flowers on stars

Chapter 9 Flower Circle
How many times when I grew up, I looked back and blamed my 16-year-old self for not being beautiful enough, brave enough, or good enough.But now I finally know that even I was noticed by my beloved boy.

[Wedge · If I don't love, I will never marry]
Feng Xin was woken up by the ringtone of the mobile phone. He moved his arms and felt a little numb, only to realize that he fell asleep looking at the book on the table.

While picking up the phone, he glanced at the clock on the wall and found that it was past eleven o'clock in the evening.

It was an unfamiliar phone number, ringing unrelentingly.

He hesitated for a moment, but still picked it up, his voice slightly hoarse after being ill.

"Hey."

"Father! Huanquan is so scared, woo woo..." The child's childish cry came from the phone, like a basin of cold water pouring over his head, he suddenly woke up, and at the same time his heart trembled.

Yao Yao changed the phone number at home again.

"Quanquan, what's the matter with you?" At this time, the child should have fallen asleep long ago, so why did you call him.

"Mom... Mom ran out angrily. I was scared at home alone... woo woo..." Quanquan cried out of breath. She spoke early. Although she was only five years old, her expressive skills were already very good.

"Where's Granny Tang?" Granny Tang has been a nanny in the circle for the past year.

"Grandma Tang went home this week."

"Then wait a minute, I'll call your mother and your grandfather."

"No, no, I want daddy to come, there is a ghost in the house, I want to go out to find daddy..." the child yelled, hearing the voice had already started to fumble to go out, even knocked something down, and the crying became louder.

In the end he panicked and called her loudly.

"Okay, I'll come, you sit on the sofa, don't move, don't go anywhere."

The moment he started the car, he dialed Yao Yao's phone number, and the phone was turned off.

That little child, from the day he was born, was doomed to have a bad fate.

Yao Yao, the mother who insisted on giving birth to her, brought her to the human world, only gave her a name, and began to be picky and angry with her.

And her grandfather didn't even want to look at her.

Her nominal great-grandfather also felt alienated and resentful towards her after learning the truth.

Her birth, it seemed, only proved herself an unwelcome mistake.

The name is happy, it's called Quanquan.

The first two years are called sealing circles.

Later he left and was called Yao Quanquan.

But no matter which circle it is, it seems that it cannot be a complete circle.

Realizing that I made a big mistake, I also started from the circle.

Before signing that ridiculous contract, he had already made an agreement with Yao Yao. In order to prevent the children from developing feelings for him and affecting their separation, although he lived with them after marriage, he lived alone in the same room and did not participate in their lives. When the child appeared in front of him, he was only introduced as "uncle". I think that a two-year-old child will not remember this paragraph when he grows up.

He lost because he didn't understand that a woman's heart would change. At that time, he didn't even have time to fall in love.

When he was in school, he didn't have the energy to deal with the girls who admired him, but after Feng Xun's death, for a long, long time, he almost fell into a masochistic autism.

He didn't even know why he wanted to live, if he had to die, he hoped it would be him instead of Feng Xun.

Until Yao Yao found him, he suddenly realized that his father was still alive and hadn't pleaded guilty for Feng Xun.

So he woke up, so he was impulsive, so he traded.

Everything is too simple and naive.

After Yao Yao became pregnant, all kinds of pregnancy reactions were strong. In the early stage, she vomited violently, became thinner instead of fat, fainted inexplicably in the middle stage, and even had severe depression reactions before she gave birth. She couldn't sleep all night, and sometimes screamed and cried until dawn.

The doctor's parental heart, let alone his wife in name, how could he just sit back and watch, so from the beginning, he was invited by the nanny to check the pulse and prescribe the soup, and then taking care of her became a responsibility and a habit.

She finally gave birth safely.

She became increasingly dependent on him.

At that time, he was already vigilant. When the child came home from the hospital, he immediately moved out of Yao Yao's residence and moved into the hospital.

But it didn't take long for Yao Yao to often appear in the clinic with her circle in her arms. Sometimes the child was sick, and sometimes she was sick.

Everyone knew that this beautiful and noble woman was his wife, and the little soft new life in her arms was his child. He had no choice but to take her under the eyes of everyone, and let her reach out her little hand to touch him happily. His face felt like electricity, and he was at a loss.

When Quanquan was nine months old, he vaguely pointed to him and called out the first word in his life: Dad.

He was shocked, and asked Yao Yao why he taught her like this in private, but she could only smile lightly.

When Quanquan was two years old, he proposed to dissolve the marriage in accordance with the contract.

He felt her reluctance, but he had already felt at that time that his once-in-a-lifetime willfulness might have caused a big mistake, and he had no choice but to provoke her, betting that she was still proud.

In that marriage, he became notorious and became a scumbag in the eyes of everyone who was kicked out by his wife because of cheating.

But when Yao Yao signed his name on the agreement one stroke at a time, almost tore through the paper, he still breathed a sigh of relief.

He didn't dare to look at her expression, and he didn't dare to listen to the voice of the child who could walk, sing, and talk, crying "Dad, don't go" behind him, almost running away in a panic.

Never thought, this is far from over.

Not long after, he arrived at the community where Yao Yao lived. He parked his car and went upstairs. When he arrived at the familiar door, he hesitated for a while, but found that the door was half closed.

No matter how calm he was, he couldn't help but lose his mind at this moment. He opened the door and rushed in, shouting the name of the circle, but there was no response.

He kicked open the ajar master bedroom door, and suddenly froze.

Under the soft halo, Yao Yao, who was wearing pajamas, looked at him with drunken eyes. The red wine and birthday cake on the table were half ruined.

The innocent and lovely Tong Yin came out of nowhere, and suddenly sounded behind him, pushing him into the room with all his immature hands, and at the same time shouting anxiously: "Grandma Tang, close the door! Lock up Dad!"

Sure enough, it was locked, and he turned around, knowing that the little man was still outside the door urging the nanny to lock the door, of course he could pull the doorknob and leave angrily at this moment, but he stretched out his hand, after all, he couldn't bear it.

I understood everything in an instant.

As on so many occasions before, she used the child's instinctive attachment to the identity of "father" to set him a trap.

