Love is so close, you are so far

Chapter 20 I want to give Yaozheng my heart (1)
1
It's another autumn, An An's birthday is here, An He took her to the playground like last time, and also called me.

Although I no longer go to An He's house to teach her how to play the piano, An He often takes her to my residence. Jing Jing likes me very much. Perhaps in her young life, no woman has really loved her, so she is very attached to her. I.She makes me feel like a mother. Sometimes I laugh to myself, I'm not married yet, how can I be a mother?
Later, An Jing became more and more dependent on me, and sometimes she even refused to go home, but I absolutely could not leave her in my house, there would be a second and a third time for the first time, which would arouse Milan's suspicion, and I Don't want to complicate things.

On An Jing's birthday, she had a great time and refused to go home after dinner. No matter what I tried to coax her, maybe I spoiled her too much, so she was not as obedient as before.I couldn't coax her, so I deliberately put on a straight face and said she was disobedient, and I will never play with her again. She burst into tears when she heard it, and she cried endlessly. That voice can definitely be used to practice bel canto, so I had to Holding her is both a darling and a treasure, but she still doesn't make a sound.

I was at a loss for what to do, and finally An He said, "Okay, my sister agrees that An Jing will not go home tonight." An He winked at me.

After listening quietly, I immediately stopped crying, and looked at me tearfully, with a pitiful look on my face, which made me angry and pitiful.

An He said again: "Today is a quiet birthday, my sister let you stay at her house."

I had no choice but to say: "Just this time, let's not make another example."

An Jing was very happy, with a smile on his face, and the child's face changed so quickly.An Jing sat in the car holding the doll she bought, and sang happily. Children are really easy to satisfy.

Quiet was tired from playing, so I went to my place, washed her face, put her on the bed, and fell asleep drowsily.

An He turned on the TV, so I made a pot of tea and sat on the sofa with him to watch TV.

I don't know how long I sat there, An Jing cried and called her mother on the bed, maybe it was a dream.I hurried to the bedroom to coax her, and she fell asleep peacefully under my coaxing.My hands hooked around my neck and refused to let go. I was afraid of waking her up, so I leaned against the bed and let her hook me.

"You are really like Jing Jing's mother." An He said standing by the bed and looking at me.

"Where is it like?"

"It's like everywhere."

I thought of what Mi Yao said, and I felt bad.In fact, many times I wanted to ask him what happened to An Jing, but I swallowed the words again. Smart women don't ask questions that men don't want to tell her, but this time I don't know why I didn't hold back.I asked, "She must be pretty. Milan isn't the quiet mom, is she?"

An He was stunned for a moment, without saying a word, walked to the window of the living room, and lit a cigarette.I also stood by the window, there was wind blowing outside the window, and the shadows of the trees were dancing under the street lamps.I didn't know if I had exposed his scars, so I said, "I'm sorry, I was just asking."

An He looked out of the window and said, "It doesn't matter. In fact, I didn't deliberately hide anything. Do you really want to know?"

"I didn't mean to inquire about your privacy."

"If you want to know, I'd like to tell you."

"Why do you want to tell me?"

"I want to be more transparent in front of you."

"Actually, it's not necessary. I respect your privacy."

"But you don't think so in your heart."

He is really amazing, I really don't think so in my heart, I am a woman, a woman who is too vulgar, of course I want to know his previous relationship experience, if he is willing to tell, of course I will not refuse.

He took a puff on his cigarette and said, "She is my college alumnus, she is really beautiful, she plays the piano very well, and she taught me the piano. She is my first love, it feels really good, just It's like watching fallen leaves fall from the tree when I was a child. But the person she likes is not me. She fell in love with another man and gave birth to his child. Later, the man abandoned her and the child. She died of illness and died. The child was entrusted to me. I was very poor at that time. If I had money, I would never have watched her die in front of my eyes, so I worked hard to earn money. I have a little money now, so I want to give Quiet is the best. She has some other children, and she has those who don’t. Unfortunately, although I tried my best to make Jingjing live well, I still couldn’t do it. I can’t give her the mother she wants. I can only do my best Because, and I hope she can play the piano as well as her mother."

