write our ending together

Chapter 16 Knowing that you are having a bad time, I feel at ease
Part1
Qing Wan sometimes feels that things in this world are really difficult to say. Some people have certain things. When you want to meet, God will not give you a chance. When your heart is calm, those people and those things will suddenly appear in you In life, and there has never been a reason, such as Ru Xiao and her.

Qingwan doesn't quite remember what kind of mood she was in when she came to the company to apply for the job. She is learning Chinese, and it is really suitable to find an editor for a fiction magazine, but she can't find a reason.

At that time, Qingwan's original intention to fight for this job didn't seem to be very great, but after she really did it, she realized that this job really couldn't be more suitable for her.She has a lot of obedient little authors in her hands, and everyone has their own stories. When she is free, she indulges in other people's stories. Happy or unhappy, happy or unhappy, she also thought, Love itself has nothing to do with happiness.But, who can say clearly about this kind of thing?Just like unfamiliar interviewers walking in, who can see at a glance why they want to apply for this position, maybe it is the pressure of employment competition, maybe some are simply liking, maybe some are the same reasons as her original one.

At that time, the company hadn't started such a large-scale recruitment, and there was an endless stream of interviewers walking in every day, and they didn't even bother to raise their heads.Among this group of people who are too lazy to raise their heads, Qing Wan accidentally raises her head, accidentally meets her eyes, and accidentally makes small ripples in her heart.

When Ru Xiao came out of the application room, it happened to be lunch break time, so the two chose a seat by the window in a tea restaurant not far from the company.

"Ru Xiao, long time no see, you've become a big girl now." Qing Wan asked, "How's the applicant doing?"

"It's not my turn yet!" Ru Xiao said, "There are too many applicants, and I guess I'll have to wait until the afternoon. To be honest, I'm really nervous. I've never had such an experience."

"Don't worry, it's actually not difficult. The editor-in-chief should ask you to write a book review, talk about your understanding of our company, analyze the author's works, etc. You just need to answer according to your own ideas."

"Has Miss Qingwan been working here for a long time?"

Qingwan was stunned for a moment, then nodded, "Well, I'm here after graduating from university."

Ru Xiao smiled and said, "I didn't expect that we would meet in the same company, what a coincidence."

Yeah, what a coincidence.

Qingwan looked at her, "Life in the United States is not bad? It seems that you look better than before."

"It's okay..." Ru Xiao smiled slightly, "But I can't say it's completely good, just like my brother..."

"How did you come to this company to apply for a job?" When Qing Wan interrupted her, her eyes were looking out of the window. The rain was over and the sun was shining today.

Ru Xiao didn't realize it all at once, but when he did, the waiter had already brought up the meals they ordered.

Ru Xiao was a little unwilling, and continued: "Sister Qingwan, actually my brother..."

"Ru Xiao!" Qingwan turned her head and took a deep look at her, "Don't mention some things after they have passed."

"No, I want to say it!" Ru Xiao's stubborn character really resembled her back then, Qingwan thought so at the time, but stubborn people are always vulnerable.

Qingwan should get up and leave, but maybe time has changed her character, she is no longer as impulsive as of course, so she sat calmly in a chair and listened to her: "Brother has difficulties. At that time , all the savings in our family are used for my mother’s medical expenses. You know my brother was only a student at that time, even if he worked hard every day, he couldn’t make much money, and my mother got such a disease. If someone else You can also borrow money from relatives, but we don’t even have any relatives. In the end, I had no choice but to find Sister Mo Luo. Sister Mo Luo’s father was the dean of G City at that time. He grew up watching Ru Sheng , he likes Rusheng very much, without Rusheng opening his mouth, he helped his mother with everything. He contacted a doctor who specializes in cancer in the United States to see a doctor for his mother, but at that time he also did a little bit of work. One extra thing is to win two opportunities to study abroad. He was kind, thinking that Rusheng could take care of my mother while studying abroad, and even arrange my studies. With such kindness, my brother really undeniable."

