Meet you in the most beautiful years

Chapter 15 Lin Huiyin: A cloud drifts across the sky (1)
The gentle waves and water plants of the Cam River
At the age of 24, Xu Zhimo began to write poetry because he fell in love with Lin Huiyin.

Before Zhang Youyi came to the UK, he met this woman who fascinated him.At that time, she was only 16 years old, with two slender and lovely braids. When Xu Zhimo and Zhang Xiruo came to visit her father, she almost called them uncle.

Her father is the famous domestic politician Lin Changmin (Zongmeng, who claims to be the old man of Shuangqiang).When Liang Qichao was the finance chief of the Beiyang government, Lin Changmin was the chief justice.After Duan Qirui's resignation, in December 1918, President Xu Shichang appointed Lin Changmin as the chief of affairs of the Foreign Affairs Committee. In 12, Lin Changmin took up a post in the non-governmental diplomatic organization International League Comrades. In the spring of 1919, he traveled to Europe with his daughter Lin Huiyin and then lived temporarily. London.At the subsequent meeting of the League of Nations in London, Dickinson served as the chairman of the meeting, while Lin Changmin delivered a speech at the meeting.

Xu Zhimo attended that meeting.Therefore, under the introduction of Lin Changmin, he was able to get acquainted with Dickinson.Lin Changmin is charming and elegant, Dickinson is generous and funny, Xu Zhimo is intelligent and enthusiastic, and the tea gathering of the three is a happy time.Lin Changmin and Dickenson also became Xu Zhimo's confidants and good friends who were both teachers and friends.

Getting to know Dickinson brought a turning point to his fate.At that time, he was distressed by missing Russell and taking second place in his major. With the help of Dickinson, he became a special student at Cambridge University, and he could choose subjects to attend lectures at will.

Since then, Cambridge University in his works has been connected with the most beautiful time in his life.

I had two full years in the US, and two full years in the UK.In the United States, I was busy with attending classes, listening to lectures, writing test papers, chewing gum, watching movies, and swearing.In Cambridge, I was busy walking, rowing, cycling, smoking, chatting, eating five o'clock tea butter scones, and reading casual books.

——(Xu Zhimo's "Smoking and Culture")
In a beautiful English town, a River Cam flows through it.The gentle waves and water plants of the Cam River, in his eyes, are the smiling eyes of a gentle woman, making him intoxicated and unable to control himself.

Cambridge taught me to open my eyes, my curiosity was stimulated by Cambridge, and my self-awareness was given to me by Cambridge.

——(Xu Zhimo's "Smoking and Culture")
Cambridge is the most beautiful paradise in his life.During this time, he was a prince of abundance and a slave of depression.The elegant and charming Lin Huiyin seems to be in charge of everything. His love and sentimentality for Cambridge are inextricably linked with the woman he loved at that time.

lightly i leave, just as lightly i came; lightly i wave, and transform into a cloud in the western sky.

The golden willows on the river bank are the brides in the sunset; the bright shadows in the waves are rippling in my heart.

The nymphs on the ooze are swaying under the water; in the soft waves of the Kang River, I am willing to be a water plant!
——(Xu Zhimo's "Farewell to Cambridge")
The most famous work in his life is also related to Cambridge.Nowadays, when many people recite "Farewell to Cambridge" affectionately, they only know that this is Xu Zhimo's reluctance and nostalgia for Cambridge, but they don't know that this reluctance and nostalgia is the romance and sadness given to him by a woman.

In the spring when he was in Cambridge, we don't know the details of the story, but we know that he fell in love with Lin Huiyin.Therefore, in that unique spring in 1921, there was a beautiful sadness for no reason.

I only have that one spring in my life, which is pitiful, but I have never wasted it.Just that one spring, my life was natural and really pleasant! (Though it also happens to be the period when I feel the most pain in my life).I had leisure, and freedom, and the chance to be absolutely alone.Strange to say, it was like the first time that I recognized the brightness of the stars and the moon, the greenness of the grass, the fragrance of the flowers, and the hospitality of the flowing water.Can I forget the look at that early spring?How many mornings have I braved the cold alone to go for a walk in the thin frost-covered woods—to listen to the birdsong, to look forward to the sunrise, to find the flowers and plants gradually waking up in the soil, and to experience the subtlest and most wonderful spring messages.

