Use a little mind reading every day

Chapter 3

Usually we have a first impression of all the people we meet, don't underestimate this first impression.It is also highly valued in psychology and is often referred to as the primacy effect.So what exactly is the primacy effect?
The primacy effect is an impression formed based on one-sided data in a short period of time.Psychological research has found that when you meet someone for the first time, you can make a first impression within 45 seconds.This initial impression has a strong influence on the social perception of others, and it is formed and occupies a dominant position in the mind of the other party.Some experts specifically pointed out: "Maintenance and reproduction depend to a large extent on the intensity of attention and interest when the relevant mental activities first appear." And this preconceived first impression is the universal subjectivity of people. Tendency will directly affect a series of behaviors in the future.

Experimental psychology studies have shown that the order in which external information is input into the brain cannot be ignored in determining the cognitive effect.The information entered first has the greatest effect, and the information entered last also plays a greater role (this will involve the recency effect that will be discussed later).This feature of the brain in processing information is the underlying cause of the primacy effect.

The primacy effect is essentially a priority effect. When different information is combined, people always tend to pay attention to the previous information.Even if people pay equal attention to the latter information, they will think that the latter information is non-essential and accidental. People are accustomed to interpreting the latter information according to the former information. Even if the latter information is inconsistent with the former information, they will succumb to the former information to form an overall consistent impression.In a modern society where the pace of life is like a fast-moving train, few people are willing to spend more time understanding and confirming a person who left him with a bad first impression.

Since the first impression has such great power, we must have a good grasp of its use when we understand a person.First of all, we must have a good grasp of our first impression of the other party; secondly, we must be wary of the possibility that this first impression will gradually become a "stereotype"; but more importantly, we should be careful of a phenomenon called "halo effect". "Derivatives.Well, it might make everyone dizzy, let's continue to talk about the primacy effect.

Generally speaking, the "primary cause effect" is mainly reflected in clothing and wearing, followed by speech and behavior.Some people don't pay much attention to these, thinking that a person who understands him will understand his heart.But in fact, except for friends who can see your heart and don't care about your image, most people make judgments on issues such as a person's mental state, civilized level, and professionalism through a person's clothing and appearance, so , the appearance must not be ignored.Even if you're used to being unkempt, you should at least look clean and comfortable.Don't think that this is not worth mentioning. There has been more than one person who has stumbled on this since ancient times, from China to foreign countries.

In "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Pang Tong, the "Fengchu" who is as famous as Zhuge Kongming, is going to serve Soochow and go to meet Sun Quan.Seeing Pang Tong's ugly appearance, Sun Quan felt unhappy at first, but also saw that he was defiant, so he rejected him regardless of his talent and his reputation as a lover.

Coincidentally.President Lincoln of the United States also rejected a talent recommended by a friend with a bad appearance. The friend blamed Lincoln and said: "No one can be responsible for the natural face." You should be responsible for your own face."

Analyzing these two stories, you may think that Sun Quan and Lincoln are too picky as employers, but in fact Lincoln’s words are the best footnote for everyone when analyzing the first impression a person leaves on you.That is a smart person who wants to win the respect of others and knows how to add points to his appearance through his cultivation and experience, if he is really talented and over forty years old.We Chinese often say a word called knowing the general body.You can be informal, but the key is that you have to know the big picture.

halo effect
So when you are interpreting a person, especially when you only have a first impression of him, you have to be careful to distinguish: Is his appearance the same?Are your first impressions reliable?Especially when you have a "halo effect" or a "stereotype" on a person from the first impression, you have to be careful.Because at this time you have strayed far from the objective track, and you need to turn back in time.

The following experiment may help map your psychology after having a first impression of a person.

A psychologist once did an experiment: the subjects were divided into two groups, and they were asked to look at the same picture.The psychologist told the subjects in Group A that this is a criminal who has been taught repeatedly.Say to group B subjects: This is a famous scientist.After reading it, he asked the subjects to analyze the personality traits of the person according to his appearance.As a result, the subjects in Group A generally believed that there was something sinister hidden in this person's deep-set eyes, and his high forehead showed his determination not to repent.The subjects in group B believed that: the deep eyes showed that he was thinking deeply, and the high forehead showed the scientist's will to explore.

