flowers on stars

Chapter 3 Flower Good Morning
I thought for a long time, thinking that you are not my flower alone, I just passed by your blooming.But you know what?For that passing moment, I seem to have been waiting for thousands of years.

[Wedge·Chong Er Fei Chong Er Fei Who are you missing]
Feng Xun inserted the key into the keyhole, twisted it a few times, and the slightly heavy iron door was pushed open.

There was no one in the room, and even with the floor heating turned on, the oversized room felt extremely cold because of the absence of human voices.

Feng Xun threw his schoolbag on the sofa, glanced at the clock on the wall, and quickly turned on the TV to the international channel.The financial program that her father wanted her to watch just started, and she took a pen and paper to write down some key points in case her father asked him anytime.

In the evening, as usual, I call to order takeaway, but the time is still early, and it can be delayed by half an hour.

While Feng Xun tried his best to concentrate on listening to various professional words and analysis on TV, he couldn't help but miss his grandfather's home.

Grandpa has a dignified and loud voice, grandma likes to listen to Peking Opera, and the room filled with the aroma of herbs is always filled with various warm sounds.

And a letter.

Such a warm letter, such a letter of pampering her, such a hard-working letter.

her pride and her faith.

At two o'clock in the morning, she tiredly put away the books on the table. This is the study time set by her father. Her homework is too ordinary, so she can only work harder.

There was a noise in the living room, she ran out quickly, and saw her father with disheveled hair and almost his whole body leaning on the arms of a strange woman, laughing and staggering into the room, a few meters away, he could smell the pungent smell of alcohol.

Feng Xun's body turned cold all of a sudden, he bit his lip, and stood stubbornly, refusing to dodge.

Dad looked up and saw her, he seemed to be stunned, he raised his hand slowly and touched his head, thinking hard under the anesthesia of alcohol.

He looked around the room.

Suddenly struggling to stand upright from the woman's arms, he yelled: "Get out! Get out of me! Who let you into my house! You dirty bastard..."

A series of unbearable curses spewed out of his mouth, unrestrainedly hitting the young woman who was still smiling charmingly at the beginning, the originally eclectic scene instantly became shattered and absurd.

He picked her up almost like a chicken, threw her out the door amidst her screams, and slammed the door shut.

"Weiwei, it's my fault, I'm sorry for you..." He threw himself in front of the exquisite photo frame on the side table, and slapped his face hard at the smiling woman in the frame, wailing like a trapped animal.

Feng Xun quietly retreated into her room, and closed the door as lightly as possible. She knew that her father was crying at the picture of her mother, and she probably would cry until dawn.

Leaning behind the door, her tears couldn't stop falling.

Tears fell on her wrist, and the blood-red scar on her wrist was shocking. It was from Dad's belt after checking her report card last night.

There is also the forehead, the place covered by the drifting sea, the scar will probably never get rid of, it was caused by an ashtray.

After turning off the light, she lay on her little bed, hugging the Xingxing doll in her arms.

Xingxing was sewed by Feng Xin himself when he was eight years old. He didn’t know when he learned needlework from his grandma. Although she was ruthlessly ridiculed by her, he made this doll for her out of pink cotton without paying attention. .

"Hold it to sleep, don't cry at night." He threw it to her.

At that time, because she was so beautiful, she was so happy that she lost sleep.

But now, this doll is really an indispensable reliance for her to fall asleep.

"Brother..." She buried her head in the doll and murmured.

They had less and less opportunities to see each other because she couldn't let him see the obvious scars on her body.

She told Feng Xin that she told her grandparents that she was doing well and her grades were improving, and she wanted them to rest assured.

She was still too young to understand why her father lost her mother, why she hated her grandpa, why she became so moody, why she beat her like crazy at one moment, and begged her to forgive her on her knees at another moment.

She and Feng Xin have never met their mother. They heard that their mother died of a sudden illness when they were one year old. They had no memory of that time.

That's when Dad left Grandpa's house.

But she knew one thing, if it wasn't her who was bearing all this now, it would be a letter.