I was stunned. I thought Jing Jing was the child that An He had to bring with him after having sex with other women. I didn't expect that there was such a sad story behind Jing Jing, and I didn't expect An He to be such a man who values ​​love and righteousness. .I feel ashamed of myself, my thoughts are so dirty.

An He turned to look at me and asked, "Do you think An An is my illegitimate daughter with another woman?"

I blushed and said, "No."

"Your expression betrays you."

I am speechless.

"In fact, Milan also thought so. She was pregnant with our child, but due to my fault, the child was gone, and she lost her fertility. Later, when I took An Jing home, she thought that I was vicious and that it was me. I arranged it carefully."

I was very surprised. I didn't expect Milan to lose her fertility. I asked, "Why is your child gone?"

A trace of gloom flashed across An He's face, and he said, "I pushed her down. She is more than nine months pregnant and has a problem with the fetal position, but she still often plays mahjong all night. I am worried about the safety of her and the child. I quarreled with her, she rushed to hit me, I wanted to push her away, but I didn't want to
Until... From then on, she regarded me as an enemy, and I knew that I made an unforgivable mistake, so I didn't interfere with how she played mahjong afterwards, and now playing mahjong is her only spiritual sustenance.In fact, I really want to make up for my mistakes and live a good life, but she doesn't give me a chance, she will quarrel with me if I don't like it, if I ignore her, she will find peace to vent her anger. "

I didn't expect that there would be such deep resentment between their husband and wife, and I also didn't expect that An He, who seemed resolute, would have so much helplessness deep in his heart.

"You clearly know that she hates An Jing, why do you keep An Jing at home, without An An, wouldn't all problems be solved?"

"Once two people have scars, it will be difficult to recover. Even if I let Jing Jing leave this home, it will not help. And Jing Jing is the only relative in this world, and I cannot abandon her."

"You don't want to abandon An Jing, is it because you still love An Jing's mother?"

An He glanced at me and said: "Love for her is already a very distant feeling. In fact, the adoption of An Jing is not all because of that. I have experienced the feelings of orphans. I don't want An Jing to be like me. At a young age I know what helplessness is." An He said, taking my hand and asked, "You should know that feeling like me, right?"

I nodded, yes, I have a deep understanding of that feeling.When you are lonely, you can't find anyone to rely on, when you are lonely, you can't find someone to accompany you, when you are helpless, you can't find someone to help you...

An He asked, "Do you still feel that way now?"

Of course, that feeling often invades me when I'm not defending, making me hesitate, helpless, and at a loss... I nodded.

An He pulled me into his arms, hugged me, and said, "There won't be that feeling when two people are close together, you know?"

I leaned into his arms and said, "Got it."

He stroked my hair and said: "You don't know, I've been alone for too long and far, I'm so tired, I really want to find someone to rely on each other, fortunately, I met you, so no matter what happens in the future Things, we're going to be together forever, okay?"

"Then why did you always avoid me before?"

"I didn't expect it at first. It was really unexpected. Besides, I was afraid of hurting you."

"I'm not afraid."

"You will regret this."

"will not."

"What a silly girl, the stupidest, stupidest girl in the world."

"Then you still like it?"

"You pester me, I can't help it."

"Hate……"

After beating me up and down, he repeatedly begged for mercy, raised his hand to admit his mistake, and then pulled me into his arms, speaking softly.Our bodies hugged each other tightly, and the warm breath flooded my whole body...

I really like this kind of day.

But this kind of life is so helpless, because An He can't stay here overnight, lest Milan get suspicious.In the end, he left my residence with the tranquility in his arms, and the promise of tranquility was always unfulfilled.

If these two feelings are long, how are they going up and down.