Part2
Ru Xiao paused, and smiled wryly: "My brother is such a person, always thinking about others, but never thinking about himself. During the four years in the United States, he was not happy. It's dull. I once asked him, do you really not want Miss Qingwan at all? Why didn't you even mention it after you came here? His reaction was just to laugh. At that time, I was ignorant and always blamed him for saying Brother, you are so ruthless. About the year when my mother’s illness was completely cured, Sister Mo Luo took me to celebrate with him and a few classmates. Rejected, a few Chinese female students who had a crush on him kept toasting him, and in the end he was so drunk that when I got home and I helped him clean up, he kept saying: Qing Wan, I’m sorry, Qing Wan is sorry. That’s me It’s the first time I saw my brother cry. It turned out that no matter how strong a person is, his eyes will be full of sadness. But when a person like my brother is crying sadly, I will feel so sad that I dare not even look at it anymore. It’s not that he doesn’t want you , It’s because I think too much about it, so I dare not even mention it.”

"Brother, he didn't apologize to you. If he insisted on saying that he owed you, it would be my mother and I, because we have always been my brother's burden... Sister Qingwan... Can you forgive me? I really don't want to see him again After suffering like this, for the past few years, he can't even smile happily..." Ru Xiao's eyes were slightly flushed, but she couldn't hold back the tears.

Qingwan's heart has never been so chaotic as it is now. She interrupted her helplessly, "Stop talking, it's really not important. In fact, we don't know Rusheng well. Even if all this hadn't happened, we might not have a future. , he doesn't like me as much as you imagined..."

"No, everyone can tell that he not only likes you, he loves you. When he was with you before, he would smile inexplicably, and he would be in a very good mood every day, and... and he also put The watch you gave him has always been worn, and no one else will touch it. It was even broken once when he was playing basketball in a foreign country. After he took it for repair, he never touched the basketball again. Light Sister Wan, if this is not love, then tell me, what is love?"

She didn't know, from the moment she heard that sentence, her tears were falling, and then her vision was blurred, and her heart trembled with pain.

But, so what?Even though she still loves him, she has already lost the courage to be with him.

She still remembers the year she graduated from university, Su Yi recalled the day when the two went crazy on her 22nd birthday, she said: "That night, you vented all the grievances accumulated in your heart, like a madman."

She just smiled back and didn't answer much.

Love is gone, marriage is gone, just like a lunatic, not becoming a real lunatic already shows that she is strong enough.It's not that she doesn't love enough, it's just that now, she wants to protect herself more than loving him, just like a lost child who will never come back. Similarly, a broken heart is not easy to fight back.

In five years, many things may have changed. His love may be true, but she is no longer the Song Qingwan who was fearless and bravely rushed forward. When she was most desperate, Fan Rusheng was not by her side.

Part3
Qingwan doesn't remember how she got back.Whether sitting in front of the computer or in a meeting all afternoon, the thinking is not on the spot.

Fortunately, Ru Xiao was successfully admitted by the company. She knew that she had an excellent brother who was no worse than her younger sister.

Before leaving get off work, she received a gift box. After signing for it, she opened it and found that it was a black evening dress. She suddenly remembered what she had promised Tang Peng yesterday.Fan Rusheng, after all, is in the past tense, she can't let Tang Peng down, she should forget him.

After all the colleagues in the company had almost left, Qingwan went to the bathroom to change clothes and come out.Although it is spring, it is still very cold with so little clothes on.Putting on a coat and taking the elevator downstairs, Tang Peng was already waiting there.

He wore a fitted black suit and looked like Prince Charming from a fairy tale.

In fact, when men attend a banquet, they don't have much choice in terms of clothing. It's no surprise that they all have one set of clothes - a suit.Only women would struggle to dress themselves up, because there are too many things to dress up, and in the end they don't know what is suitable for them.

Seeing that Qingwan was shivering in the cold with her coat on, Tang Peng took off his suit jacket and put it on her body: "I almost caused you a car accident yesterday, and today I will cause you to catch a cold again, I really feel bad conscience. "

Qing Wan curled her mouth: "I'm not that fragile."

