Rao Xueman's Youth Pain Classic: Hourglass Ⅰ

Chapter 3

Sometimes I often think, I am a sick child.

My secrets are small particles hidden in my heart, no one knows.So only I can understand the panic in my heart.When I tried to get back to normal, that panic turned into a sharp knife, stabbing my already overwhelmed heart with scars.

I still decided to join the club.It is my innate ability to mix myself with the crowd, pretend to be innocent, and pretend to be happy.

July 7th is the day when the troupe starts to rehearse.

In the summer of July, the climate in the south is already quite hot.Because there were no beautiful clothes to wear, he casually took out the only black skirt, gesticulated twice on his body, and then hurriedly put it on.

It was sunny outside.I opened my umbrella and walked slowly on the hot street alone.The sun is like a small fireball, and I am like a hot rice dumpling wrapped in an umbrella.I have an indescribable love for umbrellas.On sunny or rainy days, I always hold Sang. The first umbrella is given by Bai Ran.I've been buying one every year since then.So now I have 10 mulberries
I was late that day. Teacher Xu is the founder of the troupe. When I put away my umbrella and walked into the small classroom, she had already spoken on the stage: "Tianzhong Women's Troupe has as long a history as Tianzhong. I hope everyone here will cherish the selection. Opportunity. Most of you are freshmen in high school. In your registration files, you all put acting in the interest field—”

I was standing at the door outside the classroom, and Aunt Xu had already seen me, and smiled and beckoned me to come in and sit down.I soon realized that I had come by accident, because only the seat next to Jiang Lan was still vacant.Jiang Lan has been my classmate from elementary school to junior high school. I will always remember that one day in the first day of junior high school, she said softly in front of many people: "Oh, Mo Xingxing, her mother is a hero." Don’t you guys know about saving people from dying? Mo Xingxing didn’t do well in the exam this time, so he can be regarded as taking care of him and getting into our school.”

She smiled like that, and easily showed the pain I had been carrying when I was growing up in front of everyone.I really wanted to go up and slap her on the ear, but it was just a thought.Fortunately, in the three years of junior high school, not only me, but most of the classmates in the class didn't like her.But even so, Jiang Lan also has her own pride and her world, because of her beauty, because of her family background.Therefore, she doesn't have to care about the eyes of everyone around her.

"I heard that only three protagonists were selected, but you see a room full of people came," Jiang Lan said, "Who do you want to report?"

"Me?" I pointed to my nose and said, "I'll tell you what's left."

I don't know if Jiang Lan could hear the sarcasm in my tone, but she giggled happily anyway.After laughing, she said: "Mo Xingxing, you are actually very beautiful, but you shouldn't wear black clothes, it makes you look a bit old-fashioned."

"Try red." Jiang Lan suggested, "Your eyes are beautiful and your skin is fair. Red will suit you."

I said coldly: "Thank you for your advice."

"By the way," Jiang Lan said, "Abu is back, did you know?"

"After this is over, let's go to Xiluo Bridge together." Jiang Lan said, "Abu asked about you."

Xiluo Bridge is the place where we played together when we were young.Abu, the grandson of the grandma's family who lives in the lower reaches of Xiluo Bridge, is one year older than me and Jiang Lan. He can weave reed leaf whistles, make tank models, and has many, many Transformers.Every time I go to his house, Jiang Lan always dresses beautifully, and each of her skirts is different.But I have short hair cut like a boy, shorts and shorts, just because Bai Ran never bought me a decent skirt.

Abu should have welcomed us, but he paid little attention to us.Usually we would move a small stool and sit at the end of the bridge, silently watching him busy around alone until a new toy appeared in his hand.

When I was young, Jiang Lan and I were fascinated by such a dull dusk out of pure admiration for a boy.Until one day Jiang Lan said to me: "Tomorrow, don't go to brother Abu's house with me."

"why?"

"You broke the kite he made, he hates you."

"You broke it!"

"Okay, so be it, but do you know why Abu never invites us to his house?"

I looked at her aggrievedly.

"It's because of you. You're always standing there, don't you know he hates you? Look at yourself, you're dirty all day long!" She finished speaking, and walked away angrily, shaking her long braids up.

I froze in place.

Not long after, she came over to me again.Holding her most precious doll in her hand.She said gently: Wake up, don't be angry.This is for you to play.As long as you promise me, don't play with brother Abu again, okay?
I took the doll in the red dress, threw it on the ground, and walked away without saying anything.

One afternoon many days later, Bai Ran and I passed by Xiluo Bridge.I was wearing a new white dress that day.It was my birthday present from Aunt Xu.Jiang Lan suddenly sprang up from the small stool, and covered me with a handful of sticky and smelly mud at the entrance of Xiluo Bridge where the crowds were turbulent.Facing my face again, he spat hard.

At that moment, I really wanted to rush forward and grab my mother's clothes, shouting out my grievances.

but I do not have.

Because Bai Ran didn't look at me at all, she seemed to be preoccupied, and was looking up at a tall tree growing by the river, with huge white flowers crowded close together, opening half of the sky.

After returning home, Bai Ran took a bath for me.She said, "Why is there mud on your new clothes?"

I pursed my lips and didn't speak.She threw the clothes into the basin and said, "Can you stop being so naughty, mom has already worried enough about you."

I bowed my head, tears fell to the floor, and there was no sound.I don't think I'm naughty at all, I'm such a nice girl, but she uses this word to describe me.I just cried quietly, as if I was inherently cowardly, and I have always only had a gesture of fear when facing strength.Do not believe in struggle, let alone try.

I don't know what happened that night, Bai Ran and his father quarreled a lot, I covered my ears with the quilt, I was afraid to hear them say any words to blame me, I was afraid that a little bit of unhappiness was caused by me , The next day, I got up very early, I was very good, I packed my schoolbag by myself, had breakfast by myself, and put on those red sneakers with many straps that were difficult to wear by myself.Later, it was my father who sent me to school. Bai Ran leaned on the dining table and looked at me. Her anger seemed to have not subsided. She didn't say a word to me, and she didn't even look at me.At noon that day, she died in a car accident and never came back.

Never came back.

She saved other people's children and left her own.For a long time, I thought that she must hate me so much that she was so desperate.

(End of this chapter)