From this experiment, we can understand that the positive psychological stereotype formed by the first impression will make people more inclined to discover the other party's meaningful qualities in the subsequent understanding (that is, the halo effect we mentioned above).If the first impression forms a negative mental stereotype, it will make people more inclined to expose the disgusting part of the object in the subsequent understanding (this can also be regarded as the reverse use of the halo effect).The reason why we have this kind of inference can be said that stereotypes play a big role.

Maybe some readers will wonder again: what is the halo effect, and what is the stereotype?It's actually very simple, as the name suggests, you can guess the general idea.However, in order to read people more accurately, we still need to understand them in detail.

The so-called "halo effect", also known as "halo effect", refers to the phenomenon that people's cognitive judgment of others is based on personal likes and dislikes, and then infers other qualities of the cognitive object from this judgment.It was first proposed by the famous American psychologist Edward Thorndike in the 20s.He believes that people's cognition and judgment of people often only start from a part, diffuse to get an overall impression, so they often make partial generalizations.If a person is marked as good, he will be shrouded in a positive halo and endowed with all good qualities; if a person is marked as bad, he will be shrouded in a negative halo, And is considered to have all kinds of bad qualities.This is like the ring (halo) that appears around the moon on the eve of windy weather. In fact, the ring is just the magnification of the moonlight.Accordingly, Thorndike played just the right name of a "halo effect" for this psychological phenomenon.

The halo effect is often manifested not only in judging people by their appearance, but also in determining status and character by clothing, and talent and morality by first speech.This effect was especially pronounced when evaluating people with whom they were less familiar.

The biggest drawback of the halo effect is that it overgeneralizes.Its characteristics are embodied in the following three aspects:
One is concealment.Sometimes the individual characteristics of things we grasp do not reflect the essence of things, but we are still used to inferring from individual to general, and from part to whole, so we are bound to extrapolate other features by mistake.Randomly grasping a certain good or bad feature asserts that this person is either perfect or worthless, making a one-sided mistake. "Love at first sight" is because a certain aspect of the object conforms to one's own aesthetics, so you turn a blind eye to the incompatibility of thoughts, sentiments, and personality, and feel that the object is "a fairy with a halo", and everything is as you want. .Similarly, in daily life, there are too many things to ignore the merits of a person because of a bad impression.

The second is superficiality.The halo effect often occurs when one's own understanding of a certain person is not yet deep, that is, it is still in the stage of perception and perception, so it is easily affected by the superficiality, locality and selectivity of perception. Just focus on some outward features.There is no internal connection between some personality qualities or appearance characteristics, but we tend to link them together, asserting that if there is one characteristic, there must be another characteristic, and the external form will cover up the inner essence.For example, if you look dignified and upright, you may not be a gentleman; if you look smiling, you may not be kind-hearted.Simply linking these different qualities yields an overall impression that is necessarily superficial.

The third is dispersibility.The overall attitude towards a person will also affect things related to the specific characteristics of the person.In the idioms, "love the house and the crow", "dislike the monk, hate the cassock" are the manifestations of the halo effect. There is a story told in "Han Feizi·Shuo Dian Pian".Wei Linggong is very fond of Mi Zixia.Once Mi Zixia's mother was ill, and when he learned about it, he secretly drove home in Wei Linggong's car overnight.According to the laws of the state of Wei, stealing the king's car is punishable by cutting off his feet, but Duke Ling of Wei praised Mi Zixia for being filial to his mother.Another time, Mi Zixia and Wei Linggong visited the Taoyuan together. He picked a peach and ate it. He thought it was very sweet, so he offered the bitten peach to Wei Linggong to taste. Wei Linggong praised him for his love for the king.Later, Mi Zixia became old and decrepit, and was not favored.Wei Linggong didn't like his appearance and didn't like his other qualities. Even the two things he praised before became Mi Zixia's "crime of deceiving the emperor".

So when we have a halo effect on a person because of our first impression, we should give ourselves a sap and ask: Are you dizzy?Then calmly examine: what is it about this person that is different from others, so that my feelings are only tilted to one side?Why can I only blindly see his good or bad, but turn a blind eye to other places?When you can think like this, then congratulations, you are expected to get rid of the halo effect and understand him clearly at the first time.