As long as she thinks of this, she feels that all the pain and fear are comforted. She told herself over and over again, fortunately it wasn't him... as long as it wasn't him...

In such self-healing and hypnosis, she slowly fell asleep.

At the corners of the slightly curved mouth in the dream, there are still undried tears falling down.

5. Standing on the remote school road with falling leaves, she bit her lip and said to me, "I'm sorry, Cheng Anzhi."

The next day I hid at home and lied that I had a headache and didn't go to class, but the painful reality would never let me go.

At noon, Ruosu hurried home and said to me: "Sister, there are strange cartoons posted all over the school. It seems that the drawings are all letters. I look a bit like your drawing, is it you?"

I can't answer.

Ruosu grew up watching my paintings, how could I hide it from her.

Maybe it was because I felt that my face was really ugly, so she quickly comforted me: "I didn't tell people, no one has seen the cartoons you drew, so they shouldn't recognize you."

I covered myself with a quilt and didn't want to hear it.

Thinking about the stormy campus, did that person also see those paintings full of unrealistic fantasies about him, would he remember anything from those pictures, would he find it ridiculous, would he Annoyed?

For a moment, I just felt muddled and heartbroken.

After finally surviving until the end of school in the afternoon, Qichun and Tang Yanyan came.

Running directly in front of me, Qichun swiftly took out a stack of papers and stuffed it to me.

"I got everything I could find, but a few were missing," she said.

I dare not flatten those crumpled papers again, I know that they are the "works" torn from my comic book.

At that time, I realized that the advantage of secret love is that you can safely and arrogantly imagine any impossible person falling in love with you in your own world, even if the reality is cruel.

But once those little things that make you blush are exposed to the sun, you will face the end of being ridiculed, accused of being ruthlessly abandoned.

Besides, I'm performing in public.

"It's not as serious as you imagined. I don't know how many times I have been publicly confessed to the letter from the first day of junior high school to now. The protagonist of this kind of thing is that he has long been unable to attract everyone's interest." Qichun comforted me, "Everyone It's just a casual discussion, and no one can guess who painted it."

"Really?" I was like grabbing at straws.

"But you drew our wall painting and the incident of my injury that day, which narrowed down the scope of your target. Someone will definitely guess after seeing it." Tang Yanyan said in a low voice.

Qi Chun gave Tang Yanyan a blank look, and said fiercely, "Tang Yanyan, you caused this thing, you should keep your mouth shut, you know!"

I saw Tang Yanyan pursed her mouth, as if she wanted to cry again, and immediately I wanted to cry too.

Before leaving, Tang Yanyan rubbed against me, looked at me hesitantly, and finally said softly: "Cheng Anzhi, so you like to write letters..."

At that time, I was distracted and didn't hear the complicated meaning in her words.

After going back to school for class, the disturbance of this matter still exists.

But because those paintings were posted everywhere at the time, no one saw them all, and because Qichun took them back in time, no one came to ask me directly.

It's just that the speculative eyes and weird laughter that everyone looked at me intentionally or unintentionally during the class break were still like sharp arrows, and I was so sensitive that I was restless.

Tang Yanyan and I still sometimes have lunch together and have small gatherings between classes, but we deliberately don't mention that matter, both of us are full of worries.

One day, I went to the toilet with her and heard a loud discussion from the boys across the wall.

"I heard that Tang Yanyan from our class drew it!"

"That beautiful woman? How do you know it's her?"

"There is a picture that someone carried her to the infirmary! During the days when the wall was painted, she sprained her ankle, that's what happened."

"Tsk tsk tsk, she usually looks pure, but she's quite coquettish in her bones."

"Women are like this..."

Tang Yanyan ran out crying before she finished listening.

I squatted in the toilet cubicle with my head in my arms, wishing I would never come out again, until the knock on the door became more and more impatient.

It sucks.

It's not that I haven't imagined that one day my secret love will confess in a beautiful way, and I even imagined being gently rejected by the male lead like a poignant series, and becoming the tragic heroine in bleak leaves.

In the end, I cried hypocritically.

Become a youthful literary film.