Hearing Quanquan outside happily shouting, "Dad is not allowed to leave today! Dad is going to celebrate Mom's birthday with me today!"

His heart ached and he could only remain silent.

There is nothing wrong with the circle, she is just a five-year-old child who wants a father, thinking that she is saving the world and herself.

He stood there silently all the time, looking coldly at Yao Yao who was different from the daytime, she looked beautiful and weak at the moment, with wet tears still on her face, her eyes were full of apology and apology towards him. plead.

But as long as he thinks of her using the circle like this to amplify the harm that could have been avoided, trying to force everyone to the ending she set, he can't forgive her.

Together they made a big mistake.

He wanted to end it, but she wanted to pull him to make the same mistakes again and again.

The voice of the child outside the door has disappeared, and he should be content to drag the nanny to sleep.

In the little child's heart, she must feel that Mom and Dad are locked together by her, and they will be reconciled when they wake up tomorrow. Dad will never leave them again, and they can live happily together.

"It's my birthday." Under the gaze of Feng Xin, Yao Yao finally lowered her head in frustration. The effect of alcohol loosened her armor. The curves in front of her are undulating, and her skin is as dazzling as snow, which is even more attractive at this moment.

"It was Quanquan's own idea." She knew what he was angry about and tried to argue.

"It seems that the Yao family will be able to become a queen in the film in the future." He sarcastically teased her.

He wasn't such a mean person, but after getting along with her for several years, he knew what kind of person she was.

"Xiao Xin, you have no better choice. Isn't it good to forget the past and live together? Am I really that bad?" She would never say such a thing on weekdays, even if her father in the circle heard that she was pregnant When she firmly stated that she did not want this child, she did not shed a single tear and let go cleanly.

However, she has been tough for too long, and occasionally regretting to herself in the middle of the night, it should be allowed.

"We are just partners in a business. When the business is done, the relationship is over." He heard that there was no sound outside the door, and stretched out his hand to open the door.

"Don't go!" Yao Yao staggered over and hugged him from behind.

The woman's soft and warm body was pressed against the man's back, and Feng Xin's whole body stiffened and he closed his eyes violently.

"Letter, I'm in love with you." She also closed her eyes, letting herself murmur.

"Miss Yao, what exactly do you want?" He asked her, with only anger and coldness in his tone.

"It's true, a letter, it's true." Knowing that he didn't believe it, she cried: "I love you, don't go."

He was finally furious, and with a sudden jerk, he turned around and picked her up, and threw her onto the huge bed in a few steps, pulled up the quilt neatly to cover her, pressed her hands, and she was immediately locked in the quilt Can't move.

"Now I'm leaving. If you want to yell and disturb your daughter, I won't take care of it anymore." He said coldly.

"Letter!" Seeing that he really didn't turn his head, Yao Yao suddenly turned over and sat up, the crying sound stopped in his voice, and his usual domineering and stern voice instantly appeared.

The quickness of her transformation also made him startled, and his footsteps stopped.

She didn't chase anymore, she just let her hair loose, sitting on the bed and suddenly sneered.

"You know, I regret it very much. Why should I be so proud? I was provoked by you to sign the divorce papers with you at the appointed time. I should have dragged you forever and never signed... In this world, there should be no more There is a new Mrs. Feng."

This is the first time she has said these words.

Although she had been obstructing his blind date in every possible way during the three years since the divorce, and tried every means to keep him entangled so that the women around him did not dare to approach him, but he was still a little surprised when he said these words directly.

"You love Quanquan's father." He couldn't help reminding her.

"You are wrong." She sneered, touched a cigarette from the bedside and lit it. The woman who was still tender and tender just now has become a queen in an instant.

This is her truth.

"Feng Xin, your fault is that you don't understand women too much, let alone me, Yao Yao." She breathed out a smoke ring into the air, and looked at his back faintly: "If I don't love, I will never marry."

22. Those futures that I have tried my best to look forward to

The work on Monday is very stressful, but recently I have been able to flexibly control the rhythm of the work here, and I have become more and more harmonious and familiar with my colleagues, so I don't feel strenuous.

I've been peeking at my phone all morning, and even Sun Ting noticed something strange about me.

She texted me surreptitiously.

"Dear sister, there is something wrong! Did you hook up with the diamond man I recommended? Confess it!"

Ever since she asked me to use "blind date" as an excuse in front of her mother-in-law last time to cover her from sneaking out to play with friends, she has always said that I am her sister in her previous life, and she always exaggeratedly calls me "sister" in private , and spared no effort to forcefully recommend a few unmarried men in her circle of friends to me. Although I declined repeatedly, she persevered and printed their resumes into application forms and put them neatly in my bag. .

I replied to her: "Hee hee hee. It's not your recommendation."

She was shocked: "Impossible! I checked the astrology book, the blood type book, the wordless book, and the fit index between you and them is as high as 99%!"

I sweated: "Then have you ever done divination and found that although this person is not recommended by you, he is still someone you know..."

She sent a black briquette emoji: "Who!"

I blushed: "A letter..."

She didn't reply to the news for a long time, and she vaguely heard the sound of a tea cup falling from the administrative office, accompanied by the small screams and complaints of other people.

I look at the sky outside the window. Today's weather is pleasant and sunny in winter. The sky is as clear as a washed gemstone. A few leisurely white clouds are floating freely, and the edges are gradually blurred and transparent.

I sneaked closer to the plants on the table, and the evergreen leaves stretched out their small palms gently, like naughty elves, helping me cover my hot face and buried my head in front of the computer.

Unbelievable, Feng Xin and I are together.

"Together", these three Chinese characters seem to feel soft and sweet as they slide from the lips.

This was the future I had hoped for with all my might.

I have to convince myself that this future is now.

The dandelion seeds planted at the age of 16 have turned into the golden dust of the years, dancing quietly at the fingertips of our touch.

I am still firm, and I am still afraid, afraid that I will be clumsy and lose it.

Now, I still dare not dial his number at will, act like a baby to him, and announce loudly to everyone that he is with me, and share this feeling of happiness that is about to break me with every relative and friend.

I mustered up the courage to try to start with Sun Ting.