Stereotypes
In the previous analysis on judging personality by looking at photos, we mentioned that "stereotypes" will have a great impact on our judgment of a person based on first impressions.Here we need to study carefully how stereotypes provide us with evidence, guide, and sometimes mislead us to know a person.

Stereotype or prejudice (also known as imprinting) is a sociological term that refers to people's generalized views on certain types of people, things, and things.This kind of view may come from the perception of a certain individual among the same type of people and things to others.Usually, stereotypes are mostly negative and preconceived, and it does not mean that every person, thing, and thing belonging to this type has such qualities.

As mentioned above, because the subjects were told that the person in the photo was a repeated criminal, their evaluation of him was mainly negative, which is the reason for the stereotype.Most of us think that criminals are vicious. If he does not repent, then his deep-set eyes undoubtedly hide the sinister calculations, and his high forehead is a proof of his stubbornness.When we think of a rapist, we undoubtedly think that he should be described as wretched, short, bluish-white with a touch of dissatisfaction in his face, and that he is small but strong so that he can possibly subdue a struggling woman.What are the facts?More than that.

Examples of stereotypes abound in our everyday lives.For example, in a movie in the 20s, when a character with long hair, a beard, and sunglasses appears, you will feel that this is not a good person, but must be a bad guy; in daily life, When a handsome and handsome person steals and kills people, you will be surprised, or a person you think is very honest suddenly does something bad and enters the prison, you often find it difficult to accept this reality; friends who sell fruit may be surprised. There is a feeling that people prefer yellow oranges to green ones, even though both are equally sweet and tasty.Because in their impression, green oranges are immature and sour.

Because stereotypes are often not based on direct experience or factual materials, but are formed only on the basis of temporary prejudice or hearsay.As such, the vast majority of stereotypes are false, even harmful.Regarding the characteristics of stereotypes, some scholars have summarized them as follows: it is an oversimplified classification of social groups; in the same social culture or in the same group, stereotypes are quite consistent; it is mostly inconsistent with the facts , and some are even wrong.

Due to the way the brain selects memory information and our inherent laziness, we often judge a person based on stereotypes.But in fact, no matter how close a person is to his closest stereotype, we should try our best to judge and analyze him as an independent individual. "Concrete analysis of specific problems" also has its role and vitality in our analysis of a person.

We can list several broad categories of stereotypes, such as:
Gender Stereotypes: Thinking that men are what they are and women are.In work and study, how will men deal with it, and how will women face it.

Regional and racial stereotypes: This is not so obvious in our country, but it is there.For example, we think that ethnic minority compatriots must be good at singing and dancing, and Mongolian compatriots must ride horses on the grassland.

The stereotype of appearance: fat people must be broad-minded and optimistic, and people with sharp mouth and monkey cheeks are definitely not good people.

Of course, through enumeration, you will find that it is not very reliable to confirm a person with a stereotype.If you still insist on knowing people like this or if you are accustomed to it, then there is only one consequence, which is the story of the famous neighbor who is a thief-assuming he is a thief, the result looks more and more like it.After knowing that it is not, the more you look at it, the better you are.

Of course, sometimes we also find that some people unconsciously rely on stereotypes.He tries to create an image of himself in one way or another.At this time, you have to think about why he chooses the way he is now: is it to look more professional or is there something hidden?

For example, we often meet some professionals and often feel that they make us feel familiar.How did this familiarity come about?Quite simply, search your memory for clues that make you seem familiar.Through such a search, you will find that what makes you feel familiar is their common professional temperament.And the formation of this professional temperament is inseparable from their deliberate shaping. For example, homogeneous clothing, dressing methods, speaking methods, and even gestures and smiles seem to be standardized products of the era of large-scale machine production.This is an example of living close to stereotypes in order to make yourself more professional.And some people are not from that field, but pretend that they are there. What is the psychology of this?For this kind of case, we need to analyze specific issues in detail, but the general reasons are nothing more than a few.For example, the psychology of compensation: dreaming of becoming that kind of person but not being able to, so even if it is to create that illusion from the image, it is fine.For example, from people's perspective, I hope that everyone will recognize that they are such a person, because that is more face or status.Of course, this kind of analysis is still generalized. Everyone should pay attention to carefully observe in life, draw inferences from one instance, and use it flexibly.

centrality quality

Through the previous reading, you should have understood that sometimes our feelings often lie unconsciously or are unwilling to get to know a person deeply for reasons of inertia, and are only satisfied with reading and judging a person in general.This is really taboo.But there are also those who, desperate to know and be known, are always alive and full of enthusiasm.For such a person, we often cannot refuse, and lose our clear observation and self-confidence. At this time, you need to remind yourself: don't be dazzled by his enthusiasm.