But not in such an embarrassing way.

Nobody wants to come out in scandalous fashion.

Tang Yanyan came to see me when school was over the next day.

Standing on the remote school road in the setting sun, she bit her lip and said to me, "I'm sorry, Cheng Anzhi."

I said I'm sorry for you.

She shook her head, her dark pupils were gradually glistening, and her eyelashes filled with tears.

"I went to talk to Feng Xin at noon today... I said that those paintings were not drawn by me." She said with a sob.

I didn't understand at once.

"I can't bear that he thinks of me that way too..." She bit her lips so hard that it turned white, "I was terrified when I heard what those boys said yesterday, I was afraid that he would think of me that way too, I really suffer No!"

I foolishly asked: "You told him I painted it?"

She shook her head.

"I'll just say I didn't draw it." She looked a little blush.

"Then, what did he say?"

"He smiled and said, it's okay." Half of Tang Yanyan's tone was lost, and the other half seemed relieved.

I suddenly understood something, and my heart throbbed.

The boy I like, he is so proud, as proud as a sharp sword, he doesn't care if it will make people cry or bleed.

It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter who it is.

The protagonist is him, and he doesn't have to care who the supporting role is.

Tang Yanyan, she also likes to write letters.

So afraid of becoming ugly in front of him, afraid of leaving a mark in his memory in this way.

And so am I.

I lowered my head sadly, my head was messed up, but I also felt a sense of relief, at least I didn't need her to take the blame for me.

"Cheng Anzhi, I'm sorry...So we both like the same person, I think I can't be friends with you anymore."

6. On that day, I seemed to have done a very bad thing
Before every big exam in the last semester, the last madness must be the Christmas party.

The large wall painting we painted that time, after the final finishing by Feng Xin and Lin Xia, became acclaimed.

The Christmas party directly turned the auditorium into a joyous party. There were no traditional song and dance performances, but various entertainment activities were held in the auditorium on a class basis.

There are free rental costumes to play cosplay photos, there are traditional guessing rings, there are six or seven Santa Clauses running around distributing candy, there are small cakes baked on the spot, and there is a class that does not know where to carry a huge one. The astronomical telescope is set up outside the auditorium for everyone to look at the stars.

Several different kinds of music are buzzing in the same space, a string of colored lights and a big Christmas tree highlight today's theme, the older head teacher has long since left the scene, and the young teacher is mixed with the crowd It looks like students, and there are people wearing various masks walking around.

In the years that followed, I never went to such a creative or eccentric Christmas party.

That is the shapeless presumptuous and arrogant happiness that belongs to youth.

The program organized by our class is that Qichun teaches everyone to dance in the bar. A corner of the auditorium is circled to play popular and popular fashion dance music. The students in this class and other classes are all attracted, and more and more people pull A solitaire twisted up,.

Qichun knew that I had been depressed recently, so she had to drag me by her side at first, but when there were more people, I found an opportunity to slip out of the circle.

After a few steps, I met a "Santa Claus", who was distributing the last few gifts in his hand.

As long as you answer a question in English, you can get a little doll.

I got a small red dinosaur. It was a rough little dinosaur with crooked eyes and an ugly expression. It was a legendary healer.

I put it in my hand and pinched it boredly, and suddenly heard a sharp and distorted cry.

"I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!..."

I was shocked.

It turned out that it was an additional function of the little dinosaur. These magical three-no products are always creative and full of surprises.

There was a small commotion not far away, the shy laughter of girls mixed with the loud noise of boys.

I slowly rubbed over and saw a letter.

It has been more than half a month since the comic book was lost, but the heavy schoolwork and the turbulent youth are updated daily, and few people talk about it anymore.

I think he should have forgotten me.

At this moment, he and several other boys were holding a bunch of presents in their hands, and Tang Kai was also with them.There were quite a few daring girls in the lower grades who were still laughing and stuffing things into their hands.

Among them, the gifts in the hand of the letter were piled up the highest, and they were scattered all over the place if they were not careful.

