Hunter and Hussar

Chapter 81 Chance?

That night I understood the meaning of lies, why my parents kept telling me it was a heart attack and not an accident: they wanted to shield me from the bloody reality.The last moment I saw Xianxian, he remained calm, smiling through the transparent glass as if in sleep.This kind of protection is long-term and continuous, it not only exists in the moment when I know that Xianxian can no longer appear in my life, nor only in the days when I can't speak the pain for a long time after seeing him for the last time.Maybe they thought that if one day I met the person who caused me to lose my brother, or someone related to this person, I would be hurt again, or even create new hurt.At home, I am the least timid and the most irritable. Maybe deep down, I have a violent and uncontrollable emotion lurking.This tendency is dangerous, and when I let it out, I don't know what I can do.And after doing it, I tend to forget about it.

I believe what Zhao Rui and the others told me that day was the truth.I did choke the offending player while the game was still going on and got sent off with him.Although I have no memory of this incident at all, I only remember the scene where Xianxian was shoveled and flew up.I don't doubt that it was me who rushed to do it.After Xianxian died, I didn't dream about him, but I dreamed that I met the person related to his death.When I still believed in the explanation of heart disease, I dreamed about Zhao Rui.After they told me the whole story of the accident, I dreamed of a drunk man with a cigarette in his mouth, tall and almost bald, with fat folds of scalp all over the back of his head, his eyes dismissing everything.Of course, I also dreamed about myself.I did have thoughts of revenge, interrogating them in my dreams, interrogating everyone, including myself, with the gavel of judgment in hand.In these dreams, I wanted to speak, but my voice was hoarse, but I never spoke. Those words were blocked in my chest, like sinking in thick water, which made me turn over unconsciously on the bed.So, I knew it was a dream, and I would never be able to avenge my brother.Even though I've thought countless times about finding out the truth about his death, I've never actually done it. "Just standing there blankly, just standing blankly blankly and daydreaming." Until that video accidentally revealed the truth, I just let my friends tell me what they knew.I didn't dare to ask my parents and sister, and I didn't dare to investigate the case back then.It's not just that I don't dare, I don't have the ability at all.I will always be a cowering, vacillating little boy.

And yet, in the dampness of the rain tonight, the black shadow of the past hits me in all its truth.I can finally say that this incident was clearly and plainly presented before my eyes, without any cover-up.I was terrified, and I was terrified after seeing the truth. When I took the razor Li Bin handed me, my hands trembled and I almost dropped it on the ground.Maybe sometimes, people just don't have enough courage to face the truth.In the small room, the walls on all sides seem to be constantly pressing under the urging of lights and raindrops. I thought of a line that appeared in the school drama festival, "I must want to drill into the wall, I will use all my strength Going through that wall with my back, the wall is against me and I can't get in, like in a nightmare."I wanted to choose to flee, but my body remained where I was.

I know you hate me, and I hate my mother even more.You have held back for a long time, three full years.I too have carried this guilt for three years.So, vent your pain and give me a chance.I don't have the face to ask you to forgive me and my mother, we don't deserve to be forgiven.I just want to ask you one thing: don't hurt her.I take on all the mistakes my parents made because I started them all.Without me, there wouldn't be so much sadness.I give you the knife, you can use it.Li Bin said, pointing to his thin face, as if to encourage me.Don't be afraid, I will try my best not to yell when you do anything, and there is no one around here.You have to hurry, before my mother comes back.If anyone asks me, I will say that I rowed it myself, you have not been here today, and everything has nothing to do with you.

I looked up at the razor, my fingers carefully stroking the dull, cold blade.Mu Zheng grabbed my wrist.Keke, I beg you not to do this.His mother is at fault, but has been punished by law.Binbin has nothing to do with your brother.I beg you, don't do it.

He's going to do it!You are not him, stop here to persuade people to be generous!We never got decent punishment at all.Li Bin's roar shocked both Mu Zheng and me.We were still in a daze, he bit his lip and knelt down in front of me numbly.His head was raised, looking at me while weeping.Seeing that I didn't respond, I closed my eyes first.I saw his eyelids and throat throbbing nervously, as if trying to prepare for his impending fate while being slaughtered.