——(Xu Zhimo's "Cambridge I Know")
At that time, he was in Cambridge and Lin Huiyin was in London.Every morning, on the pretext of getting a haircut, he crossed the streets of Shaxton to the store across the street from the barber's to post a letter to her.I don't know how long this kind of life lasted, maybe until "Miss Ming" came home, he had a quarrel with Zhang Youyi, and finally left Shaston without saying goodbye.

For Xu Zhimo, Kangqiao's life is the lifelong enjoyment of his spiritual world.He described it like this: "Spending an evening on the Cam River is a tonic for the soul. Ah! I was sweetly alone at that time, and I was sweetly leisured at that time." The heart is sweet, because the heart is full of love and lightness. worry.Perhaps it can be said that this is the first time that the god of love visited Xu Zhimo. For the first time, a platonic love feast filled his heart tenderly and domineeringly with violent and frenzied poetry.

Naturally, Lin Huiyin, a talented woman of a generation, is also worthy of his involuntary fall.

"Da Si Si Hui Yin, then Bai Si Nan." This sentence comes from "The Book of Songs Daya Siqi", which is said to be the origin of Lin Huiyin's name.Her real name is Huiyin, "Hui" means virtue, and "Yin" means reputation. Her father Lin Changmin hopes that she will have both virtuous virtues and a reputation for talent.Later, it happened that a male author named Lin Weiyin in Shanghai often published articles in the same journal as her. In order to distinguish her, she changed her name to Lin Huiyin.

Eight years younger than Xu Zhimo, she was born in 1904 in Hangzhou, a paradise on earth in Yanliu Gallery.When Lin Changmin served in the Beiyang government, she moved to Beijing with her father and studied at Beijing Peihua Girls' Middle School.Lin Changmin was well-versed in Chinese and Western cultures, "good at governing affairs, good at eloquence", and paid special attention to education. Therefore, under the influence of his father, Lin Huiyin showed his intelligent and sensitive artistic talents in literature, drama, art, music and other fields since he was a child.

Her American friend Fei Weimei later recalled her like this:

Her deep and wide-reaching sensitivity still astonishes me as I look back at those long-gone memories.Her nerves were like the intricate strings of a grand piano.She responds to every touch of a key, whether it's a high note or a low note, a thud or a flick.Perhaps inherited from her poet father, she has all the temperament of an artist in her body.

——(Fei Weimei "Recalling Lin Huiyin")
When she traveled to Europe with her father, she was in her twenties and eighth, and she was already a talented, gentle and charming woman.A Lin Huiyin with all the temperament of an artist, Xu Zhimo met her in her best years.

He has been infatuated with her ever since.Because of love, the Kang River is "the most beautiful water in the world" in his eyes, the soft waves and water plants like star eyes, the new thrush that just crowed, the first small snowball flower blooming on the grass, They have become the most emotional and gentle symbols.

In an instant, the surroundings were filled with the gorgeous tenderness of the morning.In an instant your bosom is also moistened with the glory of the day's birth. "Spring!" The triumphant clear sky seems to whisper in your ear. "Spring!" Your happy soul seems to echo there.

——(Xu Zhimo's "Cambridge I Know")
Although he is married and the father of a two-year-old boy, and Miss Lin is a pure water lotus unstained by smoke and dust, he can't control his heart and pursues her desperately.Love turned him into a poet.

There was a period when my poetic feelings were really like flash floods, rushing indiscriminately.That was the first half year when I wrote poems, my life was shocked by a great force, and all half-mature and immature ideas scattered in my fingertips, forming a colorful rain of flowers.

——(Xu Zhimo's "Tiger Collection Preface")
The passion of his Western-style romantic poet was once like a ray of sunshine in early spring, steaming a beautiful cloud of smoke in Lin Huiyin's heart.She was moved by his infatuation, and even obsessed with the romantic feelings this man brought her, so during that time, she had frequent contact with Xu Zhimo, and under his influence, she wrote poems, read Byron, and studied literature.

But after all, she was just a young girl in love. Faced with Xu Zhimo's increasingly hot emotions, she was confused and flustered. She didn't know how to put this married man's love for her. Father.

