Hunter and Hussar

Chapter 82 Healing and After

"Take it easy, little guy, take it easy." Lying on my back on the bed in the emergency room, the doctor next to me comforted me while gently holding my arm.The more he said that, the more I felt my whole body tense up, maybe the ceiling was too white and the light on it was too strong.

On the bumpy road to the hospital, I had several severe reactions where I was injured due to sudden braking and speed bumps. The pain made me dread everything that came into contact with my arm.I couldn't relax, and my fear of the pain was even greater than the pain itself.

"Ke Ke, I'm here. I'll accompany you." Li Bin squatted on my right side.After getting in the car, he originally wanted to find a hospital in Jiangbei to "rescue" my arm in time.But I said to drive directly to the hospital where Mu Zheng lived, so we had to briefly explain why Mu Zheng was hospitalized: there is something wrong with his body, and we are waiting for the test results.This explanation did not touch Li Bin's previous question, that is, the purpose of Mu Zheng's sudden visit to him.The two of them seemed to have a tacit understanding and didn't talk too much about this topic. Maybe it was because I was in too much pain. I couldn't lie down or sit in the back of the car. My shoulders were always pulled by the engine, and it hurt every time I drove forward.I tried very hard to restrain myself, didn't cry out, just hummed.After getting off the car, I got better. We asked Mu Zheng to go back to the ward to change clothes and rest. Li Bin led me to the emergency room to register.The x-rays were taken and the doctor confirmed that I was just dislocated and not fractured - the only luck of the night.All you have to do now is reset.

"You are so annoying. Your mother killed me." I, who was already anxious, became even more irritable when I heard his voice.The doctor still didn't move my hand much, he still pulled it almost testing, like a hunter looking for prey on his arm.I braced myself for the pain, but it lingered, leaving my heart hanging in a bottomless hole in the ice.When the doctor tried harder later, I would most likely cry out, maybe cry again, and Li Bin had to see it all.I was frustrated and annoyed by the sense of shame that was bound to come, and it was the utmost restraint not to scold Li Bin directly.

"Your arm is too tight, why don't you take an anesthetic." The doctor said.

"Ke Ke, you call, I will pay, and all the money will be paid by me, okay?" Li Bin was also speaking for the doctor.

It's not about money at all, is it?To be honest, the injury was my own business from the beginning to the end. It is no different from being sick. Other people are very different from the sick or injured. Don't expect them to fully understand you.After paying the money, it was still me who was in pain.That's right, it won't hurt if you take anesthesia, but I've heard a saying that taking anesthesia will hurt your brain.The place where I hurt was in the shoulder, not far from the brain.

"Don't hit, don't hit, resolutely don't hit, die and don't hit! Let's do it!" I was lying on the bed obediently, similar to an injured kitten, but when I mentioned the anesthetic, I "sit up in a dying sickness", Although I don't have the strength to sit up at all: with one arm missing, getting up and lying down are much harder and longer.But the suggestion really hit my nerves, and I frantically rejected it, ending with a heroic death sentence.

"Relax, why are you so excited?" The doctor rubbed my hair.

Can you not be excited?If I get anesthesia and hurt my brain, it means that the thing I fear most is about to happen: amnesia.Losing my memory scares me more than my own death. First, because death was still far away from me at the time, and second, the memories of the past are too important to me.I think I lost my memory once, just after Xianxian left me.The last elementary school years were bleak and desolate. For a long time, I couldn't find my purpose in life, and I couldn't remember my childhood.My childhood was shattered into pieces.Maybe I can think of something, but it's just picking up the debris again and again, which makes my hands full of blood and tears on my face.It took me a long time and a lot of effort to allow myself to piece together everything that happened in the past bit by bit, and to face and talk about what happened in a relatively calm manner.After I regained my memories, I couldn't accept the possibility of losing them again.If the anesthesia swallows my memory, I will no longer be able to truly feel the existence of Xianxian, Mi Le, or any of my partners, and that will be my end.Friends will be used as a kind of common knowledge, such as the capital of China is BJ, and the capital of the United States is Washington, which is mentioned by others: Hey, that person is your good friend, and I am also your good friend. We played football together. , slept on the same bed, sat on the same desk, you know now?And I lost what they meant to me.They will still love me, but they will no longer be unique to me, no different from the well-meaning people on the street.Maybe I can use time and life to regain my love for my partners, but Xianxian has been separated from my life.I am so afraid that I will forget him, and I will be afraid all my life.As people who no longer live in this world, my parents, my sister, and I use our memories of him to continue the little ashes of his life, even if they are extinguished, they are still burning, burning with our lives.I believe that I have been trying to find lost time, to find him who existed.If I can't remember him, then more than half of this barely put together image will be blown in the wind in an instant, turning into a wisp of smoke that no one can catch, and disappearing forever.Worse than death is forgetting. I don’t remember where I saw it. Anyway, I’d rather have only one arm in my next life than let myself forget anyone.