Someone's computer issued a faint ringtone to remind him that it was time to get off work at noon.

I jumped up like a rabbit, picked up the thermos bucket hidden under the table, and ran to the elevator.

Twenty minutes later, I stood opposite Feng'an Hall.

The sun at noon is really warm, and there is no wind. The big trees on the roadside are not afraid of winter, and they are still covered with canopies. Both sides are also very lively.

I remembered that a month ago, I also stood here, secretly looking at the wooden red wooden porch opposite.

The mood at that time is still clear.

[Letter, do you know, I came out of the early childhood education center and came here, I walked a total of 2443 steps.

But now I am standing in front of your door, but I never dare to take a step forward.

It turns out that this is called so close to the end of the world. ]
Now, I'm going to take that step.

I took a deep breath and quickly ran into the underground passage.

When I was almost on the opposite side, a wind-like figure ran from behind, maybe she was too anxious to see the way, she bumped my arm hard, said sorry quickly, and ran out of the passageway up.

It was a little girl in a blue high school uniform, with a tall ponytail tied on top of her head, and she was very youthful when she flicked around.The beautiful pink polka-dot bowknot hair card is bright and lovely, and it is easy to imagine that if she turns her face away, her face must be so cute.

When he walked out of the underground passage, the breath of the sun hit his face again.

I stood at the entrance of Feng'an Hall, hesitating whether to call Feng Xin or not.

It was noon, and the elderly, children and patients from other places who were seriously ill and acutely ill had already been transferred to the morning to see it. This is the usual practice of Feng'an Hall.

I heard that Feng'an Hall has hired several respected old Chinese medicine practitioners, but the most popular one is still the youngest, Feng Xin.

He took out his mobile phone, but before he pressed the number, the ringtone of the incoming call had already rang, and it was a letter.

My heart beat shamefully again, and I was worried that one day it would suddenly stop.

I pressed the thermos against my chest, picked up the phone: "Hello."

"Have you eaten yet?" he asked.

"Uh, I..." I probably want to answer that I am in front of your door now, but I am a little shy to speak.

"Huh?" His voice was a little puzzled, and he suddenly said, "Wait a minute."

I was still thinking about what he meant by "wait", when I saw an elegant man in a white coat walking quickly out of the inner hall, with a mobile phone in his hand, walking in front of me so accurately.

"You are here." He looked at me with piercing eyes, stood on the steps and stretched out his hand, the sun hit his side face, my heart beat so fast that I couldn't look directly at him.

The brain crashes again.

Suddenly a figure jumped out from behind him, and the crisp girl's voice said, "Uncle, why didn't you see me! Sister nurse said you can't go in during lunch break, you are really lying!"

It turned out to be the little girl who accidentally bumped into me just now. The pink polka-dot hairpin is more bright in the sun, her facial features are also delicate and lovely, and her expression is more lively and agile.

Feng Xin took the thermos from my arms without a trace, and held me with the other hand.

"Lu Mingfei, if you don't go back, you'll be late for class later!" Nurse Xiao Cen ran out and shouted at the girl.

"I'm here to deliver cake to uncle, I want to see him eat before I leave!" The girl named Lu Mingfei was confident.

Before I figured out the situation, the letter had already strode me inside.

He dragged me into the small dining room where doctors and nurses eat together. Although I tried my best to come, it was still past the meal time, and it was obvious that everyone had almost eaten.

"Give her a meal." Feng Xin turned around and said to Xiao Cen who followed.

He always knew everything, knew that I was at the door, knew that I hadn't eaten lunch yet, and I said nah: "Congee..."

He just had a fever and should have some porridge.

He nodded, smiled slightly, pointed at me and introduced to everyone: "Cheng Anzhi, the Anzhi who is as peaceful as ever."

The old doctors who reacted laughed hahaha, and the little nurse was also laughing. I don't know how to say hello, but I can't wait to bow to everyone.

Feng Xin seemed to be in a good mood. He took a bowl of porridge and sat down beside me.

Lu Mingfei didn't know when he came over, sat down across from us without any politeness, and stared at me viciously.

"Auntie, are you Uncle's girlfriend?" Although the voice was sweet, the tone was unambiguous.

I ate with chopsticks, neither did I, nor did I. I peeked at the letter, and he was eating porridge in a calm and stress-free manner.

I put on a smiling face: "I...seem to be."

Really useless, or only dare to use such a vague tone.

At the same time, I was crying silently in my heart, we should be only seven or eight years older than you, why did we become uncles and aunts...

Lu Mingfei snorted through his nostrils: "How did you guys hook up? You're chasing uncle, right?"

"Yes, let's go on a blind date..." I don't know if it should start from here?My voice is like a gnat, I have no confidence, I still have no confidence.

Feng Xin raised his eyes suddenly, looked at Lu Mingfei with his mouth slightly raised, then looked at me, and then said to her: "This sister is your senior, she started chasing me when she was a year younger than you."

The little nurses screamed, probably because they seldom see such a gossip and teasing side in a letter, everyone's courage suddenly grew, and Xiao Cen even poked Lu Mingfei's head and laughed: "I told you earlier." There will be no chance! If Dr. Feng could be chased casually, and it was your turn, we would have done it long ago!"

I don't know what kind of medicine is sold in the letter gourd, so I can only lower my head and eat vigorously, anyway, it is what he says.

After reading the letter, Lu Mingfei finally paid attention to her, and immediately looked very happy, and asked with a raised face, "What did she do to you at that time?"

"She..." Feng Xin thought for a while, and drew a circle in the bowl with the spoon: "She secretly stared at me anywhere in the school where she could find me, and then drew me into a caricature."

I almost got a mouthful of plain rice stuck in my throat, tears were almost forced out, poor people were attracted by the letter, no one cared about my reaction at all.

"Everyone gave me beautiful presents, and she threw me a hideously ugly dinosaur."

He also knows this!I can't wait to bury my face in the rice bowl.

"When I graduated, she came to give me a postcard and asked me to remember her name..." He suddenly paused, then smiled: "I won't say anything."

In fact, every time he said a word, everyone screamed "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

Lu Mingfei yelled unconvinced: "I thought she did something! Auntie, you are so stupid! Are you still studying hard to catch up with uncle!"