Mu Zheng still didn't let go of his hand.

revenge?I was given such an opportunity in an abandoned factory far away from the city.The other party told me clearly that I can do whatever I want without any responsibility.How much power is this?Maybe in my life I won't get a second chance at this kind of wantonness.But what am I going to do?what should I do?Slash his face with a blade?Pour out all the darkness I've had for three years, to complete a great carving?Am I in pain?There is no doubt that those shadows have never been completely dispelled in these three years.But I seem to be trying to get rid of them.I want to live well, live like I used to, even though I know I can never go back, that person doesn't exist anymore.But... if I take revenge now, will I really be better off?
Would you expect me to do this?
Everything is so coincidental, did you bring me here in the dark?

are u there?Can you see what is happening in this world?What should I do?
Do you still have any grudges?Is there anything else you want to accomplish?
Why can't I hear your voice?

Are people really extinct?You answer me.You just don't say a word, not a word.

I feel like I'm crying.It's so annoying, I cried several times today, why?Why do I have to be wronged so much, why do you ignore me after I have been wronged so much?How could you be so cruel and leave me here alone.

I'm sorry, I'm still a little scared.Li Bin, who was kneeling on the ground, suddenly trembled all over his body.There is one more thing I want to say.Don't wipe my throat with a knife, okay?That's all for this request.Although I know that this knife probably won't kill anyone, but I'm still afraid.Although I shouldn't have come to this world, I can't die right now.I'm going to die, and my mother will definitely not survive.And... if someone is killed, then nothing can be explained, and I will have to implicate both of you again.Anyway, as long as it doesn't kill me, it's fine, come on.

kill?He thought of this?Mu Zheng must have thought of it too, otherwise he wouldn't be pressing my hand now.Yes, if I were Wu Song, Shi Xiu, or a Liangshan hero, maybe I would really kill people, and then wait for his mother to come back at home with a bloody knife, and finally write blood on the wall.It is only natural to avenge your loved ones, even if you are caught, someone will applaud you, in the past era.Maybe I could kill, if I really wanted to.But how to kill?I haven't learned it, I can't even kill a chicken.Except for the kind of bugs that can be trampled to death or slapped to death, I haven't killed anything else.I feel pitiful for the mouse stuck to the sticky board and staring.

In the past, I have long believed that I have no right to interfere in the lives of others.The change in other people's lives because of me has brought me a heavy feeling more than once.Now, I seem to be empowered, not only to interfere, but even to terminate.When I was given that potential, all I experienced was a black antic: what a mess this is.

I didn't seem to be out of control like that game or any other time.I'm just sad.Li Bin closed his eyes tightly, and I could see that he was still trembling, albeit faintly, like a frightened animal that couldn't escape.Perhaps he is not very courageous, and it is no wonder that before his sister left, he was probably favored by the whole family, even though the family could not give him enough.Therefore, he also learned to care for others and to take responsibility, no matter how afraid he was.

Since you don't answer me, then I have to choose by myself.The decisions I make represent only me.Whether you are happy with this decision or regret it, I can't hear you.In this matter, I have an inescapable responsibility.If you put all the responsibility on Li Bin and let yourself fall into madness and violence, it is also a kind of escape.I have to face up to what I did.

Maybe you hate me?I was really a bad brother, so bad that you lost your life.Just like what Li Bin said, there is no way to fix it, even a lifetime of atonement will not be able to bring you back.When I see you again, I am willing to accept everything like Li Bin today, whether it is forgiveness or punishment.Maybe it will be a long wait, maybe not that long.No matter how much time I have, I will spend my life well.The mistakes I have made are irreparable, but I must at least avoid making the same mistakes again and again.I cannot allow myself to degenerate into a person who avoids responsibility by hurting others.I could never kill someone, and killing is the greatest sin.

"Mu Zheng's words are not bad at all." My voice became paradoxical due to choking, and I was surprised to hear it.

He opened his eyes and looked at me.

"You are really at the advanced stage of the Second Second Disease."

I licked my chapped lips.Neither of them seemed to react yet, so I had to go on and explain:

"Are we shooting "Water Margin" or "Hamlet"? You are too involved. What do you want me to do? Engraving your face? Am I here tonight to hunt down the enemy?"

Mu Zheng loosened his hand.I tapped Li Bin's hair lightly with the blade of the razor.

"I really don't know what you're pretending to be in your head, are you like this in 54?"

"But..." He was still a little sluggish, I pretended to be impatient and said you should stand up, if your mother came back, she might think that the underworld came to collect protection money.

In fact, it is impossible. There is no gangster who is crying so hard and can't speak clearly.

He was helped back to the chair by Mu Zheng.I sat where Mu Zheng sat before.

"Let's be honest. I'm not pretending to be a good person. I'm not qualified to forgive your mother for my brother. But if I stab you with a knife today, what can I do? Can I stab my brother back? I don't know Does my brother hate you or your mother? Maybe he hates me. For three years, he refused to entrust me with even a dream. Everyone has their own responsibility for this matter. I have my share. You think you have your share. Let's just accept the cost, both legally and conscientiously. This is destined to be a matter of life and irreparable. I will face it, not run from it, or Put the blame on you."