In psychology, there is the term "central quality".The so-called central quality refers to the quality that is more closely related to other qualities and contains more personal content.For example, "polite-brutality" is more central than the pair of qualities "enthusiasm-cold".So among the many human qualities, what is the most central?

In 1946, American psychologist Solomon Archie conducted a famous experiment.In this so-called "enthusiasm-centric quality" experiment, seven personality-related qualities were listed, and then two groups of subjects were asked by psychologists to make a detailed personality assessment.Psychologists divided the subjects into two groups and asked them to describe the same person.In the first group, Solomon Archer listed seven qualities of the person, including intelligence, skill, diligence, enthusiasm, practicality, and prudence.In the second group, Solomon Archie replaced the enthusiasm in this personality with coldness, and kept the other things unchanged.

The result is that there is only a difference between "enthusiasm" and "coldness", but it arouses completely different impressions of this person in the two groups of subjects.When the first group of subjects saw this person, they were willing to associate with him, and they talked very speculatively with each other, and believed that he had various excellent qualities such as a sense of humor at the same time.The second group of subjects were unwilling to get close to this person, hated him, and hated him. At the same time, they listed all kinds of bad qualities such as self-righteousness, prudence, and irritability under his "cold" quality.This experiment proves that "enthusiasm-coldness" is regarded as the central quality, and people use them to determine the reliability and presence of other qualities.

In fact, this centrality quality has something to do with the halo effect.

Psychologists believe that implicit personality plays a role in the halo effect of human perception.Some qualities of people are intrinsically linked.For example, enthusiastic people tend to be kind and friendly to others, have a sense of humor, are willing to help others, and are easy to get along with; while "cold" people are more lonely, rigid, unwilling to ask for help, and difficult to get along with.In this way, as long as we experience a core characteristic of "enthusiasm" or "indifference" for someone, we will naturally complement other related characteristics.

In addition, as far as the personality structure of a person is concerned, various personality traits are always interrelated and restrict each other in each specific person.For example, people who are brave, upright, and not afraid of violence often also show that they are frank and courageous in their dealings with others, and they are dignified and generous in appearance, sincere and natural.On the other hand, a person with the characteristics of selfishness, bullying and shyness will show hypocrisy, insidiousness, inconsistency, flattery, or arrogance in other aspects.These characteristics will also be reflected in the demeanor and expression.Therefore, people can not only perceive the heart from the appearance, but also generalize from the inner character traits to the evaluation of the appearance.This creates the halo effect.

Be it halos or enthusiasm, in short, we have a deep understanding that just a "enthusiasm" can affect people's feelings in this way. "Enthusiasm" is directly related to whether we can be loved and accepted by others.If you still feel that this is a bit self-talking or mysterious, then you may wish to take a look at the following examples.

One rainy day, a woman walked into a department store in Pittsburgh and wandered aimlessly, apparently not planning to buy anything.Most of the salespeople gave her just one look before busying themselves with arranging the shelves.One of the young male salesmen saw her, and immediately stepped forward with a smile, greeted her warmly, and asked her politely if she needed his services.The old lady told him that she had just come in to shelter from the rain and had no intention of buying anything.The young man smiled and said, "Even so, you are still very popular!" After speaking, the male salesperson took the initiative to chat with her.When the old lady left, the young man walked her to the door and opened the umbrella for her.Looking at his kind and natural smile, the old lady realized the kindness and friendship between people.So she asked the young man for a business card and left.

Later, the young man completely forgot about it.Suddenly one day, he was called to the office by the store manager.The manager told him that the old lady he received last time was the mother of American steel magnate Carnegie.The old lady sent a letter to the store, requesting the store to send him to Scotland to represent the store to take over a huge business.The store manager congratulates the male salesperson, saying that your enthusiasm has brought you opportunities.