I got shot: "Yes..."

Lu Mingfei quickly opened the heart-shaped box that she had been holding, revealing the beautiful baked cake inside: "Uncle! I won't give up! Ever since I was sent here with a stomachache and you saw a doctor for me, I fell in love with you at first sight Yes! I will catch up with you! Look, I already know how to make cakes, but she only knows how to cook such rustic porridge!"

I silently marveled at her baking skills and her courage in my heart.

Feng Xin handed me a glass of water with sympathy in his eyes.

"Yeah, she's always been very stupid, and she still stands at the door and dare not come in directly." He sighed, his voice was gentle, but with a smile on his face: "But when I know that she has already chased me like this for the first time... In nine years, I thought she was very powerful."

Lu Mingfei froze for a moment, but was still stubborn: "I can also chase you for nine years!"

Feng Xin's smile is more obvious. When he smiles, it is lighter and more gorgeous than the warmest sunshine in winter. It can cover the whole room in an instant, rush into the deepest part of my heart, and sweep away all the anxiety and darkness.

"Go to class."

On that day, in Lu Mingfei, I seemed to see myself standing alone and stubbornly at the other end of time.

The little girl, standing at the initial entrance of love, burns out her lonely courage.

So young, so stumbled, so dazed, so pretending to be fearless.

At that time, I could only fantasize about the color of tomorrow, fantasize about being able to get a little closer to the boy I love, and get a little closer.

In fact, as timid as I am, I have never seriously hoped for the future.

How many times when I grew up, I looked back and blamed my 16-year-old self for not being beautiful enough, brave enough, or good enough.

But now I finally know that even I was noticed by my beloved boy.

Those little thoughts and actions of mine were all in his eyes, and after many years, they are still clear.

Bit by bit, we strung together the initial fragments of our story.

23. If you can’t afford it, you can’t take it
"What? The Christmas date you promised was ruined?" Qichun poked her head out from behind her laptop and yelled.

I didn't answer, and started flipping through my work materials, thinking about it quickly.

"There is a conspiracy!" Qichun dropped the work in hand, jumped over and pretended to sniff around me like a big fluffy dog.

"I can't hide it from you." I started calling, "I'm going to Beijing for two days off."

Two days ago, Feng Xin went to Beijing instead of grandpa to attend an academic conference. He had promised to come back today, but he had other important medical appointments temporarily, so he would not be able to return until after Christmas.

Qichun humiliated me.

"You look like a 16-year-old girl in estrus, and you still skip class to go on a date!"

I got rid of her and ran to the balcony to talk on the phone, and vaguely heard her singing in a weird way.

My heart was still pounding until I boarded the flight to Beijing.

Ever since I made this bold decision, I have been in a state of tension and excitement, and it was exactly as Qichun described it, like a 16-year-old girl in estrus.

I came from afar to meet your Christmas appointment.

I'm rushing to Letter's side at Christmas.

I want to spend Christmas with him.

I have fantasized about it for a long time, and finally I can look him in the eyes, smile at him, give him a gift with my own hands, and say Merry Christmas to him.

Like what I wanted to do but didn't dare to do many years ago.

It was four o'clock in the afternoon when the plane landed, and I walked out of the airport.

The sky in Beijing was gray that day, not as clear as it came from. Thick gray clouds were quietly piled above the head, and the temperature was very low. While waiting for the bus, many people were rubbing their hands and stomping their feet slightly, maybe it was going to snow soon.

I took out the camera and pressed the shutter against the sky.

After settling down in the hotel, he rested for a while, and then called Feng Xin, but unexpectedly, there was an unexpected voice that he could not get through.

He's not the type to forget to charge his phone and cause the phone to go dead, he's always been sharp and meticulous.

I feel a little uneasy.

He dialed that number again and again, but he still couldn't get through.

The sky outside the window was getting dark, and the gorgeous street lights were all lit up on Christmas Eve. Groups of couples passed by in front of me, and the wind picked up, but it couldn't stop the enthusiasm of the festival.

I was walking on Chang'an Avenue in a daze, and Feng Xin's phone had been switched off.

I wrapped my coat tightly and went to the street to buy a bottle of mineral water. The cold water flowed down my throat and into my body, which made me sniff.

Maybe it looks like it's a little uneasy because of the cold.

I'm a little afraid to admit that I'm uneasy because I can't find that person. I want my heart to be safe and warm, so that I can stand by his side confidently and become his full positive energy.

In fact, I have been to this city once.

That time and this time, it was all for him.

After entering the second year of high school, Feng Xin disappeared in my world.

At that time, I didn't know that he also disappeared from other people's news networks. I naively thought that I was the only one who couldn't get his whereabouts.I heard that only two famous universities in Beijing and Hong Kong were his choices, so I had no choice but to bury my head and study hard.

In those two years, I studied until my hair was disheveled, my eyes were dull, and I was like a ghost. But before I filled out my volunteers for the college entrance examination, I barely got a result that satisfied my teachers and parents.

But I still can't decide where I want to take the exam.

I am afraid that I will not find him, I am afraid that I will never meet him again.

So I did something that almost drove my parents crazy. One month before filling out the application, I took out my pocket money savings and bought a ticket to Beijing. After I got on the bus, I lent the cell phone of the neighbor to my family. Sent a text message.

I said, I'm going to Beijing for a few days.

Before that, I had never even left the small city where I lived, and I often got lost even when taking buses in different areas.

At that time, I also stood blankly on the oldest and most prosperous street in this city. I tried my best to hold back my tears, and insisted on the dream that I dared not even say because it was ridiculous.

I finally found the university that even had a shiny name.

I spent three days asking people from every department.

However, he is not here.

I will never forget that I was in the bathroom of the dim small hotel, smiling again and again at the dim and old mirror, telling myself, Cheng Anzhi, he is not here, he must have gone to Hong Kong, you did not lose him, you must I will meet him again.

When I finally got off the return train on the sixth day, my bloodshot-eyed father grabbed me at the exit and beat me violently.

That was the first time I was beaten in public when I was growing up.

