the most beautiful time

Chapter 38 If I'm down, please don't tell me (1)

Xin Xiaohan was the proudest girl in our middle school class.Of course she has the capital to show off and is sought after by boys, her singing voice is mellow, her writing is clear, her appearance is beautiful, and she knows how to lead the fashion of dressing, which is almost considered avant-garde in our little closed town back then.No girl would dare to take off her heavy and dull cotton-padded clothes and only wear a bright and eye-catching sweater when doing exercises for the sake of beauty in the freezing cold winter.And spring has just shrunk out one foot, Xin Xiaohan has already put on a beautiful cotton white dress, and a piece of warm jade on her chest, tied with a thin red silk thread, when walking, she followed her evenly Breathing, moving slightly, with a touch of sexy charm, looking closely, it has the smell of a little woman.

In fact, in the eyes of girls, Xin Xiaohan, who is two years older than us, has a charming and coquettish charm.This kind of feeling prevents us from getting close to her forever. We can only see her wearing bright clothes from a distance, walking her own way unrestrainedly under the sight blowing slowly like the wind.As for those ugly but unwilling boys, apart from writing some love letters that she would not even read, they can only greet her humblely in their dreams, and see if the coldness on her face was rejected that day. The sunlight melted silently.Even though it's as cold as ice, Xin Xiaohan's scandals still come and go, and come and go.In almost every puppy love incident that caused a stir in the whole school, the heroine, without exception, would be Xin Xiaohan.Every time we talk about this kind of story, we feel like a distant and gorgeous movie, with beautiful pictures. When the curtain ends, in addition to bringing us winding dreams, it is more full of sadness and loss.

In the last year before graduating from high school, Xin Xiaohan once again left a colorful mark on our memory.She was the top science student in the previous class. One year after graduation, she still couldn't forget Xin Xiaohan, skipping classes again and again to find her.He stood in the corridor next to our classroom and begged for a whole week, but Xin Xiaohan stubbornly refused to say a word to him.In the end, the brother who made all our junior girls go crazy, when Xin Xiaohan walked to the door of the classroom again, he stretched out his arms and stopped her.They all thought that Xin Xiaohan would lose his temper at him in the midst of crowds watching and ambiguous booing, but never thought that she just gave him a sideways glance indifferently, then lowered her head, and entered the classroom from under his arms.Xin Xiaohan, she lowered her head, but let everyone see her natural superiority and arrogance in the endless love.And this kind of disdain and contempt, more than any romance and style, makes us young and plain little girls feel sharp pain and sentimentality.

In this way, with a suppressed inferiority complex, he was admitted to the university, and deliberately stopped asking himself about everything about Xin Xiaohan.Because, what else can she have besides the happiness that we can't reach?However, we who are young and frivolous do not need anyone's beauty to cruelly explain ourselves who have been neglected or forgotten by love.A few years later, those of us have all started to step into society. In the ups and downs, ups and downs, we gradually fade away the fantasy and simplicity of youth, knowing that life is so practical that we cannot tolerate the slightest arrogance or arrogance; life is forever In other places, all we can do is to cover our secular heart with the same gorgeous and vain robes in the brilliance of others.And Xin Xiaohan, at this time, once again broke into the life that we need to compete in order to get comfort.

After graduating from high school, Xin Xiaohan, who only studied in a junior college, did not want to venture outside, so he followed the arrangement of his parents and returned to our small town to become an ordinary clerk.Her love is still blooming and swaying.In the end, under the coercion of her parents, she married a wealthy businessman in a small town.After only being a businessman's wife for two years, Xin Xiaohan quickly divorced.Just because, at an alumni gathering, she met the number one scholar in science who pursued her so hard.At that time, he was already a department manager of a company in Shanghai. After losing the recklessness and flashiness of his youth, he actually had a maturity and wisdom that many men of his age could not compare with.Like a ginkgo fruit, the experience of wind and rain in the past has finally achieved today's fragrance, so that those women who once ignored him need to look up to see his youth.Finally, Xin Xiaohan couldn't resist his radiant charm, boldly ended his dull marriage, and then began to approach his accomplished suitor.

However, Xin Xiaohan forgot how mercilessly she hurt his self-esteem when she was the most beautiful.Now, he is very beautiful, but she, in his eyes, is just a divorced faded woman in a small town.Compared with the fresher and fuller flowers, her decadence is already in sight.Therefore, even if she ran to Shanghai to find him again and again, he would no longer have the love and passion of the past.Xin Xiaohan, this rose with thorns that no one dares to pick, even if he pulled out the thorns one by one, he finally lost the previous strong fragrance.

That year, I don't know if it was because of Xin Xiaohan, we suddenly eagerly longed for a party.The party was held in a higher-end hotel in the small town.The classmate who organized the party called Xin Xiaohan many times after all of us ordered him to come.We used to be unable to know exactly what kind of time concept ten years was; it was Xin Xiaohan who made us suddenly understand that ten years was to transform a careless girl into a slightly fat, rough-skinned and The process of a haggard woman.During that meal, many students who were overshadowed by Xin Xiaohan all ate with great interest, as if a stone in their hearts was instantly moved away, breathing was unimpeded at once, and the flowers of happiness also bloomed proudly .

In the interval between us clamoring for a group photo, Xin Xiaohan walked away silently.It was in front of a stall selling trinkets that I met her again.She bent over and carefully selected those dusty silk scarves and bracelets.I walked over suddenly, pulled off a lavender silk scarf and handed it to her, and said softly: "Xiaohan, you will look beautiful wearing this one."Xin Xiaohan, who once represented my highest dream for a woman when I was young, finally knelt down and cried loudly in these words.

I know that Xin Xiaohan's cry is to let everyone at the party know that if she is down and out, please don't tell her.However, we are still so cruel, revealing our naked and embarrassing life to her like this.

She loves him passionately, in the novels she wrote.

She never told him that she fell into a desperate secret love the first time she saw him.They were still on campus at that time, but in a few months he would graduate and leave school, and he was going to a neighboring city with his girlfriend.She looked at him across the large dining table, peeled a small plate of boiled peanuts one by one, and gave it to the girlfriend next to her, while the happy woman giggled and looked at a group of People say that he is very competent as a "flower peeling messenger", and he can be promoted to a future husband after graduation.On the other hand, he smiled slightly and said nothing. As usual, he put his girlfriend's favorite dishes into small dishes as usual.

She doesn't know what it is to love him. She uses different novels to prove this question over and over again. Maybe it's falling in love. When he held her hand, he thoughtfully asked, your hand is a little cold, is it because you are not feeling well? ?Perhaps it was his reserved and deep eyes, where her shadow was dizzying.Perhaps she had heard his name countless times, in the mouth of the teacher, in the chats of the classmates, in the supplement of the newspaper.Maybe it was because she heard that he, who was the editor of the school newspaper, had selflessly recommended her in front of the editor-in-chief.However, every possibility seems insufficient, unable to explain why she only heard his name being mentioned, and her heart was tumbling, and she couldn't restrain herself; But it was like an electric shock and thunder, unable to speak; why did she write one novel after another using him as a prototype, but she didn't dare to submit to the school newspaper that he might be able to glimpse occasionally.

She thought maybe this was love, she couldn't tell the reason, entangled, tore, and disturbed her so that she couldn't sleep at night, and her heart was full of his shadow.

(End of this chapter)