However, if I really have only one arm left, maybe I don't necessarily think so.

"Ke Ke, don't be afraid, stop crying." Li Bin took the tissue from the doctor and helped me wipe the tears hanging from the corners of my eyes.It's so embarrassing, I made myself cry first, not because of the pain.Li Bin doesn't care about these things, in his eyes I must have been scared to tears.

I closed my eyes, as if waiting for the final judgment.He quietly wiped the corners of my eyes, reminding me of Xian Xian or my mother putting a towel on my head in the days when I had a fever.At that time, I was in a daze, and I felt a sense of security by feeling their slight footsteps and carefully holding and placing them on my forehead.Once when my sister came to our house to play, I lay on the bed and heard her sitting in the living room and chatting with Xianxian. Her laughter disturbed me in the chaos caused by the high fever.She volunteered to change the towel for me, however she almost swung the towel on my forehead before wringing it out and splashed my face with dripping water.That time was a real "sit up in a dying illness". If it wasn't for my lack of energy, I would have gotten out of bed and had a fight with her.If you want me to say, she is not as devoted to me as she is to her rabbit.She is still not convinced.It was Xianxian who changed me to a wrung towel.It should be like this, I can't remember clearly, maybe I was dizzy at the time, and it was really a terrible thing not to remember the past.And I brought this matter up again, wondering if it would damage my sister's image.She loves me, there's no question about that.But... Didn't she take care of people so well from the beginning?If so, since when did she become so tender and considerate?

There was a feeling of electric current passing through my arm. After pausing my thinking, I opened my eyes and saw the doctor put his feet in my armpit and pulled my arm. Maybe this is the posture of pulling a carrot?Before I had time to ask what it was for, I heard a "boom" that was neither dull nor crisp.Pain was inevitable, but after that, as the doctor turned my arm slightly, the gloom that had lingered for more than an hour seemed to dissipate.He returned this arm to me and let me move it by myself. At first, I didn't dare to mess around. It was definitely not as "comfortable as before" after Guan Gong scraped the bone and cured the poison, but even moving it tremblingly made my confidence drop. Bit by bit recovery: the reset was successful, and I'm fine.

I couldn't help saying to the doctor, you are really a miracle doctor, Hua Tuo is alive.He smiled embarrassedly, it's a trivial matter, if you relax a little at first, it will go faster.Then he asked me why I didn't want to take anesthesia, and I was honest because I was afraid of hurting my brain.As a result, medical knowledge has been popularized. Anesthesia is divided into local anesthesia, regional block anesthesia, and general anesthesia. Anesthesia is also administered during tooth extraction, which belongs to local anesthesia.During the operation, as long as the person is awake, there is no need to consider whether it will hurt the brain or not.

If only I had asked sooner.

In addition, I also gained knowledge about dislocation management and rehabilitation.Basically, I want to wear a sling to fix the left arm, which is a little bit like a broken arm, but without a plaster cast.Suddenly I remembered that the midterm exam was less than 20 days away—fortunately, it was my left hand that was injured, and I am right-handed.I still don't know how to write with my left hand, but I do know how to play football with my left foot.And after the exam, we will welcome the branch school at home, and the remaining three games are life-and-death battles, and if we score less than one point, we may be eliminated from the group.So I asked the doctor how long it would take to heal, and he said that the injury was not serious, it would take two to three weeks to hang in a sling, and the arm would recover within a month.When can I resume physical activity?I keep asking.He said that after one month, you can do restorative exercises, but they should be moderate and not too intense. Don't even touch basketball, volleyball and badminton.If it is not well maintained, it is likely to dislocate frequently, four or five times a year.He said it lightly, and I was terrified in my heart.One dislocation would kill me, several times a year, and I would never be able to love again.