The two got into the car together. Although it was not necessary to turn on the air conditioner in such weather, Tang Peng was very thoughtful and had already turned it on.

Not wanting to be too dull, Qingwan smiled and said, "I never thought you would be so careful? It seems that Xiaoyi really doesn't know you very well."

"I and her are more like buddies." Tang Peng laughed dumbly and said, "If I want to spoil a woman, I can treat her very well."

"Really? It must be very lucky to be your girlfriend."

"This idea is very good," Tang Peng laughed, "Would you like to try to be one?" He turned again, "However, if you really can't forget the person in your heart, don't force it, I will Don't be afraid to wait, but I don't want you to torture yourself."

"I didn't torture myself, it's just that I still can't let go." She said, she thought she was hiding it well.

"Is it really just a little bit? Do you want to lie to others or yourself?" Tang Peng sighed, "Do you know why I like you?"

She turned her head and asked suspiciously, "Why?"

"It's because of the lonely and hesitant expression on your face that makes people feel distressed."

"..." She was puzzled.

"When I met you for the first time, you were just in college. It was probably the day when your parents were going back. You stood at the school gate to say goodbye to them. I still remember the look on your face when you saw them turn away. The expression is like a puppy abandoned by the owner. At that time, I was thinking, how can there be such a fragile girl in the world? It seems that she will not be able to withstand torture anytime and anywhere... But your deeds of chasing Fan Rusheng made me see something different You, being strong and not admitting defeat made people feel distressed. Later, Fan Rusheng left you and went to the United States... Yes, you acted very calm, but your smile has always been so unreal since then....But although I like it You, but if I can't give you happiness, I won't force you to be with me, I'm willing to give up."

She was really good at crying today, and the tears were rolling in her eyes. She suppressed her laughter, "Finally I know why women like to listen to sweet talk, it's really nice."

"It's not sweet talk." Tang Peng suddenly parked the car on the side of the road, and in the spring evening, there was a flash of light in his eyes, "Give me a chance, and I will always guard you."

Part4
This is a luxurious banquet, and the guests are all high-level executives of well-known enterprises. The meal is a western buffet style. Qing Wan rarely attends this kind of occasion, so she still feels a little nervous.

"Relax, your expression will make others think that you were kidnapped by me." Tang Peng's teasing voice came from beside his ear, "But I regret bringing you here, you must be eye-catching today gone."

"Will it?" Qingwan pulled the dress on her chest uneasily, why didn't she find that the chest of the dress was so low when she tried it on in the company.

"Of course." He took two glasses of red wine from the waiter who shuttled through the crowd with a tray from time to time, and handed one of them to her, "You look beautiful today."

"Thank you." Qingwan pretended to drink to avoid her discomfort, and looked away, but met a pair of eyes that never appeared but really appeared - Fan Rusheng.

Why is he here?Oh, she almost forgot that now he has a very high status and is also a big man who is hard to see.

This is the first time Qingwan saw him in a suit. Under the handsome and straight appearance, his every move not only attracted the attention of the high-level, but also the focus of all the beauties, but there was a beautiful woman standing beside him, far away. Looking at it, the male talent and the female appearance are very suitable.

Qingwan's fingers holding the edge of the glass couldn't help tightening, she almost wanted to turn around and leave immediately, but her feet wanted to take root on the ground, her eyes seemed to fall into those deep well-like pupils, unable to Extricate yourself.

Just looking at each other made her short of breath, and she forced herself to turn her eyes back. Fortunately, Tang Peng had friends to deal with, so he didn't notice the situation here.

Tang Peng was very well-known in this circle, many people came forward to say hello, and after a while they started exchanging pleasantries.Of course it was necessary to introduce her, but Tang Peng said very naturally: "She is my girlfriend." When he stretched out his hand to gently hug her in his arms, she did not refuse.

"Mr. Tang, I wonder if I have the honor to let you dance with me?" When the lights dimmed, a voice came, and when the two looked around, it was Mo Luo.

Wasn't she still by Fan Rusheng's side just now?Qingwan looked subconsciously, and Fan Rusheng's deep eyes were fixed on her.

