don't mess with me

Chapter 54
Lu Dongbin walked around the room, curious and interested in everything, of course the TV and computer are the most interesting, I explained to him patiently, although he still can't understand the satellite signal, but Tap water and gas pipes are easy to understand. This is a person who has been soaked in too much folk wisdom. If he is not hundreds of years behind, he will definitely be the kind of person who can talk to you about the price of football, rockets, and vegetables all night with a bottle of beer. characters.

At this time, Liu Xiaoliu came back from Wang Fang's house. As soon as he entered the door, he frightened Lu Dongbin. Grandpa Lu subconsciously squeezed the fairy sword to get rid of the demon. ..."

Lu Dongbin was stunned for a moment, and then he said sadly: "It's a pity! Back then, I saw the sixth princess from a distance, and I was amazed at that time. The beauty of the sixth princess is worthy of the word unparalleled in the sky, and now she has turned into this."

Liu Xiaoliu said indifferently, "It's fine as it is now."

Lu Dongbin said: "If the sixth princess doesn't dislike it, I can find a way to restore your appearance."

Liu Xiaoliu was surprised and said: "Really?" It seems that she said the same thing, but she still wanted to go back to the United States. After all, she also knew that the promise made by me and Tianjie Doll to heal her with emotions was just empty talk. In this way, now that Nezha needs to be escorted first, that will have to wait until the Year of the Monkey.

Lu Dongbin said: "I will try my best to delay some time and use the magic power I have cultivated to help you repair a little every day. One day, I will help you realize your wish."

Liu Xiaoliu said excitedly, "How long will it take?"

Lu Dongbin looked at her carefully for a long time, and finally came to a conclusion: "In five years, I can recover to the same degree."

Liu Xiaoliu waved his hand in frustration, "Go, I'll be an old lady in five years."

Lu Dongbin said helplessly, "Then there is nothing I can do to help."

I pointed to Wu Yanzu on the TV and said, "Bingo, how long will it take to fix me like that?"

Lu Dongbin glanced at it and said, "Ten days or so."

I'm completely speechless, it seems that Liu Xiaoliu has taken on a big project.

Tianjie Doll said: "Xiaoqiang, go to the study with me to discuss something."

I took it to the study and asked, "What's wrong?"

Tianjie Doll said worriedly: "The most urgent thing now is to send Nezha back. I want to get together 3000 emotional coins for a while. I can't rely on your novels."

I sighed and said, "It's a pity that I'm not a master. The biggest writer I know is Zhang Xiaohua, who also writes funny novels. Do you think it's reliable for me to ask him for help?"

"Don't put a high hat on yourself - that streetwalker is absolutely disgusting!"

"Hey, what are you talking about?"

Tianjie Doll said: "It seems that we have to start with the video, this will make money quickly."

"You mean we make funny videos by ourselves?" I immediately said, "But one has no money, two has no technology, three has no actors, four has no venue, and five has no screenwriter... If you are willing to listen, I can list you No. 30 .”

Tianjie Doll said: "This is definitely not good. Generally, if a video is posted on the Internet and has 500 hits a day, it is not bad. You might as well write a novel."

"Well, that's true." I felt a little more confident again...

"According to my research these days, regardless of stability, the following conditions must be met if you want to receive emotional coins from a video: first, the video must be sent by you, and second, you want to recover emotional coins You must sit in front of the computer where you send the video, of course, including but not limited to the computer. If it is sent by mobile phone, then guard the mobile phone. Even if the video is not deleted, we are sitting in an Internet cafe and it will have no effect."

I nodded and said: "I also found out, our family is so big, I use my mobile phone to read my novels in the living room, and you have never received emotional coins."

Tianjie Doll said: "The most important point: If the protagonist of the video is you, then there is no problem at all."

I faintly sensed something was wrong, and said in horror, "What do you mean?"

Tianjie Doll smiled and said: "We all took a detour before and always wanted to post videos, but we never thought of letting you appear in the videos. The emotions aroused by you are the only way to do it one by one."

I asked cautiously, "What do you want to do?"

"Go and make a video."

"Didn't I already give you a list of 38 reasons why it didn't work?"

"It's not for you to shoot, it's for you to appear in the video, simply put, to be photographed."

"I can't be the hero!"

Tianjie Doll said in that strange tone that seduced little Lolita: "You can."

"You already have a plan?"