If the male salesman is still a chance encounter, then the small clerk named Abt in the American Standard Oil Company is an opportunity that is always ready to usher in.He has a habit, that is, when writing letters, signing receipts, and checking in at hotels, he always puts the words "standard oil 4 yuan per barrel" under his signature.As long as he signs, he must write those words.Over time, he was called "4 yuan per barrel" by his colleagues.One day, Rockefeller, the chairman of the company, found out about this incident, and he was very surprised. He didn't expect that there were employees working so hard to promote the company's reputation, so he had the idea of ​​meeting him.Abt then got a chance to have dinner with the oil magnate.Later, Rockefeller stepped down, and Abt became the second chairman.

If successful examples don't touch you, you think it's just a coincidence, and it would be foolish to believe it.So let's look at an example of failure.Two engineers with the same working ability, educational background, and qualifications, one was fired; the other was promoted, reused, and entrusted with important tasks. Why is there such a difference?Perhaps the words of another boss can be used to illustrate the problem.He said that he chooses employees like this, "The most important thing is to see if he has a warm and outgoing personality. If he doesn't have a pleasant personality, even if he is talented, he will scare my clients away."

Almost every successful salesperson in the world admits that the following three things are necessary for their success: smile, care and praise.The best of them even said that you can refuse anything, but you can't refuse the above three things, because everyone can't refuse kindness and approval.This is what makes successful salespeople successful.Because at any time, they know how to see all superficial rejections, see your wavering heart, and impress you with persistence and kindness.Have you ever noticed that someone in sales or sales isn't enthusiastic?no.It's just that the best of them are good at using their brains wisely, so no one will find them annoying.

See how enthusiasm controls our judgment, even in great men.But dear reader, what about you, as a person who wants to collect information calmly and understand others, has your judgment been clouded by the enthusiasm of the other party?At this time, you have to tell yourself calmly, don't be dazzled by his enthusiasm, and discover what I want.Yes, all you need to do at this time is to refuse.Reject his enthusiasm.

【Quest in this chapter】First impression
Reminiscing about his first impression of you
1. When he saw you for the first time, his expression was: A. Enthusiastic and sincere, natural and generous B. Careless and careless C. Nervous and shy

2. When he talks to you, his sitting posture is usually: A. Knees close together B. Legs spread apart C. "Erlang legs"

3. The topic of conversation he chooses is: A. What both of them like B. What the other party is interested in C. What he is passionate about

4. When meeting someone for the first time, after some conversation, can you make a positive and accurate evaluation of his (her) speech, behavior, knowledge and ability, etc.? A. No B. It's hard to say C. I think I can
5. Does he have rich gestures when he speaks? A. Occasionally make gestures B. Never gesticulate C. Commonly used gestures to supplement verbal expression

6. If you talk about a topic that he is not interested in, he will: A. interrupt others and ask another question B. appear silent and patient C. still listen carefully and find fun in it
7. Is it possible to find a topic of mutual interest soon after exchanging pleasantries? A. Yes, very keen on it B. Difficult C. Have to go through a long time to find

8. When he bids farewell to you, the time and place of the next meeting is: A. He proposed B. No one mentioned it C. You proposed
9. How fast is he speaking? A. The frequency is quite high B. Very slow C. The rhythm is moderate
10. Where did he look when he was talking to you? A. Look directly at the other person's eyes B. Look at other things or people C. Stare at your own buttons and play with them
11. When meeting, the volume of his speech is always: A. Very low, making it difficult for others to hear B. Soft and deep C. The voice is high-pitched and enthusiastic
12. Usually the time you spend on the first conversation is: A. Almost B. You are more than him C. He is more than you
Grading
Title number ABC151325133351413553516135 Continuation
Question number ABC751383159135105131135112351 test result
12 to 22 points: poor first impression

He was a man of his own accord, and he certainly left a bad impression on you.But his insouciance or lack of thoughtfulness or uninteresting words can lead you to draw the wrong picture about him.

23-46 points: average first impression

There is something pleasing in his performance, but at the same time it is occasionally not brilliant, which makes you not feel bad about him, but you also don't find him attractive.

47-60 points: good first impression

His moderation, gentleness, and cooperation leave a deep impression on you when you meet him for the first time.Whether the other party is a contact in your work or private life, you have a desire to get in touch with him further.

(End of this chapter)