I was beaten so badly that I developed a high fever, which was unhealed and almost delayed the college entrance examination.

To this day, my parents still don't know why I left home that time.Just like when I went to Hong Kong for the exam, they were also proud and puzzled.

I was walking up and down the street and came to a point where my legs were stiff and sore.

In the end, I walked back to the hotel where Feng Xin was staying, sat on the sofa in the lobby and started to daze.Sometimes I feel that I was actually a turtle-like creature in my previous life, and I couldn't do everything beautifully enough, but I was more patient.

When I was at a loss, I could also self-hypnotize into a turtle's breath state-I fell asleep leaning on the sofa in the lobby without knowing it.

In a trance, the phone suddenly vibrated violently. When I saw it, it turned out to be Qichun.

Her awe-inspiring momentum rushed straight over the phone, and I could feel her saliva splashed on my face from thousands of miles away: "Cheng Anzhi!!! Are you and Feng Xin two mentally retarded!!! "

I was scared out of my wits by her and didn't know what was going on.

She was still screaming at the other end: "My old lady heard the doorbell and ran to open the door. The door was full of what I was most afraid of! Roses! Roses! Flowers! Why didn't he just set up a lift outside the window and I opened the curtains?" He just appeared eeriely!!! Scared me to death and reincarnated early!!! You two are mentally handicapped children, right! You sneaked away to Beijing and he sneaked back to City C, playing with your sister when you are old What a surprise..."

Ever since she was humiliated by a rose from a wild dog classmate in high school, she has regarded this flower as a beast and lost control.

The point is, Feng Xin sneaked back to City C, and he was at the door of my room...

I only have one thought now, whether I should crash myself against the ornate pillars in the hotel lobby.

Qichun's screams suddenly drifted away, and the other end of the phone was replaced by a familiar warm and clear voice, with a self-deprecating sigh: "Anzhi."

"A letter..." I bumped into it, I really wanted to hit it, and my voice choked up in an instant.

"I'm sorry, the surprise turned into a shock." He sighed: "He Huan assured me that this move is very cool, but how I did it is so stupid."

Imagining him standing proudly at the door of my rental house and being scolded by Qichun, I feel both funny and sad at the same time.

"We agreed to spend Christmas together." He still spoke softly during Qichun's overwhelming efforts, and he was calm, but he could hear regret.

"It's okay." My nose was sour: "You go back quickly, I will call you later."

In Beijing that night, it really snowed lightly around midnight. I opened the curtains and saw fine snowflakes flying in the neon phantom of the city, and the distance was hidden in the darkness, but I was not afraid, nor did I Lonely.

I spent nearly four hours on the phone with Feng Xin.

"I felt like it was going to snow before I got on the plane at noon, what about now?"

"It's starting to snow."

"You can't see the snow in C City, but the moon here is quite bright."

"So have you had dinner?"

"...I was just about to ask you this."

This is the longest chat since we met. The clumsy mind turned into a silly miss, but unexpectedly narrowed our distance.

I found that he is actually very good at chatting. As long as he is willing to speak, he will not stand in the cold. Everything that the people he met and did was handed over to him.

I only concealed one thing, about Yan's confession to me.

It's not that I don't want to say it, it's that I don't know how to say it, and I don't know what it means to say it.

It's strange, I have always been so sure that no matter where the letter is, I will meet him again one day; and Yanyi, he is obviously there, and I can catch it as soon as I turn around, but I have never doubted that we will meet again in this life. Also won't meet.

This is probably the truth in love, there has never been a right or wrong, only love or not.

When my mother read fairy tales to Ruosu and me when we were very young, she told me this truth: greedy people will never end well, if you can’t afford it, you can’t take it.

When the Christmas Eve bell rang, I hugged my phone and said to the person on the other end of the line: "A letter, Merry Christmas."

He replied softly, "Merry Christmas."

I've got the candy I want most in my life, and I can't ask for more.

That night, he kept talking about me, but I didn't ask him anything.

About his years, his dad, his sister, his first marriage, his children, his future.

Some fragments have been learned from He Huan, but some truths are only buried in Feng Xin's own heart.

If he won't open it, I won't touch it.

I just want to hold his hand tightly for all the days to come, and walk with him in the warm sunshine. We can go to the supermarket to choose the freshest vegetables, and feed the pigeons in the square of the community. If he If we want, we will have another child of his, and then grow up with him slowly.

I'm not a little supergirl, I can't save the world, my wish is to love someone, just one person, and selfishly try my best to protect his warmth and happiness alone.

24. How did that little girl splash blood on the spot?

At seven o'clock in the morning, the plane passed through the morning glow like a fairy veil, wrapped in the cool snow of the northern country, and landed at the airport in City C, which had not yet fully awakened.

From the long conversation on the phone at the beginning, to rushing to the airport in the middle of the night, I almost stayed up all night.

It turned out that when I had to work overtime to plan an important project when I was just working, I also stayed up all night. I didn’t feel anything at first, but I was confused for a while on the plane, which aggravated the feeling of fatigue.

I didn't tell the letter that I would be flying back so early, and if he had known, he probably wouldn't have allowed it.

His gentle and clear voice on the phone seemed to still be close to my ears. Every sentence, with a little throbbing that made me obsessed, touched my cheek lightly, with a kind of dreamlike unreality.

I don't know if he will like me a little more because of the long chat that night, but I know that I miss him so much, want to see him, and are more than a little anxious.

I got out of the airport, took a taxi and went straight to his house. I took a look in the mirror in the taxi, and luckily my complexion wasn't too bad.

When we arrived at Feng Xin's neighborhood, it was just after eight o'clock.

There are already cars and people in twos and threes coming in and out. There are old people doing Tai Chi by the small lake, and women rushing home with breakfast bags. The name of the letter, and smiled at me friendly.

Before I reached the door of his house, I bumped into Old Man Feng striding over with his white beard like a fairy.

I stood still with a blushing face, bowed to him, and called "Grandpa Feng". Thinking of the last time Mr. He and Mr. Feng had a dispute over what I called him, I thought to myself, Mr. He, I'm sorry, it's a bit messy to call us Will study it later.