I understand this truth, but I still regret it in my heart, regretting to death.

I wish I could hold him until dawn, hugging the pillow by myself, really, so melancholy, so melancholy.

An He took me to an important place in his life—his hometown, which is four or five hours' drive from Wuping.

It was a very simple and quiet mountain village. The mountain village was very remote, and it was rare to see a single person. People living in a crowded city could hardly imagine such a sparsely populated mountain village.

An He parked the car in front of an old house. The house was made of stone and mud, with no traces of reinforced concrete, and the walls were already mottled and peeling off. I realized that this was the house An He said he lived in when he was a child.

Sure enough, An He gently touched the peeling wall with his hand, and said to me: "Ye Mei, did you see, this is the house I lived in when I was a child." His voice was very gentle, giving people a feeling of returning home from a wanderer .

An He unlocked an iron lock on the door, and the door creaked open.Surprisingly, the house was very clean, without the dense cobwebs, choking musty smell and thick dust that I imagined.

An He told me that he asked an old man nearby to take care of the house for him. The old man would come to clean it frequently, so no matter when he came, the house was very clean.

An He took my hand and showed me every house. There were some simple furniture, beds and tables in the house, but they were all worn out.I saw a picture frame of an old man on the wall of the bedroom, the old man looked very kind.

An He told me that it was his grandma, with whom he had been dependent since childhood.Grandma has suffered a lot in her life, but she is strong and optimistic. She never bows to difficulties. She has taught him many things.

When he was 12 years old, his grandmother passed away, and since then he has no relatives in this world.He kept in mind what his grandma taught him, fought against fate firmly, and never gave up no matter how hard it was, and finally he walked out of this small mountain village.After hard work and hard work, he finally had a career and achieved success recognized by ordinary people.

"But I am getting more and more lonely, and I miss the days of living here more and more." After telling the story between him and his grandma, An He lit a cigarette and sighed.

I said: "You are better than me, you still have days to miss, and I don't even have days to miss."

An He smiled and said, "Why not, I will be the day you miss from now on."

I said, "Do you still miss me when we meet every day?"

An He said: "Of course, face-to-face missing is also fine."

I said, "Is there such a miss?"

An He said: "There must be, Xiaomei, when we get old, can we come back here?"

I said, "Okay, I'll be where you are."

An He smiled, took my hand and went to the back of the house. I saw the forest that An He had described.

The woods are simply beautiful, and the surroundings are very quiet, as if a slight cough can shake a fallen leaf, it is so quiet that only the sound of falling leaves when the autumn wind blows by, the yellow leaves flutter like butterflies in the autumn wind Flying, slowly falling to the ground.There are thick fallen leaves on the ground, and there is a creaking sound when stepped on.

An He picked up a leaf that had just fallen from the tree, held it in his hand and stared at it, and I picked up a leaf too.Neither of us spoke, fearing that if we made a noise, more fallen leaves would be shaken, so we looked at each other and smiled.

We held hands and walked in the woods. At some point, An He stopped and hugged me in his arms. Immediately afterwards, his kiss came to my face.

I greeted his kiss, we kissed passionately, kissed with body, kissed with heart, kissed with soul, kissed passionately in this nature with autumn wind, fallen leaves, woods and the most beloved person.

I don't know when, An He has already pressed me on the ground covered with fallen leaves...

In nature, we use the most primitive and purest way to love each other deeply and prove the love in our hearts.Our bodies are one, and we will never be separated, and we will not be separated when we are old...

The forest seems to be more quiet, there is not even a trace of wind, only me and An He's heartbeat, I heard his heart say love me, and my heart also say love him.

It was the most beautiful wood I have ever seen in my life.

An He also took me to meet the old man who helped him look after the house. The old man had no children and lived alone. His life was very poor. An He gave him some money to take care of the house, so his life was more stable. up.

The old man was very simple. When he saw me, he smiled honestly and said to An He: "Your wife is so pretty."

(End of this chapter)