So Mu Zheng should be very serious when talking about treatment with me today.A few hours ago, I didn't realize the torment of illness, the double crushing of physical and mental.Just now I really had the idea to get rid of this arm that only caused me pain.This kind of gray thought appeared so naturally when the pain squeezed me from all directions.People really do give in and get defeated.What qualifications do I have to call others strong?You can't even be a cheerleader.

I told the doctor the truth and asked when I would be able to return to the game, and I can guarantee that I will return to the game without any problems.The doctor said it depends on the individual's recovery status. Your injury is not serious, but you have to be cautious. It will take at least two to three months. It is best to think about playing next year.

Two or three months?The last game should be in early December, and it will definitely not exceed the 15th.This is my final verdict: the season is over.

Li Bin got the sling and put it on me with the doctor.The sling is white, kind of like a bracer, or a shield if it's bigger, it holds my arm firmly, hangs over my chest, and the strap hangs over my right shoulder.Looking in the mirror, I really look like a warrior with a long shield hanging from his left arm, if the face and coat and trousers are not so embarrassing.The doctor also told me to eat more fruits and vegetables, to put down the sling while sleeping, but not to press the injured arm, and not to move too much in the shower... Li Bin and I thanked him and it was almost 10:30 when he left the emergency room.I told Mu Zheng on the phone that everything was resolved, and I will come to him after a short rest.

The two of us sat on a bench outside the emergency room.Too much energy has been expended today, and everything is happening too fast.Walking out of the dormitory door alone in the morning, I would never have thought that Mu Zheng and I would stay in the hospital after the game, nor would I have thought that the secret that had troubled me for three years would finally be revealed.Wait, I forgot Mi Le.After opening the phone, he didn't send me a message all day, and he didn't speak in all the groups.

What happened to his grandpa?

I was about to ask, but Li Bin interrupted my typing:
"Ke Ke, are you still angry with us now?"

I turned off the phone and looked at him. The cautious and restless look in my eyes could hardly arouse my anger. Besides, after my arm stopped hurting, I became much calmer, and I didn't have any other emotions except disappointment.

"nothing."

"I'm sorry."

"Forget it, you have said it several times. I can only say that my luck is too bad." I shrugged my right shoulder, "By the way, how much is it?" I really care about money.I can see the conditions of Li Bin's family. Although not letting him pay may make his conscience uneasy, I'd better confirm how much it is.After all, if he doesn't have to eat breakfast tomorrow because of medical expenses, I don't feel justified.

"I'll just pay the money. After all, the responsibility is ours."

I tilted my head and looked at the wall in front of me, thought about my words, turned around and asked him, will your quality of life be affected?To be honest, after asking, I felt a little stupid, too polite, not like the way of speaking in daily life.And the word "quality of life" seems to be my exclusive term as a "better-lived person"?For me, life must have "quality", what about Li Bin?
It's okay, I won't even be unable to eat.His answer made me even more ashamed of the word "quality of life".

After being silent for a while, Li Bin asked me if I hated his mother even more tonight.

"Will I like her?" With a wry smile.

a.

I bit my lip, it was so dry.I was very thirsty, didn't drink much water all night, cried several times, and got hurt again.This thirst has spread from the tongue to the throat, perhaps sinking into the body.I am a person walking in the desert, I need a little water, and then water me a little life.

I told Li Bin.He bought a bottle of mineral water from the vending machine.I gulped down my throat, as if I found a well in the desert, and drank about a third of it in one go.When I was full, I asked him if he wanted it, so he took it, raised his neck, and continued to drink without aligning his mouth, a bit like pouring tea into his mouth.He screwed on the cap and handed me the rest of the mineral water.I said, take it.