When Azure Loves Green

Lin Changmin and Xu Zhimo were like confidants at that time.In addition to his identity as a political celebrity, Lin Changmin also has the demeanor of a celebrity like a wild crane. He once wrote a poem that he is proud of, "There is no place for all kinds of customs".He is 21 years older than Xu Zhimo, so he can be regarded as a friend who has forgotten his age.Their encounter is the appreciation and sympathy among talents.The degree of close relationship can be corroborated by an anecdote.They once had a "love letter game". Lin Changmin pretended to be a married man, and Xu Zhimo pretended to be a married woman. As a couple, the two wrote love letters to each other to express their heartfelt feelings, and shared the sentiment of "everything has no place". .

The love letter game is harmless, but this little friend actually has affection for his daughter, so it is no longer as interesting as the game.Not only Xu Zhimo already had a wife, but his brother-in-law Zhang Junmai was also his good friend for many years. No matter how he considered it, the always democratic Lin Changmin could not agree.Therefore, when Lin Huiyin told the truth, he tactfully wrote such a letter to Xu Zhimo:

With one step of Zhimo:

The long letter is respectful, and the intensity of the love is horrifying, and Hui is also terrified and does not know how to answer... The friendship is long-lasting, and this meaning is fortunate to be observed.Praise Wen An.

My elder brother Min nodded, December [-]st.Huiyin Fuhou.

However, for Xu Zhimo at this time, such a subtle reminder was already too late.Nothing can counteract the beautiful feeling of love. At that time, the woman who was as bright as spring also had a good impression of him, and this surpassed everything else.He thought the only obstacle between them was the fact that he was married.Therefore, without hesitation, he wanted to dissolve his seven-year marriage with Zhang Youyi.

When he was doing all this, he didn't know that Lin Huiyin at this time had thought of quitting.She couldn't make herself a third party, and couldn't accept a love based on the pain of others.

This is related to Lin Huiyin's growth experience.Her mother, He Xueyuan, was her father's second concubine, who was left out in the Lin family for various reasons.When Lin Huiyin was eight years old, Lin Changmin married another concubine, Cheng Guilin, and let Cheng and his five children live in a large courtyard, but allocated a remote and small room at the back to Lin Huiyin. Live with mother.Fortunately, she is smart, talented and beautiful, and finally won the favor of her father among her half-brothers and sisters.

This has always been a dull pain in her heart, but Xu Zhimo doesn't understand it.It is Liang Sicheng who really understands her.Years later, Liang Sicheng mentioned this incident to Fei Weimei, expressing his heart for his wife Lin Huiyin.

Sicheng told me personally that no matter what other troubles this episode caused, Huiyin lived with her heartbroken mother all these years, which made her annoyed at the thought of divorce.In this case of divorce, a wife who has lost her love is abandoned, and she herself is to take her place.

——(Fei Weimei "Liang Sicheng and Lin Huiyin")
So in the summer of 1921, like a cloud drifting across the sky, Lin Huiyin and his father Lin Changmin hurriedly ended their trip to London and returned to China from Britain.

This was a tactful refusal, and the Lin family's father and daughter's attitude towards this emotional entanglement was self-evident.At that time, Xu Zhimo must have been frustrated and in pain, but his heart was already a wild horse that could not be reined in. He could not go back to the beginning and continued to maintain a lifeless marriage, so he would rather run away from home and insisted on breaking up with Zhang Youyi. married.

At the beginning, when he told Liang Qichao of his idea of ​​divorce, his mentor once advised him to "never change his own happiness by the pain of others", and he understood it rationally: "My brother's actions will affect my future happiness." Whether you get it or not, it is as uncertain as chasing after the wind, but it has already caused countless pains to the majority of people."

Xu Zhimo's subsequent experience was unfortunately corrected by Liang Qichao. "Will the happiness in the future be obtained?"Not only did he not have long-lasting happiness, but he also died young in troubles and troubles.But no one knew that this would be the final outcome, so Xu Zhimo wrote back to Liang Qichao:
I am willing to risk the injustice of the world and fight with all my strength. I am not only seeking to avoid the terrible pain, but to seek the peace of mind, the establishment of personality, and the salvation of the soul.

... I will visit my only soul mate in the vast crowd.If I get it, I'm lucky; if I don't, it's my life.that is it.

——(quoted from Hu Shi's "Remembrance of Zhimo")
If I get it, I'm lucky; if I don't, it's my life. ——This sentence should be an expression of my heart gradually becoming sober after fanaticism and frustration.For Lin Huiyin, he has rational expectations.Therefore, lifting the shackles of marriage is the last fight to pursue Lin Huiyin, and it is also a ceremony that he is destined to complete in "seeking the peace of conscience and the salvation of the soul".