Tianjie Doll said: "Nowadays there are so many talent shows and entertainment programs, wouldn't it solve the problem if you just go to one with a high ratings?"

"I won't do it!"

"why?"

"First of all, the most popular entertainment programs are blind dates and singing ones. Let's not say that blind dates will kill me if Gao Dingyan sees them. That kind of programs will definitely cause less 'emotions'."

The Heavenly Realm Doll said: "That's right, even if you meet a fairy, you'll be happy. Those who watch the excitement should just watch the excitement."

"Let's talk about singing, those guys are very strong. Those who are tone-deaf like me will definitely not be able to pass the preliminaries, let alone those who dance, unless I can twist my arms and legs like Lu Dongbin just fell without external force—— And then recover."

The Heavenly Doll pondered: "Yeah, I forgot your qualifications. You are poor, ugly and have no skills. You are simply the overlord of the dick!"

"Don't hack me, think of another way."

During the conversation, I took a call from my father. He knew my schedule and specially called at this time to inquire about the progress of Lula and me. I hung up the phone in a few perfunctory words.

At this time, Lu Dongbin wandered in. He waited for me to finish the call, pointed to the mobile phone and said, "This thing can talk to people from other places, right?"

"Bingge, you're telling the truth again."

"How far can it go?"

"In theory, as long as people are on the earth, there are no dead ends, as long as you have the other party's number."

Lu Dongbin laughed and said, "Interesting, I want one too."

"Who... are you fighting with?"

"Follow you."

"Uh, yes, I'll choose one for you right now."

I opened the shopping website, typed in "phone for the elderly" and started searching. Lu Dongbin put his hand on the back of my chair and looked at it, and said lightly: "These things you read are not very advanced, are they?"

"Ahem, cough, what do you want?"

Lu Dongbin smiled and said, "Better, more expensive."

I found a picture of a mobile phone of the fruit generation 5: "This is the best." Of course this is not the best, and there are tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands of mobile phones, but those are not in my consideration. This one is to show Lu Dongbin the string of "0" on the price. The mobile phone I use is only more than 900 yuan...

Unexpectedly, Lu Dongbin nodded and said, "Just this one, buy it for me."

"Uh... okay." Like Nezha, he may not be sensitive to Arabic numerals. After all, this is the first time Grandpa Lu asked me, so I gritted my teeth and accepted it.

Lu Dongbin pointed to the computer screen and said, "According to my guess, you don't need to go out to buy things now, can you just do it from this?"

"Yes……"

"Well, the last time I went down to the realm, I thought, if I don't have to go to a restaurant to eat in the future, it would be great if someone would give me whatever I want to eat. I didn't expect it to come true this time."

What kind of ideal is this - isn't it just a delivery?
Lu Dongbin said: "Choose some clothes for me, I won't be able to leave the house dressed like this?"

When Lu Dongbin came, he was wearing a linen-colored loose Tang suit, which was actually much better than the Four Heavenly Kings and Nezha. Now it’s not like no one is wearing it on the street, it’s very popular.

However, Grandpa Lu asked, so I had to search out a bunch of summer men's clothing, most of which are sports brands. One of the advantages of sports brands is that they are not too cheap, but they will never be too expensive, especially the fake ones are more expensive in my eyes. It's good quality and low price. He's a temporary master of soy sauce, wouldn't it be enough if he can go out?

Lu Dongbin stared brightly and said, "Isn't it appropriate for me to wear these at my age?" Then he added, "Don't worry about money, find a good one!"

I casually flipped through it, and Lu Dongbin said, "Hey, these are pretty good."

When I saw it, I felt dizzy. The few "good" ones he liked were either Armani short sleeves or Versace T-shirts. He didn't want anything worth five or six hundred dollars, but only those in the early two thousand.

I am cruel, buy it!No matter what you say, Brother Bin is also the founder of the sect. I rely on tens of thousands of dollars in my hand and just deposited it in the card, and the blood will come back.

After buying a lot of things, including food and use, the shopping cart will cost more than 1 yuan and [-] yuan. I feel so distressed, and I have to pretend to be an understatement. I didn’t expect Lu Dongbin to say it lightly. One sentence: "Buy two sets of each style of clothes, there is a replacement."

I fell headlong on the table, two streams of steamy blood spewed out of my nostrils.