Immediately, someone came forward to help, and several people helped him pick up the gift boxes with all kinds of beautiful knots, and some prizes that looked like they had just been received at the venue, and the girls also jokingly took them together as Christmas presents gave it to him.

Some boys deliberately fought for it, and some shouted in pain: "You are pitiful! Share with me!" deliberately provoked a burst of chasing, beating and laughing, causing a little confusion.

With a thought in my mind, my footsteps were already moving before I could think clearly.

After making sure that no one noticed me, I quickly pretended to bend over, and put the little dinosaur in my hand into the hands of a girl who was helping a letter to pick up gifts.

She said thank you without question.

I seemed to have done a huge bad thing, and my heart was still pounding until I fled the scene for a long time.

I also imagined those girls, giving him a beautiful Christmas gift with my own hands, saying happy new year to him, looking into his eyes and smiling at him.

But I dare not.

I'm not pretty, smart, or even brave.

At that time, I was so humble. If I were a flower, I only hoped to be one of thousands of wild chrysanthemums, peeping secretly without being noticed by him; if I were a cloud, I only hoped that I was the most ordinary white cloud, Can float freely over his head.

I dare not be a rose, shameless;
Don't dare to turn into lightning and split the earth;

But this kind of me actually has a small extravagant hope, hoping that I will also exist in his life, even if it is just a small fragment and silly memory that he himself does not know.

7. If he plays normally, you will never be able to catch up with a rocket in your life

After Christmas, I entered the stage of hell-style learning. It seems that in order to make the restless students feel more at ease, the teachers have used their whole life skills to squeeze our time. I even lost the strength of my fantasy, and I fell down after studying every day. big sleep.

Letters seldom appear in public again. Like all high school seniors, he is on the verge of reaching the end of his arrows, and finally gathers his energy.

Winter has passed, spring has passed, and early summer has arrived.

During the days of the college entrance examination, the weather was extremely hot.

I was restless at home, and not even the air conditioner could save me from the restlessness.

Ruosu couldn't stand it, and said to me: "What do you have to worry about? I heard that that letter is a monster in exams. He has never performed abnormally." After thinking about it, he couldn't help but be mean to me, "I said the old Sister, if I were you, I would go to burn incense and pray that he missed the exam, if he performed normally, then you would never be able to catch up with a rocket in your life."

I can't be bothered to answer her.

Besides, she was right.

Thinking of my last exam result of being ranked [-]th in the class, I can only feel dejected.

But at this moment, my uneasiness is not because I worry about the results of the college entrance examination, but because I realize that we are going to separate.

Maybe we have never been together, but at least this common campus once let me know that he is there, not far from me, smiling, sighing, taking exams, and resting.

And soon after.

He will fly to the distant blue sky like a proud and strong bird.Also like a drop of clean water, rushing to the vast sea.

It has since disappeared from my sight.

I will no longer be able to catch his figure with my eyes and pursue his voice with my ears. This familiar campus is still crowded without him, but I feel so deserted when I think about it.

When the sweet-scented osmanthus blooms again next year, there will not be a boy named Feng Xin who has smelled the same flower, seen the shape of the same cloud, and said good morning to the same big tree as me.

Just thinking about it makes my heart break like a suffocation.

There are some hazy things, I want to sort them out, but I'm not ready yet.

On the evening of the last exam, a big event happened in the school.

The high school seniors rioted.

It is called a riot, but it is actually a kind of catharsis. It is a process that all senior high school students have after finishing their exams, but this year is especially crazy.

The torn textbooks, test papers and homework are scattered from the sky like snowflakes, without stopping, without interruption, getting bigger and bigger.

From the fifth floor to the first floor, it was full of excited faces and hoarse roars.

I can't tell whether it is happiness or sadness, anticipation for the future, or farewell to the past.

The climax of the carnival lasted for about half an hour, and no teacher came to stop it.

That was the most thrilling "snow" I have ever seen.

The large grassland and roads downstairs of the teaching building are gradually becoming snow-white. So many books that have carried the painful and depressed youth time of the senior high school students for several years are bidding farewell to them in a quiet and broken gesture at this moment.

Goodbye youth;
Goodbye, old days.