I felt my spirit recovering, along with my arms being securely suspended.The night is getting darker and cooler.I can say something.

"Actually, if it was just about the arm, I wouldn't be too mad at her or hate her. I know she wants to protect you. She was an amazing mother at that moment. She was so amazing that she rushed up to grab the knife and pulled my hand. Dislocated. So decisive, almost ready to sacrifice. But I can't forgive her, let alone like her. Because three years ago, she was an irresponsible mother. Maybe you will not be happy if I say this, But this is how I feel. I have lost the most important person. All I can say is, I will not take revenge on you or your mother. I have said it before and I will say it again. This is my personal decision, and my It doesn't matter if my shoulder is dislocated or not. I choose to do this because I don't want to be a person who is ruled by hatred. That's all I can do. If I had to say how I feel about your mother, it would be like As your sister said, I pity her."

Li Bin got up from his seat, squatted on the ground, and in vain grabbed my right sleeve, very lightly.

"Actually, I don't want you to forgive her, and I don't have the right to ask you to forgive her. How can you repay a grievance with virtue? I am extremely grateful that you can say that. I have no face to watch you talk. That... my mother said Wanting to make compensation, this matter has been delayed for a long time, but we have not forgotten it. Even if my family's current conditions are still very average, but what is owed must be paid back. Are you willing to accept it?"

I yawned a long time and asked if my parents didn't want compensation three years ago.he said yes.I said, this is an adult's business, and I can't make the decision.

"What's more... I will study hard and work hard to earn money, and I can pay back slowly in the future... And, if anyone in your family needs it—I mean if, I hope you and your family members are healthy and healthy But if you need blood transfusion, bone marrow transplant, and... I heard that a person can have a kidney removed? Could the retina also..." His eyes wandered over the rubbing fingers, and his tone was very slow.

"Enough, enough, enough, it's too perverted, where is it going?" I pulled him back to the seat with my right hand, "You are really in the late stage of the Second Second Disease. Read too many online novels? Are you sick?" Zhi, really." I solemnly read the word "true".

He still didn't dare to look at me, saying that he just thought about it one day and felt that he could and was willing to do it.

"Pull it down. Turn your face around and look at me." I, who was always afraid of being stared at, ordered others to look at me, and he did turn his eyes obediently, "I can't forgive What your mother did. You, I don't really hate you. If Xianxian was still around, I think you and I would be friends. You're not a bad kid. Maybe when we grow up, we'll be friends. Possibly as friends. As for you wanting to make up for your mother's mistakes... I think there may be a chance, but not in this way. Donating blood is fine, anything else is too heavy, and I don't want that.

"I think, if I really slash you with a knife today, and then walk away, I'm afraid I won't meet your mother, and I won't be misunderstood, and now I'm dislocated. Too bad luck, Mu Zheng's health is not good , I was injured again. Our team now has three rounds of three points, and it is a problem to qualify for the group stage. The two main players are gone. The coach and teammates don’t know yet. They will come to the hospital tomorrow to have a look. The captain’s arm is like this Hanging, I guess my heart is cold and cold. I don’t want to talk about it. I think about it. The dislocation is the result of my choice. I choose not to hurt you, so I have no regrets. I accept it. Even if I know at that time I will be dislocated, and I will not harm others. Since I have decided to be a gentle person, don’t try to influence me to change me. Even if I am misunderstood, ridiculed, or vented endless hostility, I will persist and believe Don't change your own decision. Of course, it's because I don't feel so much pain now that I have the confidence to say so."

After saying this, I should have laughed.The well-wrapped left hand gave me the warmth and fullness of life.

"As for you, I see what you want to do. But it doesn't have to be so extreme, modern society. Although I was young, I heard from my best friend that a person's behavior represents his family and school. The education I received. I still learned something from my parents, sister, brother, teachers and classmates. They told me that life is priceless, and it is not absolutely right and irrefutable to change one life for another. Don’t just because If you think about redemption, sacrifice your own life or life, understand? You have your own life, don’t destroy it casually. You have to know that your life is something that many people can no longer have. How much your sister envies your health and hopes that you can live a good life. There is nothing more precious than life in the world. It is happiness to be able to choose and plan your own life. Even if the road that life provides us is narrow , but we are still very young, and there are infinite possibilities. If you want to choose redemption, you have to live a good life first, so that you can stick to your decision, right?"