Tang Peng smiled lightly, "The beauty offered to invite me, how could I have the nerve to refuse?" He lowered his head and said softly to Qing Wan, "You rest for a while and wait for me."

"Okay." She responded obediently.

Unexpectedly, he pressed a light kiss on her forehead, and then slid into the dance floor with Moluo under her surprised gaze.

The atmosphere of the banquet made Qingwan a little dull. Several unknown men invited to dance, but she refused and took a few steps back. Before entering the door, she saw a large balcony on the left side of the hall. She wanted to go out to get some air. .

The room inside the house is ambiguous, and the moonlight outside the house is cold and cold, in stark contrast.She was wearing a thin suspender dress, and the evening wind blew on her bare shoulders, causing some pimples, and she couldn't help shivering.Really cold!
at this time--

A warm coat was draped over her shoulders, and she subconsciously looked, it was Fan Rusheng.

"Thank you for the coat, but I think..." She took off the coat halfway before he put it on again.

"Why are you still so stupid? It's so warm inside, but you have to go outside, isn't it cold?" He said indifferently, with a familiar yet unfamiliar expression, he wrapped her hand into his very naturally.

Part5
Her nose was a little sore, she withdrew her hand sullenly, "It's not cold." She said, her tone was like that of Song Qingwan who was angry with him back then.

Ru Sheng didn't speak, just lit a cigarette and stood beside her.

She still couldn't help turning her head to look at him, his side face looked very unreal in the lingering smoke, the slender fingertips held a cigarette casually, the movements were skillful and elegant, it can be seen that he has been smoking for some time up.

"When did you start smoking?" she asked.

"Just a few years." He replied vaguely.

Yes, just these few years.When she was in college, Rusheng was an obedient student in the teacher's heart. She never smoked or drank alcohol, but how can there be things in this world that don't change?It's like she was eager to please him back then, but now she hates him and...

love?Qing Wan closes her eyes, not wanting to admit it.

"Who chose the dress from you?" he asked.

"What? Isn't it pretty?"

"No, it's pretty, but I thought you wouldn't like wearing such revealing clothes."

"Don't think you know me very well!" The words were almost rushed out, and the tone was very bad, making her feel like a bitter woman. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "People change."

His face was still calm, and he said, "So, have you changed?"

She laughed out loud, "It's been five years, who can stay the same? Not only me is changing, H University is also changing, this city is also changing, the world is changing, not to mention the little me."

"It doesn't matter what you become, as long as you are happy."

If it was before, could she take this as sweet talk?Things that were impossible to ask for before can be easily heard now.

"He takes good care of you, right?" Fan Rusheng asked suddenly.

"Yeah, he's been nice to me," she said.

"Then I'm relieved." Fan Rusheng smiled slightly, "Qing Wan, you have matured a lot in recent years, and I sincerely wish you happiness."

what is this?Nameless anger burned in Qingwan's heart, and she was immediately irritated: "Who wants your blessing, who cares! Don't you like to go to the United States? Why do you want to come back? Why do you still stand in front of me and tell me these meaningless things?" ? Such a blessing can show your tolerance and your greatness, and make up for the harm you bestowed on me? Impossible! Let me tell you, Fan Rusheng, don’t treat me with such a hypocritical attitude, it will only make me hate you You. No one in this world is qualified to say blessings to me, but you are not! I have given you countless opportunities, and you break your promise every time. You can do what you say to anyone, but the promise you made to me It's a huge lie, see? This is the price of loving you! Fan Rusheng, sometimes I really hate you!"

Ru Sheng's eyes were extremely empty, "After all, you still hate me."

"Yes! I hate you! I have never hated you so much as now. You have been away for five years, and you didn't even give me a word of confession, and even refused to say goodbye to me in person! When I was 20 years old In my memory, I regard you as my most important person, except my parents, no one is more important than you, but what about you? What have you given me? But I am still so stupid, even if you leave, even if you Say you don’t want me to wait, I’m still stupidly waiting for you in City G, I’ve fooled everyone, but I can’t fool myself. I’ve been waiting for you for the past five years, every night I wake up from my dreams, I thought I can see you as soon as I open my eyes, but every time I get only darkness in the room, do you know the feeling of disappointment? I want to see you, but I am afraid to see you, because I am afraid that there are other women around you You call me vicious, but I will be jealous, if you have a girlfriend, I can't say blessings, I just want to curse you that you will never be happy!"