Therefore, despite his eagerness, he still rationally regards Lin Huiyin's appearance in his life as a beautiful accident.

I am a cloud in the sky, occasionally projected on your wave heart - you don't have to be surprised, let alone rejoice - disappeared in an instant.

You and I meet on the sea of ​​night, you have yours, I have mine, the direction; you may remember, but it is best that you forget, the light that shines on each other when we meet!
——(Xu Zhimo's "Occasionally")
This poem is Lin Huiyin's melancholy summary of this relationship after he returned to China with his father.The encounter between them is the reflection of clouds and water, and it is an instant of pity and joy.Among the women he has experienced in his life, Lin Huiyin is a strange wind, a strange moonlight, his only soul mate, but the meeting between them is the embrace of the moonlight and the sea, the closest and the farthest distance.

Without Lin Huiyin's Cambridge, even the best feelings will inevitably be lonely, so in August 1922, Xu Zhimo also left Europe and set off to return to China.

After the patriotic general Cai E (named Songpo) passed away in 1916, Liang Qichao and others prepared to build the Songpo Library in memory of Cai E.Soon after Xu Zhimo returned to China, under the recommendation of Liang Qichao, he entered the second library of Beijing Songpo Library as an English secretary.

He finally met Lin Huiyin again. This was the reunion since the separation from Britain a year ago.At this time, he was divorced and regained his freedom. He thought that this relationship would be a hopeful new life, but what caught him off guard was that Lin Huiyin already had Liang Sicheng.

The news left him disheartened and deeply depressed.If it were someone else, maybe he would have the courage to win love, but this love rival is Liang Qichao's son.

The spring in Peking in 1923 was no longer the spring in Cambridge two years ago. "I only have that one spring in my life. It's pitiful to say that I haven't wasted it." He has no other choice but to cover up and restrain the deep emotion in his heart again and again, leaving it in the lines of poetry to pour out.

Take this naked heart, my Venus!
Because there is no one but you, give him comfort and life, otherwise, you will grind him into powder and scatter him into the Western Sky Cloud.

——(Xu Zhimo "A Prayer")
He is busy attending various salons and gatherings, giving lectures on new poems at Tsinghua University and other universities, founding the "New Moon Society" with Hu Shi, Wen Yiduo and others, and joining the Literature Research Association initiated by Shen Yanbing and Zhou Zuoren... Busy, let He temporarily forgot his thoughts.

It was not until the spring of 1924, when Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore visited China, that they once again had brief contact like white clouds passing over the lake.

Tagore is Xu Zhimo's most admired poet and writer.As early as 1913, Rabindranath Tagore won the Nobel Prize in Literature for his poetry collection "Gitanjali", becoming the first Asian to win this award. In 1923, at the invitation of the China Lecture Society founded by Liang Qichao, Cai Yuanpei, Lin Changmin and others, Tagore arrived in China on April 1924, 4 for a visit.Xu Zhimo was in charge of liaison and translation, and Lin Huiyin served as an assistant translator. The two were in charge of reception and took care of Tagore's daily life in China.

When the poet with long hair and long beard, supported by Xu Zhimo and Lin Huiyin, stepped onto the podium of the Temple of Heaven in Beijing, how many people were envious of this harmonious and warm picture.

Ms. Lin is as beautiful as a flower, walking arm in arm with an old poet, and Xu Zhimo, who is dressed in a long robe and white face, is like a picture of three friends in a cold island in the suburbs.When translating Tagore's English speech, Xu used the most beautiful rhetoric in the Chinese vocabulary, and translated it in Xiashi official dialect.

——(Li Oufan "Romantic Generation")
Accompanied by the young couple, Tagore delivered speeches everywhere and met with Chinese cultural elites one by one. News of Tagore's visit to China was overwhelming in the newspapers and media at that time. May 5th is Tagore's 8rd birthday. Xu Zhimo summoned the members of the Crescent Society to arrange Tagore's "Chitra" into a drama and perform it at Tagore's birthday celebration.In this romantic drama, Xu Zhimo plays Madana, God of Love, and Lin Huiyin plays Princess Chitra.Perhaps, what they are acting is a spiritual rendezvous like a fleeting glimpse of each other.

(End of this chapter)