"But I should have done something for you. It was our fault. I'd do anything if it would make you feel better." He looked at me tearfully.

"Maybe. But why do you think that? To make it up to me? To atone for your mother? Or to make yourself feel better?" I stared at him.

"I can't tell. It might be all of them. Maybe... I'm afraid that someone will retaliate against my mother. She is at fault, a big fault. I don't want to say that she is also miserable, because I know nothing is worse than losing my life." It's even more unfortunate. When it comes to human life, we don't make any excuses, we have to bear it. But my mother is old, and I am still young. I'm talking nonsense. If I could, I would go to jail for my mother. Of course ...Maybe it's because I know it's impossible to go for her, so I have this idea."

I think he is sincere.

"I have no right to make decisions for my brother. I can only say my own attitude. Whether it is right or wrong, what my brother will think, that will only be known when I meet him again. My brother is a very kind man. man, I think, he wouldn't want his brother to turn into a madman with a knife. And, you have nothing to do with it. Your mother made a mistake, but it's not your fault. I know you The price has already been paid, a heavy price. In the past three years, both of us have lived in darkness. So, I will not hurt you, nor will I take revenge on your mother. Are you satisfied?"

If you want to blame me, please tell me, let me hear your voice.

I looked down at the razor again in the silence.The iron-colored light flickered softly and dullly under the lamp.

"Just live well, what else can we do? Be nice to everyone around you. People can't always make the same mistakes." I tapped the knife surface with my fingers and said casually.They must be looking at me.Although his face was stained with tears, he still seemed to have the energy to smile.

I think I won't cry like this all the time in the future.

The door was pushed open suddenly.The three of us then turned our heads to see that an aunt walked into the door with a dripping umbrella.However, she was quite wet all over, especially her white hair, which looked like a ball of wet reeds.Is she Li Bin's mother?I couldn't see the age, and I got confirmation from the smell of wine.Involuntarily, he clenched the things in his hands, either because he wanted to do something, or because he was a little nervous and afraid, and he had to hold on to something to be more at ease.

"Mom, you're back. Is it raining so hard? I should go pick you up." Li Bin went up to meet you without being stunned for a long time.

"You...friend?" She looked at us.Mu Zheng was facing her, I looked back.

"Auntie, I'm Mu Zheng. I haven't seen you for a long time." Mu Zheng rushed forward to hold her hand.I saw those big, cold, rough hands that had a tendency to crack as winter approached.

"It's really...Mu Zheng? You've grown taller. If Wanwan knew..." She seemed to be trying to overcome her drunkenness, or she really didn't drink too much, she was still conscious, but it was a bit difficult to speak, " Very good."

"It's good that you go home. Binbin has been waiting for you." Mu Zheng patted Auntie on the shoulder, as if comforting or encouraging.It's rare for a child to encourage an adult.

"The other one, is it?" She came over to me, and we met for the first time.She has far more wrinkles than all the mothers I have seen, maybe because I am still too young.When I saw this person, my first reaction was no anger, no hatred, not even sadness. I was just at a loss, or it was difficult to connect this old and haggard face with the imaginary person who caused Xianxian to lose his life.

Am I too cowardly?I didn't even have time to hate her.Would you be upset?
"You...you're already...dead?" I was still in a daze, but her eyes magnified several times like a bewilderment. only people will have.She subconsciously took several steps back, Li Bin and Mu Zheng supported her, Mu Zheng wanted to explain that I was his classmate.However, she desperately kept them behind her like a hen protecting chickens, and at the same time pulled the wet umbrella from the ground and pointed it at me like a spear.

"Don't come here, come at me, come at me, don't hurt my son!" She yelled like crazy, her voice covered the continuous rain and echoed in the deserted factory area.

"I...I'm not..." I spread my hands to explain, but my tongue got stuck.

"I went to burn incense and beg for safety. I wanted to pay your parents money. I thought about it before I went in. I'm still thinking of a way when I come back. You go back and let us go!" I was so scared that I wanted to get into the mirror behind me.

"Mom, you misunderstood him. He's not him. He's his brother, who looks alike." Li Bin whispered in his mother's ear, trying to come out from behind her and push down the raised umbrella.