Mr. Feng has good eyesight, he recognized me immediately, and smiled instantly.

"Xiao Cheng! Why haven't you come here all this time? Does this mean you dislike my old man, baby?"

Although it's a joke, I'm also cautious in various ways as if facing an enemy: "Grandpa Feng, I really want to come and see you..."

The old man clapped his head and understood: "Hey, it's that kid's fault... Next time I will send you a letter to bring you home for dinner, and we will continue our chat."

He snorted again, and suddenly his expression became sad. I found it interesting. Mr. Feng has white beard and hair, but few wrinkles on his face. When he has a rich expression, he looks like an old urchin.

I sized it up and asked, "Grandpa Feng, then, let's write to him..."

The old man directly cut off the conversation: "Feng Xin ran out early in the morning and hasn't come back yet. My old dog went out to play last night. Usually when the weather is good, he will go out and return by himself. He has been used to it for six or seven years. I locked the courtyard door before going to bed. I thought it had already entered the dog house, but I wrote a letter in the morning to take it for a run, only to find that it never came back that night. Oh, old, I clearly read it before locking the door. At first glance, I thought the dog had come back, and fell asleep there."

After thinking about it, he blew his beard and stared and sulked: "Dog thing."

While comforting him, I recalled the golden retriever Guo Jing I saw last time.

I remember that He Huan once mentioned that after Feng Xin left school, he became depressed and withdrawn. All the original friends lost contact, and there was no way to establish a new circle of friends. In these years, apart from He Huan and him, he still has some points. Close, the remaining friend is probably Guo Jing, the golden retriever he took in who was abandoned at his door.

I carefully recalled Guo Jing's characteristics. I remembered that I had a good time with him last time. When I stroked him, I found that his right ear was slightly bigger and his left ear was slightly smaller, and his fur was darker than ordinary golden hair.The 24 hours after the dog was lost was the most precious time to find it. I didn't care about going home, so I bid farewell to Mr. Feng who blamed myself.

There are not many neighborhoods nearby, and next to it is the moat scenic belt developed by the government with a lot of money. Not far away, there is a highway passing through it. If Guo Jing accidentally got on the highway and was taken away, it would be very bad.

I asked all the way, and even walked a few stops, but didn't find any useful clues. I couldn't help but feel a little anxious, wondering if I should go to the toll booth on the expressway and ask.

Thinking this way, I was about to cross the road, halfway to the zebra crossing, suddenly felt dizzy, and a black fog hit my eyes, I squatted on the ground, and before I could react, I heard the screeching brakes Voice.

After a few seconds, my vision gradually recovered, and I realized that I was squatting in the middle of the sidewalk, and there were two small cars on both sides that seemed to have stopped suddenly, and the front of one car was only half a foot away from my body.

I was so frightened that my hands and feet were cold, and under the same pale angrily from the driver, I retreated to the side of the road weakly.

Before I could stand still, I felt like a strong cold wind, rushing out from nowhere, and suddenly stopped in front of me.

Feng Xin, who was wearing a black windbreaker, looked at me coldly, but neither stretched out his hand nor spoke.

His whole body carried a deadly chill that I was not familiar with, and the depths of his eyes were filled with raging flames. For a moment, I felt that I had made a huge mistake, which was unforgivable.

I froze before I opened my mouth. I have never seen such a letter, alienated, angry, cold, resentful, and out of control.

This kind of him scares me.

He suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the side of the road regardless of my dizziness.

My wrist was pinched by him, it was painful, I staggered, and I couldn't even raise my head, I could only try my best to concentrate and endure the intense discomfort.

I found us standing in a small supermarket.

He took a bottle of breakfast milk from the shelf and threw it to the clerk to heat it up.

"Drink." He said a word through his teeth.

I drank it obediently, almost mechanically, without daring to refute or explore.

The warm milk flowed into the stomach and intestines, and the brain seemed to be supplied with energy. After a while, the person regained his strength. It seemed that he hadn't slept all night, and he continued to run around without eating breakfast. He had hypoglycemia.

I looked at the letter with some uncertainty, and said in a low voice: "The letter...I..."

"Don't talk to me." He turned his head unbearably, and his disgusting tone made me fall into an ice cellar for a while.

Probably seeing that I was getting better, he dragged me out of the supermarket without saying a word, and walked to the side of the road, only then did I find his car parked nearby.

He opened the car door and stuffed me in, and got into the car from the other side. His tall body rolled over from my left front, pulled out the seat belt on my right side, and buckled me in the seat.

His movements were fast and his eyes were cold.

Then stepping on the accelerator, the car rushed up the road like an arrow.

The scenery on the side of the road quickly reversed. I didn't dare to read the letter, and I didn't dare to open my mouth. I just grabbed my bag tightly.

I vaguely guessed why he was so angry, but I couldn't be sure.

I heard Ruosu talk about Feng Xun. His twin sister, because of extreme fatigue, was hit and killed by a speeding car while walking on the road in a daze one morning after the college entrance examination.

That car accident took away Feng Xun and changed Feng Xin's life.

I don't know if he accidentally witnessed the scene where I almost got into a car accident just now, whether it was the reason why he lost control.

After an unknown amount of time, the car rumbled into the familiar underground garage.

is where I live.

Feng Xin parked the car expressionlessly.

"Go back to sleep," he said.

I unbuckled my seat belt myself, pushed the door open, and couldn't help looking back at him.

In the thick shadows, he tilted his head back slightly, as if closing his eyes forcefully.

"Go back to sleep and don't talk to me now."

I opened the door in frustration, and saw a big bunch of white roses in the living room.

The roses almost filled half of the living room, no wonder Qichun screamed like that yesterday, but although Qichun had a hard mouth, he still had a soft heart, probably after Feng Xin left, he still hugged them in from outside the door with a venomous tongue.

Qichun was not at home, and she didn't know where she went.

I squatted in front of those roses and reached out to touch their petals, but I was accidentally pricked by a thorn.

I don't feel any pain at all, because it hurts more in other places.

Feng Xin, you are really working hard, learning to be a good boyfriend, right?
But why when I look at his efforts, besides being moved, I also feel heartache.