I actually said things calmly for so long, and many things were actually said to me by my sister.It's amazing.For a moment, I felt like I was going to touch the ceiling so lightly, it was soft and palpable.

Am I right?what would you thinkYou're way smarter than me, that's all I can think of.So, you don't want to answer me, do you?
Li Bin was actually told to cry by me.He said yes to everything I said.Probably dare not, I can see from his eyes that he wants to hug me a little bit.

I patted his back with my right hand.

In fact, I also wondered if this dislocation was the price I paid for what I did three years ago.I don't know if being hurt like this is a kind of redemption.If Xianxian hates me, will he be happy now that he knows that I have been punished?I'm not sure, I'll have to ask him later.When you are alive, you still want to live.Time will give me the answer, maybe in the future I will regret or feel ridiculous for my decision tonight.Maybe then I will also be an adult who misunderstands, ridicules and even bullies children.But at least now, as I'm approaching the age of 14, I feel like it's a choice I've made with all my hard work.This is the childish vision I gave to my life before it was filled with various meanings.

I said to Li Bin, you should go home, it's almost eleven o'clock.he said yes.By the way, I asked if his mother was okay. He said it was all right, explained clearly, and invited a nearby aunt to accompany her.She really didn't drink much today, he added.So I sent him to the first floor of the hospital. He left me his contact information and disappeared into the night.I don't know how he will get home.

In fact, I have nowhere to go tonight.The school gate and the dormitory must have been locked down, and they were scolded when they went back, and they had to suffer two rounds of scolding.Of course, my hanging left hand will be a gold medal to avoid being scolded, but it's better not to disturb the rest of the doorman and auntie.Let's go home... I'll show up at the door of my house in the middle of the night with such a ghostly appearance. I must scare my parents, so let's talk to them later.What about my sister's house?Or Ye Ruiyang's family?Zhao Rui's house?Pu Yun's family?Forget it, it's all trouble for others.Just lie down in the ward all night, remember not to pillow your left hand.

Walking alone in the long corridor of the hospital, half of the lights were extinguished, and I ran into a nurse by chance, who was also urging me to go back to the ward to rest, and I was treated as an inpatient.

But can I really face it calmly and accept the past?Does what I just said mean that I have accepted everything in my life, whether it provides good or bad?But where is Xianxian's life?What about the misfortunes of his life?Did I accept it for him?Or is everything I think about healing myself, putting on a sling?Xianxian couldn't talk about accepting it or not.Who am I impressing?myself?

Was the decision I made today a great one?not at all.Maybe even selfish.That's just my own decision.

Will you hate me more?Have I become a hypocritical and artificial person, as a child?
If you hate me, please come to my dream tonight, okay?Or tell me in other ways in reality, and let me accept a new punishment.

Surely you can't forgive me.Like I can't forgive people.

I can only continue to live with my own sins on my back.

Suddenly, my cell phone rang.Miller's phone call.He said sorry and didn't contact me for a day.I said it's okay, thinking in my heart, there are too many facts that happened this day, if only you were by my side.I asked him how his grandfather was doing, and he said that he had just woken up and couldn't speak clearly, but he was not in danger anymore.That's great, I said.Yes, the family is well together again, he said.

I'm so happy for him, I want to hold him tightly in my arms.I couldn't help but quicken my pace.I'm tired and I kind of want a Coke.

　This chapter should be said to be a high point of Ke Ke's humanity.The ultimate attitude towards Li Bin is his concern for people.After all, Ke Ke has learned how to love others, and has a broad and inclusive spirit, willing to bear suffering and dedicate himself.But he still has one problem left, which is how to reconcile with himself.Ke Ke is full of hope for others, but he has no hope for himself.The things of the past are still carried on his shoulders as sins.However, this problem will soon find a way out.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)