the most beautiful time

Chapter 39 If I'm down, please don't tell me (2)

She thought she was going to do something anyway, before he left school.She couldn't win him over from his girlfriend, so she could at least see him every day, on his way to fetch water for his girlfriend, or on his way back to his dormitory.She can also pretend to walk the same road with him every day, through a sparse bamboo forest, a gravel road, and then around a row of old brick houses.She thought that he might not remember her. In his memory, she was just the name of the signed Lan Duo on the school newspaper. Even when he recommended her to the editor, he never thought of calling or sending her a text message. , out for a light meal, or a cup of tea.So if she walked by him every day, he would always take a look at her.One glance was enough, she never expected more.If, this look can let him know the ups and downs of her heart.

She was already 22 years old at the time, and she shouldn't have done such a silly thing as a little girl would do, but she couldn't control herself, and just foolishly walked on the road he must pass, holding books and waiting.Seeing him turn around a fragrant peony garden, pass through a wisteria trellis, and pass by her who lowered her head and pretended to read a book.She can clearly tell what color shoes he wears every day, whether there is any dust on the bottom of his trousers, and whether the shoelaces are loose.But she still didn't know his expression, she always lowered her head in a panic before he approached, nervously flipping through Duras's "Lover" which never changed.She put in that book a wisteria leaf that he stepped on, and an oleander that she put in front of her on purpose and was blown down by a gust of wind when he passed by.She knew phlox was a poisonous flower, but she was willing to smell it every day, even if she suffocated.

The romantic plot in the novel never appeared by her side.She had only exchanged sight and words with him once.It was she who was surrounded by a group of people and watched him get in the car with his girlfriend. Many people said that it was a good journey, and she also said that it was a good journey.He walked up to her, thanked her with a smile, and she raised her head bravely for the first time, and replied to him, let's go.

That was the last time he appeared in front of her.The car drove him to a neighboring city and never came back.She chased the car for a long distance until it was completely lost in the traffic and could no longer be seen clearly.

Since then, she has devoted herself to writing without distractions.Her words quickly occupied all the newspaper supplements in the neighboring city. She wrote about love, but also about infatuation, heartlessness, and ruthlessness.She used words to engrave that unresolved secret love into her soul in detail.The woman in each article is herself.And that unruly or indifferent or sentimental or passionate man, without exception, is his shadow.

Then one day, an editor from a neighboring city suddenly wrote to her, saying that a reader in this city graduated from the university you wrote about. Did the novel "Under the Shelf" originate from a particularly real love?Because, this reader always feels that the details inside seem familiar.

In her heart, there was a shocking wave.But she still pretended to be calm, and replied to the editor word by word.In her letter, there is only one sentence: that novel is fictional.

At that time, he had been married for many years.But she has been waiting alone for this repeated question.

A student I once taught, named Lan, was very beautiful, and of course many boys liked it.But she was seldom tempted until she met an extremely crazy boy in her third year of high school.They transferred from another school to repeat their studies. At a mobilization meeting for the college entrance examination, they sat next to each other, glanced at each other casually, and since then identified this "turbulent" love.

At that time, the studies were very tight, and they were studying in two schools a few miles away from each other, but they still met several times a day.During the lunch break at noon, he would escape.The two of them interlocked their fingers through the iron fence of the dormitory building, said nothing, just looked at each other in silence for a while; then he said goodbye and rode back to the branch school quickly to take an afternoon nap.At that time, I was also the life teacher in the review class. Every time I was about to lock the door, he rushed over panting and begged me shyly not to put him in the blacklist.Seeing the sweat on his face in the cold wind, I often couldn't bear it, criticized him gently, and then let him go.There will be a 20-minute break between the two evening self-study sessions. He rode his bicycle and galloped over again. He stood downstairs and waited for her with his head up.Teachers sometimes procrastinate, so she often can only lean on the railing, say a few words with him, and then hurry back to the classroom under the watchful eyes of the teacher who has the exercises.Even so, he still came here every day, even if he just took a look at her, he would feel at ease knowing that she was fine, and he could whistle all the way back to school at a speed of [-] meters.If she was sick, he didn't even have to go to class, so he bought medicine and sent it to her.She was originally a proud girl, but just because of his careful care, she was enough to bow her head and become a shy lotus flower.

This is really a pure love, bright and fragrant, very fragrant, like a white flower quietly blooming in the breeze.Even I, who opposed the puppy love of students, was slightly moved, thinking, maybe true love really only exists in such a pure world that has nothing to do with material things and the world; , then love will also be stained with the choking smell of oily smoke, and lose its pure white background.

Seven years later, on a winter vacation, the students from that year came to visit me, and among the laughing and joking crowd, I saw Lan again.She is no longer that delicate and lovable little girl. Two years of work has honed her eyes into a calm and flexible luster; the dreamy sky blue of the past has faded into a calm cinnabar red. .When asked about their respective lives, the group all said so-so.Only Lan, with a beautiful smile, said, very good.This is a low-key girl, she speaks very well, in fact, in my opinion, she is already perfect.I thought of the boy who always appeared in front of me in the image of running, so I smiled and said, I guess that boy will always be good to you, such a beautiful love can last forever.But she never thought about it, she smiled lightly and said, if the teacher hadn't reminded me, I'm afraid I wouldn't even be able to remember his name.

It was only then that I was surprised to learn that they broke up indifferently when they were in their sophomore year.It was the boy's family that suddenly declined. He needed to think about his livelihood first. He still rode a bicycle every day, but he seldom went to see her. Instead, he moved to various part-time shops.In fact, she didn't complain, and never asked him to buy herself any gifts.But he still lost his former patience. Even when he had to wait in line in the crowded crowd for lunch, he would get angry for a moment, throw away the lunch box, turn around and walk away.In the trials of the secular world, he finally slowly revealed his rough and pale emotions. The attachment and love he had when he was young, in this trivial and embarrassing secular world, was gradually worn away.

Later, she met her current lover, who met after work.Both of them are drifters staying in Beijing from other places, and their family backgrounds are also average. They need to work hard to have a small house to live in in the bustling Beijing.They are busy at work, and they often go to work in the morning and can't see each other until evening.The monthly salary needs to be calculated and spent.He didn't even dare to get sick, otherwise his salary would be overdrawn after paying for the house.But such difficulties, still love each other.In the crowded bus or subway, he always held her hand tightly.When she was about to get out of the car, he stood at the door and blocked it for her, lest the driver be inattentive and trap her.Her desk is near the phone, and he will "call" on time at 12 o'clock.It only rang three times, but she didn't answer it, but she knew he was urging her to "eat".He would definitely come to pick her up after get off work. Sometimes it was late and there was no bus, so they held hands and walked home slowly for an hour.

Lan said that even though they are in Beijing, they can only afford a second-hand house with one bedroom and one living room; even though they have to get up early to prepare their lunch meals in order to save money; The annoyance of love made her see clearly the inside of love; knowing that long-term emotions must go through such experiences before they can bloom bright flowers and produce mellow fruits.And the love that had nothing to do with material things when I was young was just a romance, and when the heat of the world came, it turned into smoke and dust.

(End of this chapter)