I, who have never been in love before, gradually began to understand in these short few days that the meaning of being together is to give you happiness.

Because of him, I feel happy.

And I hope that I can also find the key to open the door of his heart, and diligently clean away the darkness and pain in his heart that he has endured alone for too long.

I want him to feel as happy as I am about being alive and being together.

I slept for a long time, and when I woke up, it was already dark.

Qichun still didn't come back, and I didn't know where she went. I called her and heard her talking in a low voice. It might be inconvenient, so I told her that I was back.

After hanging up the phone, I felt a dull pain in my wrist. I held it up to the light and saw that there were faint blue marks on the place where Feng Xing had grabbed forcefully in the morning.

I sighed to myself, but didn't dare to call.

I arranged those roses into bunches, found all the bottles and jars in the room and plugged them in. Finally, I couldn't fit a lot of roses, so I had to put them in a small bucket.

I called Ruosu, and she laughed wildly at the other end.

"It was when He Huan and I were in love. He didn't even know he wanted to give me a gift at first, but one time another boy who was pursuing me gave me a bunch of roses. I was very happy to show them off in front of him. It made him jealous and crazy. As a result, he ordered roses of different colors for me every day for a week, red on Monday, pink on Tuesday, yellow on Wednesday, and white on Thursday... The most outrageous thing is that he ordered roses every day One thousand branches, those shop assistants who delivered flowers went crazy... On the seventh day, I finally couldn't bear it anymore, and begged him for mercy, and promised that I would never accept other people's flowers again."

I was amazed. I couldn't figure out why He Huan wanted to send a letter to me with this trick. I thought that Lawyer He would not teach me to send a letter for seven days, right?
But Ruosu tried hard to put a smile on the other end and said, "Sister, why do I feel that Feng Xin is quite serious to you..."

I feigned anger: "Is your sister not worthy of his seriousness?"

She said: "Well, for the sake of his good attitude, I don't care about his dark history of being married and having children... I will abstain from the vote!"

My heart moved slightly: "Mom knows?"

"I don't know yet, but I seem to suspect that you are in a relationship. Call me and ask."

Chatted with Ruosu for a long time, and made an appointment to go back to my mother for dinner on the weekend, and then hung up the phone.Unintentionally cooking, went to the small shop downstairs to eat a bowl of wontons, stood on the side of the street for a while, and finally dialed the phone number of the letter.

The phone only rang twice before I answered it. I breathed a sigh of relief, but was speechless again.

His indifferent face in the morning seemed to be still in front of me, and there was no emotion in the short word "Hello".

"Did you sleep well?" Still he broke the silence and seemed to have returned to normal.

"Well, I slept for a long time." I reported like a primary school student asking for credit: "I'm sorry, are you still angry..."

He paused for two seconds: "It's much better."

That is not completely good?

I said hurriedly, "I want to see you."

Somehow, this sentence slipped out without a draft.

He said, "How about tomorrow?"

I said yes, and asked about Guo Jing again. Surprisingly, Guo Jing ran home by himself at noon.

It was probably taken away by someone and found a chance to break free.

Despite knowing this good news, the atmosphere of our chat did not become active.

We only said a few words, and then fell silent. Compared with the closeness that seemed endless to say on Christmas Eve the day before, it seemed a bit depressed in a lifetime.

I hung up the phone, feeling a little cool on my face, and reached out to touch it, but I didn't know when my eyes were crying.

I simply cried as I walked, like an unrestrained girl. Anyway, there are few acquaintances around here, and no one would care about the emotions and loss of a stranger.

I found a bench by the street and sat there for a while, letting my tears flow freely, and my heart was emptied a lot. About half an hour later, I wiped my face and stood up to take a taxi.

I squatted under the big tree opposite Fengxin's house and planted mushrooms.

There was light leaking from his room on the second floor, and no human silhouette could be seen on the coffee-colored curtains, but I thought he should be behind there, not knowing whether he was frowning slightly, or working at his desk.

In fact, I don't know why I came here. I'm not a person who is good at summarizing myself. In my mother's words, I am stubborn and stubborn. In Ruosu's words, I follow my feelings.

I just feel that I have to stand closer to him and feel that he is there, and I will feel better.

So I did that.

I wore a big thick black down jacket with a big thick black hat. I put the hat on my head, squatted under a tree, and imagined that I looked like a giant mushroom.

Sometimes I look at the sky, and sometimes I look at the window with the light shining through it.

Tonight's sky is very cloudy, there are no stars, no moon, and it is gray.

After a while, my hands and feet were numb and my nose was sore from the cold, but my heart calmed down bit by bit.

Suddenly, a beam of light came over unexpectedly and hit me.

Startled, I raised my neck and covered my forehead with my hands, only to see the face of the young security guard who had checked me in this morning appear in the light circle of the flashlight.

"Ah, Miss, so it's you." He also recognized me and breathed a sigh of relief.

Embarrassed, I smiled at him.

"Need help?" he asked curiously.

"No, no, I'm leaving." I stood up and waved my hands, lowering my voice.This neighborhood is so quiet, and there are cameras everywhere, it would be embarrassing for the grandparents of the Feng family to discover my actions.

"Have you quarreled with Dr. Feng?" What a gossip security guard, with a confident look like a relationship consultant.

"Uh..." I didn't know how to answer.

"Wait until he takes the initiative to come to you, a woman must be proud to be precious." The relationship consultant pointed out.

"..."

After free emotional counseling for me, the security guard finally left with a sense of accomplishment. I rubbed my sore and numb legs and prepared to slip away.

Passing by the gate of Feng Xin's house, after all, he touched the doorbell in a ghostly way, but didn't dare to press it.

I said good night silently in my heart.

At this moment, Guo Jing's loud and cheerful roar suddenly sounded in the courtyard.

I was almost scared to death.

Just after taking a few quick steps, the barking of the dog behind him suddenly disappeared again, which is really weird.I breathed a sigh of relief, wiped the sweat from my forehead, and looked back.

Looking at it this way, I was dumbfounded.

Feng Xin, who was only wearing a thin gray sweater, stood in front of his courtyard, looking at me with an expression that couldn't bear to look directly at me.

