother, you must come back often in the future. Mom will cook what you like every week. We won't eat bread all day like when we were young."

Su Luoyan looked at me and smiled.

"However, I suddenly like to eat bread now. Junmu took me to a delicious bakery last time. Let's take Jiang Chuan out together next time, okay?" I looked at him with great interest, and then Like when I was a child.

Su Luoyan touched my head and smiled: "Okay, what happened to Jiang Chuan recently?"

I sighed slightly: "He, since I saw him last time, he hasn't gone out again, and his mother even asked me what's wrong, but I dare not tell."

"Let's go see him some other day."

"it is good."

After that, we talked a lot, but most of it was about our childhood. When everything was revealed, we found out that we had been setting up obstacles for ourselves all this time.

Unknowingly, heavy snow has covered the community, a silver-white world, as if everything has returned to the original point.As the snow fell harder and harder, Su Luoyan said, "Su Ruo, can I give you a hug?"

"Of course, you are my brother."

I walked up, and in the snowy night, Su Luoyan stretched out his arms and hugged me gently. There was no heartbeat, only full of warmth. After all, he can only be my brother. No one would like the words about liking Say it.

Su Luoyan's voice was also very soft, whispering in my ear: "Su Ruo, you must be happy."

As he said that, he left a kiss on my forehead: "This is used to commemorate the time I have loved."

I leaned my head on her shoulder and nodded slightly, tears wet his cotton padded clothes.

The white snow fell all over the sky, and I saw a person walking slowly behind Su Luoyan, and I pushed Su Luoyan away almost subconsciously.

In the dark night, that person came in snow, and he walked towards me step by step, his eyes were so sad that there was no warmth.I was tongue-tied and looked at him, all kinds of things from the past came to my mind in a trance.

"Ruoruo." He seemed to be trying to smile at me, "Do you remember our agreement?"

I stood still, my mind blank.

I trembled and said, "I'm sorry, I..."

Today is the day I made an appointment with him, but I actually forgot it just because Su Luoyan appeared.

I saw his sad eyes, and I knew he must have misunderstood me when he saw Su Luoyan hugging me.I hurriedly explained: "Junmu, listen to me, things are not like this..."

"Su Ruo, is this the result you gave me?" He took a step back and looked at me sadly, his eyes filled with despair.

It was the deepest despair from the bottom of my heart. I was suddenly so scared that I would lose him, the boy who loved me the most.

"No...I..." Looking at his pale face, I felt very heartbroken. I reached out my hand to hold him, but my hand was stiff in the air, and after seeing his cold eyes, I fell down.

I opened my mouth, and after seeing his eyes, all my words were choked in my throat, and I couldn't say anything, and the tears couldn't stop streaming down.

"Ruoruo, are you okay?" Su Luoyan asked worriedly.

I didn't answer Su Luoyan, but just stared at Song Junmu: "Junmu, I'm sorry...don't get me wrong, me and..."

"Su Ruo, stop talking." He interrupted me, "Please save the last dignity for me?" Song Junmu looked at me with a smile, then turned and left, his last look seemed to be silent Say goodbye.

"Junmu—"

He didn't look back.

My heart was suddenly pulled into severe pain, it wasn't like this, no, why didn't you listen to my explanation?

"Ruo Ruo, it's okay, let him calm down first, two people who love each other won't be separated so easily." Su Luoyan patted my shoulder and said.

"Well, thank you brother."

03
Song Junmu disappeared.

It happened so suddenly, I kept comforting myself that he just asked for leave.When I found the teacher in their class, the teacher told me that he had dropped out of school.

Only then did I realize how ridiculous my momentary hesitation was.

I know clearly that I love him, but that person is no longer there.

Knowing the day he left, I walked the longest road in my life and shed the most tears in the past ten years, just to find a boy named Song Junmu.

In the end, I squatted in front of his house and cried loudly. When an aunt passed by me, she kindly asked me: "Little girl, what's wrong with you?"

I said, "I lost him."

I lost my Song Junmu, and I can't find him anymore, I can't find a Song Junmu who gives me warmth, romance, and security.

In the end, Su Luoyan found me, and he silently stayed by my side to help me hold an umbrella to cover the snow without saying a word.

With tears in my eyes, I raised my head and asked him, "Brother, will Song Junmu come back?"

He smiled and said to me: "It will, because I know that he loves you."

"I also know that he loves me, and I love him too. Why doesn't he listen to me?"

It turns out that there is still a deep pain in this world is that you finally know that you have fallen in love with someone, but find that person is no longer there.

Song Junmu, where are you?I'm thinking of you, you know?

Maybe you don't know, because I no longer have the qualifications to miss you.But I will wait, wait for you to come back, always, always.

"Brother, let's go back." I stood up and said to Su Luo.

"Ruoruo, are you okay..." Su Luoyan looked at me worriedly.

I squeezed out an ugly smile and said to him: "I'm fine, I believe he doesn't want to see me when he comes back, doesn't he?"

"If Ruo..."

"I'll wait for him to come back. I believe I can wait. As you said, he loves me. How could he be willing to leave me alone?"

On the seventh day after Song Junmu left, I enrolled in a calligraphy and painting class and started to learn painting, and every painting was related to him.

"Su Ruo, you are drawing Song Junmu again." My roommate saw my drawing when passing by, and said with a slight sneer, "You are really stupid, a playboy like Song Junmu..."

I know exactly what she's going to say next, because more than one person has laughed at my naivety.I didn't refute, and I don't need to refute, because I know that one day he will come back and tell everyone that the person he loves is Su Ruo, Su from Suzhou, if Ruo Ruo.

After I finished drawing three sketchbooks, I wrote down in his "side" with extravagant hope:

That autumn, who was the passerby?

The treasure of youth is a journey that begins together.

Say good to the end,
But the joke became hurt.

That autumn, who was the passerby?

How funny, how sad,
But I can't let go of the pain for a long time.

it's me?still you?

The light that dances among the clouds is gone with the wind,
The world has turned upside down,

Everything, just to prevent yourself from being hurt.

That autumn, who was the passerby?

Love begins to mess up and hurt.

We met in youth, but escaped into the dark night.

In fact, we should have known earlier.

That autumn, who was the fellow traveler...

I shut myself in my own world and described my thoughts with a brush, so that I ignored everything and everyone around me.Only when Su Luoyan called me and asked me to go out to get some air, could I really feel that I was still living in this world.

Sometimes I still think of Jiang Chuan and the last meal we had together.

When Jiang Chuan called that day, I was still drawing. When I saw that it was him on the caller ID, I froze my paintbrush, and a "wrinkle" that shouldn't have appeared on Song Junmu's face immediately.

"Su Ruo, tonight, I want to invite you and Su Luo to talk."

"Do you miss your sister? Or have you suddenly become an upstart?" I teased him.

I wanted to make fun of him, but Jiang Chuan was silent on the other end of the phone. I suddenly felt flustered and asked him, "What's wrong?"

"Let's have dinner together, eight o'clock, the old place." Jiang Chuan said in a low voice, only said this sentence, and said nothing else.

(End of this chapter)