Lu Dongbin probably saw my thoughts this time, patted me on the shoulder and said earnestly: "Don't feel bad about money, you have to calculate whether you will bring this thing with you when you are born or not, and the money will be spent on the day you die. This is called the completion of merit and virtue.”

I looked up with tears all over my face: "Bing Ge, I'm only 26 this year!"

Lu Dongbin smiled slightly, and chatted with Nezha...

I bought everything in the shopping cart with trembling fingers, and suddenly felt that my blood pressure had risen a lot.

I asked the Celestial Doll, "I'm going to sleep, how about you?"

The Celestial Doll said: "Go to sleep, I'll study and see what programs I'm asking you to participate in—don't turn off the computer."

I wanted to cry but had no tears, and floated into the bedroom like Sadako.

Since Liu Xiaoliu came, Nezha has always slept on the sofa in the living room. I have no intention of deciding how the three of them will sleep, but it seems that Lu Dongbin chatted with Nezha very late.

After I woke up the next day, I went to see Tianjie Doll. It opened [-] or [-] webpages. Sitting motionless in front of the computer, I gloated and said, "Have you figured it out yet?"

Tianjie Doll said depressedly: "It's really difficult. Only celebrities can go to some variety shows, and you are not qualified."

"Hey, think about it slowly." When I came to the living room, Nezha had already started to wash up and was about to go to school. Lu Dongbin was sitting in a corner of the sofa with his eyes closed. As soon as I walked up to him, he suddenly opened his eyes and said: " Xiaoqiang, should I shave my beard too?"

I almost fell to the ground again: "Have you been thinking about this question all night?"

"Do as the Romans do, I have to integrate into this society as soon as possible."

I pointed to the bathroom: "I have an electric razor, you can research it yourself."

Lu Dongbin walked into the bathroom, and Nezha seemed to be pointing him out as he was about to leave, and the sound of an electric razor came out not long after.Immediately, Lu Dongbin yelled: "It's over!"

I hurried in to have a look, only to see that he had shaved off the beard on one lip.

"What's wrong with Brother Bin?"

Lu Dongbin touched his clean face regretfully and said, "I wanted to grow a little mustache, but this knife is too fast."

I was almost crushed and decided not to talk to him anymore.

After a while Lu Dongbin came out refreshed, flicked his hair and said, "What do you think I did with my hair?"

I lazily said, "Shave like me."

"It's too ugly, I want to save some more." He pointed to the small sticker on my refrigerator door, "What's the name of this person's hair?"

On the sticker is a cartoon version of a special forces soldier with oil paint all over his face. I got it from somewhere when I was in college, and put it on the refrigerator.

I said, "He's a Mohawk."

"Oh." Lu Dongbin nodded, then picked up an iron-cased lighter and asked me, "Is this useful for you?"

I bought it at the night market for 15, and it ran out of gas after two days of use, so I threw it into garbage.

I said: "It's useless, you can play with it."

Lu Dongbin picked up the lighter and squeezed it on his finger for a moment, saying, "This is for you."

I laughed and said, "Why do you give me my things?"

Lu Dongbin said, "Didn't you notice that it's different from before?"

I weighed it in my hand, and Leng Ding found that it was much heavier than before, so I couldn't help but look down—the original dusty iron shell lighter has now been replaced with a golden light!
"Damn it!" I hurriedly bent down and held it in front of my eyes for a closer look, yes, this little thing has completely changed its appearance, it seems...it seems to be pure gold!

Lu Dongbin smiled and said, "I bought you a lot of money yesterday, didn't you? Sell this, it should be about the same."

I was both surprised and delighted, and I had mixed feelings. The co-author, Lu Dongbin, thought of taking advantage of others, so I stammered, "Brother Bin, this...how can you be so embarrassing?"

Lu Dongbin waved his hand and said, "Yesterday I left the temple with some mana left, and I practiced for a whole night, and I just turned stone into gold. Otherwise, I should have given you a gift."

Why do I want to shout long live Bingo so much when I give a pure gold lighter as a gift when we first meet?It’s a pity that I don’t have an ax at home, or I’ll act out the story of the golden ax and the silver ax again—Grandpa Lu, the iron ax is mine, and then Grandpa Lu gave me all the axes...

"This...is pure gold?"

"No problem, can I still lie to you?"

I took off the cover and hit it twice, but it couldn't be fired anymore - this lighter I bought for 15 yuan, even the flint and cotton wick have turned into gold!

(End of this chapter)