The old dog Guo Jing was standing beside his legs, grinning at me too, his fluffy tail wagging like a windmill.

At this moment, if I cut into the small animation theater in my brain, there should be a villain lying on the ground with limbs kicking around, and Lasagna tearfully said, "If you don't play, you will be played to death"...

Feng Xin didn't say a word, he stretched out his right hand for a while, and beckoned at me.

That appearance is probably no different from summoning Guo Jing.

I kept a dumbfounded expression, turned around instinctively, and moved towards him.

Before he got close, he sighed, stretched out his hand and pulled me over, stuffing me into the courtyard gate.

I slowly shook my head and waved my hands: "No...don't go in...Grandpa Feng..."

No matter how my brain froze, I knew that if I ran to a man's house so late and was seen by the old man, I probably would never have a chance to stand up in my life.

But he didn't bother to talk to me, locked Guo Jing in the courtyard, and dragged me into the house to the second floor.

Entered his room again, although it was the second time, but the status and mood at this time were very different from that at that time.

The floor heating in the room was fully turned on, and Feng Xin was only wearing a thin gray sweater and a pair of beige casual trousers, which looked ridiculous.

Probably in his eyes, the appearance of me wearing a heavy black down jacket and being caught peeping on the spot was too embarrassing.

I found myself giving up on myself a little bit about reemerging in front of him.

I complained and felt sorry for myself for a while, and finally slowly returned to my normal sanity. I drooped my head, but remembered that Grandpa Feng hadn't been disturbed by the commotion just now.

Feng Xin poured me a cup of hot water, and said, "My grandpa hasn't come back from the chess game tonight."

It used to be such a big house, but now there are only the two of us and a dog.

I suddenly became a little distracted, and silently drank the cup of hot water. Coupled with the room temperature, my whole body became sensitive and hot.

I didn't know what to say for a moment. When I saw him, my brain always started a little slowly.

After thinking about it for a long time, he finally mumbled out a sentence: "I... I'll come and see you."

He didn't answer, but he stood next to me at some point. After I entered the room, I sat on his work chair, with my back to the desk.When he stood next to me, he was so close that I was suffocated.

I didn't dare to look up, but I felt his hand gently push on the back of the chair, and I turned around to face the desk.

Before I could breathe a sigh of relief, I found him with one hand resting on the back of the chair and the other walking around me, his slender fingers flipping through the piles of documents on the table.

With such an ambiguous distance and posture, probably as long as I turn around, my cheek can rub against his chin.

I can't say anything...

His voice was very soft, like a sigh: "Look, I really can't leave tonight, not because I'm angry with you, a publishing house is preparing to publish my grandfather's third medical book, and it will be finalized tomorrow, and I'm helping him Put together the final manuscript."

It took me a minute to realize what he was explaining to me, but I could only repeat my last sentence stupidly again: "I... just want to see you."

"...Understood." He slowly straightened up, reached out and gently stroked my hair.

This movement made me feel relieved all of a sudden. Something heavy and heavy dissipated into a cloud of smoke in an instant.

"How do you know I'm outside?" At such a beautiful time, I thought of this tangled question.

"A security guard notified me with an anti-theft walkie-talkie. By the way, he taught me that men should not let their girlfriends freeze outside in such a cold day." He smiled slightly.

I remembered the figure of the security guard who trotted away just now.

"The security here is so gossip." I was embarrassed.

"You should thank him for gossip, otherwise you should be taken away as a suspect of theft." He looked at me with some hesitation.

Finally couldn't help asking: "Are you hot..."

I nodded again and again: "Hot."

"Did you take off your coat yourself or did you want me to help?" he asked uncertainly.

I was stunned for a moment, shocked by the huge extension space of this sentence, and after three seconds, the petrification state was released, and I jumped up.

"I'd better go back..."

It's really hot...

Back in the underground garage of my house again, I was reluctant to part with him, and at the same time felt guilty for causing him to work overtime at night even later.

He said, "I won't send you up."

I said: "Yeah."

Although he agreed, the person did not move for a long time.

He looked at me.

I found that although so many years have passed, his habit of looking at people is still the same. Probably few people are more persistent than his gaze, as if there is nothing else in his mind, which can easily make people flustered, and can also fill people with the power of determination.

I mustered up the courage to call him: "A letter."

A letter, a letter.

He leaned slightly towards me, and gently covered one of my hands with his warm palm, which was regarded as an answer.

I said, "I'm sorry..."

He asked, "Why?"

My voice is soft, but I try to make it clear: "I don't take care of my body, I should be more careful when crossing the road."

In fact, I shouldn't make you worry, my negligence made you almost re-experience the nightmare of losing your sister. When you watched those cars come to a screeching stop in front of the swaying me, didn't you seem to have seen the car from many years ago? , that little girl, how blood spattered on the spot.

She used to be the other half of your life, you came to this world together, but she didn't have time to say goodbye to you.

I don't know, how much that hurts.

The pain is so painful that a calm and rational person like you dare not mention it after many years, and it is out of control.

You don't know, idiot, how sorry, how sorry.

I love you so much, but I don't know how to love you.I was careful, afraid of losing you, I panicked, and still hurt you.

Please give me some more time to study hard.

There are too many words, I have not been able to say, they are blocked in my heart and throat.

I'm not afraid of saying something wrong, I'm just afraid of making you hurt again.

But at that moment, I had a strange feeling. The words I didn't say slowly drifted from me to him. He looked at me silently, but he seemed to hear everything.

He silently averted his gaze, and for a moment there was only the dull sound of the engine in the car.

After a few seconds, I felt a little embarrassed, and said loudly, "Thank you for the flowers..."

Before the words fell, I suddenly felt my body being slowly circled in the seat. I was caught off guard, and the man's clear breath had enveloped the whole body. For a moment, every strand of hair, every pore, and every breath, They seemed to be shaking like an explosion.

My whole body was stiff, and I could feel the handsome face of Feng Xin slowly approaching and zooming in.

A light, kiss like the light touch of a butterfly wing, slowly fell on my forehead.

"Anzhi, I'm actually a very stubborn person who is afraid of change."

"Once my relationship begins, even death cannot end the story."

(End of this chapter)