She still couldn't help crying in front of him, all the grievances of these years turned into tears and returned to him.

Rusheng reached out to wipe her tears, but she waved her away and threw the coat on her shoulder to him. She said, "I don't want your sympathy, I can't bear it! Dean Fan."

Part6
She failed to walk away, he chased up from behind and grabbed her hand.

But he didn't say anything, just stood there motionless and looked at her, his dark eyes were deep, still so complicated that she couldn't see what he was thinking, but she finally saw that there was water in his eyes.

At that moment, her heart ached.

She suddenly remembered what he had said to her before.

He said: "Thanks to you, I will think of you every time I sneeze."

He said, "I'll wait with you."

He said: "Song Qingwan, what on earth do you use? A girl always tells others that I like you, aren't you ashamed?"

He said, "Qingwan, give me time."

He said: "I have wronged you."

He said, "Will you regret it?"

... He kept looking at her with distressed and pity eyes, kissed her tenderly, and asked in a low voice, "How can you not be in so much pain?"

But in the past five years, she has been in pain all the time.He didn't know because he hadn't tried to think about the same person every day for five years.

He never said he loved her, not even a word of liking, but it seemed enough.Waiting, not because he will come back, but because I still love him.

Who said that there may be two kinds of emotions that can be called love in the world, one is to be in love with each other, and the other is to forget each other in the rivers and lakes.The one you love the most is always looking across the rivers and lakes.

If she can, let her pretend that she is the one he loves the most.

She took her hand from his palm, and said with a half-smile, "I guessed why you left for five years. These years, knowing that you are not doing well, I feel at ease."

She turned around and left, wiped away her tears, goodbye, her first love and memories, the goodbye she didn't say five years ago, can finally make it up today, seeing the tears in his eyes, she felt the pleasure of revenge.

Rusheng looked at her back, and stood there for a long time, until she completely disappeared from his sight.

She fell in love with him when she was 20 years old. In this love, she will always pay for her. She spent his 23rd birthday with him. He didn't know until a long time later that that day was also her birthday.

From childhood to adulthood, he has encountered so many indifferences and breakups that have gradually polished his heart with coldness and sophistication. She is the only ray of sunshine in his life.

He has never had any extravagant expectations. During those years in the United States, he may have had long and deep thoughts, and he may have wanted to give up countless times, but he finally understood that the happiness she brought was the greatest happiness in the world and was unique. .He has not suffered from longing and regret, but that is his own fault, he has no room for regret, he only hopes that time can treat him kindly, and she has not forgotten him when he goes back.

But now, hating is not necessarily much better than forgetting.

I don't know how long it took until Ru Xiao's figure appeared behind him. She held her brother's hand tightly and cried, "Brother, why didn't you explain to Sister Qingwan that she still has feelings for you? She still loves you. She has loved you for so long, from the night we watched a play when we were five years old, she has been staring at you all night. Brother, this kind of feeling cannot be forgotten just by forgetting it. "

A young girl's clear and laughing voice seemed to come from a distant time and space in my mind——

"Rusheng, you have to remember that I like you for many years."

"many years?"

"Yes, let me count, one, two, three, four, five... a total of 17 years."

"How long have we known each other?"

"Oh, anyway, you just need to remember."

The moment the answer was revealed, he suddenly woke up.

All kinds of memories from the past surged in Rusheng's mind. When he was six years old, the little girl who chased him all over the village coincided with the figure in his memory.

He always thought that Qingwan's love was after they met in college, but he didn't expect that the budding relationship was farther away, when he didn't take her to heart at all.

To what extent did he hurt her?

Ru Sheng closed her eyes, her face was filled with pain that she had never felt before.

(End of this chapter)