"He has a knife in his hand!" She yelled, and while blocking Li Bin back with her arms, she rushed up like a heroic lion and grabbed my left arm.Foolish, I'd just throw the knife on the ground and it'd be all right, and I'd hold it tight in my hand out of fear.It wasn't until Mu Zheng and Li Bin told me to let go while pulling people, that my arms were not let go.During this time I heard a distinct sound which, beyond doubt, emanated from my body.This sound was so strange that it frightened me. Before I heard it, I never imagined that my body would make such a strange sound one day.And the pain in the left side of my body confirmed that this was really happening to me.

At first I thought it was broken.Her strength is so great.No wonder, she thought she was protecting her son.But who did I provoke?

In the chaos, I should have punched Li Bin a few times, maybe it was Mu Zheng.Anyway, someone wanted to pull me up, but it was my left arm, so I was in a panic.My face was distorted in pain, and I touched my arm, and punched me a few times in annoyance, but no one said anything.After getting up, I couldn't stand up straight, and my arms hurt no matter how I stood.Mu Zheng said that it might be a dislocation, and he had to bend over a little, so that it would feel better.Li Bin kept explaining to her mother, the tone contained disappointment, pain and shame, which made me noisier and irritable than the sound of rain. The pain of "breaking a hand" and the humid air made me not want to stay here for a second, so I rushed out of the door of the barber shop and ran hunched over under the rain without street lights.This is really out of control, but I just want to escape.I rubbed my shoulders with my right hand because I'd heard of people putting dislocated arms back on their own.It seems to be some kind of movie. After the dislocation, the protagonist gritted his teeth and put his arm back, and finally defeated the villain in one fell swoop.

As it turns out, this is nonsense.I had no effect other than making myself more painful and screaming in pain.Anyone who passed by this factory area on this rainy night and heard all the hissing in just a few minutes might really think that this place is haunted.

Mu Zheng obviously chased me out and kept calling my name.This kind of summoning call calmed me a little.When I was young, Xian Xian lost his way, and I called his name while running in the streets and alleys.When he heard it, he also called me, not by my name, but only brother.Relying on each other's voices, we approached each other in the sunset, found each other, and then I took his hand and went home together.I was found in the almost pitch-black night.I saw that Mu Zheng didn't open an umbrella, and was wet from head to tail just like me.It's too bad, his health is so bad, if he catches a cold and his illness gets worse, how should I explain to Xuexue and Mr. Zhou.My nightmares are back, it's ridiculous, I just want to not repeat the same mistakes, make the same mistakes, and then lose my mind again and push my friend to the edge of danger again.

You must be very disappointed in me.

"Let's take a taxi back to the hospital, don't do it yourself, let the doctor pick it up for you." He held my right arm while swiping his phone, and led me to the dark front.From time to time, he wiped the screen of his phone on his already soaked clothes and kept clicking.At this time, I was still bent, but I was indifferent to the drooping arm.The pain is pulling me, but it is not important at all, compared to Mu Zheng's fire of life flickering in the rain.Even if I lose this arm and become disabled, I hope that Mu Zheng's life will not be extinguished because of this heavy rain.I want to take off my coat and put it on Mu Zheng's head. This is not being handsome. If Mi Le knows it, he won't scold me. I just want to protect Mu Zheng and fulfill the promise I made.But with only one arm, I can't pull it no matter what.The lack of a part of the body is so awkward, it is impossible for people to imagine that their body is missing, and it is the kind of lack that never existed at all.

I heard footsteps behind me, and the light of the flashlight shone on us.Li Bin trotted all the way to get behind us and put up his umbrella.He also handed Mu Zheng a pack of paper and told us to wipe our hair first, and said that he knew there was an uncle nearby, and he could use his car to take us to the hospital soon.

　It's over, it's over, there won't be such a depressing plot after that, and I will take my arm back soon.

　　In fact, to be honest, I think Ke Ke is magnanimous enough here, basically reaching the highest point of his whole spirit.It's not the kind of Madonna's forgiveness or revenge, but a clear understanding of one's own responsibilities and faults, and on this basis, a judgment is made according to one's own code of conduct.

　　Choosing revenge is simple and requires courage, but choosing not to revenge also requires courage and a lot of spiritual struggles. Ke Ke still took his own responsibility very bravely and did not blame others for his brother's death.When he tapped Li Bin's head lightly, he could actually see his own power, that kind of kindness and integrity, this kind of power is broad and broad.This bright spirit is actually the basis for him to finally find the exit from the maze of life.Mi Le can pull him out of the darkness of the past, and Meimei can point out the direction of action for him, but it is the relatives and friends around him who teach him what love is, and only himself can love others.He chose to do this, and he will naturally find the direction of life.Life is far and wide, there is a bigger lake and world beyond everyone's little maze.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)