Many lower grade students cried.

I am also caught between them.

When all the books had been thrown out and shredded, and some people began to throw old items such as lunch boxes and thermos bottles downstairs as a prank, the school came forward and stopped the farewell ceremony for youth.

After eight o'clock in the evening, most of the third-year students went off-campus arm in arm to not get drunk or return. Under the starry sky, the world finally calmed down, leaving only some small voices and a round of lonely voices above their heads. moon.

I saw some boys and girls who were not in the third year of high school, running downstairs to find something.

Qichun was also the one who made the most trouble just now, and now she regrets it.

"I was so excited that I forgot that I hadn't graduated yet, so I threw my English textbook downstairs." She beat her chest.

I couldn't help laughing, and then looked at the classmates who probably had the same experience as her, the more I thought about it, the more funny it became, and finally the two of them laughed together and went down hand in hand to help her find the textbooks.

The dried tears formed a sour touch on the face.

Smile is so simple.

It was only when he got downstairs that he realized what a stupid thing Meng Qichun had done.

She opened her mouth and looked at the overwhelming pile of papers and torn books. After a long time, she finally uttered a dirty word: "Fuck!"

We started digging around.

I felt like we were pirates looking for treasure.

The dense camphor trees are also covered with white paper, like Christmas trees covered with snow in summer.

I searched for it and suddenly thought, can I get a belated Christmas present?

Once this thought popped up, it couldn't be suppressed, and it germinated and grew crazily.

I stared at the ground intently, picking up every book that was still in shape.

Qichun shouted at me: "Cheng Anzhi, you don't have to be like picking up gold, efficiency! Pay attention to efficiency! Laozi's book is wrapped in a cover, which is easy to recognize. It's bright red, with a picture of a bird spreading its wings and trying to fly. Big Bird!"

I ignored her and continued to pick and choose.

There are quite a few people fighting with us, some of them are like Qichun who want to pick up the books they threw away excitedly, some of them want to find any valuable reference materials, among them, I may be the only one, mixed with so many Not a simple thought.

I despise myself.

10 minutes passed.

Half an hour passed.

An hour has passed.

Just when Qichun and I were close to despair, I suddenly saw the name that made my heart beat to death in the half-book of high school mathematics that I picked up at random.

His handwriting is not as delicate as his own, but has the perseverance and toughness that penetrates the back of the paper.

his name.

his book.

What I picked up was the first half, but the second half has disappeared.

But I cling to it like a confirmation of some kind.

All the depression and confusion that had been long since the loss of the comic book were released in an instant, and I squatted there and burst into tears again.

We still have a little bit of fate, right?

Even if it is only a little bit, as thin as a silk thread, we are not complete strangers after all living in this world.

So, will there still be a little bit of fate, after he leaves, we will meet again one day?
There are not many people left.

Qichun sat down behind me, muttering to himself: "Oh my bird, oh my big bird!"

Her red leather textbook with a big bird drawing seems to be too eye-catching, and someone has already picked it up and kept it as a treasure; it may also be that she threw it on the top of a big tree with too much force at that time, and now she is powerless. Back to the days.

I put in front of her the three high school English textbooks that I carefully selected that looked good and looked good.

"Choose one, girl."

She pinched the orchid with disgust and flipped through her fingers.

"Look at this book, it's empty, it doesn't even have a name, I'll wrap a new red book cover later, and I'll draw you a new big bird, just like your previous one." I comforted her.

She eventually came to terms with this tragic reality.

Many days later, she wore the same book cover with the same big bird painted on it, but she still got angry when she touched the book.

"It always feels different from what I used to be," she said.

"It's different, it's all clean and unread." I said.

Many years later, when I recalled this paragraph, I realized that things in the world have never been exactly the same.

Even if it is a book printed on the same assembly line, one book is different from that one, because the time you pick it up is different, they are different.

However, what is different, only you understand.

But I didn't realize at that time that the boy named Feng Xin happened to appear in my cleanest years. For me, no matter how good I meet in this life, I can't match his light smile after